Chapter Thirteen
The sun beamed overheard, blistering my skin, but I didn’t mind. Montana summers were never long enough, and it finally felt warm enough to enjoy being out in the middle of the woods. The creek had even warmed up and lately, I’d been craving taking a dip in the water, attempting to wash off some of the grime I had accumulated over the past four months.
“What are you thinking of so hard about over there?” Murphy asked, nudging me in the shoulder.
I bit back a groan at the contact, my shoulder aching from my afternoons with Rainer. I hated to admit the asshole was right, but it had been three days and I had yet to break from his hold. Let alone hurt him. It didn’t matter how hard I jabbed him in the stomach or kicked him in the shins; he was a stubborn bastard. And I couldn’t bring myself to aim for his groin, no matter how badly I was starting to want to.
“I’m thinking I could use a swim at some point.” My gaze fell to my clothes, reminding me of how dirty I actually was. Really, how dirty we all were.
My bare stomach was cased in a fine cover of dirt, the bottom half of my shirt no longer there to protect the skin. My shirt was splattered with dark spots of dried blood, as well as too much dirt. At this point, I couldn’t even remember what color the shirt initially was.
The scrub pants I had been wearing were cut long ago, the loose shorts faded under the sun and covered in even more dirt than my shirt. I guess that’s what happened when you slept on the ground every night.
“Huh, I guess we are pretty dirty.” Murphy was looking at his own clothes and I took the opportunity to do the same.
He hadn’t cut his jeans, but they were constantly rolled up, the bottom cuffs sprinkled with mud. His shirt had also been cut to help protect Rainer’s wound and although I had initially laughed at the sight of him in a crop top, that laughter had quickly faded when I took in his cut figure. Now, I did everything possible to avert my eyes from the admittedly enticing sight.
“Why did you want to go to the radio tower? It”s been weeks since we’ve gone.” I trailed closer to Murphy as we walked, drawn to him, my eyes wandering the ground for any of the hazelnuts Mina and I had been scavenging lately.
According to her, the trees that grew them only bloomed in the summer months, immediately dying off at the first sign of cold. I was surprised she knew that fact, considering she wasn’t from Montana, however, she had told me that she was going to school for horticulture. Turns out my friend was really into plants.
“Because I’m hoping there will be another signal. Maybe another message this time. Because of Rainer’s injury and the intrusion, we’ve been cautious to leave the woods. But we can’t stay here forever and we need another plan.”
“You and Rainer are always thinking ahead, aren’t you?” I met Murphy’s gaze, wondering if he realized how impressive he truly was. Here I was spending my days gathering food and learning how to fight, and they were already on to the next step. I was severely lagging behind when it came to what I should be doing.
“Rainer more so than me. He wants a plan and to execute it. I like to go with the flow.” Murphy grinned widely, winking at me, and I smiled in return.
“I like that about you,” I told him and, if possible, Murphy’s grin grew.
Slinging an arm over my shoulder, his hip bumped into mine as he pulled me into his side. “Tell me more. What else do you like about me?”
His voice was clearly teasing and I shook my head. “That’s it, actually. Everything else I could do without.”
Murphy stopped us, pausing in his tracks. Tilting his head toward mine, he faked an offended gasp before his smile returned.
“Liar,” he whispered, and my body heated up. Damn sun.
Shaking off the intense look in Murphy’s eyes, I pushed him forward. “Come on. I want to get back before dinner so I can help Elizabeth cook.”
Murphy continued to stand still for a moment, looking at me with a small smile and brightness in his eyes. Shifting under his gaze, slightly uncomfortable with the way he stared, I raised a brow. “What?”
Shaking his head, he pulled me tight into his side once again as he began walking. “You aren’t the same girl we found in the woods. I like that about you.”
A blush crept up my cheeks at his words and I realized I craved his admiration as much as I did Rainer’s. And although for months I wished I could reverse time and go back to my normal life, it wasn’t entirely true anymore. I still wished I could take it all back, that I could be with my family, that my dad would be alive. But I didn’t want to go back to the sheltered princess I was anymore. I was strong now. Capable. And I liked that about me too.
***
“Murphy, it”s been hours. I don’t think we’re going to hear another message.”
My eyes were closed as I spoke, lying on the grass surrounding the tower, but I could hear him fiddling with the wires, as if that would change the silence. I couldn’t pinpoint how long we had actually been out here, but I was close to drifting off to sleep, and that meant we had been out here too long. My body wasn’t used to resting this long and it craved sleep.
“A few more minutes, sweetheart, and then I promise we’ll leave.”
Sighing, I rolled onto my stomach, propping myself on my elbows so I could watch him. His hands moved fluidly, confident in whatever he was doing. His brows were furrowed in concentration, his teeth biting his bottom lip. The sun haloed his body, the brown strands of his hair lighter each day we spent outside.
“If you’re a teacher and coach, how are you so good with this? Doesn’t seem like a random hobby.”
Murphy glanced up at my question, the creases in his face smoothing as he lost focus on what he was doing.
“My mom. She was a radio frequency engineer. In the evenings growing up, I would tinker with radios with her. It was our thing.”
The love in Murphy’s voice was impossible to miss and I realized from this story and others that he and his mom were extremely close. Another question was on the tip of my tongue and I only hesitated for a moment before asking.
“Are you worried about her?” My voice was barely above a whisper, but I knew he heard when his shoulders tightened.
Sighing, he ran a hand through his unruly hair. “I am. According to those guys and the radio, this isn’t just happening here. Which means most likely she was forced to leave her house.” Finally, giving up on the radio, he came to sit beside me. “But I try not to think about it too much. I can’t help her from here and for now, I just hope for the best.”
I was stunned by his optimism, and I desperately wanted some for myself. It seemed half of my thoughts were always on the terrible situation my family was in.
“What about you? Your family is from here. Why were you in the woods by yourself?”
The question was fair, considering I had asked him the same thing, but a lump formed in my throat as I struggled to respond. I didn’t have the same positive outlook that Murphy had and I was scared the tears would come if I spoke about my family. But I also knew Murphy wouldn’t judge me if they did.
“My dad was shot when the fires started. He was in the backyard with my two brothers. I don’t know why, and I think that’s what kills me the most.”
Murphy circled a hand around my wrist as I spoke, rubbing a soothing thumb against my skin. “And the rest of your family?”
“My mom and I were in the kitchen. She told me to run and I did. I assumed they were going to follow me, but they never did.”
“Do you think they’re in the camps?” Murphy asked gently, the comforting feel of his hand still on me.
“I hope not.”
Murphy’s eyes widened, but he didn’t understand. He hadn’t seen those camps. The people inside had looked miserable. No, I hoped they weren’t inside those camps.
“We should probably head back now,” Murphy said after a few more minutes of silence.
His eyes met mine, his grip still on me, and even though I nodded in agreement, neither of us stood up. Our gazes clashed, so many unspoken things between us. And if this was a different world, if we weren’t simply surviving day in and day out, I think I’d speak those things aloud. Maybe even close the distance between us. But that wasn’t the world we lived in.
Finally standing up, I pulled my wrist from Murphy’s grasp, smiling slightly, trying to shake off the deep conversation.
“Come on. Let’s go see what’s for dinner tonight. Maybe fish? Maybe deer?”
Murphy laughed loudly, falling into the easy teasing and lightheartedness that usually blossomed between us. Wrapping an arm around my shoulder once more, he began walking back toward camp, playing along.
“Or maybe hazelnuts! Really, the options are endless.”
Laughing together, we started the hike back, Murphy regaling me with stories of him and Rainer as they grew up together. It wasn’t until we made it back to camp and I was closing my eyes to sleep that I realized we had left the radio behind.