Chapter Twenty-One
“ W here’s Warner?” I asked as I landed on the last step of the stairs.
Rainer sat on the couch, a gun dangling from one hand, his head resting in the other. His head raised at my question, the circles under his eyes darker than before.
“Went out to find some food. We’re going to need more if we have to wait a month for the trains.”
I slowly stepped off the stairs, wandering into the living room and taking a seat beside Rainer, a notable gap of space between us.
“You didn’t go with him?” I knew the two of them butted heads, but it seemed that Rainer would be adamant against someone traipsing through town on their own.
He chuckled humorlessly. “He can take care of himself. Plus, someone has to keep watch over everyone else, right?”
Anger tinted his words, something deeper under the surface that he wasn’t saying. I hesitated in silence. I debated asking him if everything was alright, knowing Rainer wasn’t one for deep conversations. And if I asked, it could easily end with him telling me to screw off.
But his eyes looked so sad. His shoulders were slouched, none of the man I had come to know peeking through.
“Are you okay?” I finally asked on a whisper, reaching a hand out to gently rest on his thigh.
Rainer stared at my hand for several moments before falling back against the couch, his head lolling against the cushions.
Turning to face me, he said, “I thought I could keep us all safe.”
Lines formed between my eyes as my brow furrowed. “We are all safe.”
I didn’t understand what he meant. How did he not see what the rest of us saw? What I saw? He had done everything he hoped, keeping us all safe for seven months.
Rainer looked at me with a droll expression. “Murphy was nearly beaten to death. Your brother almost died. You almost died. In what world is that safe?”
He laughed again, so much angst in the simple sound. And for the first time, I realized the tough man was only a fa?ade. The asshole wasn’t the real Rainer; it was simply a mask for his fear.
Squeezing his leg under my hand, I dared him to look my way again. “The key word is almost. We’re all alive, Rainer. And as much as I hate to admit it,” I smiled wryly, “that’s because of you.”
Rainer continued to stare at me and I took a deep breath before giving him the words he had given me. “I’m proud of you.”
The air around us shifted with my words. The desperation in his eyes faded, the fear slipping away, as he looked at me with something I could only describe as adoration.
In that moment, I no longer saw the man who I could have sworn hated me. I didn’t see the man who was living out his wilderness dreams. No, I saw a mirror of my own reflection. Someone who was terrified of what every new day brought, but rose to the occasion if only to protect those around him.
The gap between us lessened, his body leaning toward mine. My hand still rested on his thigh as his hand reached up to cup my face. There were no more words shared between us.
His lips ghosted over mine. A breath, a whisper, and then he was gone. But the touch haunted me, leaving behind an imprint I would never forget.
The clearing of a throat had us jolting apart, my hand snatching away from his thigh as his hand dropped from my cheek. Turning toward the noise, I spotted Murphy, his hair askew from sleep.
He hadn’t been resting for long and I worried something was wrong. But then I noticed the small smile on his full lips, the brightness in his eyes. If I had any worries about Murphy’s feelings, they all washed away.
I returned the smile, holding out a hand. Murphy sauntered over to the couch, squeezing his body into the small space between Rainer and me. Slinging an arm over both our shoulders, he pulled us in tight.
I cuddled into the space, but Rainer pinched Murphy’s side, eliciting a yelp. “Ow, you asshole, what was that for?”
Rainer pulled out from under Murphy’s arm. “You smell terrible. Less is just too nice to tell you.”
Murphy looked down at me with a frown, but I only shrugged. He didn’t smell terrible to me. Although, we could probably all benefit from a shower. If only that was a possibility.
“Let’s be honest, we all probably smell,” I deadpanned.
Murphy leaned down, sniffing my neck like a dog, before doing the same to Rainer. Rainer shoved his head away, Murphy breaking out in laughter.
The joyful sound had Rainer and me laughing as well, the three of us leaning against the couch cushions, an easiness surrounding the space.
Murphy sighed with content. “Two of my favorite people in one place. Doesn’t get much better than this.”
“If only people stopped trying to kidnap us,” Rainer said.
I glanced at him with wide eyes, my mouth agape. “Did you just make a joke?”
Murphy laughed at my teasing and Rainer rolled his eyes, muttering, “Little shit.”
His muttering had our laughter bellowing, my stomach cramping from the ache. Months ago, I never thought I’d laugh like this again. That my smile would stretch my cheeks. But these men, these people, were teaching me how to find the light in even the darkest of times.
“I can imagine you two growing up. All the trouble you got into,” I said, and the two shared a kindred smile.
“Remember when we snuck out of your house to toilet paper my house?” Rainer asked Murphy.
Murphy closed his eyes, imagining the moment, his smile bright. “My mom was so mad we snuck out, but she couldn’t stay mad once she realized we pranked your house instead.”
“And my parents were convinced it was the kids down the street, the ones that used to egg cars,” Rainer continued.
The two reminisced for a while longer, sharing long ago stories about all the trouble they had gotten into, while I listened, loving the fact I got to learn more about them.
Eventually, as it always did, the happiness faded, the sorrow replacing the joy.
“Where do you think they are now?” Murphy asked.
This time, Rainer threw an arm around his shoulder, pulling Murphy into his side. “I’m sure they’re together. My parents wouldn’t leave Josie behind.”
Murphy seemed to take comfort in that statement. “I wish they knew what was going on. That they had a chance.”
He said the words like it was a done deal. That there were no other options. I tracked the living room, spotting photos of the family that had lived here, just like the other house. The unfairness of the situation hit me in the chest once again.
Why couldn’t there be other options? Why were we the only people in the world that had a choice, the opportunity to fight for our survival?
Ideas formed in my head and Murphy clicked his tongue. “I know that face. What’s going on in here?” He tapped my temple.
As the ideas blossomed, I wasn’t able to sit, standing up and pacing in front of them. We couldn’t save everyone, I knew that, even if it killed me. They had already created the bunkers, and there wasn’t enough space for the entirety of the continent.
But that didn’t mean everyone didn’t deserve a chance. Or, hell, at least deserve to know that they only had a few months left. Everyone deserved the opportunity to say goodbye.
“We need to tell everyone. Tell the world about the meteor. About the bunkers.” The words spilled out of me with excitement, my feet continuing to carry me across the small room.
Murphy stood up then, halting my movement with hands on my shoulder. “I wish I could tell my mom, you know I do. But, Alessia, that’s not realistic.”
I shook my head in denial. Maybe it wasn’t easy, but it was possible. And I knew exactly how we could do it.
“How many times did you hack into that radio tower in the woods?” I demanded of Murphy.
He shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe a dozen times.”
“There’s a radio in town. Why not hack into that one? Send a message to the entire world.”
Murphy shook his head. “Alessia, hacking into a radio to hear a broadcast and sending one out are two very different things. We’d need access to a central line where I could speak over the radio. We won’t find that at a tower.”
Again, the wheels turned in my head. And once again, the idea was the epitome of insanity. Hadn’t I just thought that I never wanted to step foot inside that camp again? But what were the other options? None. There were none.
Rainer caught on to my idea, the two of us speaking over each other.
“There’s a broadcasting station in the camp.”
“No fucking way are we going back there.”
Murphy’s gaze bounced between of us as we stared each other down. Rainer’s stare was fury and ire, mine hope and pleading. Didn’t he realize this was the only option?
A fourth voice joined our group. “I say we do it. What do we have to lose?”
Looked like Warner was back and he was on my side.