Chapter Thirteen
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Zarah
A t some point Jerricka rouses me from my sleep, shoving a pill into my mouth and tipping a glass full of wine to my lips. She holds me still, her fingers yanking at my hair, and forces me to swallow it.
She waits to be sure the pill goes down my throat and then pushes me back onto the floor.
My tolerance for alcohol is nothing, and even the small amount I swallowed spins my vision.
She doesn’t say what she shoved into my mouth, and I don’t ask. I don’t care.
My whole world is destroyed.
Stella’s dead, Gage was forced to give me up to keep Linc safe, and Zane, my poor brother. How will he function without Stella? She’s all he’s lived for, and now she’s gone.
The wine burns my stomach, and I suck in the basement’s cool air trying desperately not to throw up. I want whatever Jerricka gave me to work. If she’s giving me the pills that made my memory lapse, then I want more. I want them all. I want to forget the pain of losing my family.
I didn’t believe at first that’s what was happening, that Jerricka would want to hurt me, but now I know she never had my best interests at heart, she never cared about me as a patient. I was blind, thinking after all this time I could trust her, but all she’d really been doing was breaking down my self-esteem and tricking me into believing I wasn’t getting better, creating a dependency so that I needed her more, not less.
Her job was that much easier when I met Gage. How simple it was for her to reinforce my feelings of not being good enough. How easy it was for her to convince me he could do better. She’d been working on me all along, creating conflict in our relationship, so when she took me, he wouldn’t bother to look for me.
I’m too numb and too cold to cry, and I pray all night for a rescue that will never come.
Jerricka wakes me, poking a toe into my ribs. “Get up. You need to shower and dress. We’re having visitors today.”
I don’t move. I don’t care who’s coming here.
She sighs and kneels beside me. “I know you’re sad. Stella is a great loss, and it’s heartbreaking to know the man you love doesn’t love you the same way. I’ve experienced that. I know what it’s like to be in a one-sided relationship. It hurts, it really does. But didn’t I tell you Gage Davenport was no good for you? Didn’t he prove that, dating that redheaded skank the second you broke up? He’s not going to miss you, and you’re better off without him. Now get up and shower. You’ll feel better. You didn’t eat dinner last night, and I’m fixing pancakes. The medication works faster if you have something in your stomach. Don’t make this harder than it has to be. You won’t believe me, but I don’t like hurting you.”
She’s right, I don’t. I think she finds a sick pleasure in breaking my heart over and over again.
Gripping my arm, she jerks me off the floor, and I stumble unsteadily to my feet. I’m lightheaded and my stomach hasn’t lost the queasy, hollow feeling it had last night. I search through my memories, and they all seem to be intact. Gage’s kisses, baking with Stella and Lucille. Talking to Zane about Mom and Dad, Douglas driving me into the city. Of course, I wouldn’t remember the things I can’t remember, if that makes sense, but Baby’s name comes to me, her bright blue eyes and the way she’d lick my cheek. All the pieces are there, sharp, cutting me, taunting me, fragments of my past life that I’ll never have again.
I trudge up the stairs, her hand to my back, and she leads me to the bedroom where she unpacked my suitcases, even going so far as laying a change of clothes on the bed.
“Shower. I put all your toiletries in the bathroom. I’ll be waiting downstairs in the kitchen.”
I do as she says, not because I want to cooperate, but because there’s no reason not to. There’s nowhere for me to go. Zane isn’t going to look for me—I went with Jerricka willingly. Maybe, if he can stop mourning Stella for one minute, he’ll search for her killer, not me. I’m an afterthought in everyone’s mind, like I’ve always been.
I wash and shave my legs, blow dry my hair, and put on makeup. I dress in the jeans and blouse Jerricka chose for me and go downstairs to the kitchen. She’s watching pancakes brown, a man dressed in jeans and a black sweater pressed against her back. He’s nibbling her neck, and she’s giggling, trying to flip a pancake.
They sense someone behind them and turn around.
The man looks familiar, but I need a second to place him. “Dr. Pederson.”
“Good morning, Miss Maddox. You’re looking well.”
Tears fill my eyes.
“What is it?” he asks, and I could swear there’s real concern in his voice.
“Last night I told her the news. Stella Mayfair is dead. She didn’t handle it well,” Jerricka says.
Dr. Pederson frowns. “I thought we discussed that wasn’t necessary now.”
“We took advantage of an opportunity presented to us. Ashton Black knew if we got rid of her things would be easier. He just didn’t have the balls to do it.”
Dr. Pederson hugs me, and I flinch. He’s thin, and his sweater is scratchy against my cheek. Stiffening, I wait for something dirty to surface in his touch. No man except Gage has touched me without malicious intent. Zane, but he’s my brother and doesn’t count. Max, I suppose, but even if it was to show me he loved me, he tried at a time when I wasn’t ready and my fear and his impatience tarnishes what he felt for me.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” he says, rubbing my back. “When we started this, I truly didn’t think so many lives would need to be sacrificed. Stella was special to you, and you’ll miss her.”
“Not for long.” Jerricka sets a platter of pancakes in the center of the table. “She took a doubled dose last night, and I’ll give her another this morning. We need to speed things along. We have a buyer.”
Dr. Pederson releases me and sits at the table. He leans aside to give her room to pour coffee. “We’ve always had a buyer, and we’ll have several more once the drug is perfected. It’s a disappointment we’ve had to wait so long.”
I stand in the middle of the kitchen and before I can stop myself, the question pops out of my mouth. “Wait for what?”
Jerricka nudges my shoulder, and I sit across from Dr. Pederson.
“If Ashton Black had gotten rid of Stella when he should have, none of this would have happened. Quiet Meadows would still be operational and you would still be a patient there. When your brother discharged you and prompted an investigation into the facility, we had to stop testing and go underground.” Dr. Pederson bites into a piece of bacon and pours syrup over his pancakes. “Then the other test subjects started regaining their memories and we had to dispose of them before they could talk to anyone who might believe what they said. The day Stella escaped Black Enterprises turned this whole thing into a big mess.”
“The deaths of those women Gage was looking into.”
“Yes. It was fortunate they were all so mentally unstable no one thought their deaths were anything but what we made them look to be.”
“You kept me alive,” I say.
Jerricka drops a plate of pancakes in front of me. “Eat. You’ll skew the results if you’re not well.”
I ignore her and listen to Dr. Pederson say, “Partly because once your brother brought you home, he didn’t let you out of his sight, and it would have been terribly difficult to arrange your death without it looking like a homicide. Partly because you’re so receptive to the drug, and partly because, well, someone has a fondness for you and he’s waited a very long time to have you again.”
“Ash.”
“Ashton Black will rot in prison, and so will his father. What was promised to them in return for their participation is no longer on the table, and they’ll realize that soon. For now, Miss Maddox, it’s enough to say you are a precious commodity. Very valuable to many people in this endeavor. You should be flattered.”
Staring at the stack of pancakes, I say, “I’m not anything.”
He tsks . “That’s not true at all. You’re going to make me very rich.”
“Money isn’t life.”
“Says the woman who has anything she wants at her disposal. You take your family’s wealth for granted,” Jerricka snaps.
“I would give it all up to have my parents back. Stella.” A wave of grief washes over me. Stella’s gone. I’ll never see her again.
She clutches my chin in her hand, forces my mouth open, and shoves a large pill into the back of my throat. “All this talk wastes time.”
I gag, dry swallowing the tablet. I would have taken it without the violence if she’d asked, but she likes mistreating me and I don’t have the will to fight against her.
“Jerricka, is that necessary?” Dr. Pederson admonishes. “She’s cooperating. Let her be.”
“Why should I? I’ve had to listen to her whine for months, all so we could observe her and monitor the drug’s lingering effectiveness. She wasn’t your patient. You didn’t have to listen to all of her sexual hangups, her delicate self-esteem issues. She’s so weak, and it nauseates me.”
“Her participation is imperative. Keep your personal feelings out of this. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were jealous.”
“Jealous of what?” She rests her thigh against the table and crosses her arms over her chest.
I can’t picture her being jealous of anyone. She’s beautiful, and she has plenty of her own money.
“I’m not sure. Is your broken engagement still hurting you? I know Stephen’s cheating was hard on you, but I thought, well, it was quite egotistical of me to think that I eased some of your pain.”
This isn’t about me anymore, and I lean back in my chair. Jerricka and Dr. Pederson are lovers, but I don’t know who Dr. Pederson is referring to. Jerricka’s ex-fiancé, but she never spoke to me about her personal life.
She sits in his lap, and he wraps his arms around her. Gently, he smooths some of her hair away from her face. By the look I’m reading in his eyes, he really does love her.
“Stephen’s getting what he deserves. The police haven’t found his watch yet, but they will. When they do, he’ll be charged for Ingrid Flannigan’s murder. He’ll have plenty of time in a prison cell to think about what he did to me.”
Surprised, I straighten. “Wait. You know what happened to Ingrid? You know who killed her? The police aren’t going to find that watch. Gage and his dad did. They looked around the warehouse where she was killed.”
Dr. Pederson closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Fuck. Another mess we’ll have to clean up.”
With a horrible feeling of dread settling deep in my stomach, I realize what I just said. I gave up Gage and Linc. Jerricka and Dr. Pederson know they’re getting closer to finding out the truth. Oh, God.
“Miss Flannigan was another sacrifice to the cause, I’m sorry to say,” Dr. Pederson explains. “She was very angry you let her go, and she was more than willing to divulge all the information she said she had about you. It wasn’t as much as she claimed, and it gave him a good excuse to kill her and frame Stephen Mallory in exchange for sleeping with his wife.”
“Him?” I ask, my mind scrambling. If I can find out the details, if my brain would work and I can piece anything together, maybe I can get a message to Gage that I made a mistake. If Jerricka and Dr. Pederson hurt Gage and Linc, it will be all my fault.
“That’s not something I care to discuss. Now, Miss Maddox, if you’re finished eating breakfast, I suggest you go up to your room and rest. Because of the extra dosages Jerricka is giving you, the medication will start working soon, very soon, and it’s best you’re somewhere you can’t hurt yourself.”
“What is it going to do to me?” For the first time since Jerricka brought me here, I’m scared. I need to get out of here. Even if it means sneaking out and hitchhiking.
“This medication mimics dementia and Alzheimer’s disease and appears to accelerate the time in which your brain atrophies. It seems to injure and kill the neurons and cells, fooling even the leading specialists in the field. Up until now, researchers have only been interested in slowing it down or trying to stop it altogether, but we want to expedite it, exploit it. We want to incapacitate anyone who’s exposed to this drug. These tests were supposed to be finished months ago, but, as they say, better late than never. A drug like this will always be in demand.”
“Why? Why would you want someone to forget everything they’ve ever known?”
“Think about it, Miss Maddox. A ruler of a great country, the United States, perhaps, is affected by the drug we created. Declaring the president of the United States unfit to keep his position...that would be worth a lot of money to someone who has visions of a different path for our country. That’s just an example, of course.”
“You were giving this to me at Quiet Meadows? That’s what you were testing in the basement?”
His eyes widen. “You remember that much? Interesting. But to answer your question, yes. To you and others. Your brother shut down the facility and halted our testing. We’re just getting it back up and running. It did give us an opportunity to research how long the drug is effective when a subject is not exposed regularly, and the results were quite pleasing. Many of your memories are still hazy, very important memories, and that’s good news.”
“No, the drugs Ash made me take did that to me.”
“The drugs Ashton Black bribed that asinine doctor to prescribe to you while you were a resident at Quiet Meadows is baby aspirin compared to morphine. In fact, Jerricka won’t have you continue. She found the bottles in your bags and threw them in the trash. You’ll take what we give you, nothing more, nothing less.”
“I won’t go through withdrawal?”
“You may feel some physical discomfort, headaches perhaps, hot flashes or cold sweats, but our medication will confuse you and your mind won’t understand why. Your doctor has been rather aggressive weaning you off them, and your dosages now aren’t very high. Nonetheless, it’s another area of testing and research we’re looking forward to. Now please, if your curiosity has been satisfied, go upstairs and rest. Jerricka and I have a few things we need to discuss, and I’d rather not have an audience. Treat us with respect, Miss Maddox, and we will do so in kind.”
Jerricka diverts his attention away from me, and he pushes his hand up her sweater, cupping her breast.
I run out of the kitchen and up the stairs. I should leave, now, while my brain is still functioning. Keeping my jeans on, I put a sweater on over my blouse. There’s nothing warmer I can change into. I didn’t pack for a Minnesota winter, rather the mild temperatures of California.
Jerricka’s giggling and moaning when I tiptoe down the stairs, and I pray I’m quiet enough they can’t hear me. I wiggle boots onto my feet and slip my jacket on. I don’t waste the precious seconds to button it up and I’m missing my gloves and hat. I must have forgotten them on the plane when I left with Jerricka yesterday. Crap.
I try to remember if we passed any cars on the way to her lake house, but I was too despondent to care where we were going.
Slowly, slowly, I push the door open, and as gently as I can, close it again.
The second I’m off the porch, I start to run.