Chapter 36
Kasey
The movie flickered across the living room in soft colors, the kind that didn’t demand attention. Something animated. Evander had picked it because he said it was easy on the brain, and right now, that was exactly what I needed.
I was tucked against his side, resting just below his shoulder. I couldn’t seem to pull myself away from his warmth, away from his safety he so easily offered. A blanket laid across my legs that were stretched out along the couch, more for comfort than warmth.
We watched it in silence for a while. It was just quiet and safe. But the thought kept nudging me. Over and over until it pressed too hard to ignore.
I shifted slightly, enough for Evander to glance down at me.
“You, okay?” He asked, always mindful of every need I could possibly have.
I nodded, then shook my head, then nodded again. “I…don’t….” I huffed; the words weren’t coming to me.
Evander turned the volume down a bit before fixing the shirt that kept falling off my shoulder. I didn’t know why he bothered; it’d just fall again in a matter of minutes.
Trying again, I took a deep breath. “I…I don’t want anyone else to know. Not yet.” It hurt, but I wasn’t ready to share it. I wasn’t ready to share this new world, the new me, whoever that turned out to be, with everyone.
Evander didn’t ask what I meant. He didn’t push, just waited like he always did.
“About the results. I don’t want…. Your parents to know. Or…. mine.” That hurt too, but I knew it was for the best. “Not until I’m so….” I waved a hand up and down my body, like that’d explain what I meant. I couldn’t find the words. “Not until I figure out who I am now, or have an idea, I guess.”
“Okay.” So finally, like he respected it. Or maybe he was thinking the same thing but wasn’t wanting to bring it up just yet. “Then we take it slow. Just us. No pressure.”
I tilted my head up to give him a small smile. “Thank you.”
“We’ll go at your pace. Always.” He paused for a moment, his eyes searching mine.
“We’ll have a lot to figure out. And I never want to push you for more than what you are capable of handling.
Just know that I will never be upset when you tell me no or even a not yet to things I’d maybe want in the future. ”
“I’ll try. But that may take me a little longer to get through my brain.
” I turned away, not wanting to see his face with what I had to say next.
“Lockswell enjoyed making me say no, only to do whatever I didn’t want.
They…” I breathed in deep, waiting for the panic to set in.
When it didn’t, I kept going. “They’d push me.
Past my limits. Past the tears and pain.
They enjoyed it. They stripped everything from me, Evy.
But I want those pieces back. Can you help me find them again? ”
“Absolutely, Honeybee. I’d love nothing more than to help you find your pieces, and new ones long the way.”
I let the words settle in me, carving into my soul.
“You know,” Evander murmured after a few minutes of quiet. “You used to fall asleep during movies all the time.”
“Obviously.” I smiled. “I was a kid.”
He laughed deep in his chest, the kind that was full of happiness and adoration.
“Well, nearly every single time we sat to watch a movie, you’d fall asleep. It didn’t matter what we were watching. You’d start sitting upright, all determined to stay awake. And then…” he made a gesture with his hand like a leaf drifting down. “Out cold. Usually on my shoulder or in my lap.”
“You make a great pillow,” I muttered as heat crept up my neck. And apparently, that’s where I still preferred my naps, if the past few days were enough to go off by.
“You’d droll sometimes, too.”
I huffed out a breath, not denying that.
“Tell me more.” I stated more than I asked. I wanted all of his memories, all the moments. Maybe it’d spark my own. Maybe it was just so I could hear his voice.
“Hmmm.” He shifted, putting one leg over the other along the coffee table. “The stuffed fox I gave you.”
I nodded, knowing it was currently sitting between the two pillows on the bed right this very second.
“I won it at a carnival game. I was determined to win anything for you. I don’t exactly remember what game I played, but I won that fox.
The way you lit up when you saw it was like a bright star shining on the brightest night.
After that, you always slept with it. It’d go camping, or to sleepovers at my house. ”
“Can…can we go camping sometime?” Would it still be enjoyable? Would I have to be in my own tent, because if so, then I’d take the question back in a heartbeat.
“Sure. We could try it out in the backyard first. That way, if you don’t enjoy it, we can just come back inside and sleep in a comfy bed instead of having to pack everything up and drive a couple of hours.”
“Okay.” I liked that idea.
Of course, it was then that a yawn forced its way up.
“Tired, Honeybee?”
“No.” Yes, but there was no way I wanted to go to bed just yet.
What if it broke the bubble and tomorrow in the sunlight things weren’t the same anymore? What if Evander decided overnight that he didn’t want me anymore, just because he remembered I was used and broken? What if-
“Kasey? Breathe, sweetheart.”
Right. I had to breathe.
I took a gasping breath, feeling the air pinch and stuttering in my lungs. Then I took another. And another.
“Good boy. So good for me. Keep breathing. I’m not going anywhere.”
“But…. what…. if…. you don’t…want me?” I gasped out, tears spilling once again.
“Never. I wanted you the first moment I held you in my arms. I want you right now. And I’ll want you forever.
Nothing will ever change my mind. No matter what your past carries, no matter what type of person you become.
I will always want you. You’re my Kasey, my Honeybee, my rock, and my soul.
Life isn’t worth living unless you are in it by my side. ”
“Pr-promise?” I sniffed.
“Promise.”
I moved to crawl into his lap. There, with his arms wrapped around me, the world hidden from view, I finally felt what I thought may be the start of what home truly was like.
A place that was mine. A place that I could be whatever I wanted, whoever I wanted to be.
Home.
With my heart and soul with my best friend I was sure I’d never get to see it again.
Home.
Surrounded by family that would love me just as I am.
Home.
My Evy was my home. And nothing would ever break us apart.
“Evy?” I whispered, losing the fight with my eyes to stay open. It had been a long day on top of a sleepless night.
“Yeah, my Honeybee?”
“Don’t let me go. Don’t let me pull away. Don’t let me go blank when I get scared.”
“I’ll keep you grounded. Always.”
I nodded, my body relaxing as sleep claimed me in his hold.
***
I don’t remember going to bed, but that’s where I woke up. The blankets were wrapped snugly around me, cocooning me in warmth I didn’t recall climbing into. The stuffed fox was tucked against my chest, right where my arms must have pulled it in during the night.
A faint glow spilled in from the kitchen; the low light Evander always left on, just enough to keep the room from sinking to full darkness. Even so, the space felt dim, quiet in a way that made the shadows seem heavier than they were.
For a moment, I just lay there, breathing slowly, trying to piece together how I’d gotten from the couch to here.
It took a minute for my brain to catch up.
I didn’t walk there. I didn’t climb into bed. I didn’t pull up the covers.
Evander did.
The realization settled over me slowly, warm and startling all at once.
I could almost picture it, his arms under me, lifting me as he stood from the couch.
The way he’d tuck the blankets around me, making sure I was warm.
The way he’d place the fox against my chest because he knew I’d want it close.
He carried me. Not because he had to. Not because it was convenient to do so. But because he could. Because he cared.
I curled a little tighter around the fox, pressing my face into the worn fur as the truth washed through me.
Evy carried me to bed.
And somehow, that meant more than anything else that had happened today.
It was hard to wrap my mind around everything. So much had happened in such a short stretch of time, yet it felt like years had passed since the moment I first stepped into this house. Like I’d lived a whole lifetime between then and now.
How was it possible to feel so much, to experience so much, and to want things all at once? All within days? All before I’ve even found my footing?
The weight of it all pressed against my ribs, tarrying and hopeful in equal measure.
And still…. I didn’t want to let go of any of it.
It was almost too much to hold inside my chest.
Everything that happened, every conversation, every memory, every moment Evander had steadied me or softened his voice or looked at me like I was someone worth protecting. It all pressed in at once. Heavy and warm and terrifying in a way that didn’t make me want to run.
I’d lived through years where nothing changed. Where every day felt the same. Where wanting anything was forbidden.
I didn’t know how it happened. But laying there in the dim light, wrapped in blankets that were soft, warm, and smelt of home, I realized something simple and horrifying at the same time.
I didn’t want to go backward. Not from this. Not from him. Not from the way Evander made the world feel a little better.
The truth settled into me slowly, like warmth spreading through cold fingers.
I wasn’t ready for everything, but I was ready for this.
I was ready for more moments of him carrying me to bed. I was ready for him to stay close. Ready for the quiet nights, and ready for the evenings we would spend outside, sipping drinks on the back porch as we fought off bugs from eating us.
I was ready to begin a life with this Alpha who I thought would be a death sentence. Ready to begin a new type of goodness with an Alpha who already held my heart.
The eight-year-old me would have proclaimed it to the world, shouted it from the rooftops even.
But this new me…was scared. Not scared of rejection, although there was a slight bit of that, but scared of what all this could mean. Scared of feeling things I had long since lost.
I was Kasey. An Omega.
An Omega who was hurt and torn down. An Omega who would find their feet and stand tall and strong one day again.
Because I had my Evy, and that was all that mattered.