CHAPTER 27
GRAYSON
I approach Liv from behind and judging by the way her shoulders tense as I near, she knows exactly who it is. I knew exactly what I was walking into when Bella told me where to find her. I know what she saw earlier, and I know what it looked like. I saw the betrayal written all over her face as she turned and ran away from me. But it couldn’t be any further from the truth.
I fully expect an argument from her, and although I don’t need to explain myself, she deserves to know that there’s nothing going on between Rebecca and me. That she’s the only woman in my life intimately and will be the only woman for as long as this thing lasts.
I lower my mouth to her ear. “Can I talk to you?”
She keeps her eyes on Savannah, barely acknowledging my presence as she takes a drink from the glass in front of her. “Nope.”
I release an audible sigh. “Don’t be a brat, Liv.”
She swivels in her chair, finally looking at me and all I see is fire burning in her eyes. “I have nothing to say to you. If I’d known you had a whole family, I wouldn’t have touched you.”
I see Savannah shake her head in my periphery and I look at her, seeing the thinly veiled amusement in her face. I look back at Liv. At the defiant set to her shoulders and the closed off look on her face.
It would be easier to just walk right out of here and let her think what she wants to think. To let her hate me for something that isn’t even true. Put an end to this thing between us now instead of allowing it to go on any longer. But the thought of letting her go leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I’m not done with her yet.
I make my decision and give her a nod. “Have it your way.” I reach down, wrapping my arms around her waist and throwing her over my shoulder before marching us towards the exit. Savannah howls with laughter behind the bar and the few patrons watch as Liv curses and fights against me the whole way.
“Put me down, you big dick.” She yells as I step out into the night.
I bring a hand down against her ass cheek, causing her to gasp and just to piss her off more I say, “thank you. I already knew I had a big dick.”
“I didn’t say you have a big dick. I said you are a big dick. Put me down, Grayson,” she growls, and I chuckle.
“Are you going to act like an adult and let me explain?”
“For fuck’s sake, yes. Just put me down.” I slide her body down against mine until her feet touch the ground and take a step back, half expecting her to swing for me. She doesn’t. Instead, she crosses her arms over her chest, pushing her tits together with the action, and glares at me. “You know, for someone who doesn’t like attention, you sure do know how to cause a scene. ”
I ignore her comment and step closer to her. “Come for a drive with me?”
She searches my face. For what, I don’t know, but after a beat of silence, her shoulders drop as she releases a long breath and turns towards my truck.
I say nothing as I drive towards the cemetery. Liv watches me from the passenger seat, waiting for her explanation. And she’ll get it, just not yet. Her usual sweet scent fills the car, and I resist the urge to inhale deeply. I reach towards the radio and turn it on to fill the awkward silence between us which only aggravates her more. She turns her face towards the window and keeps her attention there until we pull up in front of the cemetery ten minutes later.
She frowns out of the window before turning to me. “Why are we here?”
I turn off the car and open my door. “I want to show you something.” I climb out and round the vehicle before helping her down. She says nothing as she follows me through the graveyard. I weave in and out of head stones until I find the one that reads, Rueben Delaney. September 9 th 1998 – July 4 th 2020. Devoted son, father and friend.
My chest aches as I stare down at my best friend’s grave. I try to avoid coming here as much as possible and guilt eats at me every day because of it.
Liv comes to stand by my side, staying silent as she waits for me to find my words. I suck in a deep breath and release it. Emotion clogs my throat as I turn to her. “When I was two, I went to the park with my mom and Hunter. She was heavily pregnant with Noah at the time and trying to find ways to exhaust us before dinner time, so she didn’t have to chase us around the ranch. On this particular day, I met a little boy the same age as me and my mom says we were instantly joined at the hip. Every day I’d ask her to take me back to the park so I could play with my new friend, and everyday she’d do it.”
“I can’t think of a single memory from my childhood or teenage years that he wasn’t in from that day onwards. He was my best friend. The third brother I’d never had. He knew me better than anyone and vice versa.” I blink against the burn in my eyes.
Liv kneels beside his headstone and brushes off some stray dirt. “What happened?”
I swallow thickly. “When he found out he was going to be a dad, he decided to change his life. To make something of himself and be the kind of father his child would be proud of. He worked his ass off to become a professional bull rider. And he succeeded. He made it into the Pbr and on the night of his first competition, he died.”
Liv’s eyes are wide and filled with tears as I talk but I don’t focus on them. Instead, I forge ahead, letting out a humourless laugh. “You know it’s funny. People in town whisper about how it was to be expected from such a dangerous career. How we all should’ve seen it coming. But it wasn’t even the bull that killed him. He would’ve survived the fall from the bull. He would’ve had a long recovery, but he’d still be here. It was a horse that killed him. A rodeo clown that was trying to clear the arena but wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings. His horse trampled over my best friends unconscious body and killed him right there in front of hundreds of people.”
She stands now, her hands gripping my face as she looks at me, but I don’t see her. All I see is the whole thing happening all over again in front of my eyes and I’m powerless to stop it.
Her lips touch mine gently and I blink, clearing my vision and gripping her hips, holding her to my body. I soak up her warmth, using it to ground me as I continue, “the family you saw me with today aren’t mine. They’re his. His daughter is my goddaughter, and her mother, Rebecca is my friend. It’s a little insulting that you’d think I’m the type of guy that would do something like that to begin with.”
Silent tears stream down her face as I hold her to me, and she looks up at me. I expect to see pity in her eyes, but I don’t. All I see there is understanding in the blue depths. “I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions.”
I shake my head. “I know what it looked like, Liv. And I want you to know that as long as this is happening,” I gesture between us, “you are the only woman in my bed.”
She nods before wrapping her arms around me in a hug that takes me by surprise. “Thank you for sharing that with me.”
I return her embrace, pulling her tighter against me as the wind picks up, sending a chill down my spine. And as she clings to me and I to her, something shifts inside of me as the wall around my heart begins to crumble.
***
It’s almost midnight when I pull up in front of Liv’s house. After I finally opened up about Rueben we sat by his graveside while I told her stories of the time we spent together growing up.
It was oddly freeing, telling her about the man that had such a big impact on my life growing up. And allowing her to see a small piece of me beneath the mask I keep in place around every person in my life.
Tonight is the first time I’ve spoken about the events of the night we lost him. The first time I’ve been able to even voice the words. I think a part of me thought that if I didn’t say them, they wouldn’t be true. I also think that’s why I tend to avoid anything that reminds me of Rueben. Like I have somehow convinced myself that if I avoid his parents, his grave, and his daughter, then I won’t have to face the fact that he’s gone and never coming back.
In a way, I’ve spent the last four years of my life living in denial. I know that now. I’ve spent half of my twenties hiding behind a facade. Made myself believe that if I didn’t allow anyone or anything to get close to me, that I’d somehow be safe from feeling the pain that comes with inevitably losing them. And as much as I’m aware that it’s not right. Not normal . There’s still something within me that holds me back from dropping my walls and allowing myself to feel.
Liv rolls her head against the seat until her eyes meet mine and gives me a soft smile. “I’m sorry about your friend, Gray. He sounds like a good person.”
I clear the lump of emotion from my throat. “He was. You two would’ve gotten along well.”
She hums. “I wish I’d have gotten the chance to meet him.”
Liv leans across the seat and places a kiss on my stubbled jaw before climbing out of the truck and walking towards her house. I drop my head back against the seat, close my eyes and suck in a deep breath as I replay the entire day in my head.
When I first locked eyes with Liv in the park earlier, the first thing I felt was surprise. I wasn’t expecting to see her there. But then I saw the betrayal on her face and my surprise quickly morphed into fear. Not because I was doing anything wrong, because I wasn’t. To anyone that knew us, it was completely normal for me to be spending time with Ruebens daughter. But to someone who doesn’t know us, like Liv, it did look bad. And for a split second, I was afraid .
I spent the entire time after she took off running with a foreign knot in my stomach. That knot didn’t loosen again until I knew she understood what she really saw. I’m not certain what that feeling means yet, but what I do know is, the thought of losing what I have with Liv incites a fear in me that I wasn’t expecting.