Chapter 8 Sadie
SADIE
“We’re all only human.”
Every time I thought back to Aaron’s words, I hated myself a little more.
I proved that point, too.
I was only human. Biology was at work here. Nothing more, nothing less.
But still, as I came down from the high of Emil making me come, I despised how easily he’d mastered my body.
I’m tied up. It’s not like I could’ve protested and pushed him away.
I cringed as I realized a little voice in the back of my head suggested that was why it was so much hotter.
I was kidnapped. It’s not like I could’ve avoided being alone with him like this.
I dropped my chin to my chest in self-loathing as I heard that nagging little voice in the back of my head again hinting that his taking me captive made this kinkier and more exciting than any little bit of foreplay ever could be.
Guilty from caving to him, I dealt with the regret of how good he'd made me feel.
I tried hard to tamp down the stupid desire for a repeat.
There was just something about this criminal, this bad boy of a mobster assassin.
In khaki shorts and a white button-down, he looked more ordinary, casual.
More relatable than in those sexy suits.
Fuck it.
It was time to be honest with myself.
Emil Dubinin was hotter than hell no matter what he wore.
Now that I knew how good his hands felt on me and in me, how wicked his lips were against my ear, I had a hard time resisting the urge to picture him wearing nothing at all.
A little groan left my lips as the fleeting fantasy of him naked filled my head.
All those muscles on display. The ruggedness of him, all male and strong, masculinity personified.
“A man could get used to hearing that sound, little agent.” He returned then, catching the end of my embarrassing groan.
“Don’t,” I groused.
He raised his brows as he set the plate of food on the table and then untied my hands.
I knew better than to attempt escape. I wouldn’t get past him. And I did need the food if I wanted to keep my strength up.
“Why shouldn’t I get used to any sounds you might make?” he asked as he sat in the chair across from me, linking his hands behind his head and setting one ankle on the other. The glint of metal from his gun wasn’t unmissed. He was armed, that firearm in a holster at his hips, while I had nothing.
“Because I’m not staying here.”
He smiled, that self-assured and too-confident smile that both pissed me off and charmed me.
Charmed?
No. No, no, no.
I had to be stronger than this. Yes, he was good at making me come. But that was it. I refused to let this handsome man ruin me. Because the second I slacked and gave up on my mission, I was no longer a woman to be proud of.
“And just how do you think you’ll get away?”
I shrugged, not answering while I ate. I wasn’t complying.
Yet, my fight had changed. My tactic had to be altered.
It seemed that after his last time in this room, when he taunted me and fingered me, things had shifted.
We were still on opposite sides, but I saw no point in being mute.
It clearly wouldn’t work on him. Still, I could be firm and not tell him anything.
“Newsflash, little agent.” He winked. “I’m not letting you go until I want to.” He tilted his head to the side and studied me. “If I want to.”
I rolled my eyes.
“I’m serious. It seems like a crime to let another man touch that sweet pussy.”
“Oh. So I’m just your plaything to keep now?” I huffed a laugh.
“Would you want to be?”
“I want you to let me go.”
“Why?” He lost the joking and playful attitude. “You’ve been chasing after me and on my tail at those airports. You’ve clearly wanted to get to me. So… why?”
I shook my head.
“What, you changed your mind?”
“I’m not giving you anything you want. I’m not stupid enough to let you hold all the cards here.”
He stared at me with such an intense look of lust that I couldn’t maintain eye contact. “You have, actually.”
Fucking hell. I hadn’t blushed since I was a kid and I got my first kiss. I hated that his mentioning how he’d given me an orgasm had me blushing now.
“And you’ll give me more,” he predicted.
“Nope.” I shook my head.
“You’ll give me the answers I want,” he insisted.
I shook my head again, feeling stronger when I didn’t look him in the eye. Or more cowardly.
“Listen, little agent. This isn’t the first time the law’s been after me and it won’t be the last. You’re obviously following me for some mission from whatever alphabet agency you work for, and I’m clearly the dangerous assassin the world should want behind bars.”
I whipped my head up to gaze at him.
“We can cut through the bullshit of those simple details and get right to your telling me why you’re interested in me.”
“I’m not—” I caught myself from that lie.
He smiled. “Not like that. You’ve proven yourself plenty there.”
You’re an asshole.
“I only need to know why you’re so interested in following me.” He shrugged. “It could be due to any number of the hits I’ve completed in my career. But it is becoming tedious to play that cat-and-mouse game, isn’t it?”
“I’m not playing any—”
Silence struck. The absence of the distinctive hum that meant the AC units were running depressed me.
“Hmm. Looks like things will be heating up here,” he quipped. “You were saying?”
“I’m not playing any games.” I only ever wanted to do my job. To get the bad guys and make the world safer. There was no time for games and jokes like what he was implying. This wasn’t a freaking vacation for me.
“Tell yourself whatever makes you feel better.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “But I’ve got another idea.”
Negotiating wasn’t out of the ordinary. I didn’t feel ready to do so with him yet. Not so soon after he threw me off with that orgasm.
“The sooner you tell me why you were sent to try to arrest me, the sooner we can fuck.” He sat back with that matter-of-fact offer. “Then I can consider letting you go. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”
I rolled my eyes and didn’t answer.
I didn’t speak, either.
He waited me out, like he always did, but this time, when he left, he didn’t tie my hands back to the chair. I couldn’t escape with my ankles still tied in such a way that I couldn’t lean over and free myself.
But I wasn’t so eager to.
He was clearly interested in me.
A couple more days passed without his releasing me.
Two more days of no air conditioning, when we were both sweating heavily.
Forty-eight hours of his still refusing to let me go.
I had to wonder if he was driven more because he wanted me than anything else. And just in case I was right and I could use that against him, I anted up the challenge.
“Morning,” Emil said as he entered the room with water the next day.
“Is it?” I asked grumpily as I unbuttoned my shirt.
He stood still, watching me.
“What? It’s hot.” I let my lightweight blouse hang open over my chest, giving him the minimal peek of my breasts in my bra.
“It is,” he agreed, sighing as he stared at my chest.
“Oh, don’t pretend it’s something you haven’t seen before,” I said dryly, hoping this reverse psychology bit would work.
“I haven’t seen them before,” he replied as he sat. He swallowed hard. “Ready to talk?”
“Not really. Are you?” I drank water and let some drip on my breasts.
At this rate, under his lusty stare, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to stop with this teasing bluff. I was probably asking for more trouble than what I could handle with how he watched me, his chest heaving with faster breaths.
“You want me to talk?”
Actually, yeah. That’s literally all I’m supposed to be doing. Getting you to talk and share intel about the formation of the Obsidian Eye.
“Yeah.”
“About what?”
I had so many questions to ask him. But in this setting, with him in control and in power, I had to be careful.
The last thing I needed was to open up the can of worms that the threat of the Obsidian Eye alliance was when he could know the secret was out and in the hands of the FBI.
He’d surely kill me then. If I had him in custody and could question him with protection, then it’d be a completely different scenario.
Still, I’d gotten this far, and I refused to lose ground.
“Tell me what it’s like to live with the guilt of killing so many people.” I’d lean on all those psych courses I had to take in college.
“It’s easy.” He shrugged.
“It is? You don’t suffer from the guilt at all?”
“Why would I feel guilty about removing the filth and vermin from the earth?” He didn’t look away, answering me with so much sincerity that I knew he wasn’t acting or lying.
“Because. Because when you take a life, you know that’s wrong.”
He shrugged. “Then you’re no better than I am. You kill who you need to as well.”
“Yes. But with the law and the deliverance of justice behind me.”
“I’ve got my own law and form of justice.”
“Unofficial and unsanctioned,” I replied.
“What, are you going to offer me a job so I can do it with a different title?” He smirked.
“No.” Dammit. This wasn’t working.
“Try to paint me as the bad guy all you want, Sadie, but you and I aren’t so different when you really think about it.”
I shook my head. “I’m not buying that. You’re an assassin. A mobster. Some would even call you an unfeeling monster.”
His jaw slid as he exhaled a long breath and looked off to the side. “Unfeeling?”
“Don’t twist my words and say something relating to how you feel about fucking me.”
He smiled. “I do, though. I feel something very strongly about that.”
Shut up. I prayed my hard look would convince him to be serious for once.
“And I feel strongly about all my kills, too. I am proud to remove some of the fuckers who hurt innocents. And I am proud to serve my father in what he needs to keep our family safe.” As he furrowed his brow and lowered his gaze, though, I could tell he was being deeply serious, almost softer toward me as he opened up.
I felt the vulnerability in his attitude.
“Some hits haunt me. Others amuse me. But you’re wasting your time and energy to call me a sadist. Look upon me as a monster.
A dark sicko. A black soul not worth redemption.
” He shrugged and sat back, casual in his posture once more.
“It won’t change a single thing about what drives me.
Just like I bet you would claim for yourself. ”
I shook my head. “I’m not—”
“You’re an agent, Sadie. A member of law enforcement.
We can quit arguing about the obvious, all right?
All that shows is that you and I are doing the same fucking thing, trying to make the world a safer place.
Huh? That’s the whole fucking point. The only difference is that we’re on opposite sides of the fence about how it should be done. ”
I stared at him, hating that he made it sound so logical.
Instead of lecturing me, he was surprisingly patient in this match of wills. We weren’t shouting or bickering. It was more like a discourse of agreeing to disagree.
But I refused to let him get to me.
To him, this was still a game, and his big talk about not being a “bad guy” would fail.
I couldn’t care. I just couldn’t make the mistake of caring about what he was sharing. Or that he was ever impacted by killing others, much like a soldier at war might.
All I wanted was to do my job. To do the best that I could and survive to fight another day.
Without prompting me to reply, without another word, he sighed and got up, leaving me to stew on that conversation I wasn’t all that ready for.
Because now that he was gone, I hated how my heart ached just a little bit for the slight possibility that he could be a tortured hero and not the villain I had painted him to be.
Stop it, Sadie. Get a hold of yourself. He’s just messing with your head. It’s all another part of being his captive.
The possibility that something in me could warm up for him bothered me.
How could I do my job if he tricked me into caring about him?