Chapter 33
Kasey
“I want to show you something.”
Sleep hadn’t come easy last night, not that it ever really did. I’d given up long before the sun even thought about rising.
The sky had been nothing but ink, deep and endless, scattered with cold little stars. I’d stared up at them for a long time, letting the quiet settle over me while the rest of the world stayed asleep. It was the only time I felt like I wasn’t in anyone’s way.
Now, with Evander watching me so closely, I tried to pull myself fully into the moment. I tried to understand what he meant.
He didn’t look worried. Just…hopeful.
“What…what is it?” I managed, my voice rough from disuse.
His smile softened, warm enough to cut through the fog in my head. “Something outside. Something I think you’ll enjoy.”
My heart gave a small, confused flutter.
Evander shifted, helping me to sit up a little straighter from where I was leaning against him on the couch after breakfast.
Truthfully, I was content to just lean on this Alpha. I didn’t need anything else as long as he could keep the panic away, keep the thoughts from coming up, too. I was starting to think of him as my safe place and it hadn’t even been a week yet, had it?
“Come on. Go get shoes on.”
If I had to, I thought with a mental pout. It took more effort than I wanted to push myself up from the couch. Thankfully, one pair of sandals was already by the back door, and I easily slipped my feet into them.
Evander came up behind me, fixing the shirt I wore, so it sat on my shoulders correctly. Not that it would matter; it’d fall down again soon enough.
“You do have your own shirts now, you know.” The words weren’t an order, just a point.
“But they don’t…fit well.” They didn’t smell like him, but I didn’t think it was wise to say that.
Evander hummed, not agreeing to my statement. But he let it go and took ahold of my hand.
“Come on.”
Still half asleep, I let him guide me outside.
Warmth spilled over the top of my head, down my neck, and across my shoulders.
It wrapped around me so completely that I stopped walking for a second, blinking against the brightness.
I’d forgotten how simple heat could feel like a blanket laid over my skin.
Forgotten how something so huge and far away could touch me so gently.
Evander glanced back, smiling like he’d been waiting for that exact reaction. “Feels good, doesn’t it?”
I didn’t trust my voice, so I just nodded, letting the warmth sink deeper, loosening something tight in my chest I hadn’t realized was there.
And then he kept leading me forward, towards something he clearly thought mattered.
Evander didn’t say where we were going. He just kept my hand in his, steady and sure like he knew I’d follow even if my brain was foggy.
I glanced around, trying to piece together why he’d brought me out here, but nothing looked different. Nothing looked important.
The grass had little steppingstones from the back deck, that seemed to lead to where his parents’ house sat about half mile back. The trees cast shadows over some of the stones and green grass, while blotches of sun snuck through in other places.
I wondered if I could be out here more often, soaking up the sun.
Evander led me further across the yard, his hand warm in mind. The walk was slow, enjoyable even, as I took in the types of trees and the leaves that were as green as the grass.
But then, something shifted.
The smell hit me first. Soft and sweet. Familiar in a way that made my chest tighten without warning. I slowed, blinking as the air changed around us. It was richer.
Then I saw it. Not all at once. Just the edge of it.
A patch of color tucked behind some trees, half hidden by a low white fence. Blues and greens and soft shapes I couldn’t quite make out yet. It didn’t look like anything important. Just plants. Flowers.
But something tugged in me toward it anyways.
“Evander…?” My voice came out small, unsure.
He didn’t answer right away, just squeezed my hand gently, guiding me a few steps closer.
The colors sharpened. The shape became clear. Leaves. Petals. A small carefully tended space that didn’t belong to the wilderness of the yard.
A garden
I didn’t know why my heart suddenly felt too big for my ribs. I didn’t know why my breath caught like I’d been running. I didn’t know why the sight of it stirred something deep inside me. Something old, something I’d forgotten.
I only knew that I couldn’t look away.
Small, delicate petals like tiny stars.
My feet stopped moving.
The world didn’t tilt; it lurched, like my body recognized something before my mind could catch up. A strange, tight feeling pulled at my chest, sharp and soft all at once. I didn’t understand it. I didn’t know why my eyes suddenly stung or why my fingers twitched like they wanted to reach out.
Blue flowers.
Not just any blue ones. Those blue flowers.
The ones … from ...
My thoughts stuttered, tripped over themselves, trying to form a memory that wouldn’t come at all. Just flashed. A field. Laughter. Small hands – mine? – picking them one by one. Someone called my name. Warmth. Safety.
My breath hitched, and I didn’t even realize I’d taken a step closer until the grass brushed my ankles.
“Evander….” I whispered, not trusting my voice to hold anything more.
He didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to.
He brought me here for this.
The garden pulled me in. It was like a whisper at the edge of my thoughts.
I stepped away from Evander without really meaning to, drawn towards the patch of blue flowers clustered near the back of the fence. My fingers itched to touch; itched to draw them.
I crouched down, reaching out but stopped just short of touching them. My fingers hovered above the petals.
I swallowed hard as the word for these came to mine. Lily of the valley.
They were almost always white, but the rare ones were the lightest blue. Just like this. Blue that matched my eyes when the sun hit them just right.
I blinked back tears, trying and failing to remember where I’d heard that saying, too.
Letting my eyes drift around the rest of the garden, it was bigger than it appeared at first glance. Rows of herbs. A few vegetables. A scattering of other flowers in soft colors.
Then, something caught my eye.
A small stone near the base of a tree. Not a random rock. This one was placed there with purpose. Smooth. Oval. The surface was carved with careful hands.
I stepped closer, my heartbeat picking up for reasons I didn’t understand.
The engraving was simple. My name. A date. And beneath it, a single etched flower.
I knew that shape. I’ve seen it before. On my skin.
I knelt slowly, fingers trembling as I brushed dirt from the stone’s edge. The letters blurred for a moment, not because they were worn, but because my eyes suddenly stung.
A memorial.
For a boy who was eight years old. A boy who was missing. A boy who had vanished in the woods. A boy who never came home.
I knew the story. I had found the old news clippings on Evander’s nightstand when I had tided them up. They were faded with age, like a lot of the things that dealt with the boy he lost.
A tragic accident is what the articles said.
A boy who was most likely killed by a mountain lion. Even though no evidence had ever been found.
I understand why this Alpha was obsessed with the idea of me being that boy. And my heart ached at his loss.
I didn’t hear him at first. I didn’t even realize I’d wondered away from him. Not until I felt a shadow fall beside me.
Evander didn’t touch me right away. He didn’t say my name or ask what I was doing. He just stepped close enough that I could feel the warmth of him at my side, steady and grounding, like he was giving me a way back if I needed it.
Only when I finally looked up did he crouch beside me, slow and careful, his eyes flickering from my face to the stone and back again.
“You found it.” His voice wasn’t surprising. Just…gentle and accepting. Like he had known, I would find it.
“Why?” The word slipped out before I could stop it. Too small, too thin. Too full of things I didn’t know how to say.
Why make this for a boy who wasn’t coming back? Why make a garden with flowers that pulled me towards them? Why bring me here to see it all?
Just…why?
Evander didn’t answer right away. He didn’t rush to fill the silence or tell me it was okay. He just crouched there, close enough I could feel his warmth. His hand hovered near my back.
“Kasey.” Maybe he couldn’t answer. Maybe there was no answer to why. Life was unfair like that. “My mom doesn’t believe remembering someone is the same as giving up hope.”
Hope.
The word felt too big in my chest, too heavy, like it didn’t belong to me. I shook my head, breath trembling. “Why show me, then?”
Evander finally let his hand settle between my shoulder blades. “Because you deserve to see the things that matter to me. And because…you matter to me just as much as that little boy years ago did.”
I didn’t know why that hurt. I didn’t know why it felt like something inside me was trying to wake up. I didn’t know why the blue flowers and the carved stone made my chest ache like a bruise pressed too hard.
I only knew that the questions still echoed inside me.
Why me? Why now? Why did this feel like something I should remember? And why did Evander look at me like he already knew the answer?
“Mom keeps this garden going all year,” Evander said, his voice low, almost reverent. “It’s how she copes. Losing that boy… it broke something in her. In all of us.”
He paused, eyes drifting over the flowers like he was seeing a memory instead of petals. “I was the one who suggested planting lilies in the valley. Took us forever to find blue ones—thought we never would. But we did. And now they grow here because she tends to them with everything she has left.”
He let the words settle between us, soft and heavy.