16. Chapter Sixteen
Nicholas
Evera threw Nicholas off the man. All he saw was red.
All he wanted to see was red. He lurched at Evera, the new obstacle in his path.
Fire spread over his fingertips, vicious in their violet light.
Evera shrieked from the flames breaking over her skin.
She retreated, dousing the flames with a wave of her arm.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” William bellowed, panicked and breathless.
That fueled his anger, that William was all over the stranger, desperate to ease him. He directed most of that anger toward Evera, who wore far too smug a smile even as her arm flared red from the burn.
“Why are you interfering?” He intended to finish the job.
Evera blocked his path. “You should be thanking me. I stopped you from making a terrible mistake.”
“There is no mistake. That bastard—”
“Richard, my brother,” William interrupted, his voice full of rage that made Nicholas’ blood curdle. The doctor stood, eyes blistering cold and bloody, hands clenching a blade he grabbed from beneath his desk. “Put your hands on him again and I will cut yours off.”
The reality of what he had nearly done sent him into a spiral. His thoughts drowned him, cursed him for putting such terror and anger on William’s face.
Shaking, Richard held a hand over his heart.
William fell beside him. He kept the blade in one hand and laid his other on Richard’s neck.
Thanks to William, the wounds upon his nape healed, but for whatever reason, he struggled to catch his breath.
William pressed their foreheads together, instructing Richard to breathe in tune with him.
Each of his breaths sounded painful, causing Nicholas to shrink further.
He hurt William’s family, the people he loved most, and Nicholas admitted to wanting to join. How could he ever do that when he reacted in such a way? He had been a fool. Laurent was right.
Laurent was always right.
Richard stood with William’s help. When he spoke, his voice came out hoarse and cracked. “I’m alright.”
William watched him a moment longer, then set his angered eyes on Nicholas.
“Get out,” he growled, knife raised, though he couldn’t hide the tremor in his hand.
Nicholas stepped forward. “I didn’t know. I thought—”
“It doesn’t matter what you thought,” William interrupted.
“Please, let me speak.” Any good will he received over the days had vanished in the face of his mistake.
William looked at him with fear, like the next monster to fight and when he next opened his mouth, Nicholas blurted out the first words he thought would silence whatever cruelty William might share. “I found a shadowed disciple today.”
It was like they returned to the Deadlands, traveling the woods together with William, never giving him attention unless it pertained to information.
He knew to keep going, otherwise William would push him out the door. “Another patient has been taken. If we made ourselves known, the shadowed disciples would have realized they’ve been discovered.”
“They’d go underground,” Richard said hoarsely. “And they may go elsewhere. You could lose them entirely.”
“Yes, so we followed one. There’s a scar in the sewers. Whatever they are doing, they are doing it in Faerie,” he said.
“Which we wouldn’t have discovered if you were in charge,” Evera chimed in. “You’re a danger, as we’ve just seen. Keep him around and I may not be here to stop him the next time.”
“No, I…” The words congealed on his tongue. Evera was right. He may have killed Richard, may have forced William’s hand, and then what would happen? Would he have hurt William next?
“If my patients are being taken to Faerie, then I have to go.” William kept a firm hold on his brother’s arm. “And unfortunately, I need a guide, which I imagine you won’t be unless coerced.”
Evera snapped her fingers and nodded.
Richard held up his hands. “Wait, let’s take a moment. You cannot go to Faerie to chase these shadowed disciples. You aren’t in the military anymore, William.”
“They’re my patients.”
“And you will care for them once they are found.”
“By who? Do you believe King Ellis will look for them?” William challenged.
“Or will he want to cover this up to not incite a panic? We all are suspecting the same thing, aren’t we?
That Fearworn is involved, somehow, and the kings won’t want to admit to that.
They may even send a force to ensure my patients are dead so they can’t speak of what transpired. ”
“That doesn’t mean you should go,” Richard countered. “You were gone so long. To leave again, and to another realm, I… you can’t. Please, don’t.”
“I have to.” William lowered the knife reluctantly. “We have to.”
“What of Mother?” Richard whispered.
“I won’t tell her I’m going to Faerie. I’ll tell her I’m going on a work trip.”
Richard guffawed. “You want me to lie?”
“We’re both good at it.”
Richard gave William a hurt look, then stormed out of the office, even passing Nicholas without so much as a flinch.
“May I have a moment alone with Nicholas?” William asked.
He would be pleased if he were foolish enough to believe William had anything but ill will to share. Evera left without a fuss. The door shut, separating them from the world.
William wouldn’t meet his eyes. He clenched and unclenched his fists. “Be honest, being together as often as we have these last few days has encouraged your condition, hasn’t it?”
“My condition,” he repeated. “What do you mean?”
“Don’t play coy.”
But he needed to play coy. He couldn’t explain this wanting, no, this need, as if he needed to be fused to William entirely. As if he needed to crawl beneath William’s skin and become part of him. Addiction did not do this feeling justice, but obsession reminded him of Fearworn.
“Is encouraging my love for you such a problem?” he whispered.
“It is if that encouragement leads to this.” William gestured to the blood on the floor.
“I was foolish to think we could test this out, that somehow I would be the one to put the pieces together and… cure you, for lack of a better word.” William laughed, an entirely hollow sound.
“Just the other night you said you wanted to be a part of my family, but you call them obstacles and you attack someone merely for being near me.”
“I didn’t know he was your brother.”
“That doesn’t make it better.” William threw the knife onto the desk.
“You said becoming Fearworn was your greatest fear. Now, here you are, having changed like him, even if not for the same reasons. I will not forgive myself if I am the reason you lose a little more of yourself each day. If returning to Faerie means you may have a better life, then that is what you should do.”
A pain struck him that made his voice meek. “You wish me gone?”
William didn’t answer. He wished to say William needn’t worry.
He wanted to promise they would be happy together forever, that nothing would ever go wrong.
If he could spew a string of lies to ease William, he would.
They would be painfully sweet and everything they ever wanted.
But alas, fae were truly cursed. They could riddle their way through lies, but a man like William would catch the truth.
He would see through Nicholas’ foolish attempts, so it left him having to share the truth.
Nicholas spoke carefully, honestly, in a way he hadn’t felt for quite a while. Maybe ever. But William deserved honesty, and maybe he genuinely wanted to tell the truth. At least there was someone he never wanted to lie to, never wanted to cheat or scam.
“I am scared, William,” he said. “Scared of what I might do, what I could do, what I’m willing to do to have you, but nothing will stop my yearning for you. I will run to you wherever you go. The wretched Souls you mortals so love could not separate us.”
He chanced a step forward, relieved that William didn’t retreat. Then he took William’s hand, rubbing his thumb against the calloused palms he remembered so well.
“I love you, my wicked. I cannot return to a time when I am not by your side. I cannot promise, though I so wish I could, that I will never harm you or anyone because of this sickness within me. But I can say that I’m sorry, that I don’t mean it and I don’t mean that as an excuse.
I will do what I can. I promise to be here, with you, to not hide and to always help you, to the best of my ability.
I would burn this world if you asked it of me.
I would save this world if you asked it of me, although… ”
“Although?” William repeated.
He cursed himself for saying it; “There may come a day when you will have to end me to prevent another Fearworn.”
William spoke like Nicholas hurt him, like nothing worse could have been said. “Don’t. I could never do that.”
“We both know you could. I truly believe there is no one in this realm or another as vicious as you.”
“That is not the compliment you seem to think it is.”
“Is it not? I find it very appealing.” He brushed away a tear before it slid down William’s cheek. Twice he brought tears to his wicked’s eyes. He vowed to show William such happiness he’d cry twice more from joy.
“We may not have much time left together, but should we not enjoy the time we have?” Nicholas asked.
William’s words were pained. “I dislike it when you take on the mantle of being the pessimistic one.”
“Realistic, for the moment. I fear I am not always capable of it, especially now. I know I frighten you, my feelings for you do.”
William didn’t deny it. There would be no point. His reactions were never truly hidden, not from Nicholas, who had grown to know him in ways others never would.
“We will work on this together, on breaking the unfortunate deal with Evera, as well. After all, we have to go to Faerie now. The disciples’ trail leads there.” Nicholas hated bringing up such a topic, but it was the truth.
“Shadowed disciples kidnapping mortals to take them to Faerie is worse than I imagined,” William muttered. He didn’t want to dwell on the prospect of slaying Nicholas, and Nicholas wouldn’t force him to. They understood what may need to be done.
“We shouldn’t focus too much on them being Fearworn’s disciples. He is dead and it may not be as dark, or as deep, as we think it is.”
“Or it’s worse,” said William.
He chuckled. “See? You are still the pessimistic one.”
“I wish I wasn’t. I wish they weren’t starting trouble, potentially following in their master’s footsteps.” William’s forehead creased and lips parted, then snapped shut. “Henry may know something.”
“How so?”
“He has access to knowledge the public doesn’t, including fae magic that has been shared during the war. Even with the Collision Treaty over, Henry spoke of fae continuing to visit magical societies. If there is something happening in Faerie, perhaps Henry unintentionally heard of it.”
“Then you wish to speak to him on these matters?” asked Nicholas.
“It may better prepare us for what we might face. We should not speak of this to any others, though, to be safe.” William stepped aside. Nicholas missed the sensation of his hand, but stayed in place. “I will have to conjure a believable lie to earn passage to Faerie.”
“Why not take the scar we found in the sewer?”
“We do not know where in Faerie it leads. We may end up outnumbered by shadowed disciples.”
“Ah, indeed.” He shrugged. “We needn’t worry about a reason. I know plenty of scars mortals are unaware of. We’ll pass through one of them.”
William cocked a brow. “And how do you know of these mysterious shimmers?”
He winked. “Fae should be allowed their secrets.”
“They are secrets for fae to sneak into Terra and start trouble, aren’t they?”
“Secrets, secrets.” Nicholas laughed. “This is the first you will see of Faerie, isn’t it?”
“It is,” he replied.
“This trip will not only be for work, I hope. I wish for you to meet Hill Castle, the home I grew up in.”
William clutched his right arm. “What of Laurent, and your siblings? Would it be a good idea for me to go?”
“Do not think of them. For now, I wish only to hear you say you will consider my requests from time to time in Faerie. That you will see my world, where I come from.”
William gave a smile, true and breathtaking. “I would like that very much.”
“Shall I see you tomorrow evening?”
“Yes, I should have talked to Henry by then.” Then he heaved a long breath. “Nicholas, you cannot come to my home or office again, not when we aren’t sure if this situation may repeat itself.”
“Right. Of course.” He hesitated in the doorway. “I am sorry, William, about Richard. I’m sorry.”
William’s voice trembled. “I know you are.”
But that may not be enough.