Chapter 18 Myles
Myles
Writing that note was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. But actually leaving…walking out that fucking door nearly killed me. It felt like I was leaving part of my soul there. There’s only one last thing to do.
The sun has barely risen above the horizon when I pull into the old cemetery just outside of town. It’s still just as cold and desolate as I remember from the last time I was here…twenty-two years ago for Adam’s father’s funeral.
Adam’s mom had passed away six months prior from stage three lung cancer. His father passed away within six months of a broken heart. He had nothing wrong with his health. His body simply gave up without her. They were high-school sweethearts and he always said his heart only beat for her.
My stomach twists with a guilt so painful, it almost makes me stop the car. When I think about what his father said about Adam’s mom, my mind only goes to Mina. I need to stop. I need to say my goodbyes, leave this place, and never come back. I need to stay far away from her…Even if it kills me.
I pull my car off to the side of the old dirt track leading back to Adam’s family's plot. His parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents are all buried here, so of course, Adam and Angelina will be right next to them.
The sound of my door closing echoes off the headstones scattered around me. It’s the only sound that can be heard as sunlight begins to fill the graveyard. Not even birds are chirping. Nothing…just silence.
My footsteps crunch over the decaying leaves and branches as I make my way over to their plot. I can see their family name carved into the giant marble statue that watches over them. Even the breeze seems to disappear as I stop in front of Adam’s headstone.
Mina must visit them often. The ground surrounding them is tended to. Fresh flowers have been planted, and the headstones are clean. I squat down to run my fingers along the carved words on Adam’s stone.
Adam Warner.
July 10th, 1984 – Oct. 17th, 2005
Husband, Father, Friend
“Friend…” My voice cracks as I trace the word. “Some friend I was, huh?”
The crisp morning air burns as I sniff to choke back the tears. I never came to say goodbye…But I’m here now.
“I’m sorry…Fuck!” I stare at the sky. A single large cloud blocks the sun, making it suddenly colder. “Yeah, yeah. I get you’re pissed I didn’t come back sooner.”
I sit on the grass. It’s cool and damp from the morning dew, but I don’t even feel it.
“Listen…Don’t hate me for what I did. You’re the one who always told me that when I found the one, I would know. You also said once I had her that I should never let her go…Still want to stand by that statement?”
The cloud shifts, letting the sunlight warm me.
“I love her, Adam. And it’s fucking killing me. I can’t even imagine what you must think of me right now…”
A loud, strange sound and wings flapping startle me as a large raven flies off from the tree above me. A single feather falls to the ground next to me. I’ve always loved the color of a raven. That deep blue black that seems to shift in the sunlight. The same color as Mina’s hair.
I pick the feather up and twist it, watching the colors shift as I continue to talk to my best friend.
“You know…If the cop hadn’t told me that no one survived before they even pulled your fucking car from the water, I wouldn’t have left.
You have to know that, Adam. I wouldn’t have just left her back then had I known she survived.
Fuck! I don’t even know what has happened to her over the last twenty years. ”
Another cloud passes, blocking out the warmth and my body shudders. The cold shade seems to seep into my bones as I sit here. I stare up at the sky again, taking a deep breath before I continue. I’m honestly waiting for something to drop from the sky and hit me in the head at this point.
“She’s smart as fuck. Definitely got that from Angelina. No way in hell your ass would’ve been able to get a PHD by the time you turned twenty-three…But I’m sure you know that. She probably comes here a lot, doesn’t she?”
The sunlight comes back as if answering my question.
“You don’t have to worry, I signed the house over to her.
I know it’s what you would have wanted…I’ll keep an eye on her for you, I promise…
From afar.” With those two words, the knot that’s been wrapped around my chest for the last twenty years slowly begins to tighten again.
“I love her, Adam…But I can’t do that to you…
I won’t. I’ve lived the last twenty years with this pain.
What’s another twenty or thirty more until I die? ”
I stand and place the feather on top of Adam’s tombstone. It’s time for me to go. I brush the mud and damp grass off that clings to my pants.
“I won’t be coming back…I can’t.”
The thought of coming back here when I know she’s alive…Having to watch her live her life not by her side…It’s going to kill me.
My phone dings, notifying me that the front door is unlocked. I need to make sure I have the cleaning crew give her the login details and have her switch it over to her phone for the security system and cameras.
“I’m sorry to you too, Angie. I should have known from the second I saw her eyes…She has your eyes, and she’s so beautiful.”
Damnit! I can feel the burn from the tears at the back of my throat. I have to walk away again. Have to leave everything…Just as my life finally felt complete.
“I love you both, so fucking much. Thank you for always treating me like I was your family. I promise to do right by her and make sure she’s always taken care of…
Just don’t give her too much shit if she decides to tell you guys.
” I laugh as I choke back another wave of emotions.
I touch their headstones one last time before turning to walk back to my car.
“Goodbye…I love you both.” My whisper carries on the wind as it trails off into the distance. I won’t be coming back.
I begin to slowly walk back to my car and take a look at my phone.
The button for the living room camera is lit up.
I watch her walk around for a moment as she looks at the photos.
She’s wearing a black bathrobe. Her hair is a mess, and yet she’s still the most stunning woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.
My mind wanders to last night. How good she looked in my bed… How perfect she felt in my arms…
Fucking get your shit together, Myles. This right here is why you have to leave. She deserves so much more than you could ever be for her. You’re broken…
She flops down onto the couch with her phone in her hand. She clutches her other fist to her chest as her eyes go wide. I turn up the volume and listen to half of the conversation. I don’t know who she’s talking to, but it’s about Declan.
The main things I catch are about some gang in Mexico that killed Jocko. And that she’s leaving town. Where’s she going? Is she going to sell the house? Is she…
Damnit! I need to let her go. I don’t need to worry about the house anymore. She will either keep it as a vacation home or sell it, but it’s not up to me anymore.
When I glance back down at the camera feed, the living room is empty. I back out of that camera and see the one for the bedroom blinking. I made sure to have one put in all of the rooms to monitor the place. You can never be too careful.
I watch her slowly look over the room. She pauses at her mother’s vanity.
Her delicate fingers barely touch the antique brush set that Adam got Angie for their first anniversary.
I had the crew always make sure everything was left as it was.
Angie's hairpins are scattered on the vanity, just as Adam's nightstand still has the empty water cup he always had next to his bed because he brought a glass of water to bed every night.
She picks up the last book he was reading that was sitting on the nightstand.
A photo falls out. I try to zoom in on the photo.
It’s grainy, but I know exactly what the photo is.
It’s Adam and Angie’s wedding. Angie was very pregnant with Mina at the time.
We took a photo together shortly after they cut the cake.
That was the night they asked me to stay permanently.
That I could stay in the pool house for as long as I wanted to… Because I was family.
I slide into my car and slam the door shut. He would kill me for the thoughts running through my head. All I want to do is turn this fucking car around and go back there. I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
“Fuck!” My head rests against the steering wheel as I lock my phone and toss it on the passenger seat. I need to delete the app as soon as I get her access.
*Ding*
Alexandria
When are you going to be home?
I pull up the GPS. Eighteen more hours.
Myles
Not for at least eighteen hours. But I have to take care of a few things tomorrow. Sorry.
Alexandria
Boo! No fair. You’ve been gone all weekend. Can’t it wait until you go back to work? I’ve missed you.
A photo comes in a moment later of her body from the neck down in a red lace thong and matching bra. She’s beautiful…But she’s not Mina. She’s not the one I want.
Myles
Another time. Sorry.
She doesn’t reply. She left me on read, and I honestly don’t blame her. I’ve never denied her before. But I can’t help it. When I saw the red lace, my mind instantly went to Mina...The first night I saw her.
I run my fingers through my hair before cracking my neck and my knuckles. It’s going to be a long fucking drive. I glance back in the rearview mirror one last time as I pull away. The name carved into the stone slowly fades into the distance.
Never again…I can’t do it…
Eighteen hours later, I’m finally pulling into my driveway.
I drove straight here. I’m exhausted, and I could honestly pass out in the car right now.
I should have stopped somewhere and slept, but every time I thought about stopping, the urge to turn around and drive straight back to her was getting stronger.