22
So Tahiti. We are flown by helicopter, two actually, too many of us for one.
Lowri and I are flown in the smaller, more “executive” model from the airport directly to the resort we are shooting at.
And I haven’t a clue where. It may have been the Le Taha’a by Pearl Resorts, because our accommodations, this is Lowri’s and mine, were over the water.
And that is rather unique. Want to swim in the evening after work?
Just slip off the side, and the water is crystal clear over a white sandy bottom.
And the temperature is perfect. Dinner, all meals actually, were at the resort and of course curated to impress me.
Understand that if I say, “Oh, I stayed at the blaw blaw blaw and their blaw blaw blaw was the best that I have ever had.” That would be worth a hundred grand to the resort in publicity. And it would be worth over that to me if I negotiated the statement ahead of time.
If I were to stay at this resort and allow the resort to use that fact, my photos, and an interview for their advertising, I would get one to two million for a week's stay.
Yea. It is just not right. It really is not right. I am telling you this, and remember, one year ago? I was graduating from high school as a man. A boy, actually. But I thought that I was a male.
Now, the difficult part of all of this is: how do you walk away from it? Seriously, how can you walk away from all of this?
And here is the other part I am seriously thinking about. Legacy. I want kids. And I want to do the best for my children, so that I can be the best parent, and at one time, that implied the best father. But I want to give to my children what I had in my life.
And how could I ever do that better by doing something other than what I am doing now?
In three to five years, I will have enough to live on for the rest of my life.
And with my father doing the investing thing, it will be there.
So if I model for five years, Carmine and I can live any life we want and be there for the children we want and know without a doubt that they will never have to live as Carmine grew up in the back of a garage bar in Pittsburgh with her mother working the taps.
That is what this all means to me. The rest?
It means nothing. I don’t care about fame; I know that.
I grew up around famous ball players; I know what fame really looks like.
I want a home like my parents have, a place that is perfect to raise children.
And I want what my father never had, the opportunity to be there with the kids all of their lives, not just on that rare weekend when he was able to come home from sixty miles away.
What better way is there to raise a family than with strong family values, on a beautiful piece of land, in a stunning historical home, and working a horse for a living?
Horses are perfect for kids. Not too much work. But just enough that they have to commit. Cattle, over the top, and the smell?
Sheep, OK, but what in the hell do you do with a sheep?
OK, I know the joke about boys and corners, but I am not, I repeat, I am not going there.
And pigs? Intelligent, yes, but you can not ride them. Horses and dogs, that is the right mix. Horses are to develop responsibility, and dogs are to develop compassion for others.
That was the one thing that my mother has gotten right.
And the next time I am home, well, I am going to barrel ride; I will be home for the Worthington Rodeo, and I think I can get registered. I have been practicing at the ranch, and we do have a rodeo ring fenced off. Usually, it is used for the colts, but it is designed exactly for barrel riding.
Back to the South Seas, enough getting lost in the funhouse.
The work is not relentless. This is advertising and commercial shooting.
So it is slower-paced, and we shoot around the resort.
Now, this is fashion, arranged resort fashion, but the resort also gets to use the images for its advertising.
I get paid not for them taking the shots, but for them using the shots. And that can and will add up.
So, typical advertising campaign shots, a bit of video.
Some green screen, especially when they are fast-changing colors.
That is when they are shipping a dozen copies of the same blouse or swimsuit.
Some swim, but I said “No” a few times on the swim.
Not that I care, but I still have parts I need to cover, and what they wanted would not have covered.
My right, we just did not shoot those pieces.
The food was great.
I had time to work on my dissertation for Women's Studies, and it was basically down to final revisions and editing.
And I started putting together the package for the photographer/model seminar/symposium.
I had daily contact with them back home.
Carmine, especially, had brought her 911 to the campus, and that started another love fest.
And yes, the Rho girls preferred her, but the boys we knew, they still preferred the performance package I had.
There is one thing that rings true about all of this: all the kids we go to school with are well aware of how fucking hard we work for what we get. They see the stress, the travel, the demands placed upon us. And they have seen what happens if we do not control our lives to the degree that we do.
And it is confirmed date-wise: I will be at Mercer for the big spring thing that Rho does.
This is a formal event, with a plus one and an occasional plus two, for the graduating seniors.
And we also install our new officers for the following year.
These have to be upcoming juniors and seniors, third- and fourth-year students.
Carmine is safe, but I am technically now a junior, as I started with forty-plus credits, remember?
And that means I am eligible. I do not want anything.
But on the other hand, can I say no given what Rho has done for the two of us?
And why would Rho want me? Prestige and to use me to attract additional sisters next year.
Both locally and in our national organization.
But the main issue is that I will be there for the formal, and once again, I will be expected to set a few heads aflame.
And there is this silver gown, and the jewelry that accompanies it, and the one-off shoes, and the clutch.
I can’t wear the fox; it is too warm for a fox.
But I am sure that I have something that I can drape over my arms.
Carmine said that she wants, and I am quoting her here, Carmine said that she wants to do a female version of a tux again.
So I asked if that was what she wanted for the wedding.
And she did not answer.
We do have to address this soon. I already know my wedding party.
Evonne, my sister Angel, and Lowri. I think that Carmine will focus on girls from Rho.
But then, she is definitely a part of Rho and part of Rho far more than I am.
I think Carmine is talking to Claire; that way she has all dykes on her side.
And she really has no family that would be appropriate, and her high school friends?
She broke all contact when she started college deliberately.
However, if she is going to do a femme tux, I wonder if Claire wants to jump sides?
And if she found two more girls who are willing to do a femme tux, and I had Lori, Evonne, and Angel on my side?
I have to talk to her about this.
Mom is doing the wedding; that is clear.
It is what she wants, and this will make her happy.
It will not be huge. Mom and Dad have a lot of friends.
But it will, if I come as girl Shannon, be controversial.
And we do have family on my side, and there are a lot of business associates from modeling who will want to be there.
So Mom needs decisions, and she is going to need them soon.
As always happens, life is funny this way; endings regularly occur, no matter what the project.
Tahiti came to a close, and we were taken back, as we came on the 24-seat jet, to Teterboro and placed on our usual 8-seater that could land at Grove City Airport weight-wise.
And then Dad picked Lowri and myself up, and we were brought to the Farmhouse, where Carmine was waiting.
She decided to skip the airport and get some schoolwork done.
I am carrying twelve credits, and Carmine is over twenty, I think.
Carmine’s problem is that she has to have sixty hours completed before she can do what I am doing and create independent study programs.
What I am doing is really designed for students like myself who have to travel.
Basically, it allows us to earn university credits while working remotely on the job.
The classes we take, they have to be created.
And then we need to figure out how this applies to the degree we desire. No one does this for us.
Now, to be honest? I do not need this anymore. But Carmine does, and I do love Rho house and what it stands for. So I will continue to earn my degree at least as an undergraduate.
But for a graduate degree? There is no degree in fashion modeling. In fashion design and fashion management, yes. As a photographer? That also exists. But not in modeling.
And that leads to the question that this is the time when I need to think about what I want to do in the fall.
My dissertation, I know it is not, but it felt like one while writing it, is finished and waiting to be submitted.
It goes in in two weeks during finals. And the work for the symposium is all prepared, but that happens in June, so I do not get credit for the class until mid-summer.
Not that it makes any difference to me whether I get credit or not.
The weekend before finals, I know, we should be cramming, but I have no classes this term to cram for; it's the formal dinner dance.
And for that, both Carmine and I are ready.
Carmine wears dresses and skirts all the time, but when she dresses up, she likes slacks.
And she loves feminine tuxedos. I think what she really likes is playing BMOG, or Big Man On Campus.
Regardless, we both have fun with this. And of course, any Rho member or date, notice how I stated that, who needs a gown for this formal, we have plenty, and I will procure one if you can not find one upstairs in the gown room that fits.
I tend to bring home a lot of clothing from the Ellen Modeling Agency that they have to dispose of, and this is allowed.
About that and how it works.