Chapter Six
Lessons started right away, there, in our little hotel room while we waited for Ryker to recover and heal before we could all go back home.
I didn’t really know how I was going to just go back to my old life when nothing was the same anymore.
I wasn’t sure how much could actually be accomplished in a hotel room, but Keil was adamant that I needed the training to start as soon as possible.
I didn’t know exactly what had been happening to me.
I was afraid of her, but at the same time, I also felt so powerful when the monster came out.
Could that power defeat Cade? If it could, I should learn how to use it to my benefit, right? I should steal back Shad’s soul if Cade has not run off to Terra yet.
It was a strange thing to admit to myself, because for most of my life, I had never thought of myself as powerful. Afraid, scared, lost? Yes. But powerful and strong? No.
But I did feel powerful and strong when I let the monster of hate consume me.
So yes, I knew that something was wrong. I knew that it was not necessarily an enjoyable thing to have thoughts and feelings about murdering a man and chopping him to pieces—but that was the monster within me, not really me. I told myself that I could control her.
I can be strong and have a melody, too.
I looked down at my crystal necklace on the small side table in the yellow hotel room.
I had to take it off when we trained so that Keil could monitor me.
I felt naked without it. That crystal not only felt like a shield from evil Terrans who could sense my melody, but it was a gift from Shad, a special gift.
And until that one moment the other night, I had never taken it off of my neck since I put it on.
“You need to focus, Emma. You can never stop it from overtaking you if you don’t focus.”
“I don’t understand exactly how this works.”
“You need to know your own soul. You need to memorize each individual note and their sounds—the shape of them, and how they feel inside of you. Once you know your soul on this most basic level, it is easier to control. You can start by putting emotions, memories, feelings and desires into compartments. Some memories, emotions, or desires are not needed on a daily basis; others are very necessary. Your hatred for Cade is real and should not be ignored, but it does not need to be inside of the main compartment, or box, in your mind.”
“Main box?”
“You have a central area , compartment, or box within your melody.
Many people refer to these compartments as boxes.
There is the main box that you keep open.
but the others should be stored away or even locked up.
They are all interconnected. It's a woven web, but when you are able to filter through and program your melody to sift your reactions, thoughts, and desires, you are less likely to give in to immediate desires or impulses without first thinking them through.”
“What? Is my melody some kind of computer that we can program?”
“Sort of. Think of it as, maybe, a filing system? With melodies, we also have advanced capabilities, which actually allows us to control what our brain and heart focuses on because of our unique and advanced souls.”
“A brain and a heart make a soul?”
“Not necessarily,” Keil shook his head, and I could see the irritation, there one moment, then gone the next.
“A melody is the essence of who you are; some on earth call it a spirit.
Melodies are what some people believe ghosts to be.
They are what lives inside of us all, what connects us all together.
Earthlings? They do not have the advanced knowledge to be able to maintain a constant connection to mind, body, and soul, which is essentially what a soul's melody is.”
“This sounds insane; you get that, right?” I would have laughed, but I was too overwhelmed by what he was saying to even smile.
“When we get back to Roseville, I will break it down even better for you, but what you need to know right now is that you do not need to have this intense hate for Cade in your main compartment, on center stage.” He paused as if he were contemplating the best metaphor, “on your computer's desktop or your cell phone’s home screen—” He smirked at me, and I just stared at him, trying to understand everything he was trying to say, and coming up completely confused.
“You don't need to let the hate consume you—to destroy you.” I wondered for a moment, thinking about all the good my monster had done for me: she had brought me back to camp; she had helped me endure seeing Shad again, and then Ryker.
Maybe I could use her; maybe she could be a powerful strength to me.
“I get the impression from your melody that you think of anger, or the monster, as you term her, as a strength. She can be that, but at the end of the monster’s strength is a dependency upon her, and with such a dependency, you would end up with terrible weaknesses, too.
There is more strength in having complete control of yourself and of your emotions than the brute strength to kill or lash out and then to become dependent upon her. ”
“But Keil, if I keep this monster thing, then I can defeat Cade and get Shad’s melody back. I know that I can. I am stronger with her; then I could train, and eventually, I can get rid of her if I needed to.”
“No.”
“But—”
“Absolutely not, Emma. You do not understand what this can, and will, do to you. Believe me, I have seen it. Many have had the same idea—that this hate is a form of strength, but this thing inside, she is not, Emma, and it never works—never.”
“I can contain it, her—the darkness.”
“You don’t need darkness to be strong. Darkness doesn’t have the power to create light, but you do.”
“I just need—”
“You need to know your soul. This is basic training. They go over it in every Terran home. I promise that it will be easy enough to catch on, but it will drain you, so after each lesson, you need to go right to sleep. If you leave your mind and soul weak for too long after the lessons while you are awake, the monster can grow even stronger and then consume you.”
“This sounds dangerous.”
“It isn’t dangerous, not if you follow the rules.
After the lessons, Mary or Ryker will be with you to help make sure that your melody is not corrupted even more.
I would also advise you not to kiss Shad, as his corruption could attach to you.
” I didn't like the sound of that, not that he would want to kiss me, but if he tried to, I wouldn’t turn away. How could I?
“I think I am fine.”
“Emma, I know you don’t understand our world completely.
I understand this is all new to you. But you can not afford not to listen to others who understand things better than you ever could.
” Keil was close to me, and his eyes were dark and upset.
I closed my mouth and tried to hold back the anger that wanted to spill from me.
Of course, I knew nothing; everything had been kept secret from me for my entire life.
I had been lied to about everything. The only person who had ever been honest with me was Shad, and now he is a soulless.
I felt the monster rise up, starting to come to the surface as the anger rose inside of me once again.
Keil held my shoulders in his hands, and I wondered if I had said any of that out loud.
“Emma, calm down,” he breathed. “All is well. You must call to your melody. Stay here with me in this room. Think of the present, not the past. The past is something you can not change, but you do have the power to change the future.”
“They all lied to me, everyone,” I whispered, anger raging inside of me. I seethed, and I wanted to snap; I wanted to break something.
“Shad!” I heard Keil call, but I couldn’t see him anymore. All I saw was blood, and I wanted to kill Cade. Where is he?
“Emma—”
I knew that voice. I turned my head and saw two black eyes and a face.
It was similar to Cade’s, but wasn’t the same.
There was no crooked nose there; no harsh cheekbones.
I knew that face. The eyes were wrong, but that face—I loved that face.
He walked to me, closer and closer, and the note inside of me that belonged to him, reached out, pulling my melody out one note at a time.
His hands were on my cheeks, and my melody swarmed around me as he wrapped his arms around me, and I felt as if all was right in my world.
“What is happening?” I asked as Shad moved away from me, no expression upon his face.
“I just helped,” Shad shrugged and walked away from me.
“Yeah, um, isn't he corrupt? How can he help at all?” I asked, watching as Shad left the room. I stomped my foot in irritation. “Why does he keep doing that, Keil?” I turned to Keil.
“It seems like the only way we can get you to calm down and disengage from the monster is if Shad touches you. I don't understand it myself. The connection you two once shared should have been severed. Tell me, Emma, did Shad do something to you before his soul was taken?”
I heard his note inside of me and nodded. Had I not told them?
“Shad put a note inside of my melody. He said it held memories, and that these memories might be able to help me save him–us. He kissed me.” How had I forgotten to tell them?
I knew that note inside of me was there.
I loved hearing it, having even just a piece of him with me.
It made me feel better, like there was hope.
“That, my dear, is the best news I have heard in a while. Let’s get to work.” Keil’s smile was so wide.
It took hours, long agonizing hours, but Keil worked with me as I tried to memorize my soul’s melody and its notes.
I lay upon the bed in the hotel room later that evening, thinking.
Ryker would be released the next day, and we would go home.
Keil explained to me that I barely even knew the basics of my soul, and I wanted to cry.
It was so hard to train my soul’s melody; it drained me and made me feel weak and tired.
Having Shad touch me whenever I lost myself to the monster was about the only positive, but it wasn’t like I could even enjoy it, because when Shad was near me, the monster was already raging, I was always just pulling out of the darkness, Shad would come to release me; and then he would leave abruptly, every single time.
“You need to rest right away, Emma,” Mary said, moving some hair from my shoulder.
“I am so tired.”
“Sleep, honey, just sleep,” and I closed my eyes and found blackness waiting for me with open arms, and I sunk into it—into them.