Chapter 6
ROMAN
I 've done it.
I've lost the only good thing to ever happen to me.
My family. My wife, my fucking angel.
It's been a week since I told her. A week of unanswered calls, of showing up at the door and being shut out.
Her family won't even let me past the fucking driveway of my own house .
Her face. That moment. Fuck. It was like I'd torn her heart out with my bare hands. I can't sleep or eat. Can't get to her.
I close my eyes as Axel continues, telling me how I need to go and see Ava, force her to listen to me. I don't have the energy to explain that if I went there again today, she would no doubt cut my balls off. I didn't doubt it—I've never seen her so angry.
"Dude, what the fuck? Can you at least explain to me why you felt the need to smash some random girl when you have Ava , man?"
I shoot him a dark look as he holds his hands up, shaking his head.
"I get it, Annie is hot?—"
"Because I was fucking stupid. Greedy. Ava and I.
.." I rub my neck as I speak, aware I already sound like a broken record.
So far I'd had my agent on the phone, asking me how exactly I was going to recover from this, my parents—distraught and begging me to fix it—and I'd obviously faced the wrath of Scott, Ava's cousin, and her aunt.
Not to mention her best friend, Axel's wife, Shannon. "We just hit a plateau."
Bullshit. Such fucking bullshit. There is no excuse. But she's still mine.
"A plateau," Axel echoes, staring at the screen in front of us in the hotel room I am in for the foreseeable future. "Muller, I was your best man at your wedding. I have never seen a couple more in love, more hot for each other..."
I close my eyes as I try not to think about that; what I'd lost.
What I need back.
"I'll give her some time, then I'll try and explain it to her." I sigh, as Axel shakes his head.
"You aren't expecting her to listen , are you?" Axel's beginning to irritate me now, and I can't help but snap at him.
"I have no other choice! I didn't want her to find out at all—I wanted to end it when I realized what I had with Annie meant nothing. It isn't what I have with Ava."
Axel drops his gaze, and I know what he's thinking: I don't have anything with Ava anymore.
I feel fucking sick to my stomach when I remember the look in her eyes, the sadness at what I'd done to her—to us—to us as a family.
Her beautiful eyes, filled with pain and shock—I put it there. I fucking put it there, and I can't take it back.
The hotel bed's untouched, the sheets still stiff and tight like no one's supposed to sleep in them. It doesn't smell like home. It doesn't smell like her . I've never hated a room more.
"I think you need to just lie low for a couple of days. Let her come to you." Axel stands up, checking his phone. "I've got to go and see Shannon. I'll call you tomorrow. Chin up."
"Has she said anything?" I ask hopefully, lifting my eyes to his as he shakes his head.
"Nothing you wanna hear."
Nothing like having a friend who's a realist.
I nod at him as he leaves; my only company is the TV. I turn it off, leaning back into my chair before picking up my phone. Ava and Poppy grin back at me from the lock screen, and my heart plummets. I took the photo of the two of them only last year, and already Poppy has grown so much.
How the hell do I explain this to her ? How do I sit my little girl down and tell her I broke her mother's heart? What does a five-year-old do with that ?
Poppy. My baby girl. Her hero , she calls me. What happens when she finds out? What happens when she knows what I did to her mom? Fuck.
How will I ever get Ava back?
I know what I've done is irreparable, but I have to try.
Everyone makes mistakes.
I just made mine repeatedly for months.
If it was Ava… If it was her with another man—I'd lose my fucking mind. I'd kill him. And she feels like that now. Because of me.
Selfish, stupid fucking jock.
I swipe the photo away and stare at my reflection in the dark TV screen.
I look like shit, and I deserve it. My shirt's wrinkled, stubble thick on my jaw, eyes bloodshot.
I've never felt more like the man Kieron always said I was—a fucking player, a selfish asshole who never deserved her.
I bet he's loving this now, he’s probably waiting in the goddamn wings, just itching to step in.
"She didn't want you then, pal," I mutter bitterly to the empty room. "She won't want you now."
Who am I kidding?
Ava will never forgive me, and I can't fucking blame her.
But Ava is mine .
My wife. My world. I'll fight for her—for us. Because without her—without them—I'm nothing.
The thought of being without her makes my chest ache and my gut twist.
How could I be so fucking stupid?
And for what ?
I was everything her best friend Kieron said I was way back then—a player. And even when I had it all, I fucked it up.
Nothing's ever enough for me. I had the most beautiful woman in the world, the kindest, smartest, fiercest mother to my kid—and I still looked somewhere else. I didn't deserve her then. I sure as hell don't now.
I had to admit it—I was flattered by Annie's attention. She was hot, without a doubt, and she had massaged my ego when I needed it the most.
For what? Ego? Attention?
It’s fucking pathetic.
None of it matters. Only Ava matters. Only my family matters.
So Annie looked at me like I hung the moon.
But Ava?
Ava looked at me like I could climb up there and grab it for her. Maybe that was the difference. Maybe I got tired of feeling like I wasn't enough for her. Annie made me feel big . Ava made me feel like I had to be better. I wanted to be better. I just...wasn't.
Ava was always too tired or drained from life in general to pay me the same sort of attention that she used to; I hated that.
She trusted me. Trusted me completely . And I broke that—No, I fucking shattered it.
For what? To feel like a big man again?
Fuck.
But once I'd started with Annie, it was hard to stop, and by then I was already in too deep. Annie had told me she was in love with me and began asking when I was going to leave Ava.
That was when I knew it wasn't real.
Leave Ava?
Nah, not ever going to happen.
The pictures of me and Annie are everywhere. Everyone's seen them. All my teammates. Every fan. Everyone Ava knows. I can’t even imagine her humiliation. It makes me want to put my fist through the wall.
Would we survive this?
I stare at the photo again, my heart aching as I realize the decision isn’t mine anymore.
It’s Ava's.
But I'm not giving up on her or on us. She's mine . My wife. My world .
And I'll do whatever it takes.