Chapter 25
25
S taring into Rachel’s blue eyes through her glasses, I want her to be my girlfriend, to join me in Japan, to be by my side for all of it. I’ve traveled solo plenty, but this time, I want to experience everything with her.
Fate. I never gave it much thought before, but now … maybe there’s something to it. As I comb my fingers through her hair, I’m struck by how comfortable I am. How at ease I feel with someone I just met. I was so apprehensive this morning, my anxiety almost kept me at home. I almost didn’t leave. What if I hadn’t? I could’ve missed out on her.
“You’re perfect,” escapes my lips before I can stop it.
“You say that now.” She giggles. “But I think you’re perfect too.” Then she squints at me. “Why did you and your last girlfriend break up?”
I chuckle, suddenly self-conscious for a new reason. “I haven’t had a girlfriend in years.”
“Yeah?”
“We met a couple of months before the casino hack and …” I trail off, deciding if I’m really going to get into all of this. It’s definitely not a fun or flirty topic.
“What happened?” she asks, sitting up on the couch and grabbing my hands.
“I wasn’t in a good place during all of that. I was really depressed, thinking my life was over.”
“Oh,” she says softly and wraps her arms around me. Her hug surprises me, but I lean into it, feeling her hold me tight. I wasn’t expecting this to be her reaction, but it makes me smile as I hold her.
“Yeah,” I say, as we continue to hug. “I kinda shut down.”
Rachel squeezes me tighter. “I can relate, kinda. After I called off the wedding, I felt like I’d let everyone down, including myself. I was lost and had to figure out who I was.”
We hold each other for a while. There’s something about her presence that feels perfect, needed. I lean back and cup her jaw, my thumb running back and forth on her bottom lip.
“I think we should snuggle in bed,” Rachel softly says.
I nod and start closing up the leftovers.
“So,” Rachel’s voice carries from the kitchen as she grabs some of the containers, “did that time start your love of alternative music?”
I smile, joining her. “I was a little emo before then, but yeah, it definitely increased my interest.”
“I’ve always been a little emo.”
I hand her the remaining containers, and she slides them into the fridge. Then she lifts her arms up, a big, playful smile spreading across her face.
“Carry me.”
I chuckle. “You can’t walk now?”
“I like when you carry me.”
I like carrying her. “Which room is yours?”
“Last one on the left.”
I scoop her up into my arms, and she giggles, nestling her head against my chest. “I really like you.”
“Same.”
I toss her down on the bed and look around her room. “This feels minimalist,” I tease, noticing the blank walls and the Scandinavian decor.
“I find it calming.” She crawls under the covers and pats the bed beside her.
“It is a calming space.” I join her under the covers, and she cuddles into my chest.
“Do you …” She pauses, and I squeeze her, my way of encouraging her to continue. “Have you ever been depressed since then?”
“A little,” I admit, staring up at the ceiling. “When it starts to impact my day to day, I talk to someone.”
“Well, I’m in therapy too, so don’t feel weird about it.”
“Yeah?”
“Lots of shit. Childhood, anxiety, everything.”
I smile and kiss her forehead, appreciating the honesty.
She squeezes me, giggling into my chest. “Not exactly great foreplay conversation.”
While hooking up again would be epic, this time we’re sharing. I don’t want it to end. “I want to get to know you more than anything else.”
Rachel shifts, rolling on top of me, and kisses me gently. Her kisses start to escalate, and as much as I want this, I also want to slow down.
“Rachel … how about we just talk?” Her eyes dart between mine. She’s nervous? “We have next weekend to do nothing but be all over each other,” I reassure.
She giggles. “You promise?”
“I fucking promise.”
We lie there, talking for hours about everything—bands, pop culture, conspiracy theories, pet peeves. It’s effortless being with her. And with each new topic, I fall deeper. By the time we drift off to sleep, I can’t wait for her visit to Chicago next weekend and what’s hopefully next for us. I’m imagining our life together, imagining what it would be like to do this every night. To have her by my side, to keep learning everything there is to know about her.