5. Chapter 4
Jolynn
“What happened, Jo?” Mom asked as I came back inside.
I sat back down in the chair and took a drink of my juice. “The boys hit a ball over the fence and broke Miss Jean’s window.” Tears flooded my eyes. “I don’t know how I’m going to pay her back for it.”
The house phone rang and my mom smiled as she answered it.
“Hello, Jean.” She gave me a wink and listened for a moment. “I understand. I’ll let her know.” Mom hung up and set the cordless handset down.
“Well?” I picked up my napkin and blew my nose.
“No charge. She said Harrison was working off his debt.”
“Them boys busted out our kitchen window a time or two, as I recall.” Dad said, coming into the kitchen for more coffee.
“Goodness.” Mom shook her head. “That was many years ago now. But Dad’s right. They sure did.”
“Miss Jean looked good.” I wiped the tears away and ignored my cell phone vibrating on the table.
“Once that son of a bitch got cancer a lot changed over there.” Dad leaned against the counter. “Jean even threw a party when he died.”
“No!” I laughed. “Really?”
“Sure did.” He nodded. “Her and the two boys built up a big ‘ol bonfire and burned his shit.”
“She needed that.” Mom nodded. “So did the boys. I do know it hurt her feelings that Cooper didn’t come home.”
“Could you blame him?” I thought back to the beatings I knew all of them sustained. “She’s lucky Jeremy and Richard stayed close.”
My dad chuckled. “Where’s Richie going?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I looked over at him.
“It means I still don’t understand why you left him.”
“Ed.” Mom turned and looked at him. “Let it be.”
The house phone rang again, and my mom answered it. “Hello.”
Her eyes closed slowly and she handed it to me.
Shit.
“Hello, John.”
“When you plannin’ to get your ass back home, Lynn?” My husband yelled through the phone.
“I’ll be home tomorrow.” I held my head up with my hand.
He grunted. “Yeah? Why you ignoring my calls?”
“I was outside with the boys.” The lie slipped off my tongue.
“Lynn, You know I don’t like when you take off. And you left me with nothing here. No food, no beer.” He growled. “That’s not upholding your vows.”
“No, John, I left you a roast in the crock-pot and there’s a case of beer beside the fridge.” I’m trying to keep my voice low enough that my parents can’t hear. Tears are filling my eyes, and my body trembles.
When I get home tomorrow, he’ll let me know exactly how pissed he is.
“Where’s my boys?”
“Still outside playing.”
“Why are you inside? You sitting on your fat ass while they’re outside alone?”
It finally hits me he’s drunk.
“Lynn. I asked you something.”
“I had to pee.” I grumbled out. “We’ll be home tomorrow.”
“You’ll be home tonight.” He screamed. “Don’t make me come get you.”
“Okay, John.” I pressed my lips together and rolled my eyes up, hoping to stop the tears. “We’ll see you later.”
“Don’t forget to stop at the damn store.” He disconnected the call, and I dropped my head to the table, bawling.
“Jolynn Whitman.” Mom scolded. “How long are you going to allow yourself to be treated this way?”
“You don’t get it, Mama!” I sat up. “If I leave, he’ll come after us. And I can’t take the chance that he’d hurt my children or you or even dad!”
“Jo …” Dad pushed away from the counter.
“No!” I yelled through the snot dripping down my lips. “He’s starting a new job and he’ll be better. He just gets this way when he’s out of work.”
“Jolynn …” Mom started.
I get up from the table. “Sorry, I can’t do this today.” Shaking my head, I gather up the boy’s things. “I’ll see you later.”
“Jolynn, your mama’s got cancer.” Dad yelled as I left the room.
I stopped in the small hallway and slammed my head against the wall. “How long?” When neither of my parents answered, I rolled around the corner and looked between them. “How. Long?”
“We don’t know yet.” Mom wiped tears from her wrinkled face.
“Keep me posted and I will do what I can when I can.”
She got up and came over, wrapping her arms around me. “I love you, baby girl.”
“I love you too, Mama.” I hugged her back, and we cried on each other’s shoulder.
2 years later
Jolynn
He quit his job. Again. I can’t even fathom what he was thinking, or forget he did this six months ago. And three months before that.
I slammed the spatula down and stormed over to the fridge. As I yanked the door open, the top shelf decided that was the perfect time to come off and a jar of grape jam dropped on my foot.
“Shit!” I lifted my leg and gave my foot a shake, trying to make the pain go away as the baby inside me kicked hard.
Letting go of the door, I rub my belly absent mindedly.
“Mom!” Grady yelled from across the house. “Harrison keeps stepping on my head!”
“Grady won’t get his head off my pillow!”
I felt my nostrils flare as I turned my head to look at the one cup of coffee I was allowed per day and debate drinking it.
“I hungry.”
“It’s I’m, baby.”
“I.” Tyler growled like a tiger.
“I’m.” I tried to smile at him. We’d been working with a speech therapist and he’s just so headstrong.
“Hungry now.”
“What do you say?”
“NOW!” Tyler yelled, running in circles around the kitchen table.
The baby wailed, reminding me she’s there, and I felt my eyes filling with tears.
How the hell am I going to keep up with five kids when I feel overrun by four?
The baby crawled towards me, screaming louder now. The kids in the bedroom sounded like they were in a cage match and the one running around the table just tripped on a chair leg and went sprawling on the floor.
Fuck my life.
I dropped to sit in the nearest chair as John loomed in the doorway. “This what you do all day? Sit around, letting the kids get hurt and the baby scream?”
“No, it’s not.” I ground my teeth as my skin crawled.
Tyler scrambled up and ran from the kitchen.
“Well, maybe if you weren’t lazy.” He mocked me.
“John, I am doing the best I can.”
He bent over and picked up the baby, then stepped over to me and squeezed my cheeks in his hand. “You runnin’ your mouth like that, Lynn, is gonna piss me off.”
“Um, thowwy.”
“You better be, bitch.” He let go of my face and shoved the baby into my arms. “Now take care of our daughter and make her stop screamin’.”
I scanned the table and found a pacifier. Stretching to reach it, I popped it into Briar’s mouth, bouncing her gently. “Shh, now, we don’t want daddy mad.”
“What’s that?” He turned back towards me. “You talkin’ shit on me to my kids?”
Each footfall makes me brace for impact. And I leaned over Briar to protect her and my belly. His meaty hand grabs the back of my neck and shoves my head down to the table.
“The fuck is your problem, Lynn?”
“Nothing.”
“That’s not what I heard.” He lifted my head and slammed it down again.
I adjusted myself and slid Briar down to the floor, under the table where I knew she’d be mad, but safe.
The house phone rang, and his grip tightened.
“That god damn phone rings all the time.” He yanked my head up. “Who do you have callin’ you, Jolynn?”
Try bill collectors who want their money, but we don’t have it because your lazy, dumb ass refuses to work!
Even though my mind screamed to say what I thought I said. “It’s for the school and my parents.”
His hand slid up into my hair, and he yanked me to my feet. “You got another man calling?”
“No.”
“You cheating on me?”
“NO!” I yelled in his face, feeling satisfied, but braced for the repercussion.
His free hand came up and flew across my face. “Bitch, don’t you yell at me!”
John let go of my neck and that hand came across my face the other way before he turned and grabbed the phone.
“Hello? … yeah, she’s here.” He grumped into the receiver and held it out to me.
“Hello?” I heard my voice tremble and looked up at John. His eyes narrowed and the next words barely register.
“Mom’s not doing well, sugar.” My dad’s soft voice fills my ear.
Tears trickled down my cheeks. “What did the doctor say?”
“It won’t be long.” He choked on a sob. “I’m meeting with hospice later today.”
“Oh, Daddy.” I dropped my voice low. “I wish I could be there.”
“You ready, yet?”
I knew what my dad was asking, and I shocked myself as I answered. “Yes.”
His voice was barely audible. “I’m sending something so you load up my grandbabies and come home.”
I cleared my throat. “John’s off work and he needs me here.”
“I knew somethin’ ain’t right.”
I stayed silent and watched my husband pace the kitchen like a caged animal.
“Is he as mean a S. O. B?” My dad’s voice gets gruff. “Like Parks?”
“Yeah. A lot of parks.”
John ripped the phone from the wall and whipped me with the cord. “What the fuck are you saying?”
“Johnny! Stop!”
“I told you, bitch, you don’t tell me what to do!” He slammed the phone into my head, dropping me to my knees.
Throwing it to the floor, he stomped out of the room, and I crawled over to the table to help myself stand and then waddled to the bathroom.
Johnny’s been drinking all day and since this wasn’t his first outburst, the boys went outside as soon as the yelling began. I check under the table and when I don’t see the baby; I breathe a sigh of relief.
Looking around the small house, my heart fell. I’m over this house. With the heat that doesn’t work right in the winter. The window units that can’t keep up in the summer. The flooring was trashed and cracking. We couldn’t use one bathroom because of plumbing issues.
I’m done with being beaten and seeing my boys hurt.
I couldn’t suggest or ask John to fix anything, and with his stellar work history, there’s no money to call anyone out to fix it.
Going home to my parents felt like a failure.
Then again, this doesn’t feel like winning.
My mom’s dying. She needed me there with her. I missed her and my dad. Hell, I even missed living in Port Stella.
I wished I’d never left, but I did and now it’s time to shit or get off the pot.
My cell phone vibrated on the bathroom counter. It’s a message from my dad letting me know there’s enough to come home.
Home was only two hours away and I couldn’t afford the gas to get there. My mind spun as I wandered through the house. I needed to find the title for the van. It’s been in my name since Johnny got his fourth DUI and we thought it was best.
The small box under the bed also held the kids’ birth certificates, social security cards, and immunization records. I tucked them safely in my purse, then grabbed a small bag and put some clothes inside for me.
A loud snore from the living room made me jump, but then I knew I had some time to get things done. I grabbed a bag and packed what I needed for Briar, walking it casually to the van, and then did the same for each of my boys.
I was six months along with this one, another girl. My mom’s name is Emma. I think that would be a fitting name. Then I needed to get my tubes tied. Five is enough. And even though being a single mom scares me, I have to do this.
My kids deserve better. I deserve better.
“Hey!” Johnny yelled, his voice echoing in the house. “Where the fuck are you?”
Stepping out of the baby’s room, I looked at him. “Cleaning.”
“Okay. That doesn’t answer where you were.”
I use both arms in a sweeping motion towards her room.
“You don’t need to be a smart ass, Lynn.”
Ugh. I hate being called Lynn.
“Did you need something?”
“Yeah. Get my overnight bag packed. Chris called. We’re going to a baggin’ tournament.”
If ever I needed a sign from the universe that I was doing the right thing, here it is.
“Sure, baby. When are you headin’ out?”
“When he gets here. Why are you grillin’ me?”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
I headed to our room, packed his bag, and sent my dad a text.
He’s leaving to go bag overnight.
Good deal. Money is there for you. See you tonight.
This is it. I was going home.