Chapter 24 Hayden #2
Rising from the stiff waiting room chair, I take my time crossing the room, as if that will somehow give me the courage I need to get through this meeting. The one where I admit to my boss that I’ve crossed a line, and potentially ruined not just Ryder’s career, but his recovery.
I debated for nearly an hour whether I should speak up or not—Ryder’s never been particularly accepting of people trying to meddle in his life—but this is bigger than just my relationship with him.
Maybe the only other person who stuck their neck out on his behalf can fix my mistake.
Or at the very least keep him from making one because he’s angry with me.
Please don’t let this be a disaster. With a deep breath I rap twice on the ominous wood door before pushing it open.
“Hayden.” The friendly smile falls from his face as he gets a look at mine. “What’s wrong?”
The heavy door swings shut with a thunk as I cross the room to his desk. “I screwed up.” My voice is barely a whisper. At this point, I’m surprised it exists at all.
“Sit,” he commands, rounding the desk to take the chair next to the one I sink into. “This is about Ryder, isn’t it?”
My already queasy stomach does another somersault.
“How…?”
“I saw you dancing at the benefit. The Ryder I know, the one who hasn’t been able to deal with the death of his brother, wouldn’t have left his barstool much less danced with someone. You got through to him.”
Shaking my head, I look at him with watery eyes. “That’s the problem. I didn’t just get through to him. I… We…” As if sleeping with someone who’s in recovery wasn’t unprofessional enough, now I’m blubbering about it to my boss.
“You’re involved.”
My gaze drops to my lap as I nod, swallowing audibly.
“I know how unethical it is to get involved with him.
He's in a vulnerable place, and that's rule number one since it could completely sidetrack his progress, but it just happened.
And I don't even know why I'm telling you this, but I don't know what to do. "
“What happened?” His voice sounds more concerned than angry, which helps me get my words out.
“Ryder asked if I’d come to some of his events—if he got back into racing.
Instead of saying yes, I jumped into the weeds trying to figure out the details of how that would work.
Now, I think I’ve steered him backward. I don’t know how he’s going to react, but based on how he did with me, it’ll be rash.
I’m worried he’ll drink again, or worse, do something to lose his sponsorship before he’s made a decision for himself. ”
I hold my breath, waiting for the blowup that’s sure to come after revealing the mess I created. Instead, Carter tilts his head to the side and calmly asks, “Would you? Go to his events, I mean?”
“I uh… You're not mad? I potentially turned Ryder off to racing at all. Hell, I might've driven him back into the dark place he just came out of. Why are you asking if I’d go to his events?”
“He obviously wants you there, if you’re willing to go.” The way he casually lifts his shoulder makes it seem like the answer is clear, though I’m still foggy.
“Is going to the races even an option with this job? Do I still have a job?”
“You’re doing it again.” His lips form a sad smile. “Don’t think about the logistics, just answer yes or no. Would you go to his events?”
My eyes blink in rapid succession, trying to spot the disconnect between Carter’s words and his expression. If it exists, I can’t find it. I guess he’s serious.
“Yes,” I admit. “I’d go.”
“Okay then. I guess we need to come up with a plan to make that happen.” He walks back to his side of the desk and starts fiddling with his computer.
“Wait,” I blurt. “What is happening?”
His eyes never leave the screen. “I’m looking at the race schedule to see which ones we can get you to.”
“But… I just told you I got involved with someone I was supposed to be supervising while I was supervising him. Even if he wasn’t exactly my employee, he was still my responsibility. You aren’t going to fire me for that?” If he wasn’t going to, he probably is now, genius.
“Hayden, do you know how I met Sloan?” Carter pins me with a curious look.
“No.” What does that have to do with anything?
“He worked for me.” He leans back in his chair, getting comfortable. “The resort has a spa, he was on the payroll, and while there might be a conflict of interest in seeing the person you’re supposed to manage on the job, trust me when I say that’s magnified when you pay that person’s salary.”
“Um…”
“Kane and Blake both work here too. Technically, Kane manages Blake, although they’re really more co-managers at this point.”
My brows pull together in confusion. “What are you saying?”
“When your business employs over half the town you’re going to have workplace relationships.
It’d be nice to know about them ahead of time, but since I’ve been there myself, I know you can’t always plan for these things.
Sometimes they just evolve. And I’m not the kind of manager who’s going to punish people for their feelings.
Besides, Ryder doesn’t officially work here, so there’s really no conflict. ”
I nod absently as I process that bit of good news, although in my mind I’m not fully absolved.
“What about his racing career? If he thinks I don’t support it he might walk away from it.
Or go back to drinking.” Though part of me doesn’t believe that since it was his decision to put the bottle down, I’d be a fool to think there’s no chance he’ll pick it back up.
“In my experience, when Ryder thinks people don’t approve of something it makes him more likely to do it.” He shoots me a devious smile. “That’s why it’s so hard to get through to him. And why you were ultimately successful.”
I suck in a lungful of air. “What do you mean?”
“You didn’t approve of him going on the mountain, so even though he griped about it he had to prove you wrong.
To do that he had to stop drinking. I like to think I contributed a little by leveraging the terms of his community service, but proving you wrong got him to put down the bottle and get back on the mountain.
It might even get him back on the circuit. ”
My jaw drops open.
“Whether he races or not is up to him, and whether you attend those races is up to you. At least I don’t have to worry about him spiraling anymore. You gave him a reason to pull himself together.”
“You’d really support me traveling to his events? Even if it interferes with my job?”
“I’m not going to pay you to travel the racing circuit.” He shakes his head despite the fact that he’s grinning wryly. “But if it’s important to both of you that you attend some of the events, we’ll figure out a way to make it work.”
“This conversation did not play out the way I was expecting.” I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“Is that bad?”
“No,” I practically shout as blood fills my cheeks. “I’m just not sure where to go from here. Ryder was pretty pissed when he left.”
“Do you think he’ll try to drink that anger away?”
Biting my lip, I shake my head back and forth.
“Hard to say. He knows he’s prone to taking a step back for every two he takes forward, so hopefully he realizes that part of what he’s feeling is a knee jerk reaction.
It’s partly justified, though. I didn’t communicate what I was thinking very well, and now I’m not sure if I should try to fix it or wait for him to come to me. ”
“What do you usually do?”
“Give him space to work through things… but he’s never made himself this vulnerable before.”
“Okay.” Carter nods thoughtfully. “Here’s what…” He looks at his phone when it pings. “Ryder just asked me to register him for the upcoming race. It’s here in Katah Vista.”
The queasiness that finally started to fade comes roaring back with a vengeance. If he’s making the decision to race, does that mean he’s also deciding not to be with me?
“Hayden.” My eyes snap to Carter’s when I hear my name. “All this means is he’s doing a race. That’s a sign that he’s not taking a step back. Right?”
“Right.” I close my eyes. Even though this is good for him, I can’t help wondering what it means for us. I’m torn between wanting to be happy for him and feeling sorry for myself.
“See? You didn’t screw up,” Carter says softly. “You got through to him when no one else could, and now he’s trying to move on.”
“Yeah. I guess we don’t need to look at schedules then.” I blink away the tears I feel gathering in my eyes, hoping Carter doesn’t see them.
“Actually, I think this means looking at schedules is critical. This race may be a step toward moving on, but it’s an impulsive one, and it’s hardly a stretch since it’s right here in Katah Vista.
Whether Ryder decides to race again or not, just getting to this point is largely due to you.
I wouldn’t be surprised if you do end up being a factor in his decision, and if you meant what you said about wanting to be there for his races, we better be prepared. ”
It’s so wrong that I hope he’s right.