Chapter 40 Sadie
SADIE
Iwoke up nervous on the morning of my wedding. It wasn’t cold feet. It wasn’t panic about being the center of attention.
Nothing like that.
It was the freak of nature that I was, turning into a mother at the mere hint of my daughter crying.
Actually, the sound of any baby crying triggered me to react. Milk would leak. My bra and shirt would show spots. And I’d sigh and have to go change. Yesterday, Andre didn’t get his way and started crying. Which prompted Helene to wake from a nap and cry. Carina was upstairs.
And lo and behold, I was a dairy cow leaking again.
It won’t happen.
I’m not walking down the aisle in that beautiful dress to marry the man of my dreams with milk spots staining or showing.
It just won’t happen.
I wasn’t sure my powers of mind over matter would do the trick, but I realized it was too late to have any kind of a backup of a solution.
Gabriella did, though. She and Raisa helped me get ready, and she gave me pads to protect the inner lining of my dress.
“I tested them last night.”
I paused from slipping them in. “You tested these specifically?”
“What?” She made a face. “No. Others out of the box. They really do hold the moisture.”
“And does what with it?” Raisa asked as she checked my hair. “Evaporate it?”
“Fuck, for as hot as it is in this dress, something will evaporate,” I muttered. “Why, again, did I say I wanted a corset?”
“Because you look hot,” Raisa reminded me.
Gabriella giggled. “You do. You are such a beautiful bride, Sadie.”
“Thanks, girls.” I hugged them both, loving that I had sisters now. But finishing with the bra pads, I frowned again. “Seriously, how do these work?”
Gabriella shrugged. “I don’t know. But you just fed Carina. I just fed Helene. They’re both milk drunk and won’t cry. Andre is happy with Allan. He’s good with making those goofy faces to distract him. If all else fails, I’ll just whisk them away if they start to cry so you don’t leak.”
I laughed, glad I had good sisters who’d have my back in ways no one else could. This sisterhood was new, but I enjoyed the journey of us bonding.
We left the room where we had gotten ready, but I was stopped from getting into place. Lev and Misha ran up, presenting me with bracelets of white beads.
“We made you bracelets for good luck.”
“Aww…” I hugged them both, sliding them onto my wrist. “You boys are my lucky charms, helping me so much. Thank you.”
Once they ran off to get in place as ring boys, since our flower girls couldn’t walk yet, I smiled at the sweet gesture.
I didn’t need luck. I just needed to get my butt down the aisle and marry the man of my dreams. The assassin I couldn’t arrest. The kidnapper I couldn’t escape.
The lover who understood me and respected me.
Gabriella and Raisa both kissed my cheek as they got into line. Both of them were my bridesmaids since I couldn’t choose one over the other to be my maid of honor. Ivan and Alexsei were waiting at the altar as groomsmen.
It was all coming together. After so much of my life being an existence of solitude and independence, I had all these wonderfully brave people with good hearts beneath the exterior of their Mafia labels.
I headed to join Luka, who was waiting to walk me down the aisle. Something about my expression jarred him. “What’s wrong?”
I shook my head, not wanting to admit that anything could be wrong. Everything was perfect.
“Is this about the milk thing Gabriella was talking about last night?”
I laughed as we waited to go down the aisle. “No. And it’s kind of weird to talk about that with you.”
“How so?”
“You’re this big, bad Mafia boss.”
He shrugged. “I’ve got a wife and a daughter now. I’m not going to freak at the mention of a feminine issue.”
“And in a few minutes, my father-in-law.”
Again, he shrugged. “I bet your father wouldn’t blink an eye at wanting to talk about what’s bothering his daughter.”
Dammit.
I sniffled, stemming the tears.
“Ah, fuck.” He shook his head. “That’s it.”
“It’s nothing.”
“Bullshit. You’re missing them.”
I exhaled slowly, wishing the pain would lessen.
Time healed all, but this was my wedding.
This was a milestone of my life I would’ve loved for them to witness.
The day after I had Carina, I lied that hormones were getting the best of me when I cried randomly.
It was the sadness that my parents didn’t get to see Carina that dragged me down for a few hours.
“I just wish they could be here to see me.”
“I bet they do, from above.”
“I wish they could be here to meet my daughter.”
He held my hand and sighed.
“I wish they could’ve met Emil. Even you.”
He laughed. “Oh, thanks.”
I smiled.
“I know it’s not the same, but I hope that with time, you can understand that you do have a family with us. You are a Dubinin now, Sadie.”
“I know. And I am grateful that Emil kidnapped me and led me here, today, with him.”
The music began to change, and Luka and I started walking. “But I have to admit,” I said, enjoying this moment with him, “I’m amused at how you and I can get along like this. The former agent and the crime lord.”
“Stranger things have happened,” he quipped.
They had.
“I wonder if my parents would be proud of me.”
“I know they would because I already can tell what kind of a woman you are. You are brave and strong and have a good heart. Any parent would be proud to have a daughter like you.”
I sniffled again.
“I am proud of you… Daughter. Not just because you helped us on that attack and for all the secrets and intel you have from your career. But because you have the strength and patience to love my son and accept him for the man he is.”
I faced him with a wide smile. “And I always will.”
He nodded once and patted my hand. “Good. I’ll hold you to that.”
“You can.”
Emil was it for me.
We’d “met” in the most untraditional way, but our love and draw to each other wouldn’t be shattered just because of our pasts and that we’d come from opposite sides of the law.
Our love was too strong. Too bold. Burning too brightly without any chance of sizzling out.
Luka brought me to Emil, who stood there so tall and rugged despite the tuxedo that also made him look so polished and dapper.
“My little agent,” he said in a whisper of a greeting. He leaned in to kiss me as Luka handed me over.
“You’re supposed to wait until the end to kiss her,” Lev hissed from the side.
I laughed lightly.
“At least he’s not late to this one,” Misha quipped.
Alexsei lowered his hand at the same time Ivan did, covering both boys’ mouths.
Emil winked at them and faced me as the priest began to speak. I really should’ve been paying attention to what he said, but under the loving gaze of this dangerous man, I could only stare at his cocky smile that charmed me even now.
He’d charm me for the rest of my life.
It was a promise.
I felt his love and knew he would always be there for me, never stranding me again.
For such a momentous occasion, I didn’t let it sink in. I spoke the vows when I needed to. I slid the ring on his finger. But it wasn’t until the magical words at the end that I believed we’d really done it. We’d survived and overcome all the odds to get here to truly commit to one another.
“You may kiss the bride,” the priest announced.
Emil hugged me closer, gazing at me with so much love and mischief that I couldn’t wipe this smile off my face.
He dipped me, pressing his warm lips over mine in the hot and needy kind of possessive kiss that I couldn’t get enough of.
Whoops and hollers reached my eyes. So many of the Dubinin friends and families cheered and applauded.
All the sounds faded to nothing as I clung to my husband and relished the contact of his smug mouth on mine, his tongue dueling with mine, and his strong hands holding me up securely at this daring slant.
But then—
He stood me up at the sound of Carina crying.
I didn’t wonder if those pads were leakproof or not. We stepped off the aisle so Emil could take Carina from Allan’s arms. He’d taken over holding her while Gabriella kept Helene and Andre happy.
“Oh, my sweet baby,” I cooed at her as Emil held her. He kept my hand in his as he securely propped her up so she could see me.
Just seeing me calmed her. Or maybe it was the smell thing, like Gabriella claimed.
Either way, we were a family as we walked down the aisle. Applause followed us from both sides of the church. Music played once more. Congratulations were shouted out as we made our way down the carpeted path.
I’d entered this church as a single woman, with the passion to make the world a safer place and love this new group of Mafia family I’d found.
But now, as I exited it to go to our reception they’d planned for us, I was leaving as one part of a unit, one member of a family.
With my husband and daughter, I finally accepted that I truly would never be alone again.
And I’d never been happier in my life for that moment so long ago when my kidnapper refused to let me go.
All this magic never would have followed, and I would always treasure the journey we’d started on.
One that would only bring so much more to fill my heart until it was overflowing with joy and love.