Chapter 15
Kasey
How was it possible to feel at ease and unsteady at the same time? The contradiction sat heavy in my chest like two halves pulling in opposite directions. My body felt loose, almost warm from the medication settled into my system, but my mind kept tripping over itself.
I wasn’t sure if it was the mix of meds still fighting their way through my bloodstream or if it was just a natural response to him. To this Alpha who didn’t act like any Alpha I’d ever known. My nerves didn’t know what to do with that. My instincts didn’t either.
I’d never reacted to an Alpha the way I was supposed to. Not really. I’d learned the rules, learned the posture, learned the obedience, but none of it had ever come naturally. Submission had been something carved into me, not something that rose on its own.
There was a difference between having to kneel and wanting to.
And the wanting…that was the part that scared me.
Because right now, sitting across from him with the taste of warm soup still lingering on my tongue and the quiet weight of his attention on me, I didn’t feel the usual pressure to fold myself small. I didn’t feel the sharp, cold fear that usually pushed me to the floor.
I felt something else. Something softer. Something I didn’t have a name for.
I shook off those thoughts, because it didn’t matter what I felt. All that mattered was that I was to be the best Omega. The one that got to serve this Alpha who seemed to care, at least on the surface.
Right now, I didn’t want to think about how he could become mean like the other Alpha I served before him. Or he could become full of hatred and mark my body like the handlers did over and over.
So, right now, I couldn’t think of any of that. Instead, I forced my mind to focus on the here and now. And that meant, keeping every bit of my attention on the Alpha who could very well cause me harm at any time he wished to do so.
Evander. I had to remember his name. I felt like I should know it already, but I wasn’t sure where I could have ever met this man before today.
No, wait.
I met him. It was such a brief moment in time, but he was the one that took my picture at Lockswell. He had eyed me like I was something he lost that day.
I wasn’t sure how I could have forgotten that, but there had been Alphas that came in and out often enough that it was easy to overlook them all.
I watched him clean up the kitchen, his back to me. And as he did so, he talked.
He kept the conversation on safe ground, and from where I sat, it felt strange. Strange in a way that didn’t hurt but still made my stomach twist.
He didn’t ask anything intrusive. Nothing that demanded answers. Nothing that felt like a test. He talked about the soup, about how the weather had warmed a little, about how he needed to fix a loose hinge on one of the cabinets. Simple things. Harmless things.
As he finished cleaning the kitchen, he led the way to the living room.
And once I curled up in one of the oversized leather chairs, a blanket over my shoulders, he kept talking.
He sat on the couch, TV on low, eyes bouncing between me and whatever show he put on.
While my own eyes stayed anywhere, that wasn’t on him.
Sometimes I nodded. Sometimes I didn’t know if I was supposed to. Sometimes, I answered with a quiet yes. Other times the words stuck in my throat and he didn’t push. Just shifted to something else, something lighter, like he could feel when my chest tightened.
It was…disorienting.
Alphas didn’t talk like this. Not to me. Not about anything. Not without wanting something in return.
But Evander kept going, steady and calm, like the sound of his voice alone was meant to help me stay anchored. And maybe it did, because the room didn’t feel as sharp around the edges anymore.
He asked if I liked the soup. I nodded.
He mentioned he’d found a new brand of tea he thought was decent. I didn’t know what to say to that, so I didn’t say anything.
He talked about how quiet the neighborhood has been lately. I blinked at him, unsure why he was telling me that, but he didn’t seem to expect a response.
Every time I didn’t answer, he didn’t flinch. He didn’t sigh or frown or correct me. He just kept the conversation drifting like a slow current, something I could float in without drowning.
And that, more than the medication, more than the food, was what made me feel unsteady. Because I didn’t know how to exist in a world where an Alpha didn’t demand anything from me.
He told me how this house was on part of his parents' land, and if I looked out the back door from the kitchen, I’d be able to see their house just half a mile away.
He went on to tell me how his parents wanted to keep their children close, but most of them had moved on to different towns over the years, leaving Evander the last to stick by.
He talked about how his mother liked to keep the flowers growing year to year. How the blue ones were the most precious ones out of the bunch, because they meant something different to her than all the other flowers ever could.
He said that when I was strong enough to take a walk, we’d visit the flowers and I could see for myself how well his mother took care of them.
He went on to see how his brother, who was five years older than himself, sometimes worked in the area and liked to stop by from time to time. Mostly because he was a noisy pushy brother who had to make sure that Evander was keeping himself out of trouble.
Eventually, Evander ran out of random things to say, and the room settled into a quiet that didn’t feel heavy.
The show playing in the background reached its end; the credits rolling in slow lines across the TV screen.
I didn’t really watch them. My gaze drifted instead to the Alpha across the room.
He sat on the couch with one leg crossed over the other, his foot resting on the coffee table in front of him.
His posture was relaxed in a way I didn’t know how to read.
It was open, unguarded, nothing like the rigid dominance I’d been taught to expect.
His glass of water sat forgotten on the side table; the ice long since melted into a thin layer at the bottom.
He looked…normal. Not like an Alpha waiting for me to mess up. Not like someone calculating what he wanted from me. Just a man sitting on a couch after lunch, watching the end of a show he probably didn’t care about.
I let my eyes linger on him longer than I meant to. He didn’t notice at first, his attention was on the TV, or maybe just the quiet. But when he glanced my way, his expression softened. Not with pity or expectations, but something gentler. Something steady.
It made the unsteady feeling inside me twist again.
How was it possible to feel safe and off balance at the same time? How could someone look so harmless and still make every instinct in me scramble to figure out what I was supposed to do next?
I didn’t know. But I couldn’t look away from him either. After a moment, I forced my gaze away, heat prickling at the back of my neck the moment Evander’s eyes connected with mind.
It was too intimate, too revealing, like I’d been caught doing something I shouldn’t have done.
Don’t look at an Alpha in the eyes.
I stared at my lap, where my knees were bent to the side, fingers twisting in the blanket and pretending I hadn’t been watching the Alpha at all.
But even then, my mind kept circling back to Evander.
I took in the broadness of his shoulders, the way he filled the couch without seeming to loom.
The relaxed sprawl of his legs. The strength in his forearms that rested casually against his stomach.
The faint scruff along his jaw. The way his chest rose and fell in an easy, steady rhythm that made the whole room feel calmer.
He wasn’t big, not like the pictures of the Alphas I’d seen in textbooks. He wasn’t gruff looking with that hardened life look.
No. Evander was all Alpha; I didn’t doubt that all. But he was bigger than me, wider, and wiser for sure.
He looked...solid. Not imposing. Not dangerous. Just solid in a way that made something inside me loosen and lighten at the same time.
Evander reminded me of someone I couldn’t name. Someone from long ago that gave off the exact same feelings.
I wasn’t supposed to notice any of that, though. I was only taught how to predict what an Alpha wanted or desired, and nearly all that came down to sex, willing or not on my part. That’s what Alphas would always want.
But not this one.
My gaze flicked up again before I could stop it. Just a quick glance, barely a second, and I caught the soft curve of Evander’s mouth, the relaxed line of his shoulders and the quiet patience in a way that he watched the fading credits.
I jerked my eyes away, knowing how wrong it was.
It was harder than when I wanted it to be to remember my place.
It didn’t matter that Evander wanted to be nice right now. Sooner or later, this Alpha would want my service, and I’d hate myself just as much when that happened as I did the first time I had been used. How I hated myself through all the days of training.
But in the end, that was my purpose. To serve or be killed.
Omegas were useless pieces of bone and skin. We didn’t have happy endings in life. We weren’t pleading our cases to be loved and cared for.
No. Omegas were created to be used until our bodies went out.
But maybe, I could have that sliver of hope that this Alpha would be kind when he broke me more than I already was.
And maybe, if Evander was nice and kind and let me rest for a day or so more, then I could pretend that we were more than just Alpha and Omega. I could maybe pretend that he loved me.
Because I wanted to be loved. I wanted someone to care about my wellbeing. And I wanted things I didn’t dare think of ever having.
Maybe, once upon a time, I’d have been able to be loved by another without any strings attached. But that would have been before.
Before my parents died in a car crash and I was given to Lockswell.
Before my family deserted me, not wanting to see the reason on why my parents died.
Before I was broken of all hope to ever be saved by a family that should have cared.
Before I knew what being an Omega truly meant in this world.
***
The lamp on the nightstand cast a warm pool of light across the bed, softening the shadows. The blankets were still rumbled from earlier, but instead of looking messy or wrong, they looked lived in. Like someone had cared enough to make sure I’d be comfortable.
I stepped just inside the doorway, fingers tightening around the edge of the blanket that was wrapped around my shoulders. The fleece fabric was almost like a barrier against the world. A tiny comfort I wasn’t ready to give up.
I took a slow breath, letting my eyes move across the dresser, the soft rug, the neatly folded towel and pile of clothes Evander had left at the foot of the bed. Details I hadn’t noticed before. Details I hadn’t been able to notice.
It was strange, seeing it all without the fog of panic or the sharp edges of fear. Strange and a little overwhelming.
But not bad.
My body felt heavy, the kind of tiredness that settled deep in my bones. The meds were wearing off, but the exhaustion was clinging to me.
I stepped further into the room, toes sinking into the rug, and the sensation startled me. It was softer than I expected.
The bathroom door stood slightly ajar, a sliver of light spilling out. Evander must have left it that way on purpose. An invitation without pressure. A choice.
I gathered the clean clothes and towels and held them against my chest as I walked towards the bathroom. Each step felt like testing new ground, like learning how to exist in a place that didn’t demand anything from me.
The mirror caught me as I entered, and I couldn’t help but pause. My reflection looked…worn. Pale.
I was still small; despite the way I had been forced to earn muscles to make me more attractive over the past couple of years.
My blue eyes were still troubled and always would be. I wasn’t sure I’d ever see life in them again, even though my heartbeat was in my chest, and I was still physically here.
Mentally, I didn’t want to be here any longer than I had to be.
Turning away, I turned on the shower and steam began to curl around the edge of the shower door. The sound of water filled the room, steady and soothing, and I let myself breathe a little deeper.
Tonight, I would shower with water at the temperature I wanted, according to Evander’s orders. I’d get ready for bed after. And then, I’d try to sleep in a room that wasn’t mine.
And maybe, come morning, I’d try to earn this bed and space so this Alpha would want to keep me until my body gave out.