Chapter 17 ~ Isabella #2
I could identify with that painting, the struggle between life and death, finding a reason to carry on. It moved me in a way I never knew a painting could. My father had to come back and shake me out of my reverie.
I was standing underneath the painting, tears rolling down my cheeks; silently grieving for a man in a painting I never met. My father was utterly mortified that his daughter was bawling in a museum, embarrassing him in front of everyone, let alone his high-ranking colleague.
He came over and grabbed me by the shoulder, shoving me behind a wall, and slapped my face twice.
Telling me to snap out of it or he was taking me back to the hospital and this time he would make sure I never got out.
He grabbed my arm and shoved me behind my mother, who then pinched my arm and told me to smarten up.
My father’s colleague looked at me with those silver eyes. Pity was marked across his features as he took in the red handprints marking my face. I couldn’t stay there for one more minute. I asked to use the washroom and ran.
I ran and ran until I found the yellow sign with the books in the window.
That’s when Helen caught me crying in the back corner on the floor.
She took me in that night and let me stay in the back bedroom.
Best day of my life since meeting Anna. She was the first person who didn’t ask questions and truly cared since my grandfather passed away.
Ever since that night, every chance I could get, I came to see Helen, visit and catch up, and read in the back corner on the floor where she found me. She finally put a huge pillow on the floor saying it was filthy and I shouldn’t be sitting on the carpet with my nice pants.
Helen and the bookshop are the one and only secret that I’ve kept from everyone, even Anna.
I don’t think she would understand, no matter how I tried to explain it.
My father no longer cares, so he won’t look for me tonight.
Alex can do whatever he does in the evenings. I’ll deal with it all tomorrow.
I open the door and the bells chime above my head. I love that sound. The musty scent of old watered-down paper assaults my nostrils and I inhale deeply drawing it into my lungs. It’s like putting on a sweater that was in an old dresser. Nostalgia, with a smell, but comforting all the same.
The shop isn’t very wide, but it’s long and narrow. A small table and a worn-out chair are close to the front window. An older man is reading and smiles up at me as I pass. A large round table with four bar stools is close to the counter, which is piled high with books.
“Helen?” I call out.
“Back here!” A hand waves and jingles from all her bracelets from farther down the tiny single aisle passageway.
I head in her direction, and she pops out.
Helen is in her mid-fifties, heavyset like me.
Big brown eyes and white hair all cut short in a spike with a large black streak she dyes on one side.
She has on her typical patchwork coveralls and a white tee underneath.
She makes me think this is what Anna will be like when she gets older.
Funky but classy. She pushes up her bright red round glasses.
“Oh, sweetheart? Where have you been?” She opens those big arms and I step in, enveloped in her warmth. I kiss her cheek and step back.
“It’s been crazy Helen. Sorry I haven’t had time to drop in lately.” I look away and I’m trying to hide my tears. She cups my cheek and brings me in for a kiss on the forehead.
“You need your room, baby?” All I can do is nod.
“Pass me your phone. I’ll put it in the bag under the counter if you need it. No one will find you tonight, love.” She brings me in for another hug and I dig into my purse and hand her my phone. She turns it off and pops out the Sim card.
I ran away once and my father’s men found me here.
I made it one night with Helen’s help. We knew then that my phone either had a tracking device in it or a find my phone app.
I don’t trust my phone ever since that night and this is not Helen’s first time helping people who need it.
She has a steel mesh bag to block your phone’s signal.
It helped protect many women fleeing abusive partners trying to track them down.
“Now go on back. The room is clean; grab a few books to take with you. I’ll come to check on you before I close. Did you eat?” She lifts one white eyebrow over her red-rim glasses.
I shake my head no and she nods, “Well, you’ll be getting your favorite.
I’ll have them delivered.” She smiles at me and a tear escapes down my cheek.
I’ve missed her so much. Why have I stayed away from here for so long?
To what? Prove to myself I can make it on my own.
She wipes away the tears and brings me back in for a half hug.
“Go now, love, I’ve got you tonight.” She puts the key in my hand and gently shoves me toward the end of the hall. “Go on now. I’ll be there shortly with your chow.”
“Thank you, Helen. I love you so much.” Turning I head down to the end of the hall, I press on the very last bookcase on the right side of the aisle and it pops off the wall revealing a heavy oak door hidden behind it. I put the key in the lock and turned the handle.
The small bedroom is homey with a double-sized bed and patchwork quilt. Two nightstands flank the bed on either side. Little silver lamps with white lampshades are the only source of light in the room.
There is a small bathroom off to the side and a tiny made-up kitchen with a tiny sink and a coffeemaker. A small bookcase is against the wall below the window. Helen always makes sure she has books in here for any age and every taste.
There’s no TV or any electronics allowed in this room. It was made and used for safety. Many women have stayed here fearing for their lives. I’m not one of those women tonight, but don’t want to be found.
As hard as it is for me to leave Anna and Alex fighting, I’m at my wit’s end today and I don’t feel like talking to either of them. No one listens anyway. I just want peace and quiet, a book, and to be alone, to not fight every second, to just breathe. I need to feel free for just a moment.
I know I should have gotten a hotel room, Helen could have used this space for someone in real need, but one of them would have found me and I’d have to explain why I left or be yelled at or dragged back to Alex’s cold house and face his wrath all over again.
I toss my purse on the bed and head over to the little bookcase, running my finger along the spines reading the titles; Pride and Prejudice catches my eye. I chuckle a little. Good old Mr. Darcy. I pull the book from the shelf, settle back on the bed, and start to read.
It is quiet and I feel at peace getting lost in the story so familiar to me.
Alexander is definitely a Mr. Darcy, only with a major thing for chokeholds.
However, I am not Elizabeth. I don’t have the skills to say what’s on my mind.
She is more like Anna. Just tell them what you think and who cares.
I find myself relating more to Jane. She smiles through her pain and carries on as best she can because you cannot change what is and complaining will get you nowhere.
I am deep in the story when the knock on the door has me whipping my head up.
Helen comes in with a take-out brown bag marked Karl’s on it.
Oh… my cheeseburger with double bacon and fries! Yum.
She comes over to the bed as I snap my book shut and set it off to the side.
“Well, young lady, it seems you got yourself a tail tonight.” She opens the bag and passes me my tinfoil-wrapped burger and takes out the grease cover take out box of fries.
We always share them. She pops the lid and lifts a fry to her mouth.
She unwraps her burger and takes a big bite, moaning as she chews.
“Karl can be a pain in my ass sometimes, but the man can cook. Thank god he’s only across the street.” She chuckles while chewing.
“Tail? Someone followed me?” I unwrap my burger and take a bite. The sweet smokey taste of crispy bacon hits my mouth and its waters. So good!
“Yep. Shortly after you went in here, a tall woman in a fancy black get-up came in asking if we saw a pretty girl with long black hair and beautiful green eyes come into the store.”
She smiles and pops another fry in her mouth.
“I told her nope, haven’t seen a pretty lady like that. She didn’t seem to believe me, so she took a seat at the reading bar. I gave her a cup of coffee, but she kept a close eye on the door. I had to change up my plans a bit.” She winks and takes another bite of her burger.
I feel sick. I was starving and now they know I’m here just like I tried to hide last time they found me only sooner this time. I put my burger down and hold my stomach. Helen reaches over and pats my hand.
“Oh sweetie, no worries. I got you covered. Karl and I put on a good show.” She winks.
“I asked her if she could watch the store while I ran across the street to get myself some supper. She agreed, and I hopped over to Karl and told him I had a guest tonight, needed two burgers and fries and to head on over to the store once he could. We made a big show at the desk saying I needed to eat and I told him I had stock to do.” She waves her hand in the air, then pops another fry in her mouth.
“She was watching us go back and forth, till I agreed to eat my dinner while I did stock. Karl sat at the desk, opened up his take-out box, and offered her a chicken finger.”
She leaned over and pats my thigh, laughing.
“Well, you know how Karl likes his chicken fingers. You should have seen her face. It was so funny. Then she got a call and whoever she was talking to was yelling so loud, I heard him halfway down the aisle. She said something about following you. You came in here and the signal dropped and she lost sight of you.”
This was such a dumb idea. I should never have left. I’ve only made things worse now. Alexander is going to freak out for sure now and Anna, well? I’m not sure what she’s going to say, but it won’t be nice, that’s for sure.
“Eat love.” She points to my burger on my lap. “Starving yourself won’t change a thing. No sense letting your burger go cold.”
So I do. We eat in silence for a while. I’m almost done when Helen balls up her wrapper and tosses it in the bag.
“Mind if I ask you who is chasing ya this time? Is it your daddy again?”
I sigh and look up at the ceiling, “No, it’s my fiancé, well, not really.” I squint my eyes. “It’s a contracted marriage, and he hates me, but I have no choice. We fight. a lot.”
I look down at her and she’s just looking at me, waiting to hear more.
Helen never judges a person, she just listens.
So I open up and tell her. I tell her everything, every embarrassing detail, from the moment my father told me I had to marry Alexander to the argument between Anna and Alex at the lab.
“Wow. And here I thought you were just runnin' from your daddy. This man sounds like he is serious about marrying you. And you sound like you have some affection for him, just a tiny bit.” She pinches her finger together; I laugh and smack her hand down.
“I do, I will admit. But it’s always at a cost, Helen. I fall for the good looks and the fake smiles, and then he flips on a dime and yells, grabs me, and threatens me. I don’t know how to handle all this.” I wave my hand in the air. I sniffle back a tear.
“I’m not an aggressive person and you know my past. I avoid people like him my whole life. Now I have to marry one and pretend for god knows how long, till he finally puts me out.”
Helen leans back against the footboard, clasping her hand on her thighs. She puffs out a breath.
“Well? I think he is one of those boys’ that hate the idea that he might like a girl.
Like one of those bullies on a playground that pulls the girl’s hair cause, he doesn’t know how to tell her she’s cute.
Sounds to me like he is fighting his own battle with the arrangement.
Don’t mean he’s right in pushing you around like that.
However, he’s not like your daddy, where he’s hurting you and leaving bruises. ”
Helen stands up and grasps my chin. “Sweetheart, I can’t tell you what to do, but whatever you decide, I’ll be here.”
She tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear. “You take tonight and rest. Gather yourself. You will come up with a strategy. You are a smart girl. You just need a bit of time to yourself to think.”
I rest my cheek on her palm. “Thank you, Helen. I promise I won’t stay away for so long. Maybe if I had come in sooner, you could have given me some advice to avoid my current situation.” I smile at her.
“Honey, anytime you need me, I’ll be here. But I have a suggestion.”
“What’s that?”
“Call your little spitfire friend Anna and let her know you’re safe. She loves you and there is no need to worry her.” Helen can see my eyes widen as I go to speak. She puts her finger on my lips.
“Have a burner phone. No one can trace ya. I’ll leave it in the bookcase outside. I’m closing up now. I’ll see you in the morning with Karl’s famous breakfast bagel and a coffee.”
She walks to the door and turns back to me. “Stop worrying about tonight. Call your friend and tomorrow we will work out the rest.” She blows me a kiss and closes the door.
I settle back on the bed, curling onto my side, hugging the pillow, and stare out the window. I am constantly making mistakes. Every move I make seems to cause chaos in my wake. I know it was stupid to sneak out, but I didn’t think. I just went on instinct.
The rain is hitting against the window when I wake up, so I must have fallen asleep. I stretch and roll over to click on the lamp. I don’t know what time it is, but I need to leave Anna a message.
I get up, open the door, find the phone on the shelf, and close the door. When I dial up Anna, it goes to voicemail. I tell her I’ll talk to her tomorrow. I’m safe, but I won’t be at work tomorrow and to let Professor Daniels know I’ll make up the extra time on the weekend.
I tell her I am sorry for walking out, that I love her and I’ll see her soon. I hang up, and turn off the phone. I strip down to my underwear and crawl under the covers. I grab my book and read until my eyes water.
Turning off the light, I roll over and fall asleep thinking about Mr. Darcy and what an ass he is.