Chapter 20 #2
“A gift from my grandpa. He came up with a new combo. It’s called the Grammy Winner.” He waves the cup in front of me, a stream of melted frozen yogurt dripping down the side.
“Why is it melting?” I ask. “How long have you been standing there?”
“It is crying … because you are not eating it,” he teases, but his eyes turn serious when they meet mine. “Can I come in?”
“Sure.” I let him in and take slow steps toward my room, since there are too many boxes scattered across the living room for us to sit down, but silence hangs between us.
I want to tell him I’ve missed him, but traces of our last conversation play through my mind.
This is the first time we’re meeting in person since I ended the contract.
I pretty much kicked him out of my life … again.
I hurt him again.
It feels like forever ago, although it’s only been a couple of months. We’re no longer a fake couple, and he’s in a relationship. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s still a little mad at me for the way things went down, for the pain he and Asher went through.
“I like your new place,” Kai says. He looks around, scanning my room. I frown at the open window as another one of my favorite songs echoes from somewhere outside, this time an anime intro. Seriously, where’s that coming from? Before I can peek out, Kai speaks again. “Were you busy?”
“Just trying to put together a shelf,” I say, shrugging. He winces. “What? I’m succeeding!”
“It’s falling apart, isn’t it?” he says. “Like that time you helped me put together my bedside table, and it fell apart while I was sleeping. I almost had a heart attack.”
“It was structurally unsound.”
“Yeah, because you forgot the screws…”
I roll my eyes, trying a spoonful of the Froyo. The tangy sweetness of the tart dances on my tongue, mingling with the chocolate syrup and the chewy mochi on top.
Despite the lingering tension in the air, this feels right in a strange way. When Kai and I are together, a feeling of peace washes over me, like I belong here, in this moment.
He gives me a look. “How is it?”
“It’s really good,” I admit. “How did you know I’d like this combo?”
“I guess I just know you,” he says, taking a seat on the rug, his attention drifting to the pieces scattered there.
“Better than anyone,” I say under my breath.
It’s true. Mia, Asher, Sonia, my moms—they all understand me in their own ways. They see me, really see me. But there’s something about Kai. When he looks at me, he sees through me, the shape of my soul, the kaleidoscope in its true shapes and colors.
“You know that’s true for me, too, right? You know me better than anyone,” he says. “I miss you, Sash.”
“I miss you, too.” My heart clenches. I pace the room, unable to meet his eyes. Another song starts playing outside. “Once Asher’s team says it’s okay, we should all hang out. Mia’s in town, too—”
Kai’s fingers wrap around my wrist, tugging me to the rug. “Listen, I’m serious about Asher. I think I love him. I wanted to tell you.”
“Good, you two deserve—”
“Let me finish.” He grabs the Levi plushie from the bed and hurls it at me.
“When I think of who I want to spend the rest of my life with, I don’t just think of him, Sasha.
I think of you, too.” He looks down at his hands, playing with the rings on his fingers in the way he does when he’s trying to gather his words.
“Not in a romantic way. It’s just … in a soulmate type of way.
Look, who says that people can only have one soulmate anyway? Boring shit, if you ask me.”
Who says people can only have one soulmate anyway? Society, I almost reply. But society also says there’s no space for people like me, that to be aro or ace is to be alone.
Fuck that.
“I meant what I told you back then. You’re not going to lose me,” he says.
“I want, no, I need you in my life. Every day for the rest of our lives. I want us to live together one day. To travel places. To make long-term plans without having to worry about who’s going to take off first this time.
” Deep brown eyes lock on mine. “I want to be the person you come home to.”
The person you come home to.
A memory flashes through my mind. Asher and me, on a balcony in London. He asked me what love was, and I told him it was the person you wanted to come home to.
I make a sound between a laugh and a scoff, blinking away the tears that rush to my eyes. The bastard … He had something to do with this, didn’t he?
When Kai reaches for my hands, I don’t pull back. Part of me wants to agree. And part of me wants to retreat into the safety of what I know, of what’s expected of me. Because maybe I’m complicating things into a shade of gray that shouldn’t exist. Life is black and white—romance or friendship.
But what Kai and I share isn’t romantic love. It’s not a regular friendship, either. Or maybe it is, because it feels just as deep, only more committed. And if there’s something I’ve learned these past couple of months, it’s that love isn’t a monolith.
Maybe this is just the shape we’ve given to the love we have for each other.
“If you’d still have me as your life partner,” he whispers. A thread of unease weaves into his expression when I don’t reply. Partner—the weight of the word settles into the corners of my heart. I let myself imagine what that would mean.
I like the idea of visiting his grandpa after a writing session and FaceTiming Mia.
I like the idea of us living together, fighting over groceries and the limited space in the fridge.
I like the idea of Asher staying over, moving in with us when he’s ready.
I can almost see Kai drawing at his desk while I help Asher rehearse and Muse naps on the couch.
I like the idea of the three of us spending the holidays at home, baking cookies with my sister, driving to the beach with Mia.
I like the idea of being partners, whatever meaning we choose to give it.
“I love you,” I say, leaning forward on my knees to wrap my arms around him. He freezes for a second, as if taking in my words, then relaxes into me.
These are words I never thought I’d get to say. Or if I did, I thought I’d have to pretend they meant something different. But I mean them now. I love him. I love him in the least romantic way. I love him in the most fundamental, profound way.
He tightens his grip around me. “I love you too, Sasha.”
The music outside screeches to an abrupt halt, then resumes, this time in Spanish. My brow furrows when Fonsi’s “No Me Doy Por Vencido” starts playing. I shoot Kai a glance—this is one of my and Mia’s favorite songs and our go-to karaoke jam—but he just sighs and buries his face in his hands.
“They’re so embarrassing,” he mumbles under his breath.
When I glance out the window, Mia and Asher are crouched behind a bush, wrestling for control over a boom box.
Asher holds the speaker over his head where Mia can’t reach, but she steals his phone and changes the song again, which prompts Asher to chase her around the yard.
Mia’s laughter drifts down the street, making me grin.
“Seriously, love. You had one job,” Kai calls, peeking out the window and shooting Asher a look.
“I’m innocent,” Asher says, still running after Mia. “She stole my phone and ruined the mood. Also, I told you it would have been better if you held the boom box from the start.”
“I’m not showing up to someone’s house holding a boom box,” Kai responds. “Extremely cringe.”
“It’s sweet,” Asher goes on, turning his face up to me with a smile. “So, did you say yes?”
“This was all you?” I sweep my gaze between them and Kai in disbelief.
“No, I don’t associate with failure,” Kai says. He looks away, hiding a blush behind his hand. “Remind me to never involve those two in another plan. They’re awful crime partners.”
“Asher’s playlist was putting me to sleep,” Mia complains, and Asher trips her. There’s a line of black cars at the end of the street, which I can only assume are his bodyguards. Mia brushes leaves off her jeans. “Don’t you know Sasha at all? Seriously, men are useless.”
“Ah, so that’s where the music was coming from,” I say. Mia and Asher smile at me from below, and my heart swells. These people right here, they’re my home. They’re what love means to me. “Come here, idiots.”
Soon, the echo of hurried footsteps reverberates through the house, and Asher and Mia burst into my room, tackling me in a hug. Sandwiched between them, Kai taps his finger on my hand. The sunlight streaming through the window casts a warm glow over his face.
Our eyes meet, and a silent understanding passes between us.
“Platonic soulmates?” I offer, holding out my hand.
He takes it, and this time he doesn’t let go, like he’s ready to hold it forever. When he grins back at me, mischief and happiness dance in his eyes. “Platonic soulmates.”
I guess Mia was right. Love does win in the end.