Chapter 9 - Knox #2
“Oh, good. I’m glad you found her. You won’t believe what just happened.
Some dude just wrapped his car around a pole and got himself killed.
He left the party, and people were saying he was wasted.
Bryce is freaking out that it’s going to get back to the police that it was his party he was leaving. ”
“Who was the guy?” I ask, gripping the phone tightly.
“Some guy named Todd. Guy wasn’t even from around here. Was on spring break with some of his friends.”
My brain tries to wrap around what he’s telling me.
He’s dead.
“I’ve got to go, Ben. Thanks for calling me earlier. I owe you one.”
I hang up before he can reply and walk back to Savi. Sitting down next to her, I notice the blood under her fingernails and the bruises starting to form on her thighs and arms. I suck in a painful breath and try to rein in the anger I feel towards this dead guy.
She’s what I need to focus on now…not him.
“That was my friend Ben on the phone. He was at the party you were at.” Her eyes lift to mine, and I see the worry in her eyes and shake my head.
“No one knows. I told him you weren’t feeling good and to tell Kylie I took you home.” I hesitate briefly, and she picks up on it.
“What is it?”
“Todd’s dead. He must have gotten in his car when we left and tried to drive home.
His car ended up wrapped around a pole. People are saying he was wasted, but after the hits he took…
” I don’t finish the sentence, but we both know the bloody state I left him in.
It would have been a miracle if he had been seeing straight after the blows I delivered.
She chews on her bottom lip as what I said sinks in.
“I’m not going to the police,” she finally says. “There’s no point now. If I mention what happened, they’ll start to question you, and I will not let you get in trouble over this. You just signed with the Devils. This could ruin…”
“I don’t fucking care about that,” I say, cutting her off and angry she’s even thinking about me when she’s all that matters. “This is your life we are talking about. You need to let them know what he did to you. At least get examined.”
“I’m sore, but I’ll heal,” she says, shaking her head. “The blood made it look worse than it was. It was my…it was my first time, so it’s normal. I can hide the bruises until they fade.”
“You can’t hide this from your family, Savi. The bruises will fade, but the real trauma is on the inside. You need to talk to someone, or it will eat you alive. Trust me…I know,” I say quietly.
“I will find a number to call and talk to someone. I see ads for help like this all the time. Just not my family. There’s nothing that can be done. It’s bad enough you had to see it. I won’t hurt them too,” she softly cries.
“Your brothers are going to take one look at you and know something is up,” I argue, trying to make her see reason.
“Then, I’ll tell them half the truth. I was at a party and drank too much. You pulled a guy off of me before anything happened. They will be pissed at me for going to the party in the first place and the drinking part, but it would make sense why I would be unsettled for a bit.”
“I won’t lie to your family, Savi. Miles is my best friend. I can’t keep this from him.”
“This is my choice, Knox, not yours,” she says with a conviction that has me lifting my head to meet her heated stare.
“Mine. I didn’t have a say in what happened to me tonight, but I need you to give me this.
Promise me you will keep this between us.
I want to forget tonight ever happened, and I want you to forget it too. ”
The fire in her eyes gives me hope that she’ll get through this. Anything is better than the fear I saw in them earlier. I couldn’t stop what happened to her, but I can give her this to hold on to and fight for.
“I promise,” I find myself saying, unable to deny her anything.
She sighs in relief like a weight has been lifted from her shoulders.
“But you have to promise me that if at anytime it gets too hard, you’ll tell them so they can help you. You have an amazing family, and they would want to help you.”
“If I can’t handle it on my own, I promise to tell them, and I know I have an amazing family. They would do anything for me just like I would do anything for them, which is why I want to protect them from this.”
“I get it,” I sigh. “I fucking hate it, but I would do the same damn thing if I were in your shoes to protect someone I loved.”
“Good. We agree,” she sniffs and wipes the tears away. “Do you mind if I use your shower and stay here for the night? My parents think I’m sleeping over at Kylie’s, and I really don’t want to face them right now. I need a night to pull myself together.”
“Sure. You can take my bed, and I’ll sleep on the couch. The bathroom is that way.” I point to the hallway off the living room. “I’ll lay out some fresh clothes for you on the bed. They will be big, but you’ll be more comfortable.”
“Thank you.” She gets up and walks slowly across the room. I can tell she’s trying to be brave, but she has to be in pain right now.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” I ask, wishing there were something more I could do. This feeling of helplessness is gutting me in two, and I have no clue how to make this better for her.
“I will be,” she says, turning and giving me a sad smile before walking away.
Getting up, I walk to my bedroom and lay out some gym shorts and a t-shirt for her. I turn back the covers and set a glass of water with two Motrin on the nightstand to help with the pain. As I’m walking past the bathroom, I hear faint sobbing over the sounds of the running water.
Every piece of me aches for the part of her that was taken away tonight, and it suddenly becomes too much as I sink to the floor with my back against the door.
Bowing my head, my shoulders start to shake as I let go. I haven’t let myself cry since my mom died. Not even my dad’s hurtful words caused me to shed a single tear. He wasn’t worth my tears, but Savi…she’s worth them all.
I feel her pain through the door, and I gladly take it on, hoping it might somehow ease hers.
“This is the first time we’ve talked about that night.
” She says suddenly, pulling me back to the present.
Her tears have finally stopped, and her eyes are red and swollen, but she’s still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.
It kills me inside that he still has the power to hurt her after all these years.
“You left the following week back to New York.”
After I dropped her off the next morning, we stuck to her story, and we never spoke of it again.
I came by every day to make sure she was okay, but she refused to talk about it whenever I would get her alone.
She would barely look me in the eye, and when she did, I was just a reminder of the worst night of her life.
After I left for New York, I distanced myself to give her space to heal, and this dark secret that bonded us became the one thing that tore us apart.
We became each other’s outlet for all this anger, hurt, and guilt we had built up inside.
It was easier to fight each other when we were together than to be reminded that it ever happened.
“We never spoke of it again because you asked me not to. I promised you a lot of things that night that I wish I hadn’t.
We should have told someone, Savi. You were too young to take that on alone.
” I untangle myself from her arms and get off the bed—suddenly too anxious to sit still.
We’ve buried a lot of things under the rug, and I need to get some things off my chest.
“Telling my family wouldn’t have changed a thing,” she quickly shakes her head. “He died that night and got his punishment. All it would have done was destroy my parents, and my brothers would have blamed themselves somehow. It would have ruined them. I just wanted it all to go away,” she whispers.
“And did it, Savi? Did it all just go away for you? Because I can tell you right now, it didn’t for me.
This secret has eaten me alive for eleven fucking years.
I downplayed the whole thing to my best friend because you asked me to.
Your brothers think I’m some fucking hero who saved their sister when all I did was help you hide the blood,” I choke out.
“Knox, don’t,” she cries.
“Don’t what? Tell you the fucking truth because it hurts too much?
” Now that the pain finally breaks the surface, I can’t control it as years of anguish come pouring out.
“Every time I’m on the ice, it’s his face that I see as my fists slam into an opponent.
Not even my father’s face haunts me anymore compared to the rage I still feel for the one who hurt you. ”
“You think you’re the only one who feels rage?
” She scrambles off the bed to get it in my face.
“I was raped, Knox. He took something from me that I will never get back. I lost a part of myself that day that, no matter how hard I try, I can’t get back.
” Her fists are clenched at her sides as blue eyes blaze with fire.
“All I want to do is erase the feel of his hands on me…erase how he felt inside me. I just…I want to be set free from him. If you truly want to help me like you said you do, then make me forget. Show me how it should be.”
She places her hand on my chest again, and I close my eyes so I don’t have to see what I know I don’t deserve in her gaze.
When I open them again and see traces of pain still there, I feel myself start to cave. All I want to do is make her happy. I may go to hell for touching something so pure, but I’ll gladly let my flesh burn if it means erasing him once and for all from her body.
“There are rules,” I say quietly, stepping closer as I finally give in to her.
“Okay,” she whispers, nodding her head.
“We go at my speed. I need to know you are ready and truly want this, or I’m out.”
“We can go slow,” she agrees, as her eyes slowly get their light back, as the pain from earlier is replaced with a touch of excitement when she realizes she’s getting her way.
I would be lying, though, if I didn’t want this just as much.
I just hope Miles will forgive me one day if he ever finds out I slept with his sister.
“One last thing.” I brace myself as I force the words out past the fear I have of ruining her.
“You can’t get attached to me, Savi. I will help you get over your fears, and you can use me while I’m here however you want, but I can’t give you more than that.
Once you are free, we go back to how things were before, and you find someone who can love you the way you deserve. ”
She chews on her bottom lip, and I already start to question my sanity as I watch those gorgeous lips stretch into a grin.
“Deal. So what’s next?” Her bright blue eyes look way too eager for my liking. I need to make sure she’s ready and not all talk, or I won’t feel right about this.
“Now we sleep.” I walk around her and start unbuttoning my shirt before throwing it on the chair by her bed.
“Sleep?” Her eyes take in my bare chest, and I can’t help but chuckle at her disappointed look as I sit down on the edge of the mattress and take off my shoes and socks.
“Yeah. You know, when you lie down and close your eyes.”
“I know what sleep is,” she rolls her eyes and crosses her arms over her chest. “I’m just surprised that’s all you want to do.”
“Oh, I definitely want to do more.” I unbuckle my pants and remove them so I’m only in black boxer briefs. Usually, I sleep naked, but there’s no way in hell I’ll take things slow if any part of her touches my bare dick. I’m already hard just from the way she is looking at me now.
“Eyes up here, sunshine.” They instantly blink up to mine. “I want you to be comfortable with my body next to yours, so we sleep tonight. Besides, you’ve had a rough night and need a good night’s sleep. I’ll stay awake and keep the monsters away.”
I get into bed, and she slides in next to me. She’s curled on her side facing me, and I can feel her eyes on me with this hesitation in the air before she breaks the silence.
“Who’s your monster?” Her soft voice pierces through the darkness, touching places I buried long ago. I should have known she would see past the anger I always carry to mask the pain I hide.
I stare up at the ceiling as the moonlight filters in, casting light onto the dark shadows in the room.
“My dad,” I say quietly, his name coming out before I can stop it.
“Maybe one day I can keep your monster away, too.” Her voice sounds sleepy as she scoots closer and lays her head on my chest. This intimacy is foreign to me as I struggle to keep my walls up and make sense of what I’m feeling.
My arm finally goes around her, and I hear her sigh as she burrows further into me.
I’m relieved when she doesn’t press me for more information about my past. I’m not ready to reveal that part of me to her, and I may never be ready. I’m not about to bring her anymore darkness to hold on to. She’s had enough of her own already. She doesn’t need mine too.
Her breathing evens out minutes later, letting me know she’s asleep.
Her body against mine sends a wave of calmness through me I’ve never felt before.
I’m usually tossing and turning all night, but it doesn’t take long before my eyelids start to get heavy.
I join her in a deep, peaceful sleep, and, for once, the dark shadows don’t come out to play.