Chapter 4 #2
I grabbed the corners of the blanket with my hands to hold it in place, but to my surprise, Jace’s hands lingered on my waist. And was he…?
God, he was .
I closed my eyes as Jace’s stubble scraped over the skin along the back of my neck for the briefest of moments as he nuzzled me. My body reacted to the contact and it was all I could do not to lean back against him.
It was the stinging sensation from my arm that reminded me that I couldn’t lean into him.
Or on him.
I’d done that once before.
Never again.
It took every ounce of willpower I possessed to step forward just a little.
I felt the fingers at my waist press into me just a little bit before completely falling away.
I risked turning around and saw him staring at me, his expression shuttered.
As he turned to walk away, I grabbed his wrist. I didn’t say anything as I pulled him to the back of the boat.
Before we went below deck, I quietly asked, “Will the boat be okay for a few minutes?”
Jace scanned the horizon, then nodded.
He didn’t resist me as I tugged him down the stairs with me.
I released his hand, but he continued to follow me.
I led him past the kitchen, then motioned to the bed.
I waited until he sat down before I went back to the kitchen and found what I was looking for beneath the sink.
I’d spied the first aid kit earlier when I’d been checking things out.
I returned to the bedroom and felt something clench deep inside of me at the sight of Jace sitting on the bed.
As I approached him, I wondered what he’d do if instead of slowing when I reached him, I just kept moving forward until I was pushing him back on the bed.
Would he go pliant beneath me? Would he finally kiss me?
Would he roll me so I could know what it was like to feel the full weight of his body on top of me?
He’d given me a hint of that last night when he’d hovered over me, but I wanted more.
I shouldn’t, but I did.
I forced myself to sit next to him on the bed.
When I turned to face him, he did the same.
I searched out some antiseptic wipes. It was comfortably quiet, with just the gentle slap of water against the hull of the boat to keep us company.
Jace barely reacted as I began cleaning his cuts with the antiseptic.
I knew it had to hurt, but I might as well have been using water for all the reaction he showed. I was both disappointed and envious.
Disappointed because while he appeared perfectly relaxed, my insides were bouncing around like someone was playing ping pong in my gut. And envious because I would have given anything to be able to not feel like he did.
Most of the cuts weren’t bad enough to need any kind of dressing, but there was one near his eyebrow that was deeper than the rest. I had to shift closer to him to make sure there weren’t any bits of glass in it.
The position had us practically nose to nose.
Once again, I could barely breathe because of the sheer temptation of having his mouth so close to mine, but Jace didn’t react at all.
“So, what’s the plan?” I asked, since I needed something to distract me from my thoughts.
“We keep moving and we keep monitoring the news for a while to make sure your name doesn’t come up anywhere. Ronan and his guys will try to figure out if your dad really is behind all this.”
I nodded. Being trapped on a boat for the foreseeable future with Jace Christenson seemed like the worst kind of hell… and a little bit of heaven too.
“And Caleb?”
I was in the middle of placing a bandage over the cut by his eyebrow when he said my name. I looked at him and got caught up in the firm set of his jaw and dark eyes. They looked black this close up.
“We’re going to talk. About what happened this morning and yesterday. And this...”
Before I could stop him, he closed his hand around my forearm. Even though I managed not to wince at the contact, it didn’t matter, because I knew Jace could feel the unevenness beneath the fabric.
“Jace, don’t,” I said when he reached for the end of my sleeve.
He ignored me, of course.
I closed my eyes so I wouldn’t have to look at him as he carefully pushed my sleeve up .
But it didn’t matter because I heard his reaction. I wanted to laugh out loud because a couple of minutes ago I would have killed to get some kind of response out of him. Now I just wanted to sink into the floor.
I forced my eyes open and watched Jace work his hair tie and the swatch of fabric free. He shook his head when his gaze fell on the three cuts that were still seeping blood. He rested his hand and mine in his lap as he closed his eyes.
“I’m sorry, Jace,” slipped out before I could stop myself. I had no idea why I was apologizing, because I didn’t owe him anything. I hadn’t since he’d turned his back on me.
Liar .
I ignored the inner voice and turned to look out one of the little circular windows.
I kept my eyes averted even as I felt Jace begin cleaning the cuts with an antiseptic wipe.
I flinched as pain stung my arm at the contact.
Despite sometimes craving pain, I had no interest in it if I couldn’t control it.
And right now, I felt like there was absolutely nothing in my control anymore.
I was sure it was over when Jace put a large, square Band-Aid over the cuts, but he didn’t release my wrist. Instead, he took his free hand and cupped the back of my neck with it. I waited for him to tell me to look at him, or to ask me why I’d done what I’d done, but he didn’t do any of that.
Instead, he pulled me forward and then pressed his forehead against mine. I was stunned to hear his voice break when he whispered, “Caleb.” He paused and sucked in a breath. “Please, please don’t do this anymore. I’m fucking begging you.”
I closed my eyes and felt a tear trying to escape my clenched lids. I failed to hold it back.
“I’ll try,” I lied, because I couldn’t stand the hitch I’d heard in his voice as he’d whispered the plea.
How in the world had I ever thought he didn’t feel?
He didn’t respond to my words and I wondered if it was because he knew what he was asking was impossible.
We sat like that for a few more precious seconds before Jace released me and stood. “I need to go check things out,” he muttered, then he was gone.
I took my time cleaning up the stuff from the first aid kit and returned it to the kitchen. When I was done, I went back to the bedroom instead of going above deck. I grabbed the blanket Jace had put around my shoulders and covered myself with it as I laid down on the bed.
My exhaustion didn’t make any damned sense, but hell if I didn’t welcome the shit out of it.