Chapter 30 Ethan #3
I placed a fierce kiss on her forehead again. We held each other on the beach, the waves lapping gently at the shore in the night.
I wasn’t sure how long we stood there, but eventually, I pulled away from her.
“Do you visit Fox’s grave when you come to town?”
She shook her head. “I don’t. I-I make it a point to stay away from here.”
I nodded. “I go once a month to make sure it’s clean and take care of it. I take Laz. My son. Our son.”
Her eyes misted over again in the moonlight. “Don’t.”
I frowned. “What?”
“Don’t go. He-He wouldn’t want that.”
“He’s Fox, sweetheart. I’d never forget him or his sacrifice. Fuck, we went through so damn much together. I-I can’t not go visit him. We can go together. To see him…”
She shook her head. “Fox is dead.”
“What’s the matter with you?” I frowned as she pulled away from me.
“I-I need to go. I have another show tomorrow, and I’m tired.” She started to walk away from me, but I caught her hand and tugged her back.
“Hey, what’s up with you—”
“He’s dead, Ethan. Let him rest in peace. It’s what he’d want.” She stared up at me, her voice shaking. “That life is dead. It’s gone. Move on from it. Please. If you aren’t coming with me, then please, I’m begging you to let Fox go too.”
I stared down at her. This wasn’t right. Fox was the love of her life.
“No,” I whispered. “Never. I will never let him go. He will always be with me. In my heart. In my head. In the fucking nightmares that I force into good dreams. One where he’s playing football, taking bubble baths, writing his stories.
One where we’re all still together, and you’re married to Enzo, you’re smiling, you’re-you’re having my baby. ”
She sobbed softly and hugged herself.
“Please,” I whispered. “Understand—”
“I need to go. Please. Take me back.”
I stared down at her before nodding. “OK.”
Gently, I helped her back to the car before I turned my phone off. The tracking on the car wasn’t superb and wouldn’t pinpoint me anywhere specifically. Hopefully.
Her phone rang, and she stared at the screen for a moment before answering.
“Hey, Evan,” she said softly.
The deep rumble of a man’s voice sounded out, but I couldn’t make out anything he said.
“Yeah. I’m OK. I know. I’m sorry. Mhm. Yes. He’s taking me back to the hotel now. OK. Yeah. That’s a good idea. I will. I love you, too. Bye.” She hung up and stared out the window for a moment before speaking.
“Can you drop me off at Brewsters? It’s not far from the hotel I’m staying in. Ryder is going to meet me there to take me inside. Evan said Ryder told him there are loads of reporters waiting for me still.”
“Likely think you’re out with Enzo,” I muttered, since that damn video was out there in the world.
“Yeah,” she whispered.
We didn’t say anything to one another after that until we were back in the city.
I drove her to Brewster’s coffee shop, pulled up to the front, and put the vehicle in park.
“Rosalie, I don’t want this to be goodbye,” I said, taking her hand in mine. “And I don’t fucking want you walking. I can drop you and Ryder off.”
“It’s not far away. You can watch us from here,” she said, looking at me. “We won’t be walking. Ryder would never do that, especially with everything going on. He takes care of me.”
“I don’t want this to be goodbye,” I repeated, wincing at how affectionate she sounded about him.
“It’s not.” She gave me a sad smile. “You have my number and my secret.”
“I’d never blackmail you,” I said sternly.
She laughed at that, making me wince.
“I was a stupid kid back then,” I muttered, thinking about how we’d gotten her in the first place.
“I’m glad you did.” She leaned in and kissed my cheek. “We’ll talk soon.”
“Promise?”
“Yeah.” She smiled sadly at me. “I had a nice time with you tonight. Thank you for coming out.”
“Of course. Anything for you,” I said. “I want to see you again. Friends and all that.” I hated that.
I wanted her more than anything in the fucking world.
But if I could only have her friendship, I would accept it.
It was better than the nothing I’d lived in the last five years in regard to her.
Of course, if Church accepted the new contract, I wouldn’t even be able to be her friend.
It was worth it for Cole to have his daughter and Rosalie back, though.
I’d do it for him because he’d done so much for me.
“We can do that. I probably won’t be back in Chicago for a long time.”
“I’ll go wherever you want me to go,” I said. “Just name the place, and I’ll be there.”
She reached out and pressed her hand to my heart. “Promise?”
“Always, sweetheart. Just don’t forget about me.”
“I could never,” she whispered.
A blacked-out SUV pulled in front of my car. I knew it had to be Ryder, and a moment later, he was getting out and walking to us.
“Rosalie, I have to tell you this before you go.” I breathed out.
This needed to be said before she left. “I was a mess back then. I am so fucking sorry for your pain. For all of it. I want you to know that. The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you. It haunts me that you went through everything alone. You don’t know how many times I wanted to just hold you, but I was barely keeping myself together.
I’m sorry I let you down. I’m so fucking sorry. For everything.”
She reached out and cradled my face. “I forgive you, E. We were all in a bad place. Don’t keep those feelings anymore, OK? We’re good. Promise.”
I swallowed hard and took her hand in mine before pressing my lips to her knuckles, my throat tight. I suddenly wished I had more time. I needed to tell her everything. Time. Fuck. I needed more time!
“I have to go,” she said.
“Fuck, Rosalie. Don’t. Stay with me.” The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them. There was no way she could stay with me. I had my own secrets, and I knew she couldn’t leave her daughter.
It didn’t change that I wanted her to tell me yes.
“Ethan,” she said, her voice trembling. “I-I… can’t.”
“I know. I fucking know.” A tear slid down my cheek. “Promise you’ll call me.”
“I will. I promise.”
I pulled her close and held her tightly as Ryder reached her door.
“Go before I kidnap you,” I joked weakly.
She let out a soft huff of laughter before opening her door. Ryder immediately took her hand and helped her out.
“Baby girl, why are you crying?” he asked immediately, his voice gruff as he wiped away her tears.
I didn’t like him referring to her like that.
Who knew, though. Maybe she was with him too, and she didn’t want to tell me about it.
I deserved that shit after being the punk I was all those years ago.
I knew she’d had a short fling with him, too, after all the things that happened with us.
At the time, I didn’t think it was real, but the way he was talking to her made me second-guess myself.
“I’m tired,” she answered as he moved her to the sidewalk and said something to her that I couldn’t hear.
He poked his head into my car a moment later. “Everything good, Masters?”
“Yeah, man. We just missed each other. Had a talk. We’re both sad. You going to dry my tears too?” The bitter asshole inside of me came out of my mouth.
Ryder chuckled. “Nah, man. Have blondie do it.”
I ground my teeth.
“Everything go good? You didn’t fucking touch her?”
“Everything was fine,” I said tightly. “I didn’t touch her.”
Ryder eyed me wearily. “If she tells me differently—”
“Then Anson knows where to find me. I’d look forward to the chat.”
He nodded before backing away and closing the door behind him. I watched as he led Rosalie to the SUV, closed her in, then got behind the wheel.
Watching her go was like having my heart torn from my chest.
I sobbed softly as she went. It didn’t take long before the taillights disappeared as they turned the corner to go to her hotel.
I breathed out and let my head fall back.
Fuck.
I missed her already.