3. Isabella
three
Isabella
Through the window of my father’s private jet, I watch the beauty of my home country and how small the infrastructure of the cities looks from the sky filled with clouds.
The last time I flew here was just a few months ago, and the man who broke my heart has done everything to distract me from the fear I had. My heart stings from the memories, and I distract myself and study the things I see through the small window of the jet.
When I first stepped on the plane, I thought I would be scared of what was coming, but I realized the pain I left New York with is bigger than the fear I have of my father and what he can do.
I lost my dreams and the life I wanted; I lost everything I ever thought had value. I failed in keeping the promise to my mother; I failed myself.
The car is waiting for me as soon as I land. My father isn’t the one who is waiting for me. Instead, I’m met with the friendly face of Pino.
As soon I’m in his arms, I exhale all the tension that followed me on my way back home.
“Hey, piccola. Everything is going to be fine. I promise,” Pino murmurs into my hair. “I sorted everything, and your father is so excited you are back.” I pull away from him, and he takes my cheeks between his palms, looking at me with the promise in his eyes. “We will make things work, as I promised. My promise since we were kids that I will always take your side and protect you hasn’t changed.”
I nod. If there were tears left, I would cry, but all my tears have been shed for the dream I lost. Now, I need to be strong if I’m back to live the life I ran away from.
Pino pulls me to his side and walks me toward the waiting car. “Your father isn’t the same man he was before. What happened to your mother and you running away aged him.”
We stop near the car, and I narrow my eyes at him. “He killed her because she wanted to leave him.”
He shakes his head. “You should talk to him about it.”
“There is nothing to talk about.” I shrug and get into the car, ready to be driven to my childhood home and the memories that haunt me.
I watch people through the window of the car as we pass the narrow streets of Calabria. I watch the trees and how the wind shakes their leaves. I watch every detail that passes us until we reach our destination.
Villa dell’Amore Eterno.
The place my father built for my mother. My father made sure that no matter the cost, she lived in luxury. That she had all the best things money could buy. He built this place with his own hands and with the help of just a few men. It took him several years, but it represented everything my father couldn’t say with his words. My mother understood him, understood the value and the effort he put in. The foundation of what this place represented.
The place where I thought happiness was. But the foundation this home was built on died with my mother.
I exit the car and look at the infrastructure of the house and the rose bushes around it that, due to the winter, don’t have any blooms.
I shiver and pull my coat closed, crossing my arms and trying to gain control of my feelings.
I will need to control myself, my emotions, and what I feel if I want to live this life.
And it starts now.
So, without a second thought, I walk toward the back door and open it. I walk the tight walkway to where I know I will find my father, the model of someone I need to be in order to live this life.
I reach the white stone pavilion with its pillars dressed in rose branches that, in summer, are blooming. From the inside, it is a paradise my father built; it was a pedestal for the love he showed to my mother every day.
At least, that’s how I remember it.
How my mother taught me.
The lean figure of my father with hair that used to be black and is now all silver is sitting in the same place he has for as long as I can remember, in the cushioned loveseat only he and my mother sat in. The fountain he’s facing is new, and when I take a good look at it, my heart skips a beat as I realize the statue at the top is of my mother.
And it’s almost as big as she would be in real life.
The statue is so realistic that I open and close my eyes a few times to understand it is just a statue.
“I never thought I would have to live without her. I was supposed to die before her. It’s my life that has always been in danger.” He shakes his head. “And at the end, the life screwed me up and took her away from me.”
I swallow the lump in my throat before speaking. “You are the only one responsible for that.”
“And it will haunt me until the day I die.” He whispers, his voice cracking.
My eyes narrow on the back of his head. He still hasn’t even looked at me. “Then you shouldn’t have killed her!” I snap at him.
He turns toward me. His tired green eyes plead with me. For what, I don’t know. “Is that what you think? That I killed her?” He closes his eyes and shakes his head slightly. He studies his hands as he speaks again. “Now I understand why you ran away.”
“And what exactly do you understand?”
“Why you couldn’t stay here.” He raises his brows, and this time his eyes demand my attention. “But it’s time we clarify what happened. It is time to put the past behind us and look forward to the future.”
“And how do you plan to do that?”
He pats the free space beside him. “Come here. There are things I need to tell you.”
I watch him carefully before I take measured steps toward him and sit in the space my mother used to sit in.
“I didn’t kill your mother.”
My eyes search his, and I open my mouth to argue with him because I was there. I heard what happened.
“Before you say anything, I would like to tell you everything. After that, you can say whatever is on your mind.” He takes my hand in his and covers it with the other. He watches our hands as he speaks. “I know it’s hard, but I promise everything will be clearer afterwards.”
I study his face. It has more wrinkles than I remember. He’s still handsome, and I understand why my mother fell in love with him. The scar on his chin reminds me that I used to trace it when I was a small child sitting in his lap.
I nod before I do something melancholic, like throw myself in his arms for the hugs I used to love so much. Hugs that made me feel safe.
He looks at me. “Your mother understood how this world worked. She knew who I was before I even took her on the first date. Even before I asked her out. Before she bewitched me with her smile and her laugh. Before she said yes and became my wife, she knew that one day, I would take over, and so would my children, and still, she vowed to be loyal to me. And she was. Until that day she tried to run away with you. She knew what the code of silence meant, and if you cross it, your destiny is death.” He leans back and focuses on the statue of my mother in front of us and smiles.
“When we got married, we were so happy. We lived for years together, discovering places, enjoying life, and dancing. Your mother loved dancing. She taught me how to dance so she could dance only with me. She refused to dance in another man's arms. The only time she did was on our wedding day. That was the day she swore never to dance with any other man again.”
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “After some years had passed, her motherly instinct awakened, and she was wondering why she hadn’t got pregnant. She thought the problem was her. She visited every doctor she could until it was my turn to do so. So, I went to see the doctor, and in the end, it was me who had a problem. I was diagnosed with prostate cancer and had no valuable semen to make her pregnant. I couldn’t face her. Days passed, and I was frustrated and felt guilty for not being able to make her dreams come true. When she made me face her, I broke, and it was her who pieced me back together. It was her who told me I’m important because I’m real and having kids didn’t matter more than our love.” His voice breaks, and he takes a few deep breaths before speaking.
“A couple of months later, I found this place. It was empty land with no properties nearby. I promised I would make up for not being able to give her children.
“I built this place with my own hands, just as I promised her. I made this place our haven. Years passed, and then a miracle happened, and you were born. When your mother found she was pregnant, she was almost six months gone. When her belly started to grow, she thought it was weight gain until you started to kick, and you kicked hard. You were a miracle.” He turns toward me and looks me in the eye. “You are our miracle, Isabella.” He squeezes my hand, and I’m so overwhelmed by this information I never knew.
He looks into the distance. “Everything was just fine until my father was killed and I took over. I worked hard for ‘Ndrangheta and for it to have a better future. One where we wouldn’t be arrested on every corner and placed in prison. Your mother and you were always in my heart, but the organization was always on my mind, and I tried to make decisions that were of equal good for both.
When I organized your marriage with Sabatini, I was sure it was a good match and that your future was secured. As a woman, you couldn’t take over. Sabatini was trained under me. I took him under my protection, and he owed it to me. I never knew how good a player he was, and that was my mistake. It’s the only regret I have that I will live with for the rest of my life. It was a mistake that cost me the most precious things in my life. Your mother didn’t want me to choose the organization over her. She made that decision for me. After she said she would love me for eternity, she pulled the gun from my jacket, placed it in her mouth, and pulled the trigger. I didn’t know how to tell you the truth, so I let you believe I killed her so you wouldn’t be more heartbroken that she left you. I chose to be the villain in the story.”
By the time he finishes, I can’t see through the tears in my eyes. Looks like there are still some tears left for me to shed.
I swallow and wipe away the tears under my eyes with my fingers. “You should have told me. Why did you make me believe in a lie? I hated you so much for killing her.”
“It was for the best. I’d rather you hated me than your mother.” He runs a hand over his face and continues. “After you ran away, I searched for you. However, not enough. I wanted you to have the life your mother wanted for you. I stopped the search because I didn’t want to bring you back to the life where you had to live in the lie. After Catalano contacted me, I needed to be sure you were safe. I did some investigating on him before we signed that alliance. I needed to be sure you were going to be safe with him, but I guess I was wrong. He didn’t take enough care of you. The demons he carries won.”
He turns toward me, his green eyes warm, giving me the comfort I so desperately need. “He didn’t deserve you, and I don’t think I will ever consider someone worthy enough of being your husband. I agreed with the proposition you and Pino came up with. He is a man of honor, and he swore his code of silence to me and ‘Ndrangheta. I agreed, even if I know you two are like brother and sister. However, I know he will die protecting you. How you live depends on you two.” He squeezes my hand before narrowing his eyes at me. “The wedding will be organized as soon as you receive your divorce papers. In the meantime, you both need to start learning about the business. As soon as possible.” He stands and starts walking toward the house, calling behind him, “Crash course starts today, Isa. I’m going to make the first Mafia Queen in ‘Ndrangheta.”