23 #2
“A bit rich for my taste, and that is about what I make actually, so it is fair. Now, one more thing needs to be known. Wedding party? Have you thought of it?”
“Me first,” I said. “Yes, Angel is in my party, as is Evonne, and Lowri is my maid of honor. I owe it to her.”
“You are not asking Claire, Shannon?”
Carmine responded, “No, because my wedding party is all dykes wearing femme tuxedos, so I got Claire, and she is my dyke of honor. And there are two girls from the sorority, Sally and Megan, who are life partners, and I spent a hell of a lot of time with the two of them. So they fill out my side.
Sounds good to me. Have you asked everyone, Shannon?”
I replied first, “I have. Carmine?”
“Yes. This morning I called Claire and told her. I did not ask her; I told her that she is my dyke of honor, and her reaction was, ‘Hell no, I am not wearing a gown for any wedding.’”
“And I replied, But I am wearing a tux, and you are too.”
“What did she say?”
“She said, ‘Hell yes, girlfriend, fucking hell yes, I get to wear a tux to my brother’s wedding when he is wearing a gown? Damn right I want to be part of this.’”
“That definitely is my daughter.”
“However, I never expected that my son would be the first child of mine to get married in a wedding gown.”
“MOOOM!!!!!!!!!”
“What? Can’t handle the truth? Then stay out of the fire. Shannon, I have no problem myself with your wearing a gown; however, I have to ask, what? One hundred fifty or so friends and family to this wedding; virtually every one of them knows I have two twin daughters and a younger son.
And I have to explain that my son is Shannon getting married in a how-many-thousand-dollar one-of-a-kind designer wedding gown tonight that was featured on how many covers to date? At least five that I know of? Including Mademoiselle, Vogue, that eight-hundred-page wedding bible,
and how many overseas that you have not told me about?”
“Now, am I proud of you, Shannon? Hell yes, I am proud of you. You made something out of your life that most can only dream about. However, at the same time, I have to explain to how many people who knew Shannon that you are now a girl, Shannon, and that you chose to marry wearing a gown.”
“And to that I need to add that your identification will be reading female by then, and it appears that you will be on hormones by then.”
“Mom, what am I supposed to do about hormones?”
“Shannon, you do what is best for you, and I sincerely doubt that is low testosterone dosage. That would cost you tens of millions, and we all know that. So, since you are at a legitimate health risk, you take your estrogen and grow your own set of boobs.
I imagine that you deflate the set you have as your own grow in, but then, what do I know?”
“And if down the road, you intend to finish this process, I will deal with that when the time is right. But for now, just the name and gender ID, hormones, and marrying in a designer gown is enough.”
“Mom, we could just do a small, intimate family wedding. You know that I don’t know if Carmine’s grandparents will attend, but they are the only ones from her family, and they are not happy that she is with me, nor that she is a model; both are against their religious beliefs as Catholics.”
“And Mom, I don’t need a massive wedding.”
“Shannon, the wedding is not, I repeat, not for you; it is for myself and your father. We, unlike you, do need the massive wedding.”
“It’s that if we did not invite those who have invited us to their children’s weddings, it looks like we are hiding you. And Shannon, we are doing a hell of a lot of things, but hiding you is not one of them, OK?”
“We are proud of you and of Carmine; you both are fantastic kids and have one hell of a future ahead of you. And we are not going to hide from that future.”
There was a prolonged pause there while we thought about what had just been said.
Liminal spaces are spaces that you normally tread alone.
But they are also spaces that you tread together, as a unit.
And I was realizing that for my mother, this wedding was the affirmation of her love for myself and for Carmine.
If we hid this wedding and kept it private, it would forever appear from the outside that my parents were ashamed of me and my life.
But by publicly celebrating our wedding, they were entering that new space, that new room.
That they were crossing the same threshold that Carmine and I were in, that we all were accepting who I had become with pride.
And also, that my sisters being more than willing to be in the wedding was again an affirmation of support and joining us on our joint journey.
Journeys do not have to be solo to be individual.
Journeys can be a group effort and involve many souls.
My journey was both solo and joint. I was traveling this road with Carmine; that is a pairing and a bonding.
But I was also traveling this road with my parents, my sisters, and our extended family.
What I choose affects us all, but only I have the right to decide what that choice is.
That is what my mother is saying: that I have the right to choose, and that they, the family, have the right to choose unconditional support.
And right now, in this instant, that support looks like a wedding that will happen in ten or eleven weeks.
The hard-to-accept fact is that I will not be the one planning it. I have a full summer of work scheduled. I am taking the month of August off, as are Angel and Carmine, and that means we have to do three months’ work in two months.
That is why we hired Claire; she is good at figuring things out. And she really does know what I like.
I have always been close to my sisters. I was the little brother, but really? I was their playmate and companion. We never had that brother/sister relationship. There are always the three of us.