9. Chapter 8
Jolynn
“I’m sorry Mrs. Evans. Some of the things your son told me in this therapy session require me to call DCF.”
I swiped the tear that fell from my cheek. “Don’t be sorry. I understand.” I needed to swallow but can’t, and my heart raced as I tried not to break down in sobs. “You ready to head out, Harrison?”
“Yep.” He gave me a huge smile and, for the first time since he was a baby, I saw peace on his face.
He wrapped his arms around my neck. “Are you mad at me, Mama?”
“Of course not. You told the truth and the things you shared that your dad did are not okay. I’m sorry …” Tears streamed down my face as I embraced him back. “I failed you and your brothers and your sisters.”
His hands patted my back. “No, you didn’t. You protected us the best you could.”
Those words made me sob harder.
“Harrison, could I talk with your mom for a moment? Woman to woman?” Claire’s soft voice invaded my internal battering.
“Okay, Miss Claire.” My son kissed my cheek and left the room, skipping.
She tilted her head, and her face grew serious. “Jolynn?”
I nodded and reached for some tissue to clean my face and blow my nose.
“Jolynn, you survived.” Her voice stayed soft but had a firmness to it. “You could still be there, but you left, and I know that was hard to do.”
“Why?” I threw my hands up. “What the hell made me stay? What made me think I deserved that? That I’d never get anything better? That my life was what I deserved?”
“Are you wanting the truth or something to ease you into the truth?”
I gasped and remembered she knew my secret. In a dark moment after I first left John, I told her why I left Port Stella.
“Did Harrison mention we went to the fair a couple days ago?”
“He did.” She beamed. “He also told me how cool Richard was and his brothers. And that he felt a tiny bit of guilt because he pretended that was his dad.”
“Oh.” My eyes flew open.
“He said his brothers did the same. And when an accident happened, there was no anger or yelling. Your boys are very taken with him. In my sessions with them, both Grady and Tyler wouldn’t stop talking about him and the fair.”
“They just met him.” I blew my nose again.
Claire gave me an easy shrug. “Kids and pets usually know the good ones.” Her lips twisted. “I bet if you tell him, your guilt will go away.”
“Walking with him, seeing him with the kids … He …” I slammed a hand over my mouth to quiet the sobs.
“Do you still love him?”
I nodded. “Claire, I never stopped.”
“If he’s half the man your boys talked about, and you’ve shared about, maybe it’s time to forgive yourself?”
My head bobbed. “Maybe. For now, I’m going to have some time with my oldest.”
“Enjoy your day. I’ll see you next week.” She slipped her glasses on, and her fingers flew over the keyboard as she typed.
I left the room and found Harrison drawing a picture in the lobby.
“What should we do next?” I looked over his shoulder to see a car with flames on the side.
“You said you needed to check on our van.” He sat back. “And I can give Richard this drawing.”
“We can do that.” I ruffled his hair. “We can’t keep driving this one.”
“Why not? It’s nicer.”
I barked out a laugh. “It’s not ours.”
“Oh.”
“How about if we call in some lunch and take it to Richard as a thank you for letting us use this van? Then we can also check on ours.”
“Sounds good.” He nodded and got up from the small table with his drawing.
I called the diner and ordered lunch for us before driving to get it. My son sang with the radio and my heart felt lighter than it had in years.
Maybe now Harrison won’t have so much anxiety. Between therapy and our new life, he bloomed.
“Mom? When we get to the restaurant, can I go in and pay?”
“Sure, Sweetie.”
“Thanks.”
I found the closest parking spot, gave him money, and let him go inside. While I waited for him to come back out, my phone rang.
“Hello.”
“I want to talk to my kids.” Hearing John’s voice made every muscle in my body tense up.
Take a deep breath. Be firm.
“Your kids aren’t available.”
Not to mention you haven’t called in over two months.
“Where the hell are they?” His voice grew louder.
“They’re spending time with their grandfather.”
“Oh. They can spend time with him, but not me?” The sneer I felt from his words made me shiver.
“Johnny, you can spend time with them on your days at the appointed times.”
“I’m the fucking father! I should be able to see my kids when I fuckin’ want. This won’t stand. Nobody is going to keep me from my kids.” He growled. “And since when did you get all high and mighty talkin’ back to me? Huh?”
I took another deep breath and saw Harrison walking towards the van. “You can call back later to talk to the kids.”
“God damn it, Lynn!”
Smiling at my son, I disconnected the call and put my phone into my purse.
That felt so good to do.
Harrison opened the back door, set the food in, and then pushed the automatic close button. I heard his laughter outside the van before he opened the door to get inside. “That’s so cool.”
“Yes. Yes it is.” I laughed with him.
He reached for my hand and held it while I drove. “Mom?”
“Yeah, Sweetie?”
“Do you like Richard?”
“That’s an odd question.” I glanced over at him and then back on the road. “Of course. He’s my friend.”
“Um. Do you like him more than you like dad?”
I stopped for a red light and looked over at my son. This was my firstborn asking me this bizarre question.
But was it really bizarre?
“What makes you ask that?”
“I know you and dad don’t like each other, and we don’t have to live with him anymore.” He took his hand back and fidgeted with his fingers. “But me an’ the others talked and we like Richard.”
“Oh. Well, your father and I aren’t divorced yet.”
He nodded as I turned away to drive. “But maybe we could ask Richard to wait until you are?”
Did I hear him right?
Before I could answer, Harrison pushed on. “Is it my fault that dad was mean?”
“Oh baby. No.” I reached over and took his hand. “This is something between me and daddy. And you kids got stuck in the mess.”
He bobbed his head as he stared out the window. I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and drove the rest of the way in silence. Pulling into the parking lot for the garage, I saw Olivia’s Mustang, Richie’s old truck and a fancy old muscle car that I thought was hot, but I didn’t know what it was.
“Want me to get the food?” I asked as my son gaped at the cars. He nodded and got out of the van, walking over to the mustang.
“She’s a beaut! Right?” A man’s voice called out.
Harrison pulled his hands away and looked at the ground. “I wasn’t touching it, mister.”
“Hell, kid.” The man walked closer, and I realized it was Cooper. “You can touch Ophelia.”
“Who’s Opeeleeya?”
“Ophelia. That’s the car’s name. I’m sure O won’t mind.” He smiled at me. “Hey, Jo.”
“Hey, Coop.”
Harrison’s eyes almost bugged out of his head. “I’ve never seen a car this color before.”
“Hey, Harrison!” Richard wiped his hands as he walked over. “You like the car?”
“It’s so cool looking.”
“That she is.” He smiled at me, and my heart filled with butterflies. “This car is special.”
“It is?”
“Yep. Mr. Joe taught us how to rebuild her from the ground up. And his daughter was in on the build. She did most of the work.”
“A girl did this?” Harrison’s eyes popped open wide.
“I sure did.” Olivia walked up. “You must be Harrison. I’m Libby.”
“I like your car.”
“Thank you. Tell you what, maybe later I can take you for a ride in her.”
“Really? That’d be sick.”
“Sick?” Her nose scrunched up.
“Oh, you must be old. That means cool.” He offered.
Everyone laughed and Richard came over to me. “Hello.”
His deep voice reached into my soul, and I smiled at him. “Hello.”
“What brings you here?”
“We brought you lunch.” Harrison came over.
“Really?” Richard smiled and, like a sunflower, I followed his warmth.
“I hope I still remember what you like.” I felt like a silly school girl with a crush.
“Anything you brought me is fine.”
Harrison opened the back door, and Richie reached for the sack and motioned for us to follow him.
“We didn’t interrupt anything, did we?”
“Not at all.”
I looked back and saw Cooper open his mouth to talk to Olivia. She held her hand up and walked away.
“Did Cooper piss off Libby?”
Richard busted out laughing. “I’ll fill you in later.”
“Will your boss be mad that we’re here?” Harrison asked, taking Richard’s free hand in his.
“Nah.” Richard beamed at him. “It’s all good.”
He took us to a break room and then went to wash his hands. Harrison took the spot beside him and did the same while I set everyone’s food out.
They came over and we all tucked into eating when my phone rang again. I reached into my purse and saw it was John. Setting it on the table screen side down, it stopped the ringing.
Thirty seconds later it rang again, and Harrison, being curious, picked it up and hit the button, putting his dad’s face on the screen.
“Harrison.” John’s voice filled the room.
“H … Hi, dad.” My son deflated. Harrison looked at me and I nodded, letting him know he’s okay.
“Who are you looking at?” John grumbled.
“No … no one.” He shook his head.
“How are you doing?”
“I’m okay.” He looked at me again.
“Who. Are. You. Looking. At?” John’s voice escalated.
“No one.” My son shook in his seat.
“I’m trying to talk to you. Who the fuck are you looking at?” John’s voice rose again.
Harrison shook his head. “No one.”
“Last time I talked to you, you got in some trouble. What for?”
The last time he called was two months ago. Why was he bringing that up now?
“I guess I was mad.” Harrison shifted his gaze to Richard.
“Mad about what? God dammit! Who the fuck are you looking at?”
Richard reached over and tapped the end call button. “There ya go, now you can eat.”
Harrison’s mouth dropped open, and he stared at Richie in shock.
My phone rang again, and I answered it, knowing full well if I didn’t, I’ll never hear the end of it.
“Yes, John.”
“Who the fuck hung up on …”
“It doesn’t matter.”
Stay firm.
“The fuck it don’t, Lynn.”
Richard nudged Harrison, gave him a smile and then reached over, taking the phone from my hand.
He turned the phone so that John could see his face.
“Who the fuck are you?” He growled through gritted teeth.
Richard
“First off, watch your mouth. There’s no need for you to be cussin’ at Jo and Harrison.”
“I asked who the fuck you were.”
“I’m well aware, and I’m not going to fight with you on the phone. I’m telling you now. As long as I’m around, you will not yell nor cuss at that young man or his siblings. And you will not speak to Jo that way.”
“I’m her fuckin’ husband.”
“No. You are her soon to be ex.”
“Who do you think you are?”
“I’m her best friend.”
“Well, I …”
“No. You’re done. When you can watch your mouth, then call back. Next time you call and yell at her, you’ll be reported for harassment.”
I disconnected the call and set the phone aside. “Where’d Harrison go?”
Jo pointed under the table.
Leaning down, I looked under the table and saw him curled up in a ball. I pushed my chair back, got on the floor, and joined him. “C’mere little man.”
Harrison lifted his head, wiped his nose on his arm, and crawled into my lap. I wrapped my arms around him and let him cry. When his sobs slowed, I brushed his hair aside and murmured in his ear. “I know how you feel. My daddy was the same way.”
He looked up into my eyes and nodded.
“Yeah. It sucks. And being the big brother, you take more than the others, because you know in your heart it’s your job to protect them.”
He nodded again, and I pulled a rag from my pocket.
“I’m not sure how clean it is, but it’s better than your arm.”
Little hands that were trembling took the rag from my hands and while he cleaned up his face, I remembered when I was around his age, and I saw my dad put a whoopin’ on ma.
“Thank you, mister Richard.”
I looked down at the little boy. “You’re welcome, Harrison. You think you can finish eating lunch?”
“I think so.”
We came out from underneath the table, and Jo was wiping her face.
“Rich …”
“It’s all good. We’re fine.”
“I’m okay, mama.” He smiled. “Did you hear Richard? Daddy ain’t allowed to talk to us that way no more.”
“ Any more.”
“Any more what, mama?”
Laughing, Jo brushed his hair from his forehead. “It’s any more. Not no more.”
“Same thing.” He shrugged.
Jo looked over at me and smiled as she mouthed, “thank you”.