11. Chapter Eleven
William
Matilda trembled behind Robert. Acting as a shield, Arthur situated himself between their mother and the doorway.
William wished he could say Arthur needn’t be concerned.
Unfortunately, Nicholas had shown how upset he could become merely by watching William be around his family.
Nicholas didn’t want to hurt anyone. What a peculiar thought about a fae.
They thrived on violence, yet when Nicholas yearned to choose otherwise, he couldn’t.
“Lord Darkmoon.” Robert tucked the newspaper under his arm and played the part of the diplomat. He held out his hand.
“Call me Nicholas.” He shook Robert’s hand while sharing his usual charming smile.
“Nicholas, we weren’t expecting a visit. What brings the savior of Terra to our home?”
“I came to visit William,” he answered.
His face grew hot under the curious glances of his mother and brother. Robert still didn’t meet his gaze. Two years and he continued to ache.
“We served in the war together,” Nicholas elaborated, as if that helped. “We went through many trials and tribulations and spoke little at the ball.”
“Ah, yes, we heard he assisted you a great deal in the war effort.”
“More than I’m sure you’ve been told.”
He would have pinched the bastard if he thought he could do so without getting caught.
“It is unfortunate you hadn’t arrived earlier. We could have invited you for breakfast.” Robert had that politician in him, capable of withholding any disdain or distrust.
He didn’t believe Robert would have wanted Nicholas at their table, but he dined with those he disliked before. He could tolerate it.
“Really?” Nicholas’ attention drifted between Matilda and Arthur, like he wanted them to agree. Matilda couldn’t bring herself out from behind her son.
“I am not sure what fae customs are, but a breakfast among mortals might be interesting for you,” Arthur said, being as friendly as their father taught them.
If he weren’t worried, he would have found the awkward conversation more amusing than anything.
Then Nicholas looked at him with such hope that his heart shattered. There, among the violet, a shimmer of pink light, as if hope itself manifested. If he shared his life with Nicholas, would that help him in any way?
William didn’t expect to become a doctor.
It happened out of necessity, though he didn’t regret the path.
He always found them admirable, a job worthy of being proud of, and he took pride in his work.
In a way, Nicholas became a patient, someone who needed help that he could potentially give.
Deep down, the darkened voice that had taken root in him during war times said that there was no hope, that Nicholas was doomed.
They could never have had more. But then there was the doctor who sought to heal in the face of overwhelming odds, saying maybe they could make life easier.
He didn’t know where to begin, though perhaps considering helping at all was the only way to begin.
“Another time then,” Nicholas finally said.
“Aren’t you heading into town?” William asked to spare all of them.
“Yes, I told Amara we would meet her on main street.” Arthur presented his arm to Matilda. She often went with them rather than spend the day at home alone.
“I am about to head to the gentlemen’s club,” Robert said with little enthusiasm.
There had been arguments among the lords of late that irritated Robert more than usual.
Alas, he still had a job to do, although Arthur had been slowly taking over.
All the brothers sat down multiple times to discuss their father’s retirement.
Robert worried about giving too much to his boys all at once.
They worried he put too much pressure on himself when he deserved rest.
“If that’s the case, I will,” he swallowed hard, reconsidering, but sensing Nicholas’ unyielding attention, “give Nicholas a tour of the house, if that’s alright. He came all this way, after all.”
He understood he put his family in a position where they struggled to say no.
Matilda wouldn’t speak up out of fear. Robert and Arthur thought it would be disrespectful, and thus troublesome, to say no.
He hoped he didn’t make the wrong decision.
This could be a test, a way to see if he could help Nicholas, if he could do anything to make the rest of his life as good as it could be.
“Of course.” Robert nodded at Nicholas. “We couldn’t possibly decline, considering all the Darkmoon family had done for Terra. Now, if you will excuse us, we should head out. William will take good care of you.”
Robert offered his hand a second time. Nicholas shook his, then Arthur’s hand, and offered Matilda a smile that she struggled to return.
Matilda held William’s hand in a way that questioned why he offered while also hoping he would be alright.
He kissed her knuckles reassuringly, then the family left.
“Are you truly giving me a tour?” Nicholas asked once they were out of hearing range.
“Do you want one?” he replied.
Nicholas nodded eagerly. “I want to see everything.”
“Your idea of everything would involve me tearing up the floorboards so you could count the dust bunnies between the crevices.”
“Then show me everything that does not involve tearing anything apart,” he said while tracing the line of William’s jaw like he had never seen William’s smile before.
As much as he enjoyed the attention, he stepped away. “We have attendants here, so we shouldn’t do anything like that in the open.”
Nicholas smirked. “Behind closed doors is acceptable, then?”
He didn’t warrant that with a response. “Shall we start the tour?”
“Absolutely.”
He didn’t give so much of a tour as answered the endless questions Nicholas provided. When he replied, Nicholas’ eyes brightened until they were painful to gaze upon.
He understood caring for patients, how to discover what ailed them and what to do.
What could he do with Nicholas though, other than hope his every move didn’t make a shade’s condition worse?
Was it right to tiptoe and see if he could do anything?
By being together, by giving him what he wanted, was he leading them down a path of destruction?
Perhaps the shade would be satiated for now, but would a day not come that resulted in their mutual demise, one way or the other?
He couldn’t be certain, and frankly, he didn’t want to dwell on it.
Like he didn’t want to dwell on how enjoyable Nicholas was to watch.
He took his time showing Nicholas his home, from the hallways to the drapes to searching for which door hinge may creak and how many steps may shriek.
Nicholas was as playful as fae were, in search of trouble, albeit nothing worth worrying over.
Acting like this made it seem like the real Nicholas was still in there.
After earlier, that moment where his eyes were pink, he dared to hope Nicholas could be saved.
That all he had to do was hold him and the curse of a shade would disappear.
Alas, Nicholas’ eyes remained violet through the rest of the day.
He clung to William as if letting him go would spell disaster.
Sometimes, his grip hurt. His nails pierced skin, or he’d yank William down a hall without realizing how hard he tugged.
He knew the fae didn’t mean it, and he hadn’t the heart to say anything.
Then they came upon William’s favorite part of the house, which he saved for last for that very reason, the library.
Nicholas laughed. “You must spend the most time here.”
“I’ve never counted, but that is likely correct,” he said.
Nicholas moved through the towering rows that reached the hall of the second floor. A spiral staircase took them up, where Nicholas found a window perch to sit. He smiled, proud of himself long before declaring, “You sit here most.”
William ran his fingers along the book spines nearby. “How are you so sure?”
“I believe you call it a gut feeling.”
Humming, he sat on the perch. “Your gut is correct. It’s quiet.”
“And isolated.” Nicholas always caught what he tried not to say. “Which I imagine isn’t what you always wanted. I bet when you were a child, you sat downstairs by the fire.”
“Another gut feeling of yours?”
“I know you.” Nicholas locked their hands together. “All the stories you shared, it makes the most sense.”
He was right again. Before he was drafted, he thrived off the attention of his family.
He didn’t mind them interrupting his reading, typically because they encouraged him to share his interests.
Henry entered the library with a new puzzle to try.
Arthur asked William for help to find whatever he needed, though he could perfectly do it on his own.
Richard dragged him outside when he spent too much time with the curtains drawn.
Matilda joined to read or listen to him read aloud and Robert came in for naps, where he snored like a bear, making William laugh. They hadn’t done that in years.
“Yes, a lot has changed,” he said.
Nicholas eyed him. “Like the relationship with your father. He won’t look at you.”
“Is that so?”
“You are too observant not to have noticed. Is this a recent development? You always spoke fondly of him.”
He peered outside, incapable of meeting Nicholas’ eyes. “I don’t want to talk about this.”
“Why not? Do you think I cannot understand?”
“Well, your father is abhorrent, so I imagine you would be pleased if he didn’t look at you.”
Nicholas chuckled. “I would, but I understand wanting someone to notice you over others.” He had no issue staring at William when he added, “You pay attention to all of them, your family, and I am envious. I am envious of Charmaine too.”
“What?” he balked.
Nicholas’ shoulders caved inward. “The two of you have always been close.”
“Yes, she’s my best friend.”
“You were willing to die for her.”
“I did for you.”
Nicholas stiffened as if he had been hit. His fingers brushed back the glove concealing William’s hand to reveal a line of silver. “Do you regret it?”
“No,” he replied. In a way, it felt good to admit that aloud to Nicholas most of all. “I would do it again, although that doesn’t make what happened afterward easy. I don’t mean to make you feel bad. I just…”
“Need time?”
He curled inwards, pressing himself back against the windowpane. “I don’t know. I don’t know if there’s enough time in the world to heal all that is wrong with me. I’m trying.”
He didn’t know what else to do other than try, then be disappointed when nothing worked out.
“Heal may not be the right word. Transformation, I find that more fitting.” Nicholas leaned closer, the fearsome hue of his eyes softened by the sunlight. “Losing one’s past self is inevitable, is it not? All of us transform, and we are both amid that transformation.”
“What if that transformation is for the worst?”
Nicholas settled a finger beneath William’s chin, treasuring him in a gentle touch. “Then we shall be worse together, and I can say with confidence I would not mind that one bit.”
He couldn’t accept the kiss Nicholas wanted, but he embraced the brush of the fae’s lips when they fell upon his temple instead.
“I should go before your family returns. They’re fearful of me.” Nicholas opened the window because the fae couldn’t learn to use a door.
“Henry got along with you. Maybe I need to get some alcohol in them.” He smiled at having made Nicholas laugh.
“That may not be a bad idea.” Nicholas dropped to land elegantly in the yard. William leaned out to wave. “I shall spend the day patrolling the outer banks. If I see anything, I will let you know.”
“Be careful, trouble.”
“You ask for too much, my wicked.” Snickering, Nicholas wandered off, leaving William wanting him right back by his side.
He told Charmaine once that hope was a disappointing mistress. He needed to learn to take his own advice.