Chapter 14
W HEN THE DOOR SLAMMED shut, all the tears Avery had been waiting to cry spilled out, like a thunderstorm breaking humidity.
She spent the next hour curled up in a fetal position in her bed, alternating between shaking with sobs and staring numbly at her wall.
All Pete had done was try to show her that he cared about her, and all she did was push him away.
But she didn’t know how to let him in the way he wanted to be let in.
She would always keep a part of her past hidden, which would prevent him from truly knowing her.
But if they started dating, eventually he’d find out about the infidelity.
Eventually they’d talk about their exes, or one of her friends would slip something to him during a group hangout or—God forbid—at the wedding, or she’d just blurt it out herself out of guilt for lying to him.
And what guy wouldn’t immediately distrust someone with a history of cheating?
What an awful start to a relationship. She wouldn’t even be able to tell him what really happened either.
He’d be judging her for something she didn’t fully do.
She was about to drift off to sleep when her phone rang with a FaceTime from Morgan.
She bolted upright and wiped the remaining tears from her eyes before answering the call.
On her screen, Morgan’s face was covered in the sticky remnants of different kinds of candy.
A lollipop shaped like a strawberry was stuck to her cheek, the white dust of Sour Patch Kids made her lips sparkle, and melted streaks of what looked like red, blue, and green Skittles painted her forehead. Avery erupted in a fit of laughter.
“Morgan, what is going on?”
Morgan darted her eyes left and right, her mouth open in shock. “I literally woke up exactly like this.”
Avery laughed so hard she couldn’t catch her breath, thankful for Morgan’s sweet tooth for making her feel better.
During their junior year, after Morgan came home tipsy from the bar, she tried to bake an entire chocolate cake from scratch in the kitchen.
Avery nearly peed herself watching Morgan spill milk everywhere.
Morgan pulled the lollipop off her cheek, wincing as it tugged at her skin. “I guess I decided I needed a snack last night and went to the bodega.” Then she wiped the Skittle smears from her forehead.
“You are a disgusting person.” Avery wiped tears of joy from her eyes. “Disgusting.”
“I don’t even remember eating them!” Morgan cried.
“Clearly you didn’t eat any of them!”
A male voice mumbled something next to Morgan. Morgan turned the camera toward Charlie, whose face was swollen with sleep.
“Charlie, did you know your soon-to-be wife had a threesome with candy last night?” Avery asked.
“What?” Charlie sat up quickly, grabbing the blankets and clutching them dramatically. “You cheated on me?”
Morgan giggled. “I’m sorry, they were so juicy and delicious!”
“And I’m not?”
Charlie tackled Morgan in a hug, and Morgan tried to steady the camera on herself as Charlie tickled her.
He kissed her over and over again, making her giggle so much that the phone fell out of her grip.
Avery tried to admire their bond with a smile, but her expression didn’t reach her eyes.
She wondered if she’d ever have someone swollen-faced to wake up next to in the morning.
Someone who kissed her on the cheek and tickled her just to make her laugh.
Someone who could see her for exactly who she was, and maybe love her regardless.
Racks upon racks of wedding dresses filled the massive showroom at Kleinfeld.
The store was airy and bright, with white walls, cream carpeting, and elevated platforms where brides modeled dresses for groups of friends and family sitting on blue couches.
Some brides looked upset, like none of their chosen dresses fit the way they’d imagined.
Avery hoped that wouldn’t happen with Morgan today.
It would be disappointing if the dresses Morgan wanted to try on didn’t live up to her expectations, but realistically, everything looked good on Morgan.
She never needed Spanx and had a thigh gap a pickup truck could drive through.
Avery once asked Morgan if she wanted to borrow some deodorant to rub between her thighs for chafing, and Morgan was like, “Huh?” Avery couldn’t imagine what her body would look like in any of Morgan’s picks.
The cellulite lumps in her stomach and thighs would be on full display, pushing their way through the fabric to say hello.
She’d have to suck herself into two layers of Spanx to shut them up.
“Good morning!” Morgan said brightly when Avery arrived at Kleinfeld holding an extra-large black coffee. “Afternoon, rather.”
“Morni—I mean, afternoon.” Avery squinted at her. “I have no idea how you’re this not-hungover.”
“I have no idea either. But who cares? It’s wedding dress day!”
Avery couldn’t help but laugh, even though she’d spent all morning sulking over Pete.
On the subway ride to Kleinfeld, every time she’d seen a couple holding hands or leaning together against a pole, she would replay her and Pete’s last conversation inside her head like a reflex.
She couldn’t stop hearing the desperation in his voice, couldn’t stop summoning the image of him leaving her apartment.
And she wasn’t hopeful that being at Kleinfeld around all these happy brides would help her feel better.
Avery wondered if any of these women had ever felt unlovable, and if so, how they overcame it enough to let someone promise to love them forever.
A woman in kitten heels approached Morgan, Avery, and Gabriela in the lobby that opened into the main showroom.
A big glass case of tiaras sparkled across from the reception desk.
The woman beamed. “Welcome to Kleinfeld, ladies! My name is Donna and I’ll be helping you with your appointment today.
” Avery took a swig of coffee as Donna’s chipper voice rattled her throbbing hungover skull. “Now, who’s the bride?”
Morgan jutted her hand skyward. “Me!”
Donna smiled so wide her cheeks nearly popped off her face. “How wonderful! And this must be the beautiful mom?” Donna gestured to Gabriela, and Gabriela nodded, blushing.
“Wonderful!” Donna said.
Avery wondered how many times Donna had used the word “wonderful” with bridal parties today, or when she decided to replace it with “nice” or “sweet” or any other adjectives she had on rotation.
Donna looked expectantly at Avery, meaning it was Avery’s turn in the roll call. Avery knew the drill. She’d seen Say Yes to the Dress .
She cleared her throat, preparing to amp up the enthusiasm and shove her thoughts of Pete out of her mind once and for all. Her fears around opening up to him were neither Donna’s nor Morgan’s fault.
“And I’m Avery, the maid of honor,” she said.
Morgan squeezed Avery’s hand. “We’ve been best friends since freshman year of college. I wouldn’t want anyone by my side today but her.”
“How wonderful! ” Donna chirped.
Donna led the group through the showroom to a private dressing room, where three wrought iron white chairs were pushed up against the wall and a lilac silk robe hung from a hook behind the door.
She took out some paperwork while Morgan explained the details about the styles she wanted—column silhouette, with a spaghetti strap or plunging neckline or both—while Donna wrote everything down and murmured her understanding.
In the middle of the conversation, the door to the dressing room flung open, with Blair bursting through.
“Hey, y’all! I’m so sorry I’m late. My train from Boston was delayed and then I got lost on the subway and stuck in a cab in traffic.
It’s been awful.” Blair turned to Donna and shook her hand.
“Blair, bridesmaid.” She turned to Avery next, a disturbingly wide grin plastered onto her perfectly made-up face. “Hi, Avery!”
Great , Avery thought. Just when she’d swallowed her sour mood. “Hey,” she deadpanned.
She glanced at Morgan, who was thankfully too wrapped up in wedding dress bliss to notice the stilted greeting.
Donna ushered everyone out onto a couch in the showroom so Morgan could change into the first dress.
As they sat down and shed their coats, Gabriela asked Blair how work was going, prompting Avery to roll her eyes and take out her phone to scroll through each of her social media apps in rapid brainless succession.
Blair didn’t stop bragging about her various roles at Deloitte until Morgan emerged in a spaghetti strap gown with a plunging neckline and a column silhouette, exactly as she’d requested.
Avery’s heart nearly burst through her chest as she took in the sight of her best friend, in a gorgeous wedding dress, as a bride.
Avery didn’t feel any bitterness about the lack of Spanx under that gown. Morgan looked perfect.
“You look stunning,” Avery said, overflowing with joy and pride and delight and all the other overwhelmingly positive emotions you could only feel during the wedding season of the most important person in your life. She’d even momentarily forgotten about Blair.
“This one is amazing,” Blair added.
Never mind.
Morgan’s eyes misted as she spun around in front of the mirror on the platform. “I love it so much, but it’s the first dress. This can’t be it, can it?” She glanced nervously at Donna.
“Some brides fall in love at first sight!” Donna said. “But I always recommend trying on a few more, just in case.”
Blair turned to Avery and gestured to the back of the store. “Wanna go look at bridesmaid dresses? Morgan asked me if we could figure out some styles we liked today.”
Morgan shot Avery a concerned look, asking with her eyes if Avery would be okay. Avery met Morgan’s gaze before confidently turning back to Blair.
“Sure,” Avery said. “Let’s do it.”