Chapter 18
Unlike the first time Zack and I had had sex—where I was willingly giving myself to him because I believed we’d be together forever—this time I knew he needed connection, and I wasn’t going to push him away. I’d come here as a friend and I was continuing as a friend.
So, as we kissed, I tried not to let my head get filled with hearts and flowers and love songs. This is for Zack. Not the man I’d loved and pined over for years, but my best friend who was struggling, on the edge and ready to fall.
Our kisses were slow, controlled, and so when I touched the bottom of his shirt, I pulled it up deliberately. Everything we did was in slow motion. As we broke apart to pull the shirt over his head, our eyes met, full of understanding with no words.
Oh, my God. This was really happening again.
But it somehow felt different…more real. More intense.
Was it because I was an adult now instead of a kid?
Sure, our first time hadn’t been that long ago, but I’d done a lot of maturing since the first time Zack and I had been together.
Today, I felt more like a woman, one with a bit of a thicker skin and less fragile heart…
which meant I could bear the inevitable rejection tomorrow morning.
Although I didn’t stare, I could tell Zack had lost weight.
He didn’t take his shirt off onstage like a couple of the LFS guys did in the warmer venues, so I hadn’t noticed.
To keep my mind off it, I pulled my own t-shirt off.
After dropping it to the floor, I got close to him again.
When his hands touched my bare back, my breath caught in my throat.
Again, I had to fight that bubbling feeling of love and adoration brewing in my belly, because this was temporary.
This was for Zack, not for me.
Instead of kissing again, Zack’s fingers moved to the waistband of my jeans.
His fingers were trembling before he began unbuttoning them, and I stroked his back as if to reassure him.
There was a sense of reverence, as if each motion we made meant something, and we removed the remainder of each other’s clothing one piece at a time.
When we finally sat back on the bed naked, instead of kissing me, Zack rested his head on my shoulder. I said, “I’m here. Whatever you need.”
It was then that he raised his head, his eyes burning into mine, but I wasn’t sure if it was desire or something else. And the way he kissed me then felt more like something deeper. This wasn’t an act to just get us off.
It was something else…and we both knew it.
But, after some time, I could tell he was holding back. Even though we finally lay on the bed, he was only kissing me. It could have been that he wasn’t physically up for it, but I suspected something else. Maybe he needed prodding. “Make love to me, Zack.”
His eyes said more than words ever could.
As if I’d given him a green light, his fingers trailed down my neck before brushing over my breast, and his mouth soon followed.
A small moan formed in my throat as I ran my fingers down his back.
For just a moment before, I’d wondered if maybe we were just going to lie in bed together, but I knew he needed more.
He needed to connect with me.
When I wrapped my legs around him, I realized I needed that connection too, even though it would be gone tomorrow.
But he was touching me as if I were a piece of glass that might shatter.
Still, I didn’t think I should kiss him with aggression, because that wasn’t what either of us needed.
As he kissed me again, he murmured, “God, Dani.”
Squeezing his ass, I wondered if I should roll him over or hold his cock—but that would be putting myself in the driver’s seat, and I wanted him in control here.
Finally, though, he pressed his dick against my pussy, and there was no denying he was ready.
For a split second, I thought about telling him to put on a condom, but that would have ruined the moment.
We wouldn’t have been completely united with that between us.
When he entered me, I felt as if I were being filled up and, as he began slowly moving in and out, he held me tightly, as if I were a lifeline.
It wasn’t until then that I realized I really had needed this as much as he did.
Here we could communicate without words, say the things there was no language for.
His eyes, his lips, his body told me that he cared about me more than he’d ever let on.
But, no, I knew that wasn’t true. I couldn’t let the physicality of the moment overpower my common sense. And yet I loved Zack to the bottom of my soul and this was the best way to tell him that.
I knew I wasn’t going to orgasm and part of the reason was because I really didn’t want to.
Not right now. This moment was about love, friendship, and communication—but the slow way Zack was moving in and out of me and the way he held himself up as if he were afraid he’d crush me stimulated me just the same.
And I felt it was imminent.
We were both so quiet, and yet the sound of our breathing filled my ears.
He mumbled something I couldn’t quite make out but I thought he might have said he missed me.
I told him, “It’s okay, Zack. Just let go.
” But I was the one to get there first as a wave of euphoria lit up my brain—and then he groaned as he joined me.
Although my body was still in that peak of bliss, I didn’t want to forget what I was here for.
Zack’s head rested on the pillow underneath me, holding me as he remained inside me, clinging to me as if for life.
But then he rolled off and lay on his side.
Turning to face him, I brushed the hair off his cheek.
Then, without a word, he pulled me close and held me.
This was new…different. This wasn’t like before but I couldn’t quite put my finger on what made it unlike the last time. And, as he fell asleep, I realized…he had let me in. For probably the first time ever, he hadn’t pushed me away.
I moved around a bit, wanting to see his face before I gave in to sleep. He muttered, “Please…don’t leave.”
A pack of wild dogs couldn’t have chased me off. I whispered, “I’m here.” And, as he fell asleep again, I thought I could tell that his face, for the first time in a long time, looked peaceful.
The next morning, I couldn’t help the way I felt.
Love coursed through my veins, but I reminded myself that it was just an illusion.
I had to remind myself that last night had been for Zack, not me, no matter what making love had done to my heart.
It was light inside the room because of the sun shining in around the corners of the drapes, but Zack had gotten up to pee in the middle of the night, turning off the light before returning to bed.
And he’d pulled me close again.
I knew that was why I was feeling far more emotional this morning than I should have.
Tonight was a show night and I suspected some of the crew would be doing a little more sightseeing before our soundcheck later in the afternoon.
But I had no idea what time it was right now.
That it was light told me it had to be midmorning.
When I rolled over to peek at the alarm clock, I confirmed that suspicion: it was after ten o’clock.
As I heard some noise in the hallway, maybe the roadies returning after breakfast, I was glad our cooler full of food was with Cy and Braden.
Otherwise, they would have had to knock on the door for breakfast. But then it dawned on me that we had to check out of the room by eleven, and here we were snoozing away.
But I hated having to wake Zack.
I decided to pick up the room first and then I’d shower before getting Zack up—but as I started to slide out of the bed, Zack reached for me, pulling me close again.
What was going on?
My back was to him, his nose buried in my hair. “Zack, we have to check out by eleven.”
“Or what?”
“Or they’ll probably charge us.”
He was quiet for a bit, making me wonder if he’d fallen back asleep. “How much time do we have?”
I glanced at the clock. “Twenty minutes.”
“Then we have time.” He started nuzzling my neck, lightly kissing the skin, and my pussy responded immediately, tingling, growing wet, ready to feel him again. And I wasn’t about to tell him no.
The moan escaping my mouth was involuntary as he entered me from behind.
Then he slid a hand from around my belly to between my legs, his finger finding my throbbing clit.
I was nearly panting as he brought me to climax quickly and he followed shortly after.
We were still breathing hard when a pounding fist on the door startled me.
“Up and at ‘em, you two. Check out’s in fifteen minutes.”
Zack chuckled against my neck and I started laughing. “Hold your horses, Mick,” Zack shouted. Then he whispered, “You think we have time to shower?”
“If we hurry.”
But we didn’t. We lay there for several minutes until Zack said the words that made me cry. “I think I’m ready.”
“Okay. We need to hurry.”
“No. I mean…I’m finally ready to try…us.” As his words sunk in, he added, “I love you, Dani.”
It wasn’t until later that day that I convinced myself I wasn’t dreaming.
It was almost surreal, but Zack and I actually became a couple during the last ten days of the tour.
Cy graciously traded rooms with me for the remainder of our time on the road—but Braden grew sullen, as if I’d stolen his best friend away from him.
I figured he’d get over it, because we were all in this together—and Zack was trying.
Near the end of the tour, we were all tired—and, even though I was probably the happiest I’d ever been, I was still worried about the numbers. How much would we owe the studio after all this? Had the tour helped with album sales? When would we find out?
By the time we played our last show—a big one in New York City—we were ready to be home. We’d loved this taste of being rock stars, but the four of us, over dinner the night before, had admitted we were ready to return to reality for a while.
And that, of course, was when Mick hit us with the news. The next morning before checkout, he said he wanted to take us out to breakfast before we began the long drive back to Colorado. We would be on the road for three more days before getting there and we were tired.
After sitting down at a table in McDonald’s, Mick said, “You guys kicked ass. What do you think of your first tour?”
Cy said, “I don’t think I could’ve prepared myself for it.”
We all agreed. Zack said, “I know Dani’s worried about money, but I think it was a success.”
“Hell, yeah, it was. You played to sold-out crowds who enjoyed your music. If you haven’t earned thousands of new fans after this, I’d be surprised.”
Braden said, “Guaranteed. All you gotta do is look at our social media to know that.”
“And that brings me to what I need to tell you guys about.” A shiver darted down my spine as he continued talking while unwrapping a sausage and egg McMuffin. “The label is happy. They said your sales and streams are up, and they want more.”
I asked, “What does that mean?”
“It means they’ve sketched out a second leg.” At first, I was confused—but his next words clarified exactly what he meant. “You’ll be supporting Name of My Killer. They’ve already got the cities and dates lined up, and you’ll be joining ‘em in Salt Lake City on November 8.”
My mind reeled. We wouldn’t even be home until the night of Halloween—but, I supposed, that would give us a week to recover. But before I could even complain, Cy said, “Do we have a choice here?”
Zack said, “Dude, this is what we want…what we need. We’re never gonna make it to the next level if we don’t push as hard as we can now. This is part of it.”
“And if it makes you feel any better,” Mick said, barely swallowing the bite he’d taken, “it’ll be all the same crew—including Schultz. I already checked with ‘em.”
“When?” I asked, feeling like he’d betrayed us, keeping this information close to his vest until the last minute.
“Last night. You guys were onstage and I’d just gotten off the phone with the news. I wanted to know how quickly I had to pull this all together.”
“But that’s only a week off,” Braden said.
“Yeah—and guess what I’m gonna be doin’ that whole time? I’ll be booking hotel rooms after creating your itinerary.”
My stomach knotted, thinking of all the new expenses we’d start racking up. Zack must have sensed it because he squeezed my knee below the table. “Sales are up. Streams are up. This is paying off.”
I only prayed he was right.