Chapter 14 #4
“I’m so proud of how much you’ve both grown,” V? Oliveira adds, but my stomach churns. I don’t know if I’ve grown. I feel like I have, but another part of me feels stuck.
After the song ends, V? Oliveira marches off to the snack table.
I look for Asher and Kai to find out what they were laughing about, but they’re nowhere to be found, so I retreat into Toni and Malvin’s bedroom to pet their golden retriever puppy.
He’s napping under the bed and I don’t want to wake him up, so I head to the bathroom and climb out of the skylight that opens onto the edge of the rooftop in search of some solitude, only to find Mia sitting there.
“Copycat,” Mia jokes, her legs dangling over the ledge as she looks down at the party from the flat end of the window. A gentle breeze carries the distant hum of laughter and music, a burst of fireworks painting the night sky from a few streets away.
I take a seat next to her. Asher and Kai are in the distance, playing soccer with Sonia and a few other kids at the far end of the street.
“Kai and Asher have been spending a lot of time together lately, no?” Mia says, observing them from the rooftop.
“You should have seen them at first. They did not get along at all.” I smile, watching Kai steal the ball from Asher and kick it at my sister.
“Oh, shit, I think Sonia just accidentally hit your cousin in the face with that football…” I turn to Mia, but she’s engrossed in her phone.
I wonder if she’s texting Jason. “Earth to Mia?”
“Sorry. Sorry. What was that?” Mia rests her head on my shoulder, her whole body relaxing against me. She sighs and pulls out a pack of cigarettes from her pocket and a lighter.
My heart lurches. “You’re smoking again?”
She only smokes when she’s extremely stressed.
She exhales a puff of smoke. “Just for tonight.”
“Is everything all right?” A sudden fear creeps up on me. I used to be able to read her like an open book, but now there’s always this wall of missing information between us.
“Just school. Finals were hard.” She shrugs, but there’s that sad look in her eyes. “And the internship. I’m at the end of my rope.”
“I wish there was something I could do to help.” I swipe my thumb under her eye. “Your mascara is running. Hold on.”
“Thanks.” She nuzzles her cheek on my palm. “It’s been so long since I had this much fun, you know? I’ve missed this.”
“You seem to be having a blast in New York, no?” I ask. I watch the stories she posts with her friends. She always looks like she’s having fun.
“It’s not the same. College isn’t the same without you,” she says. Guilt seizes my body. I know we have to follow our own paths, but I still feel like I could have done something different. “If you were there, I’d have someone to go to museums with, or join a paint group.”
“What about Jason? I’m sure he wouldn’t mind going with you.”
“He says it’s not his thing,” she says. “And I don’t want to go alone. Plus, I’d rather do all those things with … I don’t know, just not a man.”
A strange silence settles between us. This time I’m not sure how to break it, like we’ve run out of things to say. “You could come to some red carpets with me when you have time. There’s so much cutlery I’ve stolen.”
“I know! That fork you sent me a picture of at the fundraiser? Magnificent.”
Mia and I have a weird fixation with odd-looking cutlery. We used to get in trouble with our parents for stealing spoons and forks at restaurants when we were little. We thought we were so slick about it, too, acting like we were spies on a mission.
“What’s new with you? Are you and Jason getting serious?” I loop my arm around hers, resting my head against hers.
“I feel like we’re always asking each other that lately: What’s new?” She exhales a tight breath, or maybe it’s the smoke from the cigarette. “I miss the way things used to be.” Her voice ripples across my skin. It’s not a plea, like when I say it, more like, an acceptance.
I swallow. “Have they changed?”
“No?” Her face contorts into a pained expression. “I mean, yes? Not emotionally. I just feel like we have different lives now.”
We do. And there’s no point in denying that. Even if we didn’t, even if Mia suddenly decided to take a gap year and follow me around the world, she wouldn’t be happy. There’s a rift between us. But still, shouldn’t there be a way to fix it?
“I’m free next week,” I say. I’m supposed to be at the studio, but my label likes our new demos, so it should be okay if I push it back a week. “I could visit you.” I hold my breath when Mia scrunches her face. “Unless you have to study—”
“Fuck studying,” Mia declares. She throws her arms around me so tight, I slide dangerously close to the edge of the roof. “We’re going to have the best time together, Sash. It’ll be just like old times.”
“Yeah,” I mumble. Old times. I don’t know when us being us became part of the past.
Toni pokes his head through the skylight. “What the hell are you two doing up there? It’s not safe. Is that a cigarette? Mia…”
Mia pales and hides the cigarette behind her back. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yeah, that’s just … a small tampon,” I back her up.
Toni rolls his eyes and groans. “Come inside. It’s almost midnight.”
By the time we make our way to the living room, everyone has gathered around the TV.
Asher seems confused when someone passes him a bowl of grapes.
I barely have time to explain that in some Latin American countries and Spain people eat twelve grapes during the twelve strokes of the clock at midnight, one grape for each month.
They’re supposed to bring you good luck if you’re able to eat them all in those few seconds.
“Is that humanly feasible?” He looks at his bowl of grapes. He’s picked the biggest ones, which is a rookie mistake because they are harder to chew.
“Here, have mine.” Kai offers him his bowl of smaller grapes.
“Oh. Um. Uh—” Asher’s eyes go wide. A dumbfounded look crosses his face, like someone’s just asked him to walk around naked. “Thanks.”
Chants of “Happy New Year!” “?Feliz Ano Nuevo!” and “Feliz Ano Novo!” erupt all around us.
Mia and I hug and stick out our tongues to show we swallowed our grapes.
Beside me, Kai looks like a squirrel, cheeks bulging as he attempts to contain the grapes that he hasn’t had time to chew.
He pulls me into a hug, and I squeeze his cheeks to force him to chew faster.
“Ah, you don’t kiss at midnight, I guess?” Asher looks around with a dejected look.
“Hm whom dom yoo wan no kith?” Kai tries to say something between mouthfuls of grapes.
“Here.” I squeeze Asher’s face and give him a kiss on the cheek.
“Bring it here, pretty boy,” Mia says, a playful glint in her eye as she kisses his other cheek.
Kai finishes chewing his grapes and chugs a flute of champagne to wash them down.
“So, what’s next?” Asher asks. Kai, Mia, and I exchange a look.
With a cat’s grin, Kai turns to Asher. “Are you down to go to the beach?”
The four of us end up driving to the beach in Mia’s car. No one’s around by the time we get there, and the place is secluded anyway, a hidden gem Mia and Kai found once when they went camping together and got a flat tire on the way back.
After we arrive, we unearth the portable lamps Mia keeps in her trunk for emergencies, and we discard our shoes in a pile.
The air is warmer than I expected, the breeze carrying a hint of salt.
Asher buys some small sparklers for all of us to light at the beach.
When he gets cold, Mia proceeds to bury him in the sand for warmth and gives him a crumbling mermaid tail.
“Walk with me?” Kai grabs my wrist and pulls me to the shore, the sand shifting under our bare feet. When he reaches for Asher’s hand a moment later, their gazes meet, and they both stand still for a second. Mia comes to my other side and links her hand with mine.
“What’s going on?” Asher asks, an expression I can’t read passing through his face.
“Jump when I jump,” Kai says with a gleam in his eye, gripping his hand. “Trust me?”
“And make a wish for each wave when you do!” Mia exclaims. Cold water licks my skin as the first wave rolls in. Asher gives a hesitant nod, and then we’re jumping through the waves, feet sinking into wet sand.
I learned from Kai that it’s a New Year’s tradition in Brazil.
You’re supposed to face the ocean and jump through seven waves after midnight, setting an intention for each one.
V? Oliveira explained to us how it has roots in Indigenous, Afro Brazilian traditions.
The water is a symbol of renewal, and it also serves as a tribute to Iemanjá, the goddess of the sea.
I’m not sure what to wish for until my feet leave the ground, so I let myself get lost in the moment, wishing I could stay here with them a little longer. I wish this moment didn’t have to end.
Our hands lose their grip on each other, but we keep jumping together, water splashing around our legs.
By wave seven, I am shivering, struggling not to lose my balance, while Mia is twirling between jumps like a sea witch.
Kai is still holding Asher’s hand when Asher trips and sends them both flying into the water.
“That was your fault.” Kai sweeps his hair back, looking annoyed.
“My fault?” Asher splashes water at Kai, wet hair stuck to his forehead. “You stepped on my foot.”
The rest of the night goes by in a blur. Kai and Asher race each other down the beach and tackle each other into the water while Mia and I look for beautiful shells with the help of the portable lamps. We make a boat with a few twigs and flowers and offer it to the ocean to show our respect.
I regret not bringing my disposable camera to capture this moment—but somehow, I can tell it will become a memory I won’t forget. The kind I can still visualize clearly years down the road.
Us four, here, soaked in moonlight and salt water.