Chapter Twenty-Three
Golden Isle held Naira’s Homegoing and released her light at the edge of the beach at dusk.
It was beautiful in spite of the pain of the occasion, all of us in variations of white for purity, from traditional wear to modern.
I was dressed in the same outfit as Nana Ama, in a white gauzy cloth wrapped around my chest like a bandeau and a long white cloth around my waist, cowrie beads adorning my head and wrists.
It wasn’t just the Kin who attended, but the locals as well, anyone who knew Naira well and wanted to share in her special moment.
I watched her family, who stood stoically and welcomed all the well-wishers with a smile, though the smiles weren’t as bright as they used to be.
I listened to the soft beats as Sekou hit the djembes with the other drummers.
And then they quieted down so Nana Ama could give her blessings and release Naira into the light, bending at the water’s edge to place a circlet of white flowers with deep green leaves and a tiny tea light flickering in the soft breeze, into the water to float to sea.
Naira’s family did the same, each with their own circlets.
As I watched them slip toward the horizon, something receded inside me as well.
I had never lost hope that Naira was still alive, never lost the sense that she was still out there, somewhere.
But now I could feel her presence disappearing, her spirit drifting toward the horizon along with the crowns.
I had thought I wouldn’t go through with it, but now I bent down and set a large bloomed magnolia flower in the water, its wide cup cradling the tiny fire in the middle that would accompany Naira on her journey into the Asamando and her next life, where I wished to the gods she’d have an even better life and that we’d meet again.
As the magnolia joined with the flowers released by others and melted into the horizon, I felt the final wisp of Naira’s spirit leave me.
She was truly gone, and I was alone. My chest heaved, and I willed myself not to double over in pain. Instead, I stood there stoically, allowing the pain to rage inside me. This was how a leader said goodbye.
As dusk settled, the lights danced on the sea like little fireflies.
Homegoings were supposed to be happy, a send-off to our loved ones now on their journey of peace to the spirit realm and to watch over those of us still here.
But how could Naira be at peace after what might have happened to her?
Or even Luke? Hailey was beside me and slipped her hand in mine after she’d sent off two lighted flowers, one for Naira and one for Luke.
Whether she understood the significance of Light and our ways, her reverence to my traditions shook something loose in me. Something warm and curious.
“I never could have imagined something so beautiful,” she said. She squeezed my hand. “Thank you, Ada. What you all have here … is a gift.”
I broke away from the sea, staring into her tear-filled eyes, and wished I could shed some myself, but the anger wouldn’t let me.
Hailey tried to say more but couldn’t, and that was okay.
Sometimes it was better to say nothing at all.
She tipped her head to mine, and I let myself melt into the moment, serene on the outside.
At war on the inside. I watched the floating lighted flowers move farther away, while the music and singing went on around us.
Homegoing was supposed to be about celebrating one’s life, but this one felt like a fraud.
How were we sending Naira off in peace? Or Luke, for that matter? There were too many unanswered questions.
Even if Naira was gone I wouldn’t stop looking for answers.
Nana said I never achieved the Light because I didn’t really want it. I never accepted it. That was why it was more important than ever that I become strong and Lighted, so that I could find Naira’s killer and make them pay.
Thursday, the day of our Harvest Festival, hit different this year.
It was nearly 11:00 A.M. and Hailey was probably still asleep.
But an idea had made its way into my mind and wouldn’t let go.
I jumped out of bed, more excited than I’d felt in forever, and quickly got dressed.
The weather was supposed to be great for an early August day, and the water may be a little cool, but it would still be nice.
I slipped into my swimsuit, then pulled on a pair of cutoffs, a loose-fitting peasant shirt, and flip-flops.
I bumped along the skinny network of dirt paths crisscrossing from my house in the private area of the island where the Kin lived, past the Gathering Tree, and through our front gates.
I turned onto the public roads toward the marina, running through my mental checklist of good hosting.
Yesterday, I showed Hailey around the public areas of the island and around Freeman’s Port where the day visitors came and went.
Today, I’d make it more of a private tour with just Hailey and me.
So she could see some parts of what made the Isle so special and beautiful.
And I had to admit to myself that I kind of wanted her all to myself for a little bit before tonight, when we wouldn’t be together at all.
I knocked on the door to Hailey’s guest cabin.
It took her a few minutes to answer. When she finally did open the door, I jumped a little because Hailey looked like hell warmed over.
Her dark hair and bangs were all over the place, and her makeup was smeared like thick stage makeup.
I guess after our late night, she didn’t have the energy to wash her face.
She jumped, too, when she saw my reaction. Her hand flew to her face.
“Don’t look at me!” she squealed in an octave higher than I expected. It actually stung in my eardrum a little, like when there was really bad feedback from a mic being too close to an amp.
I averted my eyes on command, looking down at the dusty rose-pink nail polish on my toes. I’d applied a fresh coat yesterday before the ceremony, in Naira’s honor.
“Sorry! I just came so we can have a picnic.” I pointed in the general area of my parked cart, where a huge wicker basket sat in the back seat with a blanket and towels … and necessary sunscreen, because skin health and all.
Hailey craned her neck around me as if she didn’t believe it was really daytime already. Her hands rubbed her face, creating raccoon eyes from her leftover makeup. I tried not to laugh.
“Really?”
“Really. So go get dressed already.”
Hailey abandoned the front door, her long legs sticking out of a long black shirt. She slammed the bathroom door behind her, rattling the tiny cabin.
I called through the closed door, “Swimsuit too, if you brought one!”
For someone who wasn’t a morning person, Hailey dressed fast, and we were soon in my cart, bumping along the trails to one of my favorite places on the island, one of several inlets off the Calibogue Sound.
It was in one of the private areas, deep within the forest and away from gen pop, or the island’s general population of locals and tourists.
It was also a quiet spot that the other Kin didn’t visit much either, which was fine by me when I needed to just get away and be me without a bunch of eyes and their expectations on me.
When we got there, it was empty. None of the fishermen had made it up this way to get catch that wasn’t already run through by others. If they’d been there, it was before dawn, as that was the prime time to get your catch for the day.
I liked the way the inlet curved into a U and how the beach was so far below sea level that the cliffs towered over on either side, making it like an open cavern of lush landscape beneath a perfect light blue sky.
The long, lazy S of the waterway opened out into the expanse of sea, making me feel like a little fish in a large pond instead of the other way around.
“This is beautiful,” Hailey said. She slid her dark glasses down the bridge of her nose, taking it all in.
She had spent the last twenty minutes complaining about the bugs and the animals rustling too close for her comfort, but now she looked around her, overwhelmed.
“I mean the whole island is beautiful, but this place is…” She didn’t need to finish because I knew what she meant.
“I know,” I said.
We set up under the line of trees, just before they ended and the beach began.
It was shady with dappled sunlight filtering through the open pockets between the branches and leaves.
A breeze coming in from the sea and the heat rising from the sunbaked sand made a perfect mixture to keep the bugs Hailey was worried about, and the heat that would melt her, at bay—and soon she and I were leaned back, stuffed from an assortment of charcuterie I put together along with other stuff I found in our fridge: a small container of Nana Ama’s mac and cheese that still tasted delicious even though it wasn’t bubbly hot, and Ms. Mae’s famous homemade cake, so moist I suspected it came from a box.
To top it off, I pulled out my very own bottle of the Garvey Brothers’ peach moonshine.
I laughed at Hailey as she took a deep swallow of the moonshine, thinking she could handle it because she’d been to all the clubs along the coast and up north. Tell that to the coughing and sputtering that ensued after only one gulp.
“I thought you could ‘handle your liquor,’” I mimicked when my laughter died down—though the giggles remained, and every time I looked at her watering eyes, I nearly erupted in them.
“This isn’t liquor,” she said, holding the bottle out in front of her so she could inspect it with one narrowed eye. “This is something radioactive.”
“Told you it would put you on your ass.”
She handed the clear bottle back to me, looking at me through her lashes. “I like knowing you’re thinking of my ass.”
I’d been taking a small sip of the moonshine and choked when she said it. I blinked at her, wondering if she was for real or if it was the ’shine talking. I’d brought the not-for-public-consumption version and she’d taken a big hit of it.
“Yeah right,” I mumbled, playing off the way my stomach flip-flopped every time we made eye contact. Maybe I’d had too much ’shine myself. I was feeling lightheaded, I think. Or something. I let the bottle down, stretching out on the blanket to lie on my back with my hands folded behind my head.
“I like you this way.” Hailey’s voiced lowered and she scooched toward me.
She propped her head up in her hand as she faced me, looking down at me.
“You’re different here. Not on a mission like in Charleston.
And not on duty like you are here. In this moment, you’re totally relaxed. You look totally different.”
I smirked. “If you mean cute, just say it.”
“You’ve always been cute.” She turned away as if suddenly shy, and I did the same, my stomach fluttering.
“I know it’s only been a few days, but—” She hesitated. “I sound ridiculous, right? God, how embarrassing.”
We didn’t need to be embarrassed. We were in this beautiful place, finally able to take a breath after a day of hell and a day sending off the people we cared about the most. When I looked back up, Hailey was watching me intensely, and I immediately felt shy, something I wasn’t familiar with.
I got lost in her eyes and how the sun didn’t seem to reflect in them.
I took in the light curve of Hailey’s lips that looked so pronounced when she wore her red lipstick.
“I can get used to this side of you.” She nudged me and I nudged her back, feeling the warmth radiating from her body.
The butterflies again. I was finding it hard to keep looking at her because every time I did, I was afraid I was smiling too hard when I wanted to play it cool.
“What’s that?”
“The soft side.”
That was a first. “I have many sides.”
“I think I’d like to get to know them. Is that weird?”
Not weird. But maybe not possible either.
I didn’t think it was possible to know all of someone else.
But I would have said yes to just about anything Hailey asked, the way she was staring me down, hovering over me with her hypnotic eyes.
I took a hand and brushed back the lock of long, brown bang covering her face because I wanted to see it clearly.
“It’s easier to be this way around you,” I told her, meaning it. “You don’t expect things of me. I don’t have to be on all the time with you. I can just chill.”
She trailed a finger in the sand, making large loops of it.
“I know the feeling,” she said. “Being part of my family feels like I’m always running a gauntlet. They loved my brother because to them he was perfect.”
“And you?”
“And I was,” she said, sighing, “the rebel. I moved down here when they wanted me to stay in Martha’s Vineyard. I tried to fight working at the Endowment. Always being ‘on the job’ is exhausting. But what was I gonna tell my uncle and parents, no?”
I nodded, finding it hard to pay attention to what she was saying. Her lips were distracting and I could only think about wanting to kiss them.
She brightened. “What about if we make a pact to always be ‘off’ with each other. Deal?”
Her hand stopped playing with my shirt and she held it out to me. I considered her offered hand as it waited for me.
“Pacts mean something here,” I said. “It’s not a joke to make a promise to someone. It’s for real.”
She laughed. “What? Does it mean we’re married?” Her laugh trickled off when she saw I was serious. “I’m joking … about being married,” she said when she saw I wasn’t. “Not about the pact. I always want to be real with you.”
We were a people built on ceremony and tradition. We didn’t bind ourselves to others so easily. But something about Hailey made me see her in a different light and give in. Just this once. Even though everything about me said not to.
I took her hand, tugging it toward me, throwing her off balance so her eyes rounded.
She crashed into me and I crashed my lips into hers, finally able to do the thing I’d desperately wanted to do all afternoon, all day.
Her lips were incredibly soft and she tasted like peach moonshine.
Her feathery soft hair curtained us, putting us in this tiny private space of just her and me.
The feel of Hailey’s body alongside mine, the growing heat as we kissed, was exactly what I’d been needing.
To get away. To think of nothing else for just a few minutes.
No responsibilities or expectations. No monsters. No death.
Just her.