CHAPTER 42
DAISY
My phone vibrates in my back pocket, and I fall back from the rest of the group, my steps slowing as I pull it out and read the text flashing across the screen.
Lainey: How are things going in your neck of the woods?
Me: I told him everything.
Lainey: Shit. How did that go?
Me: About as well as you’d expect. He walked out. I cried, got drunk and cried some more. Now I’ve got to spend the evening in the same room as him.
Lainey: Double shit. Why?
Me: Savannah had her baby, and they’ve invited everyone over to the ranch to meet him.
Lainey: Oh, Dais. Are you okay?
Me: I will be. I’m happy for them. Truly.
Lainey: Your strength amazes me. I don’t know that I’d be as strong as you are right now.
Me: I don’t have a choice. But I really wish you were here. I miss you.
Lainey: I miss you, too, honey. Call me when you get home.
Me: I will. Love you. X
Lainey: Love you, too. X
“You good?” Liv asks as I tuck my phone back into my pocket and approach her at the bottom of the porch steps.
I take a deep breath and shake my head. “Not even a little bit.”
“Yeah. Me neither.” Liv links her arm through mine, and I hold my free arm out for Bella to join our chain of solidarity.
“I’m so glad you’re home,” I tell Liv.
And as selfish as it sounds, I’m damn glad I’m not walking into this lion’s den alone. After having her own issues with Grayson, Liv is dreading this gathering just as much as I am.
It’s going to be impossible to avoid Killian once I get inside. And it’s going to be awkward as hell.
I haven’t seen or spoken to him since I spoke my truth in my parents’ kitchen a week ago. I’ve had no indication to where his heads at. And I don’t know where we go from here.
I came to the realisation years ago that the right thing to do would be filing for a divorce. But as I said to Killian, I was selfishly holding onto that last tie to him. It feels so… final.
I fucking hate it.
Nevertheless, it’s what needs to happen. I need him to know that it’s okay for him to move on. Will it kill me to see him love someone else? Abso-fucking-lutely. It will destroy me. But he deserves everything he wanted out of life and more.
He deserves to have a wife who can give him the family he’s dreamed of since a teenager. He deserves someone he can share his life, his home and his future with.
Alas, I can’t be that person for him.
And that breaks my heart.
Because every inch of my body belongs to Killian Ashby. He owns my heart, soul and mind. He’s owned it since I was sixteen.
Bella opens the front door and enters without knocking and I cast a nervous glance at Liv before the both of us follow her inside.
Amelia Calloway steps out of the kitchen, her face bright and welcoming as she greets the three of us with hugs. She lingers a little on me as she whispers, “I’m so glad you’re home,” before pulling back and holding me at arm’s length, observing me.
I swallow back the emotion her words threaten to bring to the surface and plaster a smile on my face. “It’s good to see you, Mrs Calloway.”
She bats a hand through the air. “Now, now, Daisy. It’s Amelia. I thought we were passed the Mrs Calloway bullshit.”
Her unfiltered language causes a genuine laugh to escape me. “Sorry, Amelia.”
“Better,” she says, patting my shoulder affectionately.
Savannah appears then, a wide smile on her face as she holds the small form wrapped in blue close to her chest. My gaze jumps from the tiny boy swaddled in her arms up to her eyes that shine with unshed tears as all the women in the room swarm her.
A silent conversation passes between us. I’m so happy for you, my eyes tell her. I’m sorry it’s not you, hers respond.
I smash my lips together and suck in a deep breath through my nose.
Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Do not cry.
Thankfully, another family member approaches, stealing Savannah away and breaking the moment, we just had. I say hello to a few familiar faces before I’m dragged into the kitchen by Liv, whose been sticking close to me since the moment we walked in the door.
Savannahs mom, Elizabeth, and Amelia hand each of us, including Savannah who has reappeared without the baby in her arms, a glass of champagne and we all clink our glasses in cheers.
I take a healthy gulp of the fizzy liquid while Savannah reaches for the bottle, earning a surprised look from Liv. Whatever she responds earns a loud laugh from Liv and a few chuckles from the rest of the women in the room, but I’m not listening.
Because right there, on the other side of the kitchen door, the front door swings open and Killian steps inside, a backwards cap on his head, a black t-shirt stretches across his muscular chest, showcasing his tattooed arms, and the watch on his wrist glints in the sunlight as he pushes the door closed behind him.
It physically hurts to look at him, but I can’t look away.
Hunter meets him in the hall, his newborn son clutched tightly in his arms, and I remain rooted to the spot as Killian leans in, a wide, blinding smile overtaking his face as he strokes a calloused finger over the baby’s head.
This right here? Is my hell.
This is that moment where that dreaded question sparks in my mind.
Why me? Why us?
Why couldn’t I be the one to give him that?
“You love him, don’t you?” Amelia asks, startling me and finally breaking the trace I had fallen into. I turn to face her, and my eyes widen slightly when I realise we’re the only two people left in the room.
“What?” I ask, still slightly confused as to when everyone else vacated the kitchen.
“Killian.” Amelia jerks her head in his direction. “You still love him.”
It isn’t a question. Just a simple observation. And I don’t deny it. “I always have.”
“And that hurts, doesn’t it?”
I drop my head. “More than you know.”
Two warm hands cup my face. “My sweet girl, why are you doing this to yourself?”
I blink at her in confusion. “What do you mean?”
She smiles at me, shaking her head softly, as though I’m missing something. “That boy is head over boots in love with you. Why do you both keep wasting time dancing around that fact?”
I open my mouth to answer her but quickly close it again.
God, where do I even start?