Chapter 15
FIFTEEN
Ideliberate sending the text. If I do, am I crossing a line? I’ve crossed so many with Mackie, ones I never should have, but I can’t seem to stop myself now, so I hit send on the message I wrote hours ago.
Conan: My office address . . .
He asked for it, and I know what it means.
He’ll come here, or so I hope. He’ll invade this part of my life like he has every other aspect so far, and when he’s gone, I won’t be able to forget him being here.
He’ll haunt this space, just like . . . well, I suppose I’m used to that.
It’s just another part of my life that will be empty and cold after this is all through, but it doesn’t stop me from anxiously looking at the camera on my phone for the front door, hoping he appears.
My computer screen darkens to its screensaver as I sit back, waiting anxiously. I can’t work until I know.
The minutes tick by, and disappointment clouds me. I should work, not stare like an idiot. Dropping my phone, I wiggle my mouse and focus on the images, but I keep checking my phone from the corner of my eye.
Minutes tick by before my phone starts buzzing at 7:45. I scramble to pick it up, seeing the doorbell app. I open it with shaking fingers and my heart explodes. A smile I can’t control tilts my lips as I find Mackie standing there, his head tilted as he smiles.
“Coming,” I shout before I push my chair back, hurrying from my workspace and down the two steps to the main office. I rush past the desks and open the door to the stairs, then I stomp down them to the front door. I hit the switch and swing it open. Seeing Mackie in the flesh makes my breath still.
I forget how beautiful Mackie is until he’s in front of me, mussed hair and all. He’s never perfectly put together like most people in my life, yet I crave that little bit of disorder from him.
He has a bag in his hand, and his eyebrow rises. “Can I come in?”
“Oh, sure.” I step back, and he brushes his body across mine to get inside since it’s a tight hallway. My eyes widen, and my breathing stops. He freezes, swinging his gaze to mine. For a moment, we just stare at each other before I clear my throat. “This way.”
I hurry up the stairs, my heart pounding so fast I’m surprised he can’t hear it. I order it to calm down, but it doesn’t listen.
I hear his footsteps behind me, and once we are in the dark office space, I glance back to see him looking around.
“Everyone went home hours ago,” I explain as I head up to my office and hold the door for him.
He meanders past me, and I let the door shut but stay near it as he slowly wanders around, stopping near my desk.
“Is this where you call me from?” he asks.
“Yes,” I answer, feeling unsure. It’s different having him here. It means something. “What’s in the bag?”
“Oh.” He turns and puts it on my desk. Despite me hating any mess or disorganization on it, I’m happy to see his things there. He carefully pulls out a stack of containers and places them on the surface. “For you.”
Eyeing him, I open the top one to see a pile of huge cookies. “You saved me some?”
“I made them for you.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal. Gripping the container, I have the insane urge to kiss the shit out of this boy, but I hold back. Instead, I shove a cookie in my mouth to stop myself, and he waits as I chew. “Well?” he asks when I swallow.
“Incredible.” They melt in my mouth. “Probably the best I’ve ever had.
You’re extremely talented, baby boy.” It slips out, but he says nothing, just ducks his head and pulls a box out of his bag then hands it to me.
Wiping the crumbs from my hands, I take the gift and open it, smiling at the contents.
“I tried to find the best one, I don’t know if it will help, but you said your neck and shoulders hurt, and with your hours, I figured you could use one,” he blurts out, fidgeting with the tote bag as he glances from it to me. “You don’t have to take it if you don’t want to.”
“No, I want it,” I whisper as I open it and look at him. It’s so fucking thoughtful. He bought me a massager. I made one idle comment and he thought of a way to help me. I’m starting to understand that’s just who Mackie is. “Thank you.”
“Of course.” He picks up his bag and wanders away, looking over my shelves as I sink into my chair and play with the massager, eyeing him the entire time.
He’s quiet, and I have no idea what to say, but simply having him in my space is relaxing the tension in my shoulders.
His scent fills the air, and the loneliness that always surrounds me lessens.
“Your office is cozy. No wonder you sleep here often.” He glances at me and smiles, and I nod as he goes back to looking.
My computer dings with an email, and despite the fact that I don’t want to look, I have to since it’s probably the client approval I’ve been waiting all day for.
Carefully boxing the gift, I shove another cookie in my mouth as I open it and scan the response before loading up the images to implement the changes since they have a deadline of midnight.
There’s a noise that makes my head jerk up, and I swallow the last of the cookie as Mackie looks at me and then my computer.
“Well, you’re busy. I should go.” He hesitates, but when I nod, he smiles and heads to the door. The idea of him walking out right now sends a spike of fear through me.
“Have you eaten?” I blurt, stopping him at the door.
“No?” he responds as he turns.
“Me either. Want to stay while I work? I can order food.” I trail off. “Sorry. I thought you could stay with me while I worked. You don’t have to—”
“I’d love to. I don’t really want to be alone right now anyway,” he admits as he takes his jacket off. For a moment, I’m distracted by the play of his muscles in his tank before his words sink in.
“Did something happen?” I ask softly.
I can see him struggling with what to say when he walks over and perches on my desk next to me.
“Just a hard day. It’s better now.” His eyes glisten, and I swear a blush stains my cheeks as I grab my phone as a distraction.
His soft chuckle makes my cheeks heat more as I load the app and shove it at him.
“Here. Order whatever you want for both of us.”
I load up my screen as a distraction as he taps away then puts my phone down. I can feel him watching me as I adjust the color they want on all five photos. It takes time, and I kind of forget that until Mackie disappears and my office door is opened.
I stand when he leaves, worried he’s bored, but a moment later, he returns, carrying a chair from the other office, his raised shirt showing his abs as he puts it down next to me and tugs his shirt down.
I look away, not wanting to be caught. Mackie drops into it, tugging himself closer so he can lean into my desk next to me.
“Don’t mind me, keep working,” he says, and I stare at my screen without seeing anything.
All I see are his abs.
I’ve seen some of the most beautiful, perfect bodies in the world. Hell, I’ve photographed them, but that snippet of his? I can’t remember any of them now other than him.
“What are you doing?” he asks.
“Oh, um, the client wanted some changes. I’ve been waiting all day. They finally just got back to me. It’s due by midnight.”
“Cutting it close,” he scoffs. “Idiots. What changes do they want? They look incredible.”
“Just small details. They want me to smooth the nail polish and match them in each photo, edit out some flyaway hairs, change one background, and alter some colors. It should only take me a few hours. This is how it always is with magazines. They leave it until the last minute,” I explain.
I usually like it because it keeps me busy, and I’ve never missed a deadline.
“Got it, don’t mind me then. Go ahead,” he replies, and I eye him before focusing on the screen, opening the tools I need, and carefully removing each flyaway hair. It was supposed to be the hair team’s problem, but they apparently had trouble, so I’m happy to help out.
He sits at my side on the stolen chair and watches me work. It should be distracting, but if anything, I enjoy it. I worry he’ll get bored, but he seems happy enough to observe me, and I work as quickly as I can so I can spend time with him.
My phone buzzes, and I load up the doorbell camera to see a delivery driver.
“Let me get it,” I say and hurry to the front door. Once I have the bags, I head upstairs and to my office.
When I return, Mackie is standing before my desk drawers, looking out of the window. For a moment, I fear he saw what was inside, but he smiles at me as he turns, and I relax. He didn’t. If he did, he would have questions.
Putting the bags on the coffee table, I sit on the sofa.
He strides over and drops to the floor, cross-legged, with his back to my office door so he faces me, and then he takes out boxes and sorts them.
“I figured you could pick whatever you like.” There’s some kind of pastry, a rice dish, a noodle dish, pasta, and a calzone.
Smiling, I pick what I want and lean back, eating slowly as I watch him devour his food.
“So nothing really happened today?” I ask after I swallow a mouthful.
Uncapping a drink, he hands it to me and takes a sip of his own. “It did, but it isn’t something I want to talk about, sorry.”
“Don’t be. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but if you ever do, I’m here, okay?” I offer, wishing he would lean on me, but he probably isn’t ready.
“Thanks, Conan,” he replies softly, and we spend the rest of the meal eating in silence. When I’m done, I groan, and Mackie gets up, wiping his mouth. “I’ll clean up while you continue working.”
“No, let me help—”
He stops me with a look. “You need to work. I can do this. Go on.” He pushes me to my desk, and I go without protest, watching as he cleans up and heads out with the bag.
I worry he won’t come back, but I relax when he does.
Glancing at my computer, I carry on, wanting to get done as fast as I can now.
Mackie sprawls out on my sofa, and I eye him happily for a moment before focusing on the images. My eyes burn from the strain and low lighting, but I don’t stop until I’m done.
I attach the edited photos to the email and hit send, relief flooding me. Another job is done, which means I can spend time with Mackie.
Sitting back with a yawn, I log off my computer.
“It’s done—” I stop as I notice Mackie. He’s curled up on his side with his hand under his cheek, and judging by his slow breathing, it’s clear he’s asleep.
I should probably wake him, but he looks so fucking adorable.
I stand and approach him before crouching and carefully tugging off his boots.
He lets out a cute noise but goes back to sleep as I unfold the blanket on the back of the couch and drape it over him before sitting back on my heels.
I can’t leave him here, so I lower to my ass and lean against the sofa, watching him, but I must doze off because I wake when my head bangs into the cushion next to him.
I wince and sit up. My ass and back ache.
Mackie is still asleep, facing the back of the sofa now.
I really don’t want to wake him, because he looks so peaceful, so I kick off my shoes and hesitate.
I could sleep on the floor, but I can admit I don’t want to.
He might not appreciate it, but it doesn’t stop me.
Lifting the blanket, I slide in behind him, careful to leave some room between us so we aren’t touching, even if it means I’m almost falling off the edge of the couch.
Despite how precariously I’m perched, I’ve never been happier.
I can’t remember the last time I slept next to anybody.
My bed has been cold and empty for years.
It’s one of the reasons I usually crash here.
It’s easier to forget when I’m exhausted, but at home, seeing the empty space where he should be, hurts.
Right now, though, I’m not hurting, grieving, or lonely.
I’m happy.
My eyes open when he pushes back with a happy sigh, our bodies flush together as he turns his head, trying to get comfy. I lift my bent arm and slide it under his head like a cushion, and he presses closer, going back to sleep.
I wrap my free arm around him since he’s already touching me, and something deep inside me settles. A part of me is returning to life, and before I know it, I slip into a peaceful slumber, no nightmares in sight.