27. Kenny
Kenny
T here is no slow, peaceful return to wakefulness.
I jackknife upright, my hair sticking to the side of my face. And on either side of me, two alphas do the same, both of them erupting in panicked movement.
None of us speak as we all silently try to work out what’s happening. Both Max and Jake are pressed against me, the three of us squeezing into the small space on the floor that I appear to have been using as some sort of nest.
“I’m alright,” I say finally. Hesitantly. “I just… wasn’t sure.”
I prod at my teeth with my tongue, hissing when it scrapes against the sharp edge. My monster teeth are still in place.
But the rest of me is all here. My heartbeat slowly starts to lower. “Seriously. I’m okay.”
I settle back between them. Max curls his fingers into mine, and I wait for their breathing to settle before slowly edging back up, careful not to wake them this time.
Green eyes watch me steadily from the bottom of my heap of blankets. Theo’s back rests against the wall, his arms wrapped around his knees. I look around, my chest tightening when I don’t see Oscar.
“He’ll be back soon.” The words are soft. “You okay? Need anything?”
My stomach grumbles before I can speak. “Maybe… some food? How does that work? Can I call someone?”
Theo reaches for something next to him. “We bring food in with us.”
I eye him. “You do?”
He nods, focusing on unscrewing the lid of a flask. “We have some chicken soup. Or there are some meals in the kitchen down the hall I can heat up. We batch cook them and bring them in so there’s always something here.”
How much time have they been spending here? “Come here often?”
My joke falls flat. Theo measures out some soup into the top of the flask. “Every day.”
Every day?
I eye the flask. It smells good. “Soup is okay.”
He holds it out, but I shake my head. I don’t want to spill anything on the bedding. Theo waits, his face cautious as I slowly extract myself from between Max and Jake, my feet padding on the cold floor until I settle down on the floor and mirror his pose, keeping a space between us.
“I don’t understand.” Theo doesn’t say anything at first. He sets the cup down between us in a silent offer, nudging it toward me and waiting until I wrap my fingers around it.
“We worked out a rota.” He stretches his legs out, not looking at me as I take a sip. Another. “At least one of us is always here with you. More, if we can make it work.”
“But… Why bother?” My brow crinkles as I stare into the cup. “I don’t get it, Theo. I was supposed to… you know.”
Die . I was supposed to die here.
But it’s been a year, and I’m still breathing. No longer feral. Or not completely.
And they’re batch cooking meals, staying with me, bringing in clothes that smell like them. Oscar’s scent is heavy on the t-shirt that swamps me, as if he gave it to me straight after wearing it.
“You don’t want me,” I whisper. “You made that very clear.”
His head is lowered. I can’t see his expression. But the low words strike against my skin, settle into me. “I always wanted you, Ken. Even when I told you I didn’t. I was – I was an asshole.”
I swallow. “No arguments from me.”
“You wouldn’t be here if we’d stepped up.” The words shake. “This happened to you because of us. It’s our fault.”
The cup pauses in mid-air. “Brett did this to me.”
His name hovers between us. Theo flinches back. “I know. And I’m so sorry, Ken. I’m so sorry he did that to you, and we weren’t there. And for every day that followed. For all of it.”
My eyes blur until I can’t see the cup anymore, and I set it down on the floor with shaking hands. “Thank you.”
“Don’t,” he says hoarsely. “Don’t… thank me. You know how many times your heart stopped in those first days? Three, Ken. Three times, I stood there and watched them shock you, and every time, all I could think was how badly we failed you. You deserved so much better. From every single person around you.”
A tear slips off my chin. “But especially from me.”
I swipe it away, almost angrily. “What do you want from me, Theo?”
I feel… tired. So tired. And fragile enough that I collect his words, holding onto them like I need them. Like I need him. Even as part of me despises myself for it.
“Nothing,” he says immediately. “I don’t expect anything from you, Ken. I’m not here to force you into anything.”
I glance at his neck. His throat flexes. “You don’t need to worry about that.”
But… he can feel me. My emotions. My pain. “We can’t leave a half-done bond, Theo.”
“Yes, we can,” he says tightly. “The last thing – the last fucking thing – that I want is to force anything else on you. I’ll work with the bond. And if you never want to complete it, Ken, I’ll take it.”
“But you wouldn’t be able to bond with anyone else.” I force the words out, even though they feel like razor blades. “You’d be… stuck.”
“That’s not how I see it,” he says quietly. “I get to feel you. I get to spend every day knowing if you’re safe. If you’re healthy. If you’re happy. Without question, or doubt. I get to feel all of that, and that is a gift to me. And there is nobody else out there – not a single person – that I would choose over that. And I’d feel the same even if we didn’t have a bond, Ken. Even if I didn’t wear your bite. I promise you.”
His next words are slower. Enunciated. “I want this. I can’t be any clearer. I don’t want you to go a single moment more thinking that I might not want you. Because I do. You are all that I ever wanted, Ken. But… we don’t always get what we want. As long as you’re happy, everything else is just background noise to me.”
It will hurt him, if I don’t complete it. I know that pain intimately. More than anybody else. I lived with it for months as my body unravelled. And it wouldn’t be the same for him – not as many. Not poisoned. But enough. I loosen a breath, letting it shudder into the quiet room. “You don’t know what it feels like, Theo.”
“I know that whatever pain I get would be a shadow of what you experienced.” His eyes fix on me. “And I know that it will be nothing – nothing – compared to this last year. And I’ll take more. All of it. As long as you’re safe.”
I can’t… I can’t think about it right now. Not when I feel like this. I take a breath. “What if I go back to… that?”
To that cage. To those bars, and the unending darkness. To the loneliness.
My voice breaks, and I feel his fingers brush against my cheek. Comforting, but no more. Theo sounds ragged, his breathing wet. “Then we will bring you home again. We’re always going to bring you home, Kenny. You’re not on your own anymore.”
I don’t know what to say. He sighs. A quiet, soft sigh. “We have time now. As much time as you need, Ken. Whatever you need, it’s yours. Without expectation. I just want you to heal.”
Always, if I need it. While he walks around, connected to me with every beat of his heart and not getting anything back. “Can I see it? The bite?”
He turns to me, surprise flickering in his green eyes. But he tilts his neck in silent invitation, and I shift onto my knees, shuffling closer so I can see. He hasn’t covered it with anything.
Something unvoiced settles, my pulse lowering. “It’s not poisoned.”
There are no black lines spreading out, toxic and seeping. Only a slightly messy, oversized set of teeth marks, already healing. Possessive. It almost covers the side of his neck.
He’ll never be able to cover it, not without a scarf or a high-necked top.
A warm hand closes over mine, Squeezes, and lets go. “You were already in my veins, Ken. I already belonged to you. All it’s done is strengthen what was already there. But I’ll never cover it up. Not ever.”
I bite the side of my cheek to try to hide the satisfaction that fills me at the thought.
But he feels it. Of course he does.
No more hiding.