Chapter 16
16
VIOLET
“ O h, there you are,” I say, leaning against the doorframe that leads to Alaric’s sprawling library.
Birdie is curled up in a ginormous blue velvet chair, reading something on her lap. She looks up at me and gives me a warm smile.
“Oh, sorry. Were you looking for me?” she asks.
I shrug as I enter. “Not for long. When you weren’t in your room, I figured I would find you here.”
I lean against the arm of the chair opposite her and cross my arms, taking a mental picture of her curled up in that chair like that. She looks so peaceful and in her element.
When was the last time I saw her like this? Her last home was a prison, but here, she could be truly happy. It’s been six hours since we arrived at Alaric’s and Birdie has grown more at ease with every passing hour. If we leave together, it won’t be like this. It will be a struggle. No money. No place to stay. Is having each other truly enough to make up for all that?
The guilt gnaws away at me.
“I just realized something,” she says sadly.
“What?” I reply, not liking the worried look on her face.
“I’ll never find out how my book ends,” she says.
I let a smile creep across my face, remembering the way I’d buy her books while I was out and she’d hide them around the house so my mother and sister wouldn’t find them. She was smart. They would immediately take them from her, throw them away, or destroy them. They loved to rip everything she loved to shreds.
“I’m sure we can get you another copy. Do you remember the name?” I ask, pulling my phone from my back pocket.
She screws up her face. “Honestly…no. I’m terrible with titles. The cover was blue, and it had flowers on it.”
I laugh. “I don’t think that’s gonna narrow it down, Bird.”
“Oh well,” she replies with a shrug. “I’m sure it was a happy ending.”
“They usually are, right?” I ask playfully.
“In the books I like,” she replies, turning back to the one in her lap. “Not in real life.”
“You don’t know that,” I say, walking toward her. “Your story could have a very happy ending.”
She looks up at me, and I touch her affectionately under the chin. “What about yours?” she whispers.
“If it’s with you, it will be very happy,” I say, brushing my fingers through her long blonde hair.
“If?” Her expression twists with uncertainty.
I don’t respond, at least not right away.
“What’s going on, Violet?” she pries. “You’re not going to leave, are you?”
I jerk my head back like she just slapped me. “I would never leave you, not like that.”
“Then tell me what you’re thinking.”
I wish I could tell her. But the truth is there is so much Birdie doesn’t know, and even if I could compete with Alaric and his big mansion and billion dollars, what will happen when Birdie learns the truth of what I’ve done?
“He’s going to fight for you, Birdie,” I say, gently caressing her jaw. “And I’m afraid he has so much more to offer that I’d never be able to win.”
She looks offended. “You think I care about his money?” she asks.
“No,” I say, shaking my head sadly. “But…look at all this. He’d be able to keep you safe. He’s a powerful man, Birdie.”
“I don’t care, Violet.” She snaps her book closed and stands from the chair. In a fit of frustration, she walks to the shelf and slams the book down before turning back toward me. “We made a plan, and that plan worked. Just because Alaric and I had sex or because he seems to want me to himself now doesn’t change that plan.”
“And what if you are pregnant?” I ask.
“Then I’ll take care of it. We will cross that road when we get there. I mean…has anyone even bothered to ask me what I want? Does anyone ever take my desires into consideration?”
“Yes, of course—” I start, but she quickly cuts me off.
“I’m so sick of my life being decided for me, Violet. Don’t you start, too.”
My mouth closes, and I swallow a flood of rising shame. She’s right. I was trying to control her because I really thought I was the one best suited to do so. What is wrong with me?
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
She lets out a huff of frustration. “I know Alaric will be fighting to keep me, and I know you will too. But all I can think right now is that I’m finally free. I can read a fucking book without worrying about what they’ll do if they find me. I can start thinking about my life. Maybe I’ll go to college. Or maybe I’ll get a job. I don’t know, but all I do know is that I’m not trading one prison for another. I finally have my life back, and I’m sure as hell not going to let someone else decide my future for me.”
With a sigh, she snatches the book back from the shelf and walks out of the room with it. She stops with one foot out the doorway and lets out an irritated grunt before brushing past Alaric, who peeks around the corner to find me standing here in stunned silence.
When he casually walks in, I give him a furrowed expression. “So you heard that?”
“Oh yeah, I heard it,” he replies.
“She’s right, you know,” I say, meandering toward him. “We have no right to try and decide her fate for her.”
“Who said I was deciding anything?” he says, putting his hands up in surrender.
Tilting my head, I roll my eyes. “You went a little caveman on us.” Then I lower my voice and do my best Alaric impression. “ She’s mine, and I’m never letting her go. ”
He smiles to himself. “I meant every word. I’m not letting her go. She’ll decide to stay on her own, though, when I convince her to.”
Pressing my lips together and stretching them into a half grimace, half smile, I shake my head at him. “You’re impossible.”
He lets out a smug laugh, and I hate him for how good-looking and charming he has to be all the time. It’s not a fair fight when I’m constantly distracted by the sharpness of his cheekbones or the allure of his eyes.
Leaning on the large desk, he nods toward the ladder attached to the floor-to-ceiling bookshelf. “Remember that?”
Immediately, I blush. “How could I forget?” I reply, biting my bottom lip to keep from smiling.
“I was afraid we were going to tear it from the wall that night,” he jokes.
“Stop being so charming,” I argue. “You’re trying to steal my girl, and I hate you, remember?”
Ignoring me, he walks to the ladder. As he touches the rungs, I distinctly remember what they felt like digging into my back as he buried his face between my legs.
“You don’t hate me,” he mutters quietly. “We’ve been through too much together.”
That last part is sobering, and the smile instantly melts from my face.
“If I remember correctly, that was the last night you came to see me,” he says casually.
“My debt was paid,” I reply flatly.
His eyes find mine, and I swear I spot a hint of regret in them. Letting out a sigh, he clenches his jaw and looks away. “Yeah, it was.”
“She can never know about that,” I say, keeping my voice down.
“I’m pretty sure she knows we’ve fucked, Violet,” he replies, taking a step closer to me.
“I mean the other part, Alaric. What we did. She can never know.”
When I glance back up at his face, he’s standing so close, and his eyes hold so many secrets, I have to look away. Facing my sins is like staring at my own death. I’d rather pretend they don’t exist.
“I would never tell her that,” he whispers quietly. Reaching out, he brushes his fingers over my arm, and I flinch, pulling away. “You did the right thing, Violet,” he adds, and I feel a panic rising in my chest. I can’t talk about this. I can’t face it.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I snap. When he reaches for me again, I quickly turn and march toward the door. Whenever this comes back up, I have to fight the urge to cry, scream, and vomit at the same time. All I know is that I can’t be in a room with Alaric right now. I can’t face him.
I’m nearly out of the room, only two steps from the door, when he calls for me, and I stop in my tracks.
“Violet,” he says in a delicate command. As I turn toward him, he gives me a somber look. “Your debt was paid long before that, and you know it.”
When I try to swallow, it feels like needles in my throat. I give him a quick nod and then rush out the door, eager to be alone.
It’s not until I get to my room and shut myself inside that I let his words flow through me, absorbing exactly what he was trying to say.
I paid him with sex. And if my debts were paid, but I kept sleeping with him, then what did that make us?