7. Chapter 6
Jolynn
“Mama, you laughing!” Grady smiled
“Yes, I am.”
Has it been that long since I’ve laughed?
“Richard was always a good guy.” My dad walked past, holding Emma.
“I know, dad.”
“Is he gonna fix our van?” Harrison asked as he cleaned his glasses.
I nodded at him. “He is going to check it out and see what’s wrong with it.”
“Can we watch a movie?” Tyler bounced up and down.
“Let’s watch a movie.” With a nod of my head, I got the boys set up with a movie and snacks, then I joined my dad in the kitchen for a late lunch. “Emma asleep?”
“Sure is. So is Briar.” He took a sip of his diet soda.
“Good.” I relaxed. “Maybe then neither of them will be crabby tonight at the fair.”
Dad’s head tilted as he looked me over. “Think he’ll have your van done?”
My shoulder lifted in a shrug. “Even if he doesn’t, he invited me and the kids to go.”
A slow smile spread across his face. “Mm. I see.”
“What? What do you see?” I narrowed my eyes at him.
“Nothing.” The smile grew as he shook his head.
“Dad.” I laughed. “What?”
“I always thought you and Richard would get married.” He set his fork down. “I never understood why you broke up with him and left.”
I choked on my water.
“From where I sat, If you would’ve told him about the baby, I bet he would’ve done the right thing.”
“Dad.” I felt the tears in my eyes well up and spill over. “He made it clear he didn’t want kids. At. All.” I wiped up my mess and looked at my dad. “And I was so sure there was something bigger and better out there.”
“How’d that work out for ya’?” He chuffed.
“Like shit.” I rubbed my face. “Dad, I swear. At first, Johnny was good to me. He was kind and sweet. Then, little by little, things changed. I swear I didn’t see it.”
He nodded and scratched his scruff. “With men like him, you never do. You know if you ever need someone who gets it, you could talk to Jean. She’d understand.”
“I know she would.” I sat back in my chair. “But I broke her son’s heart.”
“Jean knew something was up. She never hated you, or said a mean thing about you.”
“She was too good for Gary.”
“Yeah, she was.” He drifted off in thought. “He was a son of a bitch.”
I looked out the window and saw the old treehouse in the backyard at their place. That was the safe-haven all three boys hid in when their dad was on a rampage. There were even nights the boys camped in it.
“Did he ever get better?”
“When he got sick, that slowed him down.”
“Why did she stay?”
“Well, you’d have to ask her.” Dad nodded and got up from the table. “All I know is she managed to raise three men who are nothing like their father.”
I looked back out the window and saw Miss Jean watering her flowers. “I think I will.” Standing up, I smiled at Dad. “You mind watching the kids for a few?”
“Nope.” He popped another chip into his mouth.
I slipped out the side door to the garage and walked across the yard to the fence. “Hey Miss Jean!”
“Well hello there, Jo.” She stopped the hose. “How’s your day going?”
“My van died. My ex won’t stop calling. And Richard didn’t know I was home.”
She smiled. “He didn’t?”
“You knew I was home.” I leaned on the fence.
“Why don’t you come on over and we’ll sit in the cool house with a glass of lemonade.”
“Homemade?”
“Is there any other kind?” She dropped the hose and walked towards her garage.
I strolled back towards the house and went through my garage. The gentle breeze fluttered my hair, and I got a whiff of myself.
Breast milk, peanut butter, and B.O.
“That’s attractive, Jo.” I chuckled to myself.
Note to self: take a shower before Richard picks us up.
I walked through the yards to get to their house and as I rounded the corner of their house, Petey and Sophie ran over greeting me.
“Bawrooo.” The half husky girl did a dance for me.
“Hello to you too, Sophie.”
I paused, petting them both, and then they led me into the garage to the door leading into the mudroom.
Miss Jean sat at the table with two tall glasses of lemonade and a small plate of cookies. “Have a seat for a few.”
I sat down and looked around awkwardly feeling like I forgot something.
“When you get used to the little ones being around, it’s weird being alone.” She took a sip of her drink.
I let out a sigh and sat back. “It really is.”
She reached for a cookie and let me sit in the silence. After a minute passed by, I twisted my lips and looked at her.
“Jolynn. I held you as an infant. I know your moods. Spit it out.”
“You stayed.”
Jean nodded. “I did.”
“Why?” I choked back a sob. “Was I supposed to stay?”
“Oh, sweetheart, my choices don’t compare to your choices.” She reached for my hand. “I stayed because as a kid I watched my mama go through the same. Only we moved all the time. My dad couldn’t hold down a job. And Gary did. A damn good job no less.”
“John wouldn’t keep a job.” I sniffled. “He would spend money and complain when there wasn’t enough food or beer.”
“And you made it work.” She nodded.
“He would get better.” I shrugged.
She laughed. “And then he’d get worse. That’s the cycle.”
“Why don’t you hate me?” The tears streamed down my face.
“For loving my son?” Jean got up and came over to me. “You didn’t leave because you didn’t love him. You had your reasons.” She wrapped her arms around me, letting me cry. “I know you miss your mama.”
“So much, Miss Jean.” Snot collected on her shoulder. “I should’ve left so long ago, but I was scared.”
“If he was anything like Gary, you knew it wasn’t an idle threat.” She stroked my greasy hair. “You do what you have to just to survive.”
“The past six months have been so crazy.” I sat up. “I can’t find a job. No one wants to hire someone with no work experience and no diploma.”
“You didn’t finish school?” She used her thumbs to wipe my tears away.
“No. Being pregnant and in school didn’t work well.” I shuddered out a breath. “Then we got married and fuck!” I slapped a hand over my mouth.
Miss Jean threw her head back in laughter. “Sweet girl, it’s nothing I’ve never heard before.”
Moving my hand, I joined her in laughing and for the first time since I left John; I felt like I was going to be okay.
“Thank you for this.”
“Anytime.” She smiled. “I’m proud of you for being strong enough to leave.”
Tears dripped down my cheeks.
“And I know your dad is, too. So was your mama.” She took my hand and patted it. “You’re going to be fine. You’ll see.”
I nodded. “Thanks.”
Her house phone rang, and she got up, walking around the table to answer it. “Hello. Oh, hello Richie.” She giggled. “What do you mean?”
She turned towards me, and her eyes twinkled. “Well, I think that’s a fabulous idea.” She paused and rolled her eyes. “I can do that. Bye-bye.”
Hanging up the receiver, she tilted her head. “You probably should get back and get a shower while the kids are occupied.”
“Did he tell you he invited us to the fair?”
“He did.” She smiled. “I’m sure you’ll all have a wonderful time.”
I drained my glass of lemonade and put it in the sink before heading back out through the mudroom and reversing my path to get home.
My feet felt lighter, and I didn’t feel like I carried such a heavy load anymore. Richard crossed my mind, and I groaned.
Fuck. Me. He was so handsome. Thick muscled arms, broad chest, neatly trimmed beard.
I never stopped loving him.
But your dumb ass sure made sure he’d forget about you.
I shouldn’t have left all those years ago, but I can’t change that now. It’s time to focus on the future.
When I entered the house, I could hear the TV but nothing else. Walking through the kitchen into the living room, I saw all three boys asleep and my dad snoozing in his favorite spot on the couch.
I jogged through and up the stairs to my room. It was time to shower, shave my legs, and get everything ready for tonight.
Briar and Emma slept through my grooming session, allowing me ample time to do something with my hair.
I added a little mascara and a touch of lip-gloss before donning my favorite jean shorts and sleeveless plaid shirt. Turning this way and that, I scrutinized the reflection in the mirror.
I’m not as skinny as I was in high school, but right now I felt pretty.
When’s the last time you felt pretty? I frowned in the mirror at the words my brain felt the need to ask.
“Too damn long.”
“What’s too damn long, mama?” Harrison came up and ducked under my arm.
“Don’t say that word.” I looked down into his chubby face, with his glasses on crooked.
“You did.”
I frowned at my son. “I know. But it’s an adult word, and I want you to choose better words.”
“You look pretty.” He smiled up at me.
“Thanks.” I cupped his face and pressed a kiss to his nose.
“Where ya’ goin’?”
“We’re going to the fair, baby.” As the words left my mouth, I watched amazement flow across his face.
“Really?” His eyes were round saucers.
“Really.”
He whooped and ran downstairs to wake his brothers up. Their collective celebration woke the girls up and I went into our room to soothe them.
When was the last time the kids were able to be excited without being told to shut up?
“Boys ‘creamin!” Briar covered her ears.
“I know. They’re excited to go to the fair tonight.”
“We go too?” She pointed at herself.
“We’re all going.” I bent over the crib and lifted Emma out. “Even you, little miss.”
She yawned in my face and then put her head on my shoulder.
Briar went over to the closet and pulled something out, bringing it to me. “Dis un.”
My daughter chose a full skirted princess dress to go to a carnival. “Briar, let’s find shorts …”
“No! No! No!”
“Pinsess.” She slammed her hand on her chest.
Pick your battles, mama.
“Okay.” I nodded. “You can wear that.” I bent over and sat Emma on the floor while I went to get her an outfit, and I found one my mom picked for her before she passed. “Oh, Emma, I think you’ll be so cute in this!”
I turned and sat on the floor to change her diaper and clothes when the boys made their way upstairs.
“Should we get changed?” Harrison’s smile filled my heart.
“Yep. Clean shorts, shirts and underwear.” I pulled the onesie off Emma as they went across the hall to get dressed.
My mom loved the color yellow, and she found a jumper with daisies all over it for my sweet chunky monkey.
Out of five kids, Emma was the only one who got my strawberry blond hair. The boys and Briar had dark hair. All six of us had blue eyes. I don’t know how that happened, but I was thankful for it.
None of the five had any traits in common with John, and if it killed me, I wanted to raise boys into men who respected women.
Miss Jean served as a reminder that not all boys turn out like their fathers.
Once Emma was ready, I turned my attention to Briar. She squiggled and squirmed as I got her into the dress and then she brought over clean princess panties.
This one had no use for diapers or pull-ups. She informed me one day she was a big girl. That suited me fine.
Sparkly shoes and a tiara completed her look, and we went downstairs. We had thirty minutes before Richie would be here for us.
And my stomach pitched in excitement.
I let Emma play on the floor while I packed the diaper bag, planning for any emergency. Got my wallet from my purse and chucked that into the bag along with some goldfish crackers and back-up bottle with formula.
“He’s here!” Tyler screamed, making me jump and hold on to the wall in the hallway.
Where’s the stroller?
I ran back upstairs to get my shoes and the stroller and take one last look in the mirror.
I heard the front door open and, like so many nights in my past, my dad called upstairs. “Jojo. Richard’s here.”
The stroller was nowhere to be seen, and I shrugged it off.
I can carry Emma all night.
“Ready or not.” I slipped into my comfy sandals and went down the stairs, where Richard stood with a small bouquet. His hair was still wet from a shower, and he made jeans and a tee look damn good.
“Hey, Richie.”
“Hi, Jo.” He flashed me a big smile.
“Did you get our mama flowers?” Harrison crossed his arms, staring at Richie.
“Well, not just her.” Richard looked at him. “These I picked for her.” He handed me the bouquet. “Then these …” He showed two smaller bouquets. “Are for your sisters.”
Tyler shook his head. “Briar and Emma are too small for flowers.”
“I don’t think so.” He gave an easy shrug. “See, my mama told me it’s just good manners to bring a gift for the ladies of the house.”
Harrison tipped his head and stroked a non-existent beard. “That does sound like good manners.”
“My mama knows all kinds of things. When she tells me to be a gentleman and bring flowers, I do as she says.”
“I should put them in water.” I offered, trying not to trip on my feet. “The girls’ flowers too.”
Richard handed them to me and stood there looking nervous.
“Boys, get ready to load up.” I called over my shoulder and heard movement.
“Okay, mom!” They all answered.
“C’mon, boys. I’ll help get you in the van.” He looked back at me. “Can I help with the girls?”
“How about you take the diaper bag and I’ll be out with the girls?”
“Okie dokie.” He rocked back on his heels and picked up the bag before heading out to the car.
I got the flowers in a vase and then gathered the girls up. Looking around, I couldn’t find Briar’s car seat, so I went outside to the van parked in the driveway and saw it on the second row seating.
“I thought I’d get her seat buckled in for you.”
“Thanks.” I smiled and sat her in the seat, belting her in.
My prickly pear, Briar, walked over to Richard and held her arms up. “Up.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He scooped her up and walked around the van, getting her into her seat and buckling her in. “Oh, Jo, I grabbed your stroller from the other van.”
“You?” I felt like I couldn’t breathe. “Thank you.”
In one day, Richard did more for me than John did in ten years of marriage.
He closed the door and came back around, opening my door. “Your carriage.”
I slid into my seat, and he closed my door before getting into the driver’s seat. He started it up and the engine purred to life.
“Here we go!” Richard announced and turned on the radio.
The boys mumbled along, and he encouraged them to sing. Before long, we were all singing and laughing, and I can’t remember the last time we all had this much fun.
I have to stop comparing him to Johnny
Richard wasn’t angry while we waited to park. Once we were directed to our spot, he helped get the kids out and let Tyler ride on his shoulders. Grady reached out and took his hand. I had the girls in the stroller and as we walked up to the ticket booth, Harrison held on to the stroller.
Once there, he bought special passes to ride all the rides, and then we entered the fairgrounds.
My boys were ooing and ahing over everything. And I was very aware of Richard standing so close to me.
“Food or rides?” He smiled at me.
“How many rides are we allowed on?” Harrison looked up at Richard.
He motioned for him to hold out his arm as he affixed a bracelet to it, then he put one on Grady. “These bands make it so you boys can ride as many rides as you want while we’re here.”
“Hold up,” Grady put up a hand. “This band.” He pointed to his wrist. “Will get me on everything?” he pointed to the big bumper car arena. “Even those?”
“Yes, sir.” Richard lifted Tyler off his shoulders. “But we’re going to need help.”
“Help?” Tyler laughed.
“Yeah. Help.” Richard waved at two men walking our way. “Boys, this is my brother Jeremy and his friend Andrew.”
“Drew?” My jaw falls open.
“Oh, my God! Jo!” He took two big steps and then pulled me into a hug. “You look gorgeous!”
“Mama?” Grady tugged my shorts. “Does you know him?”
“I do. We were in the same grade.”
Harrison gave the two boys a nod, and they all waved at the new arrivals.
“Now we can team up and each boy has an adult with them and an adult with the girls.” He smiled at me. “I hope you’re okay with my plan, Jo. I just wanted to make things easy for tonight so we all could have fun.”
Don’t you dare cry.
I shook my head. “I don’t mind. Thank you.”
“What rides do you want to ride?” He gave me a look as he handed out the other bands, and my heart sped up.
“Honestly?” I laughed. “None. I’m in it for the food.”
“Then food you shall have.” He bowed. “Come boys, let’s find a suitable place for your mom to sit with the girls. We’ll bring her some food and then we can start riding the rides!”
My boys cheered and went off with the men. Briar and Emma bounced in the stroller, having a good time people watching as long as no one came too close.
When they returned, they had some of everything. My boys have ketchup and I think chocolate all over their faces.
Grady and Tyler gave me sloppy kisses and Richard handed me a lemon shake-up.
“You remembered?” Butterflies filled my stomach as he nodded.
“Of course.” He shrugged. “Let me see your phone.”
“Why?”
“So I can put my number in. That way, you can call me.”
“Do you have a different number from when we were kids?”
He shook his head.
“Then I still have it.”
A small half smile surfaced on his lips, and he held his hand out. “Who’s ready to ride something?”
I watched as the three grown men took my boys to have fun.