Chapter 18 #2
I could give him orders. That was the part that twisted my chest. He was trained, conditioned, to follow whatever someone like me told him to do. If I wanted him to act in a certain way, he’d do it without hesitation.
But that wasn’t what I wanted. Not even close.
I wanted Kasey. The real one. The boy I’d grown up with. The person I’d lost and somehow got back.
Not a trained shell. Not someone performing obedience because he thought he had to.
My Kasey.
I didn’t need sex to survive, nor did I necessarily want it.
“Okay, Sir,” he murmured, and the moment the word left his mouth, his whole body seemed to loosen. Like the weight he’d been carrying all morning, finally slid off his shoulders.
I swallowed hard. We’d have to work on that word later.
“There might be other things that come up,” I said, rubbing a hand over my face. “We’ll write them down when they do.” Honestly, it was too early for my brain to come up with a full list. “Do you have any questions so far?”
He hesitated. His fingers twisted in the hem of the shirt he wore, causing it to fall off his other shoulder now. And I could see the handprint shaped bruise from someone having held him too tight.
“What…what am I supposed to do for you, then? How am I meant to…. serve you?” The question was asked in a soft voice; I almost missed it.
The question hit me like a punch, and it told me how much work we had ahead of us.
I didn’t answer right away. Not because I didn’t know what to say, but because the question hit me in a place I wasn’t prepared for. Serve you. The words were too small, too heavy, too wrong for what I wanted from this Omega.
I leaned forward, elbows on my knees as I grounded myself before speaking.
“Kasey, you are not here to serve me.”
The Omega’s head jerked up a fraction, confusion flickering across his face like he wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly.
I kept my voice steady. “You’re not my employee. You’re not something for me to command. And you’re definitely not here to fill some role someone else trained into you. You’re here because you mean something to me that's hard to explain. I…want company. Friendship. Nothing more.”
I let that settle, watching the way Kasey’s breathing hitched, like the words didn’t fit anywhere in his understanding of the world.
I continued, slower, choosing each word with care. “I want you to help me around the house. Help keep it clean. Cook when you feel like it. Keep my company when I’m home by just sitting and talking, like we are now.”
Kasey’s eyes squinted across the room, as though he was trying to make sense of the words.
I leaned back, trying to relax my body when all I wanted to do was pull the Omega into my lap and just let him do whatever he wanted around here, naked or clothed.
“The only thing I expect from you is honesty. If you’re scared, tell me.
If you’re confused, ask me. If you don’t know what to do, I’ll help you figure it out.
” I crossed my legs, placing one on the coffee table.
“And if you’re asking what your place is here…
. Your place is like someone I care about.
Someone I want safe. Someone I’m glad to have the company of. ”
Kasey’s breath caught, and I watched him carefully.
“Does that make sense?
Kasey’s voice wavered. “I…. maybe?” His blue eyes were full of doubt, but there was something else there too. Something like cautious acceptance, like he wanted to believe me even if he didn’t know how.
“What…what if I want…” he trailed off, gaze drifting somewhere far away as he searched for the right word. His fingers once again twisted the hem of the shirt.
I leaned a little forward, keeping my tone soft. “If you want what, sweetheart?” I prompted.
He swallowed hard, throat bobbing. “If I want…to do things right. The way I’m supposed to.”
Did he mean to serve me? Or offer himself up to be used and taken advantage of? I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answers.
“Let’s make a deal. If there’s something you miss doing that isn’t harmful to you in any way, then you can bring it up and possibly try it.
” Seeing that I hadn’t exactly answered his question, I went on.
“I want you to make choices. If you like something, then we’ll work on it together.
Say, for instance, I put the rule of not reading books in this house, but you enjoy reading.
You tell me that, and I’d let you read books as long as you didn’t skip meals. ”
“I can read?” Kasey perked up at that. Sitting straighter like that alone would make him do whatever I asked.
“Then feel free to find things to read on my tablet. I don’t use that thing much anyways.” He quickly nodded eagerly, like he couldn’t wait to find something to read.
The eight-year-old boy hated reading, so it was a nice surprise that he enjoyed doing so now.
“Did I answer your question?
“Maybe?” He licked his lips and at the same time his cheeks flushed a deep color again. “What if…. I want…? He deflated once more. I gave him a moment, hoping he’d find his words on his own.
“I…. if I’m not supposed to serve you…. Then what do you want me to do when I’m near you? I don’t know how to just…be.”
The embarrassment in his voice was sharp and immediate. His checks flushed, his shoulders curled inward, and he looked like he wanted to disappear into the floor if it were an option.
My chest tightened. Not with frustration but with something protective and aching.
I lowered my voice. “Kasey, sweetheart, look at me.”
It took a moment, but Kasey lifted his eyes, blue and uncertain, and bracing for something that wasn’t coming.
“When you’re near me, I don’t want you to do anything.”
He blinked.
“I just want you to exist. Sit. Breathe. Talk if you want. Be quiet if you want. You don’t have to perform for me. You don’t have to anticipate anything. You don’t have to earn your place in the house.”
Kasey swallowed, the embarrassment deepened. “But… I don’t know how to do that.”
“I know.” I smiled lightly. “That’s okay. You’re not supposed to know. You haven’t been taught how to just…live. But we’ll figure it out. Together.”
His gaze dropped again, but this time, it wasn’t shameful. It was something softer, something like relief.
“If you’re near me, the only thing I want is for you to feel safe. That’s it. Not trying to be useful. Don’t try to be perfect. I just want you to find yourself. Be yourself.”
A tiny breath escaped Kasey, shaky and uncertain, but he wasn’t panicking this time. More like the first cracks in a wall he’d been holding up for years.
I let the quiet settle, warm and steady, before adding, “And if you don’t know what to do, I’ll help you. But I’m not going to give you orders just to fill the silence.”
Kasey nodded slowly, like he was trying to absorb something that didn’t fit anywhere in his mind, in his world.