Chapter Fifteen Lila
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about the FDNY in the past couple of weeks, it’s that they hold more meetings than the United Nations.
Which is really fine for me and my goals, as well as theirs, but the difference between my situation and the UN is that the honorable countries of this world are way too focused on maintaining international peace to end up making out with multiple member nations behind the scenes.
At least, I think so. Who knows what really goes on at those summits?
And it’s not like I’m not focused on my job. I am. So focused, in fact, that I dream about it most nights.
Unfortunately, I dream about a lot of other things, too.
Like being pressed into a rough brick wall by Hale or lifted up onto my kitchen counter with his strong hands.
Like Noah holding me tightly against his muscular body in the dark and his unapologetic moans when I dug my fingernails into his scalp.
Like Evan, shirtless and glistening with sweat, reaching for me with a fierce dominance than I didn’t quite expect from him.
I know all the words I’m supposed to call myself. I know the words that many others would easily call me.
Slut. Whore. Trollop, if they wanted to be old-fashioned about it.
But it’s not like I tried to make any of this happen. That first kiss with Hale felt less like a choice and more like a moment that I’d been barreling toward for my entire life. The second one, too. It’s like we can’t be alone together, or we’ll end up colliding like magnets.
And Noah… it was so dark down there, and he was so warm. So bright and sunshine-y even in the shadows. How could I not be drawn to him?
Evan, too. The sweetheart of the trio with the sparkly eyes.
He seemed so completely lost yesterday when I found him down in the gym, as if he was simultaneously running from something and racing toward it at the same time.
I wanted to comfort him, not maul him. As it turned out, however, comforting him meant giving in to the desire I could see mirrored in his golden gaze.
It’s not my fault.
Except, of course, it’s completely my fault.
But that’s not the point.
The point is that Hale has called a meeting, citing a need for clarity regarding the remainder of the Save A Hero campaign now that the three main episodes have been filmed. I’ve decided to interpret it as a brainstorming session, because there’s no way he’s getting rid of me that easily.
Noah and Evan are also here, and in an effort not to be left alone with my three heroes, I begged Lou to drag herself over to Station 47 this morning so that she could also participate.
“You look like a librarian,” she told me the moment she arrived.
Indeed, as if to distract myself from my own bad decisions, I’ve dressed in a flowy skirt that falls to mid-calf and an oversized sweater. Loose, shapeless clothing paired with basic canvas sneakers so that I can be comfortable and focused on what matters most: my job.
“Librarians are the unsung heroes of our society,” I countered. “It’s mean to suggest that looking like one is bad, Lou.”
My friend merely rolled her eyes. She didn’t need me to explain my outfit choice, anyway. We both know I’m making the totally un-feminist choice to slut shame myself, as if how covered up my body is has anything to do with my right to kiss whoever I want.
Except, in this situation, I actually don’t have that right. Because of the rule about no fraternization.
And the fact that I’m supposed to be a professional PR specialist, not a walking kissing booth.
“—looks like most of the TikTok comments are generally positive,” Lou is saying to the others when I finally remember that I’m supposed to be paying attention. “Although, there is one comment here accusing Noah of using AI on his abs.”
“What!?” He’s leaning casually against the wall, but his jaw drops when he hears this. “Dude, I wouldn’t even know how to do that! Also, my abs haven’t even been on display since—”
“Since the kitten debacle,” Lou finishes for him. “Yes, yes. I’ve hidden the comment. Don’t worry.”
“AI abs…” he mutters, pouting in a way that makes me smile.
He’s just so adorable. Like a sentient teddy bear.
Hale clears his throat loudly, drawing everyone’s attention. We’re gathered in his office, since the conference rooms are being used today for some routine training sessions that most of the staff have to sit through on a regular basis.
“So, that’s your main priority at this point?” Hale asks. “Monitoring TikTok comments?”
“Well, no,” I cut in before Lou can scoff at him for implying that we’ve been rendered useless.
“Social media engagement is an essential part of the campaign, but we also need to make sure that we’re prioritizing the fundraiser, uplifting Station 47’s other voices, and maintaining positive messaging especially now that Banks has gotten even more vicious. ”
Only Lou knows that Barry is the reason why the councilman has streamlined his campaign to be even more against this station, and that it has more to do with me than with the actual firefighters. I can’t bring myself to explain it to them.
Yet another thing that’s my fault.
Hale holds eye contact with me for so long that my stomach starts to flutter. Several beats of silence pass, during which Noah shuffles impatiently and Evan makes a subtle sound in the back of his throat.
When I tear my gaze away from the captain’s, Evan and Noah are both looking at me.
Adding to the list of things that only Lou knows… none of these men are aware that I’ve touched tongues with all of them.
Or maybe they do know.
Maybe they’ve discussed it behind my back, and the real reason for this meeting is that they’re going to confront me for leading them all on.
They’ll say that I came in here, PR guns blazing, only to twist the situation in favor of frivolity.
That all I wanted was to mess around with a bunch of firefighters.
And how can I possibly defend myself? That’s exactly what it looks like.
The butterflies in my stomach turn into wasps.
“That’s a good point, Lila,” Evan offers, diplomatically breaking the awkward silence.
Hale merely grunts, leaning back in his desk chair and working his jaw.
I glance over at Lou, but there’s mischief in her eyes.
And, because we’re best friends, I know exactly what she’s about to do. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean I can do anything to prevent it.
Lou startles to her feet in a dramatic flurry of motion, staring at her phone screen, which is angled away from the others so that only I can see that it’s completely dark. “Oh, shoot! My wife is calling me. She hardly ever calls when she knows I’m in a meeting. I really need to answer this.”
A lie, obviously. Gina hates calling anyone. Even if she was on death’s doorstep, she’d prefer to send a text. Otherwise, she’ll make Lou talk on the phone for her.
“You should take it,” Evan tells Lou. “It’s no problem at all.”
“Definitely,” Noah agrees. “I’m an ally, by the way. We all are.”
Lou snorts, already halfway to the door. “That’s nice, cupcake.”
“Lou!” I call after her. Don’t leave me alone in here with them, you wretched menace!
But she’s already answering the fake phone call and letting the door swing shut behind her.
Another agonizing moment of silence passes.
Hale sighs. “Should we wait for her?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose, sinking down slightly in my chair. “She won’t be back.”
Evan sits upright, the perfect opposite of my current posture. “Is there an emergency? She knows we’re first responders, right?”
“It’s not an emergency,” I assure him. But I can’t exactly tell them that the other half of Hartstrings PR is a blatant liar, so I simply add, “Everything is fine.”
“Let’s continue the meeting, then,” Hale suggests.
I nod, eager to get back on track. “Please.”
Don’t think about the fact that Lou is a rotten little trickster who left you alone in a small, enclosed space with the three men you can’t help getting all hot and bothered over.
Don’t think about the fact that most of the station is distracted by the trainings right now. Or the fact that, unless a call comes in, we’ll be left unbothered for at least another hour or so.
Don’t think about all the insane things that could happen right now. This isn’t a porno, Lila.
Noah, still the only one of us standing, catches my eye. He’s been doing that a lot lately, more so than usual. Ever since the alleyway. Like he wants to do it again.
I blink fast and stare down at my notepad. “So, in terms of the next phase—”
“Actually,” Evan shoots me an apologetic smile before shifting uncomfortably in his chair, “there’s something I feel a responsibility to discuss with everyone present.”
My heart does a weird, pathetic flop. Is this about Leo? I’d hoped he would talk to his coworkers—his brothers, really, considering this station runs like one big family—about the custody thing. I’m sure Hale and Noah would be more than happy to do whatever they can to help Evan adopt his son.
Hale nods at him. “Go ahead.”
Evan glances at me again, then takes a deep breath before addressing the two men before him.
“I broke a rule.”
Hale is unperturbed. He merely raises an eyebrow, waiting for Evan to elaborate.
Noah, on the other hand, chuckles. “You, Reyes? Doubtful.”
A mix of confusion and horror trickles through me.
He can’t be about to…
“I take full responsibility for it,” Evan continues. “It was a decision made in the heat of the moment, which isn’t to say that I regret it, and so I suppose I should also apologize for that, but—”
“Out with it,” Hale grumbles impatiently.
No, no, no…
“I broke the union’s no-fraternization rule. With Lila.”
In the hushed tension that follows, it’s as if someone has turned down the volume on the entire city of New York.
Noah’s brow is furrowed.
Hale’s expression is unreadable.
“In what way?” the captain asks Evan, not even looking at me.