17. Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Seventeen
Kaison
After writing on a piece of printer paper with a sharpie that Daisy’s is closing early tonight, I tape it to the door and head to the kitchen, where Noah is scrubbing the walls to get rid of the built-up grease. Norman did not make cleaning this place a priority, and the staff here do what they can with what time they’re here. All the others guys left already, and I’m still laughing about the looks on the customer’s faces when they saw all of us moving around and cleaning up.
Fia and Cora are refilling the napkins and condiments at the tables. I told them I was going to close early tonight, and they both looked like they’d seen a ghost. Maybe Cora didn’t think I was serious when I said this diner belonged to the club, but she should get it now.
I clap my hands together and say, “What do we have to do to get this place closed for the night?”
“Uh, you’re serious?” Fia asks skeptically .
“Hell yeah, I am.”
“As much as I appreciate you taking charge and stuff, I really can’t afford to lose hours,” Fia says carefully.
I wave a hand. “You’ll still be paid for your regular time.”
She makes a choked sound. “You’re kidding?”
“Not kidding.” I shake my head once.
“Damn, girl, you are one lucky duck,” she mutters to Cora before turning on her heel and disappearing into the kitchen.
“You didn’t have to do this,” Cora says softly.
“Yes, I did. He’s been a problem for a long time. Knew it before I knew you.”
She nods in agreement, chewing on her bottom lip.
“I know you’re mad at me, and you have every right to be,” I say. “Just know I didn’t do this as an apology; I would have done it anyway. I know you have to be home, but can you stay with me for like twenty minutes so we can talk? I’d feel much better if you heard me out, even if you choose to never talk to me again.”
Her bright gaze holds mine, and I think she’s going to tell me to fuck off. I can’t imagine those words leaving her mouth, but maybe she’d say it in her own way, all polite-like. Finally, she nods but says nothing as she goes behind the counter to stock the takeout stuff.
“You can sweep and mop,” she says suddenly, looking up at me. “And clean the bathrooms.” She smiles when she says that. I feel like it’s a punishment, but it’s one I will gladly take if it means she’ll forgive me. She can punish me all she wants to, and I’ll keep coming back. This girl has some kind of hold on me that I can’t explain, nor do I care to. I fucking love it.
Cleaning the bathrooms and sweeping and mopping the floors takes me about forty-five minutes. Everything else is done when I finish up. Fia and Christian are already gone. It’s just Cora sitting in one of the booths, scrolling through her phone.
“Took you long enough,” she comments when I stop by the table.
I wipe my forehead with my hand. “Can’t remember the last time I cleaned a fucking toilet.”
She frowns. “Do you have a maid at home?”
“Actually, yeah. Kinda. Don’t know who she is though. Never seen her before.” My words have her even more confused, and it makes me laugh. “My brother got tired of coming to my house and seeing it a mess, so he hired someone to clean it for me. She goes by when I’m not there.”
“It’s not weird having someone you don’t know in your house when you aren’t there?”
I shrug, sitting across from her. “At first, but now I forget she goes by. I don’t spend a lot of time at my house, so I don’t make a mess. I only really remember she goes there when I do make a big mess and come home, and it’s cleaned up.”
She nods in understanding. “What did you want to talk about?”
I sigh, running a hand through my hair. I need a damn shower .
“Naturally, I want to start off this conversation by apologizing, but I know that won’t do me any good. I already apologized; already said I wouldn’t do this again, yet I did.”
“You did,” she says sharply.
“I’ve never done the relationship thing before. I’m not used to having people to worry about outside of the club. And I know I said this the other day, but it’s true. I’m trying real fucking hard. Trust me, I am.”
“Relationship?” she asks.
I frown. “Isn’t that what we’re doing?”
Her eyes narrow, and then she smirks. “I’ll get back to you on that.”
Oh, this girl…
“Anyway, the club is my life. Has been my whole life. Even when I was too young to join. My father was a part of it, and so that’s how I grew up. It’s what I know. But being with you? It’s like a breath of fresh air and I want more of that. I know it hasn’t been long with us, but I want to be with you all the time, and I think about you all the time—”
“Except when you need to let me know you won’t be around…”
I shake my head. “It’s not like that.”
“Then what’s it like, Kaison? Because that’s what it seems like. That’s what’s happened.”
I sigh, scrubbing my hands down my face and taking a moment to figure out how to word what I wanna say .
“Club stuff is difficult. It’s hard-wired into my brain to take over. It’s habit. Instinctual. It’s not that I don’t care about you or want to tell you, but when club stuff comes up, I just… react.”
She nods carefully, then smiles. But it doesn’t look like a happy smile. It’s a sad one, and that can’t be good.
“So, if we were to be in a relationship, what you’re saying is I’ll only ever come second?”
“No,” I bark out.
“And what if you were to have kids? Would they be second too? Or maybe third?”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying at all,” I say firmly.
“Sounds like it.”
“If you were to be my old lady, and hell, I know we’re a long way from that, things would be different because you would be there. You’d be included, you’d be around, you’d be part of it. I wouldn’t have to choose or worry about picking.”
“And if I don’t want that?” Her eyes widen slightly, the green really shining bright under the light in here.
I frown. “Don’t you? You know who I am. Knew that when this started. You must’ve thought about it.”
She puts her hands flat on the table, chewing on the inside of her cheek as she mulls over what I said.
“I just…” She sighs. “I have a lot going on, Kaison. With my father, you know? And I get where you’re coming from, but I’m not in a place where I can be put on the back burner when it’s convenient for you, and I’m certainly not in a place to get married just so I can be taken seriously. ”
“Cora, that’s not—” I groan, looking away for a moment. “That’s not what I’m saying. We don’t need to get married for me to take you seriously.” She holds my gaze, and I add, “Tell me how we can make this work.”
“I thought I already did… When I told you not to do it again. Yet, you did it again. It’s only going to work if you respect my wants.” She gets up, grabbing her keys and putting her purse on her shoulder.
“Don’t… please don’t walk away from me,” I say, a sharp pang hitting me in the chest.
She sighs, saying, “It’s been a long day. I’m tired. I want to go home and take a long shower and get to bed. Give me the night to think this over. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
She walks past me, and I squeeze my eyes shut, wanting to go after her but knowing it won’t be for the better. She does have to get home to her father, and I don’t want to keep her from that.
“Kaison?” I turn my head quickly in her direction, my heart soaring at the fact she didn’t just walk out.
“Make sure you answer when I call, okay?”
“I will,” I say adamantly. “Swear it.”
She gives me another sad smile, then leaves.
I wait for the taillights of her car to disappear down the road before I lock up and head out myself. I go right to the club.
Everyone is at the bar, so that’s where I find myself. Three beers in already, which isn’t shit. But when I ask for another, along with a shot, Trudy, our unofficial bartender, asks what’s going on.
“Just a long day,” I say, taking the shot glass once it’s full.
“What’s this I hear about you taking over the diner?” Rhino asks, sitting beside me. He missed out on the cleanup party cause he was getting his stitches looked at.
“What about it?” I guzzle half my beer.
“The fuck you do that for? You know anything about running a diner?”
“I’ll learn.”
“Or you can put the prospect on it,” Grizz says, taking the seat on the other side of Rhino.
At Church this morning, I brought up Noah and how he wanted to be part of the club. Used him helping us out at the diner as a reason to show he’s taking this seriously. He won’t get the prospect title right away, but if he hangs around enough, is loyal, and shows us he’s serious, he will. Coyote likes the idea of people joining. He just needs some time to sniff them out and make sure they aren’t pussy bitches. Noah isn’t. His dad may be, but he isn’t.
“Already thought about it,” I say.
“He’s got the experience. Sort of,” Rhino says, gesturing to Trudy for a beer. She brings one to him.
“A convenient store is nothing like a diner,” Grizz says, shaking his head .
“Could be,” Rhino answers.
“You guys ever think of settling down?” I blurt out, picking up another shot.
“You mean like getting a pet or buying a bigger house? ‘Cause that’s as settled as my ass is getting,” Rhino says, reaching behind the bar for the bottle of Jameson when Trudy doesn’t get it quick enough since she’s pouring a drink for Spam down the end. It’s our bar, anyway. We pay for all this shit, so we can do what we want. Just like the idea of being waited on.
“Why the fuck you guys have me working here if you’re just going to help yourselves?” Trudy shouts.
She’s Rhino’s aunt. Been working here since she was eighteen. She isn’t much older than any of us. Early forties, if I had to guess. She’s a sexy thing and dresses the part. Though no one in here fucks with her like that because she’s family. She’d put any one of us on our asses if we even tried. Trust me, I seen it. Grizz got hammered one night, felt her up, and she got him right in the throat. He was raspy for days. She’s never been one to settle down and says she won’t, either.
“You know we couldn’t get rid of you if we tried,” Rhino says, pouring himself a shot.
“Damn right,” she says, winking at him and moving down the bar toward the clubwhores just waiting their turn for some dick. There’s always more of them than there are of us.
I’m not really sure when it was I got tired of playing the hook-up game. Maybe sometime around when my father died. He was the last bit of family I had, outside of my brother. I always looked up to him, and him dying changed so many things in my personal life. Changed me as a person, I think. Just took me a while to notice what it was that changed, I guess. Yes, the club is family too, and I’m sure any of their deaths would fuck with me the same way. But Pops was… well, he was my pops.
“What crawled up your ass?” Kolton says, sitting on the stool beside me.
“Just thinking about Pops,” I say, finishing off my beer.
Kolton scoffs, grabbing the bottle of Jameson. “Why would you do that?”
He doesn’t share the same sentiments about our father as I do, and I don’t know why. But I’m about to find out.
“What exactly is your problem with him?”
Thank the alcohol for that. Lost count of how many shots I’ve done, but this is beer number four, so that’s something.
“Other than being a complete dick? Nothing.”
He throws a shot back, then pours another.
“He wasn’t a dick,” I spit out.
“Yeah, not to you, Mr. Fucking Perfect.”
“Don’t start with that shit,” I argue.
I rarely argue with my brother. I push his buttons. Annoy him. But I don’t go at him like this. But alcohol mixed with my bad mood will do that to me. Besides, he’s had something up his ass for months, and I’m tired of it.
“Nice to know you’re turning out just like him,” Kolton says before getting up.
Fucking prick .
Trudy puts another beer in front of me before I ask. Damn, when did number four get empty?
“Thanks,” I mutter, chugging the entire thing. I get to my feet, feeling a little lightheaded, but I’m straight enough. Probably shouldn’t drive though, but I hadn’t planned on it. No need to go anywhere when everything is right here.
I pull my phone from my pocket as I head out front, needing some fresh air.
Bullseye is up against the building, one foot kicked up, smoking a cigarette.
“Can I get one of those?” I ask.
Haven’t smoked in a while, but I could use a bad habit right now.
“’Course.”
He hands me a smoke from his pack, then flicks the lighter to light it for me.
I inhale, the smoke filling my lungs making me more relaxed than I thought it would. Should do this more often.
“Rough night?” Bullseye asks.
“Something like that.”
He nods, then turns his attention to the parking lot. He’s always been a man of few words. Only talks when it’s needed. Not one for small talk or chitchat. I like that about him. Doesn’t take away from what he gives this club though. He’s a brother, just like all the rest .
I pull my phone from my pocket and click on my texts. I navigate to Cora and type out a text telling her I miss her. I send it before I think better of it.
Dating, relationships, all of it isn’t stuff I know. All I know is how I feel, and I can’t get enough of this girl. Maybe I shouldn’t tell her I miss her, and maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned the old lady thing, but goddamn, I can’t help it. It’s what’s in my head and I want to be honest with her. It’s all I’ve done from the start. I may fuck up, but I’ll own that shit and one day I will be better.
It’s late now. I’m sure she’s sleeping. But maybe when she wakes up in the morning and sees I was thinking about her while she was sleeping, it’ll make her smile. I love seeing her smile. Fuck, I miss her.
I text her again, this time just saying “a lot” so she knows I really miss her. Then I shove my phone into my pocket, finish my cig, and go back inside for another beer.
This girl has to be mine. I can’t fucking let her go. So for the sake of everyone involved, let’s hope she wants to do this the easy way.