34
GOLDIE
Today’s the day I have to tell them. At least, that’s what I convince myself in the shower. It’s a gorgeous, cloudless day, and the view from my window takes my breath away. The trees are halfway to losing their leaves, and the colors are so vibrant. The breeze moves them gently, and it reminds me of how gently my heart has been moved.
I need to tell them how I feel because they’re waiting for me. They’ve respected my request for time, and now I have too much of it.
For a moment, as I’m applying my makeup, I wonder if it was their intention to make me so hungry for them that they turn the tables.
The prey becomes the hunter.
I’m not a hunter, though. Not really.
I’m ready to submit to this life on my own terms.
There are parts of my life that I won’t leave behind: my family and my business. They’ve all taken a backseat while I’ve lived with the Bjorns, though it can’t remain this way. What’s between us can’t swamp me.
There are also parts of their life that I want them to leave behind. I can’t go through my life worrying that my men, the fathers of my children, could die because of an ancient hopefully dead vendetta. I don’t know how long it will take for all of us to feel certain that the peace will hold, but it has to. I refuse to birth more boy-bears into a cycle of violence that I have no control over. Surely, they won’t want that for their children, either?
I gaze out of the window again and notice the trees moving in that familiar way. My men are outside in their bear form.
Until now, I’ve never been confident enough to go out when they’ve shifted, but it’s something I need to do.
When I first saw their sex room, I felt so relieved that there was someone else out there like me. Someone who’d accept me for who I am and appreciate me for all my weird and wonderful desires. And they have.
If I show Robert, Evan, and Hunter that I'm comfortable with them in bear form, surely it will communicate the same.
A ripple of anxiousness runs from my stomach to my throat as I descend the stairs and make my way to the front door.
The Bjorns are huge as men, but as bears, they’re colossal. Their soft-looking fur does nothing to reduce their ferocity. They have teeth and claws that could tear me limb from limb.
But I trust them. They’ve done everything they can to protect me. Now, I need to show them the same level of trust .
The imposing wooden front door creaks as I open it, and the bushes stop moving for a second. Then, a muzzle pokes through the leaves. The giant bear lowers his head briefly and then lumbers slowly toward me, paws sinking into the undergrowth.
God, he’s beautiful, whoever he is.
Awe-inspiring.
A wonder of nature. Powerful and majestic. A secret that humans have created mythologies to comprehend.
I stand as still as I can, waiting.
Then he’s next to me. His dark eyes find mine, and I’m transfixed. They’re the same shade of whiskey and chocolate as the Bjorns. The bear slowly moves closer, lowering his head and approaching my hand with his nose. I tense. It’s inevitable. This is the most alien thing I’ve ever done. My instincts tell me to run, to get away from this beast, but I can’t. I don’t want to. When his nose nuzzles my palm, hot breath warming it and surprising me, I smile.
It’s Evan. There’s a look to his mouth—a slight quirk, which makes him seem almost amused. It’s so much like him. The bear nuzzles my hand again, and I laugh, reaching out to take a tentative stroke of his fur. Oh my goodness. It’s so soft and thick, and I think he likes it because he leans into my stroke. More rustling at the tree line draws my eyes, and two more bears come into view. They pause for a second, gazing at me as I pet their brother.
I guess we’re a sight to behold, a tiny blonde woman and a giant brown bear.
And I realize it’s probably been a long time since anyone human has touched them when they’ve shifted. Their mom has been dead for over ten years. That’s a long time to feel a loving caress, to feel accepted for what makes you an outsider.
The two other bears approach slowly, with the same lumbering gait as their brother. Bears can run, but they’re taking tentative steps not to alarm me. I want to hug them all for their consideration, but there’s no way I could get my arms around even one of them. When they’re close enough, I pet them like I did their brother, slowly allowing them to nuzzle me before caressing the rough fur at their napes. I giggle as they lower their heads with appreciation, just like dogs.
I can’t remember a time when I’ve ever felt more content, more protected, or more powerful.
I’m just one tiny woman, but I hold the future of these wild animals—these men—in my hands.
Goldie and her three bears. Momma named me unaware that my destiny was written in her dreams from before I was born. I feel that now, deep in my bones.
We stand that way for longer than I realize, my stomach rumbling a prompt that I need breakfast.
I tell them, hoping they can understand me when they’re shifted into their animal form. It’s another question I need to ask them. I have so many now that I’ve been close to them this way. The bear to the right makes a rumbling noise in its throat, and their ears all prick. Is this the way they communicate? They start to back away, turning to enter the trees again.
I want to see what they look like when they shift. Is it something that happens quickly and painlessly, or is it a slow and difficult process? They don’t seem to want me to witness it right now, though, so I wait patiently at the door until they reappear .
There’s a moment of intensity between us as we come face to face in human form. They realize what this might mean, and it made them hopeful and hungry.
“I’ll make breakfast,” I say with a grin. We all need to be well-fed for what I hope will happen today.
Robert’s tutorial on the porridge-making process is easy to follow. I made a creamy batch, which is so good and heavy that it makes me sleepy.
I ask them some of my questions, and they’re open with the answers. They won’t let me see them shift because they worry it’ll blur the line between their forms in my mind. They communicate through their minds when they’re bears, but they can’t do it as men, at least not until they’ve claimed their mate. The most exciting part is learning that I’ll be part of that inner communication loop when they’ve claimed me.
The triplets laugh at my wide-eyed expression when they were all around me as bears.
“Were you surprised I was overwhelmed?” I ask.
“No…. I was surprised at how giddy you were,” Evan admits.
“You’re bears,” I say exasperatedly.
“We’re still us,” Robert says.
“Just bigger and furrier,” Evan laughs.
“Seriously, though. How did you feel?” Hunter wants to find out, and I think I know why. I’m mid-cycle today, and I’m pretty sure I’m ovulating. The familiar sharp pain I get at this time of the month happened this morning. Maybe he smells it with his bear super-senses. Maybe he has taken my step to experience them in bear form as I hoped he would.
“It was awesome.” My smile spreads around the room, with each of the Bjorn triplets grinning back.
“It is awesome,” Hunter says. “The best feeling in the world.”
“Well, not the best feeling.” Evan wiggles his eyebrows, and his eyes sparkle with intent.
“Glad to hear it,” I say.
This isn’t the perfect moment to get into my list of demands, but I bite the bullet and tell them everything.
“You’ll have to keep what we are a secret,” Hunter says when I tell him I want to keep in contact with my family and friends. “That’s non-negotiable for all of our safety.”
“That’s okay. Really.”
“And you’ll need to be okay with instilling the need for secrecy into our children. That can be hard because you’ll want them to be proud of themselves, but hiding our abilities is key to our protection. Outsiders won’t understand. They’d put us in cages like in the past.”
“I understand,” I say.
“You must understand that your protection is our main priority,” Robert says. “Having your business is fine, but if it puts you in harm’s way, it won’t be okay. We have enough money to never need another income, but it’s your passion. We get that.”
“The insurance company has called with the final damage value. I want to pay you back.”
“You don’t have to, but we understand if that’s what you want to do,” Hunter says, sighing.
This is the moment between the present and the future. Right now, we’re separate, but that’s about to change.
The silence hangs between us, laced with intent but trepidation, too. They don’t want to overstep for fear of making me bolt. I don’t want to have to tell them it’s okay if we go up to their sex room and take off all our clothes. They need to be in control so we’re at an impasse.
Robert sits beside me, his thigh pressed against mine, even though there’s plenty of space for him to sit further away. I take my hand and rest it on his knee, sliding it up slowly until it’s at the top of his thigh, just a fraction away from the bulge of his cock. He looks down at my hand, then back at me. His hand, resting on my chair, grips my nape. “Goldie.” My name is a rumble in his throat, so close to a bear’s growl that I shiver.
They may not see the world exactly as I do, but they care about me and how I feel. We’re connected beyond anything I ever thought possible. It’s more than enough. It’s everything.
“Let’s go upstairs,” I say.
And that’s all it takes.