Chapter 17 Sheldon
SHELDON
Forest was already nearly perfect in my eyes. Tonight, the way he was with Colleen and Davis solidified how amazing a human he was. He took Colleen in stride, didn’t mock her or say anything negative. Forest enjoyed their company and even let Colleen read for him.
While they were inside, I stayed out with Davis, who told me how much he liked Forest and how he was great for me.
I didn’t know about that. The man had the power to lay me down and rip out my heart, but he did get me out of that building and away from pacing the halls.
He filled my chest with so many emotions, I wasn’t sure if I should scream or hit something.
I was used to feeling. A lot. Everything whirled inside me daily, but I suddenly had to let it out.
I needed an outlet, although I didn’t have one.
The idea of punching something wasn’t appealing.
I wasn’t angry. It was… something. Shit, I had no clue what I was even thinking, saying, or doing.
I was so out of my element with him. Whenever I saw him, I did the first thing I thought of.
It was impulsive, which wasn’t always me.
Sure, I thought quickly on my feet. I had to working for Jordan.
But I also planned. I worked out the tiniest details.
With Forest, there was no plan to follow.
“Thank you for taking me,” Forest said when we were in the car on the way back to the city.
“Of course. I’m glad you met them. They mean a lot to me.”
“I wish I had more close family to introduce you to. You know Hart and Vail. They’re pretty much it. Pop would have loved you though. He would have given you shit and asked if you were good enough for me, but when he saw me happy, he’d have been your biggest fan.”
“I’m not, by the way.”
“Not what?”
“Good enough for you.” That wasn’t a self-esteem issue.
It was the truth. Forest deserved the world.
I wasn’t sure I could give it to him. In fact, I knew I couldn’t, given my job.
So good enough… No, not with what I did for a living.
There was a very real chance one day I’d go to work with Jordan and end up in a jail cell soon after.
Of course, lawyers would get us out, at least I hoped. I could also end up dead.
“I’m not going to sit here and tell you you’re more than good enough for me.
That won’t get us anywhere. Instead, I’ll say this.
If Vail and Hart didn’t think you were the person I needed, they wouldn’t have let you get anywhere near me.
My brother doesn’t come off as violent, but as I’m sure you’ve seen, he’s protective of the ones he loves.
And Vail, he’s a giant pillow of love, but he can be protective too.
” He was right. They wouldn’t have pushed us together or been happy that we were seeing each other if they didn’t think we’d fit well together.
“My job…” There wasn’t a lot to say there.
I wouldn’t be finding a new one, so there was no point in saying I could do something else.
I liked my job. I enjoyed stabbing people with my syringes, making them drink my poisons, and talking to them in a way where they thought they were making the smartest move ever by agreeing to whatever Jordan wanted.
“Is who you are,” he finished for me. “I knew that going in. Is it ideal? No. I’m going to worry about you just as much as you worry about me, but you’re competent and so are the people around you.”
“I don’t want to get in deep with you, only for you to back out when shit gets real.
At some point, my job will touch your life.
It’s inevitable. If you freak out and leave me…
I’d rather you exit now. It will hurt, but it will hurt more later.
” I should have had this talk with him before.
Who the fuck knew why I was doing it now?
At least I’d said it. I made the opening for him to end things before we became more serious.
“Pull over for a minute.”
“What?” I asked and glanced at him. “Are you sick?”
“No, I want to talk and have you look into my eyes when I do so.”
We were outside of the city still, nothing but houses spread apart and streetlights every so often on a two-lane road. We hadn’t passed another car for a bit.
I pulled into a dirt driveway of a house that had no lights on and cut the engine. The last thing we needed was the cops finding us and asking what we were doing. Being searched wasn’t on tonight’s agenda. I was in every database, thanks to my connection to Jordan.
The interior light stayed on but went out as soon as Forest and I locked eyes.
It wasn’t until we were bathed in darkness that he said, “I’m not going anywhere.
Being with you wasn’t something I decided on a whim.
” He lifted his phone and tapped on the screen.
“I’m going to be vulnerable. No one else knows I’ve done this. Here.” He handed it to me.
On his phone was a screenshot of a note.
I’m not sure what you see in me. I’ve heard others whisper about how you’re attracted to me.
I’ve seen you watch me and hope I hide my blush so you can’t see it.
Being interested in a man is new to me. What makes me so special that you’d pick me out of everyone?
You’re very attractive, enough that you pulled my interest, someone who’d never looked at a man that way before.
What is it about you that I can’t look away?
“What is this?” I asked.
“I wasn’t brave enough to talk to you or even text you, so I typed them, but I could never hit send.
I copied and pasted them into a note. At first, I would save the notes, but then I just started taking screenshots.
I deleted the note and kept the photo. They’re all in that folder. You can scroll. There’s more.”
So I did.
I haven’t seen you for a couple of weeks.
I understand it’s my own fault. You don’t usually guard Hart.
I could go to the building, see him there and you, but that would mean confronting the very real crush I’m developing on you, one I have no idea what to do with.
You work for a mafia boss. I have a desk job.
We’re nothing alike. My life is boring compared to yours.
Why would you want me when you have so many other men around who live the life you do?
“Forest, don’t you think if I wanted them, I would have had them? I don’t want to be with a guy I work with. That’s my job. That’s what I do. I need balance, a way to level out the shit I wade through. You’re not boring. You’re solid.”
“No one said insecurities were based on facts.”
I shook my head and scrolled through the notes until I got to more recent ones.
I can’t breathe, Sheldon. I can’t fucking breathe.
You could have been killed. You nearly were.
If they hadn’t gotten to you in time… Oh god, I can’t think of what could have happened.
I should have been with you in the hospital.
I should have sat in a chair beside your bed, whether they all wanted me there or not.
You don’t know how I feel about you, but I could have been your friend.
Instead, I was too fucking selfish and couldn’t get out of my head.
You… you could have… I’m not okay with how I behaved and my lack of support for you.
Just know I’m breaking. I’m sitting here with tears running down my cheeks as I type this.
I’m so sorry. I should have been there for you.
Putting the phone on the center console, I reached up and gently gripped the back of Forest’s neck, bringing our foreheads together. “If you don’t want me to kiss you, pull back.”
He didn’t.
I surged forward and captured his lips with mine. He was either as greedy as I was for this, or he felt my urgent need to make sure we were here and this was real.
Forest’s lips parted, and I immediately slid my tongue into his mouth.
His words shattered me. He suffered while I was in the hospital in a different way than I did.
The hate he had for himself, the guilt, it was strong.
I missed him terribly when I was there and when I was recovering.
I kept hoping he’d show up. It was painful.
This, reading his messages, was worse. We were in the same city but not near each other, both with bleeding hearts, not knowing how the other felt.
I was rectifying it tonight.
Pulling back slightly so I could catch my breath, I said, “I don’t want you to doubt how I feel about you. If you’re not sure, ask. Communication between us needs to be strong.”
“How do you feel?”
“Like if I don’t get your bare skin against mine soon, I’m going to lose my mind.
I don’t need to fuck you, Forest. I just want to touch you, but I won’t do it without your consent.
” I tried to pull back a little and not tell him if I could fucking crawl inside him, I would.
I wanted to live with him, never to be apart.
I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
However, that was a bit much for the first date, especially since he was dating someone of the same sex for the first time.
His breath stuttered out against my lips. The way his body trembled against my touch made me pull him as close as I could, given the console between us. “I’m not ready for everything, but I need you. Please, Sheldon. I can’t… I want…”
“It’s okay. I’ve got you. We’re going to get back on the road, then when we arrive at your place, I want us to crawl into bed so I can hold you. Shirts off if possible.”
“Everything off.”
“You’re in charge. Whatever we do or don’t do, just know being with you in any way is enough.”
He nodded. “Home, please.”
I released him, except for my hand that I kept over the console so I could thread our fingers together. Most wouldn’t think much of holding hands. Tonight, Forest felt like the one thing tethering me to this earth.
We started moving again, back down the quiet road with the city lights in the distance.
While I couldn’t wait to be in his apartment, the time it would take to get there was required to calm my racing heart.
My cock would have to be patient. This was Forest. I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize what we were building.
Forest gripped my hand tightly, like I wasn’t the only one anticipating what was going to happen between us. We’d go at his pace and do what he was ready for. I’d mastered being patient. I’d wait however long it took to have Forest with me every night.
We were both aware of what it was like to be together, to go on a date, and spend time with one another. There was no going back, not that I wanted to.