CHAPTER 47
GRAYSON
A nother day passes before I finally drag myself out of bed and into the shower. I probably should have showered sooner, but it’s taking every ounce of energy I have to do it now as it is.
I learned a lesson from Hunter’s intrusion yesterday morning and I locked my door after putting the trashcan on the porch.
Since then, Hunter has returned twice, Noah has shown up once and after my dad pounded on my door this morning, I knew my time for wallowing was up. Well, that and the fact my stomach has been screaming at me for food since I opened my eyes.
I go through the motions of washing myself, brushing my teeth and getting dressed on autopilot as I think of the best way to handle the Liv situation. I imagine she’s probably wondering why I haven’t reached out to her yet and checked that she’s okay. And because I’m a fucking coward, I’ve kept my phone switched off just in case she tries to contact me. I don’t know what I’d say to her. I have no reasonable explanation for my silence other than I’m a pussy.
I fell in love with the only woman capable of bringing me to my knees. With the woman I told not to fall in love with me. I told her time and time again that love was something I was incapable of feeling, and she just went ahead and turned my whole world upside down without even realising it. And the moment shit got a little bit tough; I tucked tail and ran like a scared little boy.
This feeling right here. The sickening hollowness right in the centre of my chest, is the exact feeling I spent years avoiding. All it does is solidify the fact that this thing between me and Liv has run its course. I let it go on for too long.
I head towards the kitchen and search for something to eat to settle the griping pain in my stomach before I go up to the main barn and face the disappointed looks from my family. Opting for something light, I make myself a sandwich, grab a bottle of water from the fridge and head out the door.
It takes me less than five minutes to drive to the main barn and for the first time in my life, I wish it had taken me longer because when I pull up alongside the building, my brothers are waiting for me. I groan out loud into the silence of the truck.
Deciding to just get it over with, I hop out and walk towards them, mentally preparing myself for the ass-chewing I’m no doubt about to get.
“Nice of you to finally join us,” Hunter says, his face stern and arms folded across his chest. I raise an impressed brow at him. He’s got the whole dad thing down pat.
“Whatever you have to say, say it now ‘cause we got shit to do,” I grumble.
Hunter lets out a humourless laugh as he narrows his eyes at me. “ You’re telling me we have shit to do? You’ve been gone for two days while we’ve been here picking up the slack for you. I’m well aware of the shit we have to do, Grayson.”
Noah says nothing, just nods along with Hunter and I release a long, tired exhale. I don’t have the energy for this shit. “Look, I’m sorry, okay?”
Both of my brothers’ eyes widen at my apology, almost like they didn’t expect me to admit I’m in the wrong, and Hunter’s stance softens ever so slightly. “Let’s just get to work, yeah?”
“Yep,” I reply, walking past them and into the stall to retrieve Storm.
I keep my distance from the pair for the rest of the day. Noah attempts to make conversation with me on several occasions, but I resort to my old ways, only responding with grunts and nods.
I’ve been tempted to ask for an update on how Liv is doing but refrain, not daring to put myself in the firing line with Hunter – who is clearly still pissed at me for upsetting his wife-to-be.
By the end of the day, my bones ache from the lingering effects of my whiskey hangover and all I want to do is shower and crawl back into bed. I decide to take Storm back to the training barn opposed to the main barn so I can avoid any further human interaction .
Once she’s settled in her stall, I make the two-minute trek to my house with every intention of heading straight to the shower, but when I walk through the front door, my eyes immediately land on my phone where it sits on the coffee table.
I take tentative steps towards the device and pick it up, staring at the dark screen in contemplation. Deciding to bite the bullet, I press the power button and wait for the phone to fire up.
I hold my breath as the screen lights up, expecting an onslaught of messages and missed calls from Liv about my lack of contact, but nothing comes. The sick feeling from earlier returns with a vengeance at her eery silence and I start to wonder if Savannah told her about our conversation the morning she found me at Reuben’s grave.
I expected her to fight me. To call me a coward. Shout at me. Anything. What I wasn’t expecting was silence. And then there’s also the possibility that Savannah has said nothing, and Liv is just waiting for me to reach out first. Or her phone was wrecked in the crash.
My mind runs wild with possible reasons for her silence, but the sinking feeling in my gut tells me she’s figured it out on her own.
In a way, I should take this as a good thing. It’s a clean break. She’s not acting like some clingy girlfriend, crying and begging me not to walk away from her. We agreed to let this thing between us run its course, and it has, and now we can both move on.
So, why the fuck does it hurt?