Chapter 24
Caleb
You’re Daddy’s sweet boy, aren’t you, Caleb?
Yes, Dad.
Daddy… say it.
Yes, Daddy.
No one will ever love you like I do, you know that, right?
Yes, Daddy…. but it hurts, Daddy.
It’ll only hurt this first time… Do you believe me, my sweet boy?”
“Yes, Daddy.”
I squeezed my eyes closed even tighter as bile crawled up the back of my throat. I waited for the nausea to pass and tried to take in my surroundings.
I was really warm, almost hot, even. There was a body at my back… and front. The body at my back was long and warm and fit me perfectly. The one at my front was shorter, stocky, smelled a bit and was very, very hairy.
And unlike the body at my back, the one at my front was awake… and could tell I was too because a wet tongue lapped over my face a couple of times before a cold nose pressed against my neck. I stifled a chuckle and ran my hand over Ba by’s head.
“Someone’s been feeding you hot dogs,” I said softly. They were the dog’s favorite.
“He wouldn’t eat,” I heard someone say. I lifted my eyes to see Eli sitting in an armchair near the bed. “Neither of them would.”
I knew who he was talking about. I put my hand behind me so I could feel Jace’s body. He stirred a bit and tightened his hold on my waist, but didn’t wake up.
“What day is it?” I asked. Eli looked like shit, so I had no doubt it wasn’t just Jace and Baby who hadn’t left my side for however long I’d been lost in my own little world.
“Saturday.”
Four days.
I’d gone silent for four days.
And I’d hurt myself again.
In front of Jace.
And Eli.
All because I hadn’t had the strength to deal with the idea of spending even a single second in the same room as my father or the thirty minutes that followed in which my father had pretended to watch me lovingly from his seat not ten feet from me.
But he’d really sealed the deal by calling me sweet boy .
He hadn’t called me that in a long time, but the second he’d uttered the two words, it was like my body had been once again lying beneath his as I’d sought to escape into the darkness of my mind where there was no pain, no sense of betrayal.
“Where’s Willa?” I asked.
“She’s with Seth and Ronan. They were going to take her to Magnus and Dante’s house today. It’s Leo’s birthday, so Dante and Magnus are going to watch her while Ronan and Seth take their kids to the party.”
“Will you take me to see her?” I asked.
Eli nodded. He didn’t ask why I was making the request.
I figured it was because he probably already knew why.
“I’ll give you two a second,” Eli said. He got up and urged Baby to follow him.
I gave the big dog a pat as he got off the bed, then carefully rolled over so I was facing Jace.
He looked as exhausted as I felt. I ran my fingers over his face and through the curls of his hair.
I smiled as I remembered how often I’d imagined being able to do this very thing.
Now he was mine and I could do it to my heart’s content.
And probably would.
He came awake slowly, but the second his eyes landed on mine, he closed them and let out this huge sigh of relief. “Thank you,” he whispered, though I wasn’t sure who he was thanking. He opened his eyes again and then tugged me closer to him.
“I’m sorr—”
That was all I got out before he kissed me. It was a sweet, searching kiss that I felt in the very marrow of my bones and it chased away the little bit of the remaining chill that my father’s words had left behind.
“Missed you,” Jace said softly.
“Missed you too,” I responded. “I heard you, Jace. Every word. I felt every touch. It made it easier to come back to you.”
He nodded and caressed my face. “Not going anywhere, Caleb,” he reminded me.
I knew we’d have to talk about what I’d done at the courthouse to deal with my stress, but I instinctively knew Jace would let me talk to him about when I was ready.
“Eli’s going to take me to see Willa.”
“I’ll come with you,” Jace said, but when he started to move, I grabbed his wrist.
“Stay here and sleep, Jace. I know you haven’t,” I said as I ran my thumb along one of the dark circles beneath his eyes. “Mav and Eli will be with me, and I’m sure we’ll take at least one other of Ronan’s guys with us. Knowing Mav, it’ll probably be ten.”
Jace didn’t smile. I could tell he didn’t want to heed my request.
“I need this, Jace.”
I was glad when he didn’t ask me to explain. It wasn’t something I really understood myself. While I loved being able to lean on Jace, I wanted there to be a day where I didn’t have to. But I needed to start with baby steps.
“Okay, call me when you get there,” he said with resignation .
“I’ll text you so I don’t wake you,” I amended.
He nodded and I kissed him. I could tell it was hard for him to let me go, but he did.
I took a few minutes to get cleaned up in the bathroom and changed my clothes. Eli and Mav were waiting for me downstairs. Eli had a bottle of water for me and what had to be the biggest sandwich I’d ever seen. He thrust it at me and said, “Eat every bite or no kid.”
I smiled and wrapped my arms around him. He looked like death warmed over, but he was still taking care of me. I released him and said to Mav, “When we get home, he doesn’t leave your bed for at least a week, do you hear me? I don’t care what you have to do to keep him there.”
“I’m sure I can think of something to keep him occupied,” Mav said with a wink. Color flushed my brother’s cheeks.
To me he said, “Eat your sandwich.” To Mav it was, “Get in the car before I take you up on that offer right now.”
I followed them out to the car, forcing myself to eat the sandwich. I wasn’t particularly hungry, but I knew I needed to get something in my system.
The drive to Magnus and Dante’s house took a couple of hours, since we had to take the ferry to the mainland.
It gave my addled mind time to clear and by the time we reached the house, a thought had started to take form in my mind.
I set it aside as Magnus ushered us inside.
I knew the party was taking place across the street at Leo’s house, because I’d seen several balloons in the shape of Avenger characters attached to the mailbox, and I could hear kids shouting from the back yard.
“How are you feeling?” Magnus asked.
“Better,” I said.
“Well, she’s back here,” Magnus said as he led me down a hallway. Mav and Eli stayed in the living room, presumably to give me privacy with Willa.
Magnus opened a door for me. I’d assumed it would be either his and Dante’s room, or the room I knew they kept for Magnus’s grandson, Matty, for when he spent the night with them, but I was wrong on both counts.
It was Aleks’s room.
I could tell from the simple furnishings and lack of superhero paraphernalia.
Not to mention that Aleks himself was in the room.
He was lying on the floor next to Willa, who was lying on her back on a blanket.
Aleks was holding the small stuffed panda that Silver had given us in Germany – the one he’d said was Willa’s favorite.
He’d been right.
The toy never failed to soothe the baby when she was particularly fussy.
“Aleks,” Magnus called. Despite how quietly he’d said Aleks’s name, the young man still jumped. His wide eyes went from Magnus to me and it took him a second to relax.
“Oh, sorry,” he said as he sat up. He carefully picked Willa up and cradled her against his chest.
Magnus put his hand on my back and sent me a nod before leaving me and Aleks alone. As I entered the room, Aleks said, “I just gave her a bottle and burped her. I hope that’s okay.”
I nodded. “Of course, thank you.”
Aleks shifted nervously. “She’s a really good baby,” he offered.
“She is,” I agreed. I couldn’t help but think he almost seemed reluctant to give her up. I couldn’t say I blamed him.
“You didn’t want to go to the birthday party?” I asked, more to give Aleks a few more minutes with Willa than anything else.
“Crowds aren’t really my thing,” he murmured. “I know I need to push myself a bit more, but a party for twelve seven-year-olds?” He smiled and shook his head.
I wasn’t sure what he’d meant by pushing himself more, but I suspected it had to do with his past. Knowing he’d gone through what Maggie had, but for even longer, broke my heart. But I knew he probably didn’t want my pity.
“I didn’t like those parties when I was seven,” I said. “So I hear ya.”
Aleks relaxed a bit more, then stepped forward and handed Willa to me. He looked a lot like his older brother, though he had short hair while Dante’s was long like Jace’s. I knew both brothers were of Brazilian descent, but that was all I really knew. I guessed Aleks to be a little older than me.
Willa gurgled and sent me a lopsided smile as I took her from Aleks. The tightness I’d been feeling in my chest eased.
“It’s incredible, isn’t it?” I whispered. “Those eyes…”
I shifted my gaze to Aleks and he nodded. “Makes everything else go away for a bit.”
“Yeah,” I said. “That’s it exactly.”
A look of sadness passed over Aleks’s features, but he masked it by dropping his eyes. “Well, I’ll leave you two alone.”
“Or you could stay,” I suggested. “I don’t know the first thing about kids and everyone’s always talking about how you have a way with them.”
Aleks seemed reluctant, but there was also something in his eyes that looked a lot like longing. He finally nodded. “If you’re sure,” he said.
I nodded. There was a minute or two of awkward silence as we got settled on the floor.
I held Willa while Aleks pretended to attack her with the panda, which had Willa making all sorts of cooing noises.
Our conversation was stilted at first, but by making Willa the focus of it, it got easier and easier, and as she fell asleep in my arms, we started talking about other things.
Simple things.
And as we talked, things began to fall in place and my mind felt less and less jumbled.