17. Day 331 – Oscar
Day 331 – Oscar
T he touch on my shoulder sends me hurtling back. “’m awake.”
Bleary-eyed, I glance down at the desk. At the papers that cover it. Where was I —
“Here.” A hand peels away the paper stuck to the side of my face. “Looking for this?”
I don’t look at Theo as I take it. “Thanks. How was Kenny?”
“She ate.” He leans against the wall beside me. “Slept with Max in the nest. Lost her shit over the clean shirts, so we gave her ours and swapped them.”
“Good,” I mumble. “That’s good.”
“You haven’t seen her in three days, Oz.” His voice hardens. “What’s going on?”
My fingers pause as I flick through the latest stack of case studies. “Nothing.”
“Bullshit. Tell me.”
The words on the page in front of me blur into a fuzzy outline as I look down, squinting.
“Here.” Theo shoves my glasses into my hand. “You need a break. Come and see her.”
“I can do more for her here.” If I could stay awake longer than a fucking hour.
“Oz.” Theo’s voice softens. “You’re doing everything you can.”
“It’s not enough.” I snap the words without meaning to. “She’s still in there, Theo. We’re nearly at a full fucking year. I’m not doing enough.”
Every day, I’m failing her all over again.
I thought I could fix this.
I can’t. And how the fuck can I go there and look my mate in the eyes when it’s our fault?
It's our fault she’s there.
It's my fault she’s still there.
“It’s not enough,” I say again, when the silence carries. “There has to be something I’m missing. I’ve been through every published case study I can find. Every textbook. Every fucking online forum.”
I’ve spoken to hundreds of people. Thousands, maybe. Anyone and everyone who might have a single thread of the answer to how to fix her. Trying to weave those threads together and coming up short every single time.
“What about Abrams—,”
“He’s still focused on his trust theory.” Shoving the papers back, I sink my head into my hands. “But Kenny already trusts us. She lets us close. She sleeps on us. Hell, we hand feed her now because she won’t take it from anyone else. If that was the key, we would know it by now. That’s not it .”
I lift my head. “I promised her, Theo. I promised her I would fix this. And I can’t .”
My voice breaks.
Theo looks stricken. “That’s not all on your shoulders, Oz. All you can do is what you’re doing. Maybe we just need more time.”
Time . I hate that fucking word. “This is her life. Every day, we’re losing a little more of it to this fucking change.”
She’s lost enough time. She’s lost enough .
“It’s not fair,” Theo says quietly. “I know, Oz. Every time I look at her, I see him. I see what he did to her. And it’s not fair that she’s suffering for it. But keeping away from her is only going to hurt her more. I learned that lesson already.”
I know. I fucking know .
When I rub at my chest, Theo frowns. “You got a pain?”
“Yeah,” I rasp. Thanks to too much caffeine and not enough sleep. “It’s aching. Nothing major.”
But he’s staring. “I have the same thing. Jake mentioned it earlier too.”
My hands stop moving, my thoughts pulling together in slow motion. “You think it’s the mating bond?”
I haven’t felt a thing since the day she changed. Not a single glimpse to help us with Kenny.
Theo presses his fingers to his chest. “Maybe? It feels like a throb. But… distant.”
Something else to consider . Something new. “I’ll head over in a minute.”
But he doesn’t move. “Maybe we need to remember that it’s Kenny in there.”
I stare. “You think I’d forget?”
He swipes his hand through the air. “I mean… we’ve been so focused on her as an omega. Maybe we need to get her to respond to us as Kenny. Push her into it.”
“Maybe.” But the last thing we want is for her to retreat. Not when it’s taken us so fucking long to reach this point.
The thought plays on my mind on the drive over. I turn it over and over, examining it in my head, picking it apart.
I’m barely aware of pulling in, of switching off the engine.
Max and Jake are in the hall. My feet pick up speed, the thoughts solidifying. “What if it’s not just—,”
They turn to me, and I stop short at their drawn faces. “What’s happened?”
Max turns back to the window as if he can see through the reflection where they’ve blocked our view. “She’s got a slight fever. They kicked us out so they could assess her.”
My throat closes up. The door opens, and we all swing to the suit that steps through, helmet still in place. “Where’s Abrams?”
They pull the helmet off, revealing a shorter male with spiky blond hair. His gaze sweeps across us warily. “He’s not here today. We left him a message. I’m fully qualified, I assure you. Name’s Adams.”
“What’s wrong with Kenny?” Jake steps forward. “Is she sick?”
Adams purses his lips. “We’re not certain. It could be a number of things. She’s not showing any other signs of sickness. It’s possible that it’s a heat spike.”
Shit . “But she’s not supposed to have heat spikes. Did you sedate her?”
He shakes his head. “I’m not a fan of that unless it’s needed. She was a little distressed with us there, but she did let us check her vitals. It’s possible that with her stats so close to normal, she could experience a heat spike. One of you should go in, but be careful. I’ll want to check her again in a few hours if Abrams doesn’t get here before that. If anything changes, press the button and we’ll come straight in. She needs to keep warm.”
Maybe this guy’s not so bad. “Thanks.”
He offers us a small, professional smile. “We’re all rooting for her.”
Good to know. I leave him with Jake and Max as I step up to the door and put the code in.
Red eyes with dark circles beneath greet me. Kenny looks tired, and I take a breath. “Hi.”
My chest tightens when she doesn’t move from the bed. Crossing the space, I kneel down beside her, pushing back her hair. Warm skin – too warm – meets my fingers. But she shivers. “You’re cold, baby.”
Sliding my arms underneath, I lift her easily, breathing her in. Cherries. Chocolate. Only a faint hint of that twisted, bitter scent that haunts me. She burrows her nose into my chest as I carry her across the room, making for the nest Max built for her. When I try to place her down, her grip on my shirt tightens.
Shifting her, I follow her down, stretching out until my head shares the same pillow, our noses brushing. “That better?”
She seems so familiar to me now. Almost Kenny, but… not.
As if this red-eyed, new mate is replacing the one I remember. My heart thumps inside my chest, so loudly that I wonder if she can hear it as I cup her cheek, curving my thumb around it and stroking her heated skin in soft circles.
Thinking, even as her eyes close, small huffs of breath deepening against my wrist.
The tension in my spine loosens. Softening, as I breathe in that scent. My eyes drift closed, snapping back open.
Having her close is the best sleeping aid, I realize. It feels as if I haven’t slept properly for three hundred days.
Maybe I could—
***
When I wake up, I can’t put the pieces together. I stare up at the light, blinking. And my arms tighten around the warm weight curled over my chest.
Kenny . She’s still sleeping, her lips parted and her hair a deep red curtain covering her shoulders and my arms, wrapped around her.
Lifting my hand, I brush it over her forehead. Checking.
Warmth, but no fever.
Letting my head fall back, I stroke idly through her hair as the thoughts pile back in.
Maybe the barrier… is Kenny .
“It would have been nice. To be somebody’s everything.”
The remembered words threaten to shatter me all over again. My grip on her tightens, and a sleepy complaint slips out as Kenny’s eyes slide open.
Just for a moment, I think I see it. A flash of brown – maybe. But she blinks, and it’s gone.
I study her. “You wouldn’t be hiding from us in there, would you, Kenny Traylor?”
A small crease appears between her eyes. Smooths out.
Tilting my head, I run my eyes over her face again. “Maybe you are hiding. Maybe you’re scared, baby.”
My throat squeezes, phantom hands wrapping around it at the thought. “And I know why, Ken. I know why you’re frightened. But we can’t fix this – not properly – until you come out. And maybe she’s not holding you back anymore. Maybe you’re the one hanging on . Am I on to something?”
Two versions of Kenny, within one body.
One that took over, when she was broken and traumatised, and hurting . One full of fight and fury, to keep them both safe.
And the old Kenny. Lost, and broken, and scared. Her spirit shattered by too many disappointments, in too short a time.
Maybe it’s not even conscious.
Scarlet eyes widen as I tilt her head up, my finger slipping beneath her chin. My lips press to her forehead. “You come out when you’re ready. We’ll be here, waiting. But that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna try and bring you back.”
Maybe Theo was right. We need to push her a little harder. Push her out of her own head. My hand moves through her hair again, soothing. Until my fingers catch in a knot, snagging it.
She bares her teeth at me as I frown. “We need to brush those out.”
Seems like a good place to start.
I wait until she decides she’s finished laying on me, watching as she rolls off and onto her feet before I follow. Kenny hovers as I wander across the room and reach into my bag, digging around before yanking out a hairbrush.
Her head jerks, her feet padding back.
“Kenny.” I hold it up. “We’re gonna brush your hair, okay?”
She snaps her teeth at it instead.
This should be fun.
“You love having your hair played with.” I take a seat on the bed, shuffling back and patting the space in front of me. “Come here.”
She doesn’t move. A silent battle of wills between a feral omega and an alpha takes place in the space of a few seconds, and I’m not entirely sure I’m going to win. Slowly, I lean forward, keeping eye contact. “Kenny. Come. Here.”
She shuffles forward a step, reluctance clear in every tense limb.
“Nearly there,” I coax, holding out my hand. “You’ll feel better.”
She eyes me warily in a way that makes me wonder exactly how much she understands. We’re never completely sure, since she responds better to body language.
I curl my fingers in, beckoning. “Come on.”
I don’t expect her to slip her fingers into mine, but my smile grows. “Okay.”
She doesn’t fight when I pull her onto my lap, turning her legs until they’re hanging over mine. Running my hand down her hair, I lift the brush and start at the ends.
“I’m not the best at this,” I murmur to her. “But we’ll see how we go.”
The sharp line of her back softens as I work, trying not to pull. I feel claws pricking at my jeans, and I glance down. She’s curling her fingers over the denim, running the pads of her fingers over it in little circles.
I… like this. Like taking care of her. She moves from my jeans to my sweatshirt, twisting to examine it, pulling the toggles through her fingers as I try to hide my smile. “Ken. Baby. Kind of hard to brush when you’re facing me.”
She hides her face in my chest, and something… melts. I run my hands through her hair, checking it. “Okay. All done.”
When my hands slip away, a clear complaint mumbles against my chest.
I slide my hands back to where they were. Stroking. Sliding around to her neck, my fingers gently gripping the skin there and massaging. “You like this?”
Movement. And I pause. “Did you just—,”
She nodded.
Kenny peeks up at me, and I’m pretty sure my own eyes are wide as saucers. “You know exactly what’s going on.”
You’re just making us work for it.
My smile grows. “I have the feeling you’re going to be a demanding mate, Kenny Traylor.”
And I’m going to adore every moment of it.
She hums as I keep going, her hands slipping around my waist as she tries to get closer.
“Here.” I drop my hands and lift her until she’s wrapped around me like a pretzel, her legs nestled on either side of my waist. When I go back to her neck, I frown.
She’s warm again. Too warm.
Claws prick against my sides. Slipping beneath my sweatshirt. Two soft palms slide up my bare skin, scraping over my chest. I feel my own cheeks flush as she presses against me. “Kenny, wait.”
This is unchartered territory. On every front. I swallow hard, my eyes flicking to the mirror. “Ken. Baby. No .”
She flinches, and it’s cold water thrown over my senses.
I catch her wrists as she scrambles back, keeping hold of her as I duck to see her face. Shit – her eyes are wet. I don’t let her move, my voice dropping. “Not like this. You come back , Kennedy.”
That’s a line none of us will cross.
She snarls, half-hearted and… hurt. My hand slides around to her throat, brushing it, holding her chin and lifting as Kenny squirms to get away, her eyes dropping.
“Look at me,” I breathe. “No more running, Ken. Okay? I’m yours. Your mate. Always yours. But I need your words, love. I need to know it’s you . You come first.”
She blinks, and something close to a tortured groan sounds in my throat as her tears spill over. “Don’t cry. Please, Kenny.”
I can’t watch it. Can’t cope with the sight of her tears. Not when it feels like we’re so close .
I still have one hand in mine. Turning it, I press my lips to her palm. “There’s a whole life here, waiting for you. But not without you. You have to come back to us. Come home .”
Her eyes flicker again. My breath catches. “Ken—,”
But the scrape of the door opening sends her tumbling back, her wrists slipping from my grasp as she scrabbles off the bed and backs away.
I twist to glare over my shoulder. Abrams offers an apologetic wince from the doorway. “I’m so sorry – the window was dark, we couldn’t see. I need to check her vitals. Thought it would be worth trying while she’s awake, if you don’t mind.”
God fucking damn it . “Give me a minute.”
Kenny doesn’t look at me as I step up to her. My hands cradle her face, nudging it up. “Let Abrams take a look at you, okay? You know him. We need you to be healthy, baby.”
I can feel the resistance in the tightness of her jaw. “I’ll be right here.”
We were so fucking close. Both of us know it.
Her hands grip my sweatshirt again. Eyeing her, I reach for the back of my neck and tug the clothing over my head before bundling her into it. Her head pops out, staring at me as I thread her arms through the holes.
It swamps her. Almost to her knees. “You keep that, okay?”
Nodding at Abrams, I back away a few steps to let him through. Kenny wavers, her eyes darting between us.
He looks nervous too. “She won’t hurt you, Doc.”
There’s an edge of steel in my tone. Kenny sniffs, looking away.
You’re definitely in there, baby.
This is the end game. I can feel it.
And we’re playing to win.