Chapter 45
FORTY-FIVE
Switching off the TV with the race coverage, I rush to the door, not even grabbing a coat, just my shoes and keys. I need to get there as fast as I can. My heart slams as I hurry down the corridor, stabbing the elevator button as I bounce on my feet.
I fucked up. I thought it would be weird if I went, and I didn’t want to hurt Noah and distract Mackie, but I should have asked.
I stab the button again, but it takes too long, so I shove through the doors to the emergency stairs and run down the ten flights as swiftly as I can.
Urgency drives me to be there, to explain and apologize.
The last thing I wanted was to hurt Mackie.
I just didn’t know where I stood, since racing is Noah and Mackie’s thing.
I should have known better, and Noah was right.
If I just asked, it wouldn’t have been an issue.
I was in my head, overthinking everything.
Between that and running into Penelope and Matt, I’ve been lost in my own thoughts, second-guessing everything, and without meaning to, I hurt Mackie, something I said I would never do.
Jumping in my car, I drive like I’m racing, and once I’m at the garage, I abandon it near the front of the lot and hurry inside. I search for Mackie’s familiar face, but I can’t see him. I do see Noah, however, so I push through the crowd.
I interrupt the conversation he’s having with some important-looking people in suits. “Sorry. Noah, where is he?”
He runs his eyes over me before nodding his head. “Excuse me.” He smiles nicely at the men and turns, and I follow him, dogging his steps.
“Hey, boss man!” Evan calls. I nod and hurry past Evan, and he frowns, but I don’t worry about him right now as Noah escorts me to the back, away from the crowd, and points at the locker room door.
“He’s been in there a while.” He grabs my arm as I go to step by him. “Make it right or I will break your stupidly handsome face.”
“I’d let you,” I reply as I shake off his arm. “Thanks, Noah.”
“Don’t mention it,” he grumbles, and I watch him walk away before turning to the door. Taking a deep breath, I push inside and shut it behind me.
It’s quiet as I move down the lockers, only to stop. He’s sitting in front of a mirror, wearing jeans, his chest bare as he runs a towel over his hair. I take the time to drink him in and try to calm the pounding in my chest.
“Mackie,” I call, and he freezes, but he doesn’t turn. Swallowing hard, I tread closer until he can see me, but he keeps staring at the floor. “Baby boy?” I coo, and slowly, he raises his eyes. He searches my face, but he doesn’t reach for me or smile at me.
He watches me almost carefully, as if he’s unsure of his welcome, and I hate it.
Where the fuck is my sunshine?
The fact that I did this makes pain echo inside me, and I drop to my knees before him, hating myself in this moment.
“I’m so sorry.” I cover his hands on his thigh, clenching the towel there, and when he doesn’t pull away, I shuffle closer, staring up at him.
“I am so sorry, Mackie. I should have been here. I was watching at home, but it’s not the same thing.
You were amazing. I’m so proud of you, and I hate the fact that you are unhappy right now because of me when you should be celebrating.
I’d like to explain why I wasn’t here, not to negate how you are feeling, but just so you know. ”
“Okay,” he murmurs, his tone tight.
“I wanted to be here, I considered it all night and this morning, but then I worried it would hurt Noah. Racing is your thing with him. I thought I was stepping on toes and would detract from your big day. I talked myself in circles and told myself you wouldn’t notice, that I would watch at home and celebrate privately.
That was my problem, my issue, and I should have simply asked.
I overthought it, but I never wanted to hurt you, Mackie.
I’m so proud of you, and I regret not being here, but I promise I will be for every single race from now on if you want me to be.
” I hold his hands, waiting as he processes my words.
“And the last few days? You’ve been distant.
If you don’t want to be with me anymore, just say so.
Don’t make me guess or chase you around, looking like an idiot.
I don’t like it. I’d rather you hurt me but be truthful.
” His eyes well with tears, and I swear if one falls, I will destroy myself for putting them there, but the idea of him thinking I don’t want him is unfathomable.
I’m a fool. I should have let Noah hit me.
“No, baby, I don’t want any of those things. I’m crazy about you. I was in my own head after our run-in with Penelope and Matt. I was second-guessing myself again. I went down a grief spiral, and I didn’t want you to see me like that.”
“But I want to be there for you,” he retorts, playing with my fingers. “I don’t want you only when you’re happy. I want to be part of your life, and that means the bad days as well.”
Jesus Christ, I love this boy.
“I know. I just felt like I had so much baggage and bad days, I worried if I showed you more, you’d run the other way.
I should have known differently, and from now on, no matter how bad things are, I will.
” Reaching up, I cup his cheek. When he doesn’t pull away, I almost cheer.
“I’m so sorry, baby boy. I got lost in my head and let my thoughts win. It will never happen again.”
“I thought I was losing you,” he admits as he leans into my hand, closing his eyes as a tear slips free. I will remember the sight of it for the rest of my life, so I never put another there again.
“Never,” I vow vehemently. “I’m so sorry I made you feel that way. When I get upset, I tend to withdraw and deal with it myself, but I won’t from now on, okay?”
He nods, opening his eyes. As I press closer to him, his thighs part for me, and I breathe a sigh of relief, knowing Noah is right.
Mackie is good at forgiving, but I will never do anything to warrant it again.
I cup his face with both hands. “My beautiful, beautiful boy.”
“Don’t do it again, okay? I want you here. Noah will accept that,” he mutters.
“He already told me. He was the one who called me and told me I was an idiot.” His mouth drops open in shock, and I laugh in delight as I lean in and kiss him. “I guess that means he’s starting to like me.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” he teases, making me smile.
“Okay, maybe accept me.” I lean my head against his, looking into his eyes. “After this party in your honor, how about we have a private race so I can watch you? I’ll cheer so loudly from the stands, you’ll think I was there today.”
He perks up, his grin growing until his dimples show, and then I fully relax, knowing my sunshine is back.
“Okay, now kiss me and make it all better.”
“You don’t have to tell me twice,” I whisper as I drag him down and kiss him softly.
His mouth opens, and I deepen it until our tongues tangle, and he moans into my mouth, pressing closer.
It’s hell to pull away, but I do, and I smile at him.
“Let’s get you to your party. You’re the star, after all. ”
“I’d rather stay here,” he murmurs, his eyes on my lips.
Chuckling, I stand and offer him my hand. “Later,” I promise. “Come on, baby boy, let’s go meet your fans.”
He grumbles but he takes my hand, and I know we’ll be okay.
I release his hand once we are in the garage. I don’t want to hurt Noah, and besides, this is Mackie’s night. I follow him around as he talks to everyone, shining brightly. People are drawn over until there’s a crowd around him, and I understand why.
He just has this aura about him. Mackie makes everyone laugh and smile. He’s amazing to be around, and he exudes happiness.
“Fixed it?” Alek mutters at my side, and Evan looks on.
“Yes.” I nod and look between them. “I’m in love with Mackie.”
Alek looks between me and Mackie before finding Noah in the crowd. “He knows.”
I smile, and Noah nods. “If you want to know, and he’s okay, you can ask him.”
“Jesus, you guys can’t do anything simple, can you?” Alek offers, but he shrugs. “Fair enough, as long as you don’t hurt anyone.”
“I’m glad you’re here,” Evan comments, just as Mackie looks back at me, even though he is speaking to someone else. I smile, letting him know I’m here. When he turns, I catch the eye of an older man in the crowd. He’s glaring at me, and I blink and look away.
An hour or so later, I escape to Noah’s office with Mackie for a breather. I don’t think he actually needs one, but he probably senses I do. After all, I’m not really a party person, never have been, but I’ll try for him.
The door opens as I’m leaning into his shoulder, and we both turn, expecting Noah, but that same older man is framed in the doorway. He glares as he shuts the door, and Mackie jumps, his eyes wide.
“Mr. Fletcher.” Mackie looks at me. “Conan, this is Noah’s father.”
Ah, shit.
“What the fuck is going on here, Mackie?” he demands, glaring at me and pointing at my face. Mackie steps in front of me protectively. “Are you cheating on my son?”
Yup, this is bad. Really bad.
“No, never!” Mackie promises loudly.
“No? I saw the way you two were looking at each other, and then I find you in here. I like you, Mackie, a lot, but I will not let you hurt my son.”
“I promise I’m not cheating on him,” Mackie says, looking panicked and really upset.
“I’m disappointed in you. I thought you were something special, the one my son could depend on,” his father snaps.
“Enough, Dad.” We all turn to find Noah at the door. He shuts it behind him. “Are you okay, baby?”
“I’m sorry,” Mackie whispers, his eyes glassy with tears again. “I’m sorry, Noah.” I tug him back against me, and he melts into my chest. Noah hurries around and cups his face.
“Shh, it’s okay. He would have found out anyway,” he promises, his voice soft. Those usually hard eyes are bright for our baby.
“Noah, what the hell is going on here?” his father asks, flabbergasted.
All three of us share a look, unsure where to start.