Chapter 1
KELSEY
“You’ll be at my party tonight, right?” Jessie nudges my shoulder. “It’s at my place, and ooo You should invite the guy you’ve been talking to!
I nibble my lip. That does sound pretty fun, and what better way to start summer break than getting shit faced? “Yeah, I will.”
“You’ll be at the party, or you’ll invite him?”
“I’ll be at the party. I don’t know if I should invite him.” I drop my gaze to the floor.
“Are you embarrassed by him or something?” She gasps, “Is he a nerd?” She whispers nerd as if it’s an insult, and I laugh. He’s far from a nerd. Intimidating? Yes.
“No! It just feels too soon.” She rolls her eyes at that. Jessie doesn’t take things slow. In fact, she only has one-night stands, then it’s off to her next fuck.
I finish packing my essentials I’ll need over break—clothes, hygiene products, and my makeup bag, even though I rarely wear it. I think half the shit in there is expired, but I’m too cheap and lazy to buy more. I know, I know, I’m probably going to end up with pink eye or some shit.
Most freshmen choose to stay in a dorm their first year, but my best friend, Jessie, refused a dorm room and told me I was staying with her in her apartment.
She didn’t give me a choice. I won’t complain, though.
It’s pretty chill staying with her. Her two-bedroom apartment is on the luxury side of living, but I didn’t expect anything less.
When I met her at freshman orientation, she was dressed to the nines, with her Louboutin heels and St. John skirt suit.
Meanwhile, I was in American Eagle skinny jeans and a band tee.
I always wanted a sibling. It’s what I begged for every year for Christmas.
I guess Jessie is like my adopted sister.
People think we’ve been best friends for years.
Truth is, we only just met at freshman orientation at the beginning of the year.
You’d think we would have spent time learning about each other’s lives, but honestly, neither of us asked those questions.
The only family I’ve heard her speak of is her older brother.
However, she’s never said his name. All I know is that he’s a controlling asshole that has his head shoved so far up his ass that he can’t see straight, but those are Jessie’s words, not mine.
My phone vibrates on the bed. Picking it up, I smile. My parents drove over two hours to pick me up today. I offered to pay for an Uber, but they argued against that.
Mom:
We’re out here ready for you, hun.
Okay, be down in a sec.
I do a final once over the room, ensuring I haven’t missed anything. I’m going to miss this apartment over the summer. Jessie has a niche for interior design, from the greenery that drapes along the wall acting as curtains for the balcony sliding glass door, to the dark grey accent wall.
Grabbing my duffel and suitcase, I make my way to the door. Stepping out into the hall, I let the door close behind me, listening for it to automatically lock. Once I hear the “click”, I turn and head down the apartment steps.
“Hey, Kelsey! You going to Jessie’s party tonight?” Stopping halfway down the steps, I turn to see Caleb leaving his apartment with a duffel bag over his shoulder.
“Yeah, you?”
“Wouldn’t miss it. See ya there!” He lifts his chin and follows in step behind me.
Crowds make me anxious, so my mind is reeling, wondering just how many people will be at Jessie’s tonight.
The bonfire wasn’t overwhelming at all. However, I get the distinct feeling this is going to be much different.
My dad tackles me, pulling me in for a big bear hug the second I round the corner to the parking lot. He squeezes a grunt from my grinning lips.
“It’s good to have you back home, hun! We missed you!” My mom all but cries as she steps up beside us.
“I missed y’all too.” I wheeze, tapping my dad’s arm when I start feeling the blood loss to my head.
“Oh crap, I’m sorry, Sweetie. I’ve just missed you so much!” Tears start to well in his eyes, but he blinks them away and pats my shoulders. He takes my luggage from my grip and tosses it in the trunk of the Tahoe that’s as old as me, so I walk around the car and scoot into the backseat.
“Buckle up, Buttercup! Let’s get you home!
” My dad sing-songs from the driver’s seat, making me grin.
I kind of missed their cheesy little sayings and nicknames while away at college.
They’ve always been loving—in their own way.
They just didn’t understand how to deal with me.
They should have listened and tried harder to get me help, not make me feel ashamed or like I was seeking attention.
They weren’t terrible parents; they just could have been better.
They put me in sports as a way to release pent-up anger and to get me out of my head.
Volleyball was the best fit. An angry sport for an angry teen.
The cheesy are starting to grate on my nerves.
So, I put my earbuds in and play my audiobook.
It’s a two-hour drive from the university to our home in Troutman, so plenty of time to pass with reading.
My parents probably expect me to be home most of summer break, so I’m going to disappoint them when I spend my time differently.
That might make me sound like a terrible daughter, but I’m an adult on college break, and I want to enjoy my freedom before I’m locked back down in school.
The only friend I had as a kid betrayed me.
Bullied me for the things I did to myself.
So, now that I have Jessie and learned that she lives relatively close to me, I want to spend my time with her outside of campus.
I want to spend my summer with him, too, but I don’t have the balls to ask him out.
My phone vibrates, and my heart skips a few beats when I read the name.
R:
Got plans tonight?
I haven’t heard from him in four days. Is it a coincidence that he texts me today? My gut is telling me no.
The question replays in my head over and over as I contemplate how to respond.
Should I invite him, like Jessie said? No, he’s already graduated, and I’m sure he has no interest in being around a bunch of college freshmen.
I’ll just say I’m going to my friend’s party.
He wouldn’t want to go anyway. I type, then delete and repeat for a solid five minutes.
I guarantee he’s watching those three little dots pop up and disappear.
My thumb hovers over send. Biting my lip, I click it then drop my head back against the headrest, internally screaming.
Going to my friend’s house party, you?
R:
You should stop by after.
Okay.
Okay? I’m going to ruin it before it even starts.
I try to refocus on my audiobook and calm my racing heart.
I’m getting way too worked up over a guy I’ve met only once.
What if he turns out to be a total dick?
With his looks, I’m betting he is and has probably made his way around by now.
I haven’t saved my virginity to just throw it out the window for anybody.
My phone vibrates again. This is the most we’ve texted in a day. It makes me wonder if he’s bored or genuinely interested. I don’t have much trust in men.
R:
Just let me know when, sweetheart. I’m free tomorrow.
The nickname has a chill running down my spine, like wicked little spiders. I hate that name, but he isn’t the same guy from that night at the bar. He doesn’t use it with malice. He wants to hangout tomorrow? That’s… So soon. But my stupid heart responds before I have time to interject.
Tomorrow sounds good!
I can feel the blush creeping up my neck, and I can’t stop smiling like a fool.
The last time I dated anyone was about two months ago, and really, that doesn’t qualify as even dating.
We texted for about three weeks, but after he took me on our first “date,” which was a frat party, he completely ghosted me.
At least I wasn’t emotionally invested in him.
He ended up dropping out of school four weeks later, due to the football coach catching him snorting coke off a cheerleader’s stomach in the locker room.
Fucking idiot. I never officially broke up with him, but I blocked him on everything, and he must’ve gotten the hint.
He would have ruined my future career as a paralegal, and I would have never allowed him to live that down.
The bumps in the road alert me to our arrival home. I look around at the familiar neighborhood. Reminiscing on all my childhood memories. Most of the kids I grew up with no longer live here. Not that I hung out with any of them.
I never liked how close the houses are to each other.
I was always terrified that a neighbor’s house would catch on fire, and it would spread to ours when sleeping.
Even now, the thought makes me grimace. When I buy a house, it won’t have neighbors.
I want acres and acres of peace and privacy.
I always wanted to live in the mountains somewhere, on my very own private mountain.
I know it’s unlikely, but a girl can dream, right?
Dad parks in the driveway in front of the garage, “Welcome home, Hun!” My dad gestures to the average two-story off-white neighborhood house. They’re all identical. The only difference between them all is the house number. Stepping out of the car, I breathe in the hot, humid air.
“You go on inside, I’ll bring your bags up to your door,” Dad offers.
I smile, “Thanks, Dad. If you don’t mind, leave them at the door. I’m going to try to nap.”
“Sure thing.” He smiles back. They like to pretend that time in my life didn’t happen.
Never existed. They think I’ve “outgrown” my depression and anxiety “phase” and I don’t bother arguing it anymore.
It was never a phase, and it won’t go away.
I’ve just gotten better at masking it and self-coping.
Knowing I won’t make it through a party tonight without a much-needed nap, I head upstairs to my room.
The door creaks when I open it, just like I remember.
My room is exactly the way I left it nine months ago.
Flopping onto the bed, I don’t bother crawling under the covers because as soon as my head hits the pillow, I’m out like a light.
It’s when my eyes start to flutter open that I notice there is no hint of sunlight peeking through my curtains. Maybe closing them before taking a nap was a bad idea. Reaching for my phone to check the time, I come up empty-handed. What the hell? I could’ve sworn I laid it next to me on the bed.
Scattering everything around like a Tasmanian devil on crack, I still can’t find it.
As if the universe is helping me out, it starts to ring, and I follow the sound across the room.
“There you are,” I say to myself, grabbing it from the windowsill.
Forgetting I placed it there when I shut the curtains.
The screen lights up with Jessie’s name.
“Hey! Sorry, I slept longer than I meant to.”
Jessie’s probably in my driveway already, so I shuffle through my closet looking for an outfit for tonight, while holding the phone between my shoulder and ear.
I shimmy into some jean shorts and slip a plain white crop top over my head, getting a whiff of my armpits in the process.
I really hope she isn’t here yet, because a bitch needs a shower.
“You’re good, I’ll be leaving my house in five, so that puts me arriving at yours right at nine.”
Thank fuck!
“Okay, see you soon!”
“Love you!”
“Love you too.”
When the call ends, I check the time, noting I have thirty-two minutes before she’s supposed to pick me up. Plenty of time for a quick shower. Placing my phone on the charger on the nightstand, I hurry into the bathroom to get ready.