24. Antonio
24
Antonio
M y vision swims as I slowly regain consciousness, the world around me a blur of shapes and colors. My eyes open for a few seconds only to close again, my eyelids feeling like lead. Faint voices sound around me, distorted and distant. My mind struggles to grasp onto them, to make sense of the disjointed whispers, but confusion envelops me.
Am I… am I dead?
The thought sends a chill down my spine, fear gripping my heart in its icy embrace. Images flash before my mind's eye, fleeting and fragmented. Among them, Colette's face emerges, her expression filled with disappointment and sorrow.
Colette... I'm sorry.
Regret washes over me like a crashing wave, threatening to drown me in its depths. Tears roll out of the side of my eyes as I think about what I may have lost since I killed myself, robbing myself of happiness. But then, amidst the chaos, a familiar voice breaks through the haze.
Leo.
Relief floods through me like a burst dam, sweeping away the tendrils of fear that had ensnared me. His voice is a lifeline, bringing me back to reality amidst the swirling tempest of uncertainty.
“Is he crying? Does that mean he is awake? Or will he wake up soon, Dr. Mendez?” he directs the multiple questions at someone.
That’s Leo’s voice... I'm not dead. Who is he talking to?
With a herculean effort, I pry my heavy eyelids halfway open. Where am I? Leo said, doctor. Am I at a hospital?
I try to piece together my surroundings, to make sense of this disjointed reality. The room tilts due to my head spinning with dizziness and my eyes close again of their own accord. Beside me, Gabriela's voice cuts through the fog, a beacon of reassurance in the darkness. "Antonio? Please wake up. Are you okay?"
Leo's voice is tinged with concern, his words directed at someone named Dr. Mendez. "Why isn't he waking up, Dr. Mendez?"
The unfamiliar voice responds, its tone calm and reassuring. "He's going to be fine. We already pumped his stomach and cleaned out his bloodstream." The words wash over me, leasing the ache of uncertainty that had plagued me.
“He’ll be okay. "
I'm going to be okay.
As I struggle to make sense of things, fragments of conversation drift through the air. Leo's voice is tense, his words laced with worry. "He needs to wake up."
I can sense the urgency in his tone. Gabi’s voice, soothing, floats to my ears like a soft melody. "He'll be okay, Leo. Give him time." Her words are a comforting presence.
The room pulses with tension, each heartbeat echoing like a drumbeat in the silence. Leo's words of frustration are palpable, biting. "I can't lose him too." His voice cracks with emotion, a raw edge of fear and desperation seeping through.
He’s thinking of sis. I need to wake up.
The thought pulses through my mind, driving me onward through the fog of unconsciousness. I crack my eyes open again.
The unfamiliar voice, Dr. Mendez, speaks again, his tone calm and reassuring. "He's showing signs of consciousness. That's a good thing."
As I struggle to regain my bearings, Leo's voice cuts through, his words a sharp command. "Antonio, can you hear me?"
I watch as he paces back and forth, his movements agitated and erratic. Every step he takes sends ripples of tension through the room.
Leo...
My heart aches at the sight of him. His face twists into a mask of fury and frustration. Each one of his words is a painful reminder of my failings.
I never meant to cause you this pain, brother.
He catches my eyes as I open them further and points an accusing finger in my direction, his voice coming out in a thunderous roar. "You fucking idiot. So, you really want to kill yourself?"
I can feel his anger bearing down on me.
No, Leo. I never wanted this.
The doctor tries to intervene, his voice calm and soothing. "He just woke up. Give him time to regain his senses. I don’t think he can even understand what you’re saying." His words fall on deaf ears, drowned out by the tumult of Leo's rage.
But I can, and I'm sorry. I never meant to be a burden.
Leo's tirade continues unabated, each word a dagger aimed at my heart. He rages about some "horrible girl," blaming her for my current state.
Did he mean Cassie, or Colette? It's not her fault, Leo.
I struggle to come up with the words that will help him listen, but my voice remains trapped within the prison of my own mind, unable to break free. Another tear traces its path down my cheek.
I'm sorry, Leo. I never wanted to disappoint you.
“You never listen! You are so fucking disobedient. Every exact thing I told you not to do, you DID!” Leo continues. “Don’t go on the internet and you did! Stay out of trouble, but no, you chased it!”
Guilt weighs heavily upon me, a burden too heavy to bear. Despite his anger, I can see the anguish in Leo's eyes, the raw emotion simmering beneath the surface. Another tear runs down my cheek onto my lips, and I can taste the salt in it.
He cares about me; I know.
"Leo, you need to calm down. Antonio needs your support right now," the doctor says in a firm and commanding tone.
Gabriela's distress is clear; her eyes are filled with tears as she looks helplessly at her husband. Leo's emotions are spiraling out of control. This isn't what I wanted, I think to myself.
My gaze shifts to the corner of the room, where I see Henry standing with a troubled expression. I am glad he came, but if Henry came… Colette must be here , I realize, my stomach twisting with apprehension. And then I see her, approaching me with tears streaming down her face. Her presence is like a beacon of light in the darkness, offering a glimmer of hope.
Colette...
My heart skips a beat at the sight of her, my emotions swirling like a tempest inside me. She reaches me, her face wet with tears, snot staining her nose and her body trembling with emotion.
How much pain have I caused her? And everyone else?
The doctor looks for something on the monitor as I feel my heart race with regret. It seems my heart rate has spiked as he notes the change and gives the nurse some instructions. But I can’t hear what he is saying. My throat tightens. I yearn to apologize to Colette, to tell her I never meant for any of this to happen. I just needed to escape.
She touches my cheek, and I lean into her fingers are gentle against my skin, causing me to relax.
“It's okay,” she whispers. “I'm right here, Antonio.” Her words are soothing, offering a fleeting moment of solace even as Leo continues to glare at me.
Leo's voice interrupts the moment, his words laced with venom. "Get away from him," he snarls. "You shouldn't be here. None of this would have happened if it weren't for you." His accusations hang heavy in the air, a harsh reminder of the rift between us.
So, I was right? He blames Colette.
I want to defend Colette, to tell Leo that it's not her fault, it's mine, but I can’t speak. I'm the one who messed up, not her. But the words remain trapped within me. I wish I could protect her from all of this. Colette's eyes meet mine, a silent plea for understanding passing between us.
I'm sorry, Colette.
Leo's protective instincts clash with his anger, torn between his desire to shield me from harm and his resentment towards Colette.
Her gaze softens. She reaches out to me once more, her eyes filled with compassion. “It's okay,” she mouths, her words a whispered promise of comfort and solace. “We'll get through this together.”
She isn’t disappointed with me?
I long to believe her, but doubt and a whisper of fear gnaw at the edges of my mind, refusing to be silenced.
Leo's voice breaks through my reverie, his words a harsh reminder of the reality we face. "You're a disgrace, you want to end your life over that bitch?" he sneers. “A horrible woman who did everything in her power to destroy you?”
Leo, that’s not what happened.
I want to defend myself, to lash out in anger and frustration. It's not fair, I want to say. You don't understand.
Colette's touch ground me, her hand warm against mine as she squeezes it gently. “Ignore him,” she mouths, her eyes on me. Her voice offers me a silent reassurance, letting me know she is with me. You're not alone.
In Colette's eyes, I see a glimmer of understanding, a silent promise of unwavering support that transcends the barriers of speech.
"You're selfish, and a coward!" Leo shouts once more, his accusations reopening wounds I thought had long since healed.
Dr. Mendez tries to intervene. "Leo, please," he urges, his tone firm but gentle. "We can't afford to let our emotions get the best of us."
Henry's intervention is a welcome disruption in the tense atmosphere of my hospital room. I watch as he approaches Colette, his movements gentle yet purposeful. With a firm but reassuring grip, he takes her elbow, guiding her away from my bedside.
“Colette, let’s go,” he says calmly but assertively. “At least we know he’s okay now.”
Colette's reluctance to leave me is clear, her tearful gaze locked on mine with an intensity that pierces through the fog of my exhaustion and tugs at my heartstrings. I can see the concern etched into every line of her face, a silent plea for reassurance that goes unanswered.
“But.. But I don’t want to leave him,” she answers, never taking her eyes off of me.
Don't go, I want to say, but I can't find my words.
Despite her reluctance, Henry's pragmatic suggestion gets through to her. "We should see a doctor," he says, his voice calm yet firm. "Or did you forget you fainted, Colette? We can't ignore that. "
She fainted? Did she faint on their way here or before they came?
Even Leo stops at that, seeming to remember something. He had said nothing about that. All he could do was continue to attack her.
Yes, I nearly died, but I’m alive. No need to be a jerk to her.
As the reality of Colette's fainting sinks in, a surge of worry grips my heart like a vice. I wonder if she is fine, my mind racing with fear and uncertainty.
What if something's seriously wrong?
The thought scares me, but I can’t move, a bitter reminder of my helplessness.
I should be there for her.
My heart is heavy as I consider my situation. I should be the one comforting her, not lying here like a useless lump. I try to move or even utter a word of reassurance to her as her brother drags her away. Yet, despite my best efforts, exhaustion overwhelms me, dragging me back into the depths of unconsciousness. The world fades away, the voices around me growing distant as sleep claims me once more.
I'm sorry, Colette.