Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
S carlet plopped down on the sofa and let out a weary sigh. What a day.
After picking up Daisy, they’d swung into the grocery store to grab supplies for dinner. Matt had prepared grilled chicken, roasted potatoes, and steamed broccoli, and then he and Daisy had put together their popcorn-and-M&M mixture, set all her stuffies on the couch, and watched Kung Fu Panda together.
Scarlet had been more than happy to leave movie night to the duo since she’d seen the film nine million times. But rather than head to bed early, she’d busied herself cleaning the kitchen and folding laundry. Her reasoning had been that if she was going to drive herself crazy overanalyzing every little thing that had happened today, she might as well be productive while doing it.
Once the movie had ended, Daisy had gotten an extra-long bath and three stories. Now she was out cold in bed, surrounded by her array of beloved stuffies. And Scarlet was still unable to sleep, hence her plop on the sofa. Though she was utterly exhausted, her mind wouldn’t settle.
“It’s been quite the day. Can I get you a glass of wine or something?” Matt asked, sitting at the other end of the sofa, a lowball glass of amber liquid in his hand.
She gestured to her mug of tea on the end table. “I’m good, thanks. Did you like the movie?”
After taking a sip of his drink, he grinned. “You know, it was actually pretty good.”
“There’s like four of those movies, so be prepared.”
“I’m looking forward to it. Are you sure I can’t get you anything?”
She shook her head.
“You don’t drink much.”
To Scarlet, his words seemed more like an observation than a question. She shrugged. “Not really.”
“Any particular reason?”
He seemed genuinely curious. Not judgy. That’s the only reason she chose to answer. “For one, the cost. I mean, I could get a couple drinks at Monty’s, or I could use that money to buy Daisy a dress, a little toy, or a special treat.” She pulled her legs up to sit cross-legged, facing him. “But mostly because it’s just me.”
“What do you mean?”
She fiddled with a lock of her hair. “What if Daisy wakes up in the middle of the night with an emergency? If I’m wasted, I can’t drive her to the hospital. I’m a lightweight, so even a couple drinks would put me over the legal limit. I’d rather not take that risk. It isn’t worth it to me.”
“That’s admirable. Does it bother you that I drink?”
“Not at all. Honestly, it’s been so long since I’ve had alcohol that I think I’ve lost the taste for it. Not that I used to drink the good stuff or anything.” She nodded to his glass. “What is that?”
“Whisky.” He held it out to her. “It’s my brother’s, so it’s the really good stuff. Want to taste? Smell?”
She took the glass, brought it to her nose, and sniffed. “Yikes, no, thank you,” she said with a grimace, handing the glass back.
Matt laughed. “I’ve been told it’s an acquired taste.”
“I’ll stick to my chamomile tea, thanks. And I wouldn’t call not drinking admirable. It’s just me trying to be responsible.”
He studied her for a moment. “Why do I feel like there’s more to your reasoning?”
“What do you mean?” Holy crap, was she that transparent?
“Like there’s a story behind why you don’t drink.”
Yup. She was that transparent.
Scarlet didn’t know what it was—the quiet night, the comfortable couch, the company—but something had her wanting to open up. Had her wanting to tell Matt things she’d never told anyone. “You could say I didn’t have a really great childhood.”
He nodded. “I figured as much when you mentioned you and your mom went separate ways. In ninth grade, right?”
“That’s right,” she said, a little surprised that he’d remembered. “But even before that, things weren’t... Our home wasn’t very stable.” Understatement of the year. It had been utter chaos, and she’d lived in a constant state of fear. Of being taken away, of having to stay, of... everything. “Like when I was in third grade, I remember waking up in the middle of the night with the most horrible stomach pain. My mom was in the living room, but I couldn’t wake her up.”
She recalled the crushed beer cans and empty jug of tequila that had littered the floor. Recalled her mom passed out on the couch, a bottle of vodka clutched in her hands. Bile turned in Scarlet’s belly. It was as if the stench of stale cigarettes, sour beer, and spilled liquor still lingered in her nose.
“I stumbled to the trailer next door, and I swear, I thought old Mrs. Hattery was going to slam the door in my face. But thankfully, she didn’t. I was doubled over in pain and ended up puking all over her floor. I was an absolute mess, but she loaded me into her car and took me to the ER.” Cursing Scarlet’s drunk of a mother the entire time. “I had kidney stones.”
“Holy shit, Scar,” Matt murmured, sorrow and anger flashing over his face.
“CPS was called while I was in the hospital, and my mom got in trouble. I was put in foster care for a couple months until she ‘cleaned up her act.’ Then I went back to living with her. That was our merry-go-round for years.”
Seeing the empathy in his gaze, Scarlet straightened her shoulders. What was done was done. She might not know what a good mother was, but she knew firsthand what an awful one was. “I refuse to let that be Daisy’s life.”
The empathy in his gaze morphed into something that looked like respect. But, no, that couldn’t be right. Could it?
“You are so damn strong, Scarlet. I hope you realize that. And I also hope you know that you’ve raised an amazing daughter.”
“Thank you.” Warmth bloomed in her chest. Daisy was pretty damn amazing. “What about you? What was your childhood like?”
Matt chuckled. “Boring.”
“I highly doubt that.”
He took a sip of his drink. “My brother and I are close, but we’re very different. Growing up, Jake was the really smart one, and I was the athletic one. Unfortunately, our dad is a bit of an ass who only values athleticism and ‘manliness.’” He air-quoted the last word with a scowl.
“He would try to pit us against each other, showing obvious favor to me. It was so stupid, and thankfully we saw it for what it was and stayed close. To this day, I truly don’t understand our dad. My brother is a great fucking guy and beyond successful. I mean, look at this place.” He gestured at the room with his glass. “This house is his. And he’s got a handful more scattered around the globe. He even paid off my parents’ house. Yet our dad is still an ass to him.”
“That must be hard. Not just for your brother, but for you, too.”
He shook his head. “It’s hard for Jake.”
“And not you? You obviously care about your brother, so it must have sucked—it must still suck—to see him being treated that way.”
“It does.” Matt’s brown eyes held a wealth of sadness, and the sight tore at her heart. “When we were kids, my brother was smaller. He had a heart condition that slowed his growth. And in middle school, he was super lanky. He got picked on a lot. So we teamed up. He helped me with school, and I helped him in the gym, helped him get bigger. Now? The guy’s a freaking beast.”
“Uh, you’re not exactly scrawny, mister.”
He grinned. “Oh no. Jake’s way bigger than me. He’s like The Rock with a full head of hair.”
Scarlet chuckled.
“He’d like to meet you.”
Her smile faded. “What?”
“My brother. He’d like to meet you.” An amused glint sparked in his eyes, but she was too shocked to appreciate it. “Jake and his wife, Carmen, are going to be over sometime in the next few weeks, and he wants to meet you.”
“You told him about me?”
“Of course I did. Told him about Daisy as well. Jake says Carm wants to stay at the resort while they’re here, so what do you say? Want to have them over for dinner? Throw some steaks on the grill or something?”
Meet his brother and sister-in-law? “Um, if you’re sure. I mean, I wouldn’t want to impose on your brother time.”
“Trust me, you’re never an imposition.”
He studied her for a moment, and she watched him back. Seeing this relaxed side of him was nice. Beyond nice, actually.
“So, we’ve discussed our childhoods. What else should we talk about?” She tapped her finger against her chin playfully, enjoying how talking with Matt took the edge off her nerves. “Are you dating anyone?”
His grin was ridiculous. “You know I’m not.”
“Hey,” she said, holding up her hands. “You never know.”
“I haven’t dated anyone in a long, long time.”
“How is that even possible? You’re...” She waved her hand at him in a circular motion.
His brow scrunched. “I’m what?”
“‘What?’ You’re fishing for a compliment is what.” She rolled her eyes. “You’re a ridiculously good-looking man, Matt. And you know it.”
He scoffed. “I know no such thing. I moved to Hudson right after I got divorced, and as you’re aware—firsthand, I might add—I’m not exactly amicable. To anyone.”
She snorted. “‘Not exactly amicable’?”
“Hey, it’s nicer than saying I’m an asshole, right?” He threw her a wink.
“You were never an asshole,” she said, laughing. “Just kind of... grumpy. Growly. Broody.” She shrugged. “Not gonna lie though, it also kinda worked for you. The growly thing you do is superhot.”
His smile was blinding as he placed his drink on the coffee table. “Is that so?”
“Maybe . . .”
“Well,” he said, scooting over a cushion. Now he sat right beside her. “What would you say if I told you the only reason I was grumpy and growly?—”
“And broody,” she added with a smirk.
“Right. Then what if I said I was grumpy and growly and broody with you because you tied my tongue in knots?”
She chuckled. “Sure.”
“I’m dead serious, Scar. You can even ask Cade.”
Scarlet pursed her lips as she studied the man. The earlier melancholy in his eyes was gone, replaced by a lightness she’d never seen. And she liked it. A lot.
She also liked how his gaze lingered on her mouth.
“Are you flirting with me, Matthew Alvarez?”
“Mateo.”
She tilted her head in question. “What?”
“It’s Mateo, not Matthew.”
Her grin widened. “I’ll rephrase, then. Are you flirting with me, Mateo Alvarez?”
“Maybe.” He shot her that brilliant smile—the one that never failed to make her stomach flip. “Is it working?”
The corners of her lips kicked up. “Maybe.”
“In that case...” He crooked a finger at her.
Every nerve in her body tingled with anticipation, and she leaned closer. How could she not?
With the same finger he’d used to beckon her closer, he lifted her chin. “I think I like flirting with you,” he murmured, lowering his head until his lips were just a whisper away from hers.
Scarlet’s heart thumped rapidly in her chest, and her skin tingled. She’d never wanted anything—any one —more. “Then you should probably do it more often.”
Her next breath was cut off by his lips. And holy crap, the kiss was better than her wildest imaginations.
Matt’s lips were soft but demanding. One hand wrapped around her waist and pulled her close, while the other tangled in her hair. It was pure heaven. And she desperately wanted more, wanted to climb the man like a tree.
She lost all concept of time. The only thing she remained conscious of was Matt. How his solid chest felt pressed against hers. How he tasted like sin. How he set her on fire.
They could have kissed for a minute or fifteen, she didn’t know or care. She pulled at his shirt and snuck her hands under the material. His skin was hot and firm. He was all solid, chiseled muscles.
With a groan, he pulled away. “Hang on, Scar.” His hands enveloped hers, and he brought them to his lips, kissing her knuckles. “We have to slow down.”
Her breath locked in her chest. What was going on? Did he not want...?
Reality crashed over her like a bucket of cold water.
Holy shit. He wasn’t into it, wasn’t into her.
Mortification heated her face, and she tried to pull her hands from his grasp.
“Nope,” he growled, gripping both her hands in one of his. Tipping her chin up, he crashed his mouth down on hers.
Surprise had her lips parting. In an instant, he was there, licking and nipping. She moaned when their tongues tangled and couldn’t stop herself from grabbing on to his biceps.
They were both breathless when he pulled away. “Whatever you were thinking was wrong, Scarlet.”
“How did you?—”
“I’ve been watching you for a while. I can read some of your expressions. I can see when the doubt starts creeping in. Hear me, sweetheart. When we’re together for the first time, it’s not gonna be a quick fuck on the couch. Don’t get me wrong, at some point I’ll fuck you on this couch—hard and fast, for sure.”
His eyes burned with desire, and heat pooled between her thighs. Ohmygod. Yes, please.
“But the first time we make love, we’re gonna take our time. I’m planning on tasting every inch of you. And it’s gonna be on a bed.”
A thousand times yes. I’d ?—
Wait. What had he just said? She pulled away so she could look him fully in the face. “Umm...”
His grin was more smirk than smile. “It was the ‘make love’ comment, wasn’t it?”
Shaking her head, she chuckled. “A little bit, yeah.”
“I want to be absolutely clear, Scarlet. When we finally come together, we’ll be making love. To me, this isn’t going to be a casual, meaningless fuck. So I don’t want to go too fast.”
Her eyes widened. Wow. Okay. The man wasn’t playing games. Hell, he was putting it all out there. And that made her heart melt a little more for him.
“I’m not taking getting involved with you lightly. For one, I need you to be sure?—”
“I am.” She was. God knew she’d never desired a man as much as Matt. He was sweet and thoughtful—two things she’d never really experienced. Not to mention outrageously handsome. Hell, the guy was flat-out crazy hot. She’d be a fool to not want him.
“I mean more than just sex.”
Confusion had her stilling. Did he actually want to date her? Like long term?
He ran his fingers along her jaw, then leaned in and gave her a soft kiss. “Sweetheart, you’re so much younger than me. You have your whole future in front of you. I need you to be sure that you want to be with me.” She opened her mouth to tell him he was ridiculous, but he kept on talking. “And second—this is the most important—there’s Daisy. I think the world of that little girl, and I want to be in her life. But I need you to decide if you’re okay with that. Because I’m in this for the long haul, Scarlet. As long as you’ll have me.”
Holy shit. He really did want to date her. Wanted a relationship relationship. Like what Poppy and Cade had.
She could only stare at him as she absorbed what he’d said. It had been a lot. And not at all what she’d expected.
Yeah, she really liked him. And yeah, she’d dreamed up little happily-ever-after scenarios with the three of them. But she’d never thought those scenarios could come true. How was this even real?
Guys didn’t want more from her. She wasn’t girlfriend material. She was good enough to fuck, but nothing more. She’d never been good enough for anything more. Her dear, drunk mother had drilled that into her brain. And the guys at the motorcycle club had proven it time and time again.
“Shit,” Matt said on a sigh, taking her hands in his. “Did I just fuck this all up? Did I freak you out by jumping the gun?”
“I don’t...” Her heart twisted. She wasn’t worthy of this man. He just couldn’t see it yet. “I don’t think you really know me—like, the real me.”
“That’s my point, sweetheart. As much as I love kissing you, as much as I want to bury myself deep inside you... I want to get to know you more first.”
Scarlet took him in. His hopeful brown eyes, his handsome face, his hulking frame that made her feel so fragile yet protected... Damn . She needed to be honest with him. He deserved that. “I really like you, Matt.”
He winced. “I sense a but coming.”
She looked at him apologetically. “But...” God, this sucks. “I don’t think I can give you what you’re looking for.”
“I think you can,” he countered with a stubborn lift of his chin.
The corners of her lips twitched. “I think you have this idea of who I am, and it’s really sweet.” No one had ever described her the way he had. “But it isn’t accurate.”
“I think you’re strong and brave and smart and beautiful. What’s inaccurate about that?”
Her stomach dropped. She was none of those things. Honest. He deserves honest .
“I was a club whore, Matt. For years , I lived in an MC clubhouse and fucked whoever wanted to fuck.” She dropped her gaze to her lap, battling a sudden flare of nausea. “I’m not good enough for you. Not by a long shot.”
His hand cradled her jaw, and she tried to ignore the offered comfort. But after a moment, she leaned into his touch. She was weak like that.
“Scarlet, sweetheart. Look at me.”
She took a deep breath of courage, then complied. Her eyes widened in disbelief. Because he wasn’t looking at her with revulsion. He wasn’t looking at her with judgment. No, he was looking at her like he always did. Like she was important to him, like she mattered.
“Your past is your past. Neither one of us can change it.”
“Yeah, but?—”
He pressed a finger to her lips, silencing her. “When I look at you, I don’t see a club whore. I see a woman who’s fought tooth and nail to provide a loving and stable home for her daughter. A woman who’s strong and brave and smart and beautiful, but also generous and kind and so damn special to me.” He kissed her, slow and tender, then pulled back to meet her gaze. “Scarlet, sweetheart, your past is in the past. I want your now. I want your future.”
Tears prickled her eyes, and she blinked them away. The man absolutely destroyed her with his words.
“But like I said earlier, Scar, I want you to be sure. So let’s get to know each other better. Take our time.”
A giant lump formed in her throat, rendering her speechless. She managed a nod.
He pressed another soft kiss to her lips. “Can I walk you to your room?”
The lump in her throat expanded. Too sweet. This man is too damn sweet.
Again, she nodded.
Matt held his hand out to her, and together, they rose from the couch. He intertwined their fingers as they made their way down the hallway.
At her closed bedroom door, he brought their linked hands to his lips and dropped a kiss on the back of hers. Then he simply held her in his arms. “We’re going to make this work, Scar,” he murmured. “I have a good feeling about us.”
Her heart clenched. So did she. She was absolutely scared as hell, but so did she.