30. The Truth
“I’m what you humans would call an ethereal being. My people decided to test out a variety of gifts that we could possibly bestow on humans we deemed worthy.”
“Worthy?” Callie was stunned, and she was half-convinced this woman was crazy.
“Anyway, I started watching you while you were still in London.”
“But I’ve never been to London.” Callie’s mind was reeling.
“Oh, Mary. I remember the first time I saw you. It was a rainy day. You shared your umbrella with someone in a lower class than you. A horse drawn carriage came barreling towards both of you, and you put yourself in harm’s way to save your lady’s maid.”
Sue picked up the notepad she wrote her notes in. On it weren’t words. Callie’s heart sank; it was a drawing of a sphere with lines streaking off in every direction. There was something oddly familiar about it.
Why does that look so familiar? Callie thought, staring at what looked like a ball of light.
“I followed you onto the boat to ensure you were worthy.” Sue bobbed her head. “That was a tough trip for both of us. After we arrived in America, I told myself I would watch you all the way to your final destination.”
Callie scrunched her eyebrows in concentration. I don’t remember any of this, but why does it all seem so familiar, like a story I read a long time ago?
“I came close to giving up on you until I saw you help a woman in need by giving her some of your own precious clothing. It was selfless and kind. It surprised me, honestly. I decided then that I would help you. I remembered you had told me on the boat that you wanted a different life. So, the gift I decided to give you was the power to switch. Once. With one person.” Sue held up a single finger and waved it at her.
Callie watched Sue carefully, trying to determine if this was the truth. She knew her mother had died in childbirth when she was born as Jane. She knew her mother was unhappy, but why would her mother want to escape her life as a wife and mother?
“So my mother was gifted this ability?”
“Not your mother, you. That was you, Mary. When I thought you passed away in childbirth, I was surprised that you hadn’t used the gift to escape out of your life. I could never have dreamed you would actually sentence your own infant daughter to die in your place and take her life.”
“That’s impossible!” No, I was Jane first. Mary was my mother! I was Jane first.
“It is possible. Now, I was only able to figure all this out when I heard rumblings about people being able to switch places with people.” Sue brushed a rogue hair out of her face.
“I asked around my group and no one besides me had ever given a power like that.” Sue stood again and looked into the mirrored window, her back to Callie.
“I went to New Orleans and interviewed a man who shot and killed two people in a park. He raved about how his real name was Darla and that the original gunman had switched places with him.” She turned back to face Callie.
Callie’s face grew hot. The memory of pulling the trigger on Richard’s body—and hitting poor Doug—hit her like a ton of bricks.
It seemed like the best decision … for me.
Technically, I killed the evil gunman who was in Richard’s body and I just sped up Doug’s impending doom with his conscription to the Army.
Sue continued when Callie remained silent.
“Then, about sixteen years ago, I felt a half-life take place. The power was still tethered to me somehow, which meant you were still alive. I knew I had to find you, and it took some time, but I finally found you thanks to the destruction you left in your wake.”
Sue clicked her tongue and shook her head.
“Your list of victims is long: first, your baby daughter Jane, then Abigail, granted that one was truly an accident, because you forgot about your former life since you started over in Jane’s infant body.
But then Theresa? You sent her to be killed by train robbers.
Should I continue?” Sue gathered her hands behind her back and tilted forward on her toes.
“No, I’ve heard enough. Some of them deserved what they got.” Callie spoke through gritted teeth.
Sue raised her eyebrows. “Really? So, Abigail deserved to switch into your sickly body and die? Her whole life was ahead of her. She was innocent.”
“It was an accident! And I said some of them, Richard for example. He betrayed his fiancé, who ended up being me. I would have been happy if he hadn’t betrayed me, and it’s possible I would have stayed as Theresa.”
“Really?” Sue lowered her chin to her chest and pointed a finger lazily at her. “You? Miss ‘I’m afraid of dying, so the moment death is near, I switch with the closest warm body?’” Sue scoffed. “I don’t believe it. Your history proves that the moment your life gets hard, you want out.”
Callie shifted in her seat. “Like I said before, I thought it was a gift, something magical and meant for my use at my discretion.”
“Okay, Mary. Whatever you need to tell yourself to help you sleep better at night, go right ahead. But it doesn’t change the facts. You sentenced a lot of people to an early death that they weren’t destined for, starting with your infant daughter Jane.”
“No, I was born as Jane. Mary was my mother. We’ve been over this already.”
Sue pinched the bridge of her nose with her right hand and waved her left hand in the air in large circles. “Mary, we’ll keep going at it until you remember: your mother Catherine, your Father, Gregory. You were born in London. You were betrothed to Eduard.”
She’s lying, Eduard is my original father, Callie thought as she watched Sue.
“You were forced to move to America, you married Eduard, and you had a farm with horses. You were pregnant when we met by the stream, and I officially introduced to you my true identity.”
“No, you’re lying!” Her thoughts spewed from her mouth as tears threatened to fall. The weight of the conversation choked her.
“I’m not lying, Mary. Somehow, when you made the switch with Jane, the gift I gave you malfunctioned or multiplied. I’m not sure which. But it was only meant for you to switch one time, and the person you switched with wouldn’t remember their old life.”
The two women locked eyes, neither relenting their side and the tension between them climbed as the silence continued.
Sue sighed and rubbed the back of her neck. “Clearly I won’t get through to you. I think the best thing to do is for you to have one final switch. We can find someone who’s on their own deathbed, you take their spot, and they get a new chance at life.”
The reaction from Callie was immediate and visceral.
“That isn’t fair! I worked hard to get where I am, I just want to get back in my body as Pamela. I promise I will stay there and happily grow old in her body!” Callie harnessed her acting abilities and turned on the waterworks. Gaining sympathy is my best chance at swaying her to my side.
Sue watched Callie’s theatrics quietly. “Are you done?” Sue paused and waited for Callie to wipe the fake tears away before continuing. “You know, I must say, who you are as a person is finally accurately reflected in your outward appearance.”
Callie unleashed a guttural screech. Sue took a step back away. “Well, I guess we can wrap up for now. I’ll return when I find someone deserving of a second chance at life and will come back to perform the switch.”
Sue gathered the papers she brought in with her. Callie watched as the rage radiated across her skin. Every passing moment alone with this woman made her blood boil.
Just as Sue reached the door handle, she turned to face Callie.
“You know, I really thought telling you the truth would have unleashed all your memories, you and your little poppet.” Sue shook her head.
“Of all the switches you performed, switching with Jane was the one that was the most disturbing.”
Sue pulled open the metal door when Callie launched herself from the chair.
“Wait!”
Sue whipped her head back and reentered the room and placed her stack of papers back on the table. Her fists held her weight as she leaned forward on the table, she leaned in, waiting to hear what Callie had to say for herself.
“Poppet.” My little poppet. “Jane … ” I picked that name. I was waiting for you! Both Eduard and I were waiting. I remember you, Jane! “My sweet baby!” I knew you were a girl. Eduard hoped for a son. Somehow, I knew. Even in the beginning, I knew you were a girl.
Something deep inside burst open, and a flood gate of memories flooded back to the forefront of Mary’s mind: her fiancé Eduard, her mother, Catherine and father, Gregory.
Being angry at them when she left London for America.
Meeting Sue on the boat, meeting Sue in the woods, being pregnant, being—happy—and then child labor started.
She remembered how the darkness surrounded her.
Her breath became ragged as her body reacted to the flood of memories, as though she was physically thrust back in time and was reliving every moment all over again.
Every emotion, every thought ignited within her, and the force of it was too much for her to bear.
She collapsed into the seat. A sob broke through as the words poured out of her.
“I remember, I was in labor. The doctor still wasn’t there.
I just kept bleeding and bleeding. I felt the darkness come for me, and I fought against it …
because I wanted to hold my baby. But then, I saw a light and reached for it.
I didn’t want to die. I—” Mary gasped. “I didn’t know!
” Her body convulsed, overwhelmed by the grief.
The weight of the realization threatened to crush her.
“I didn’t know I switched with Jane! My baby girl.
I killed her.” She looked up at Sue, her brown eyes wide with fear.
Sue’s eyes widened in return, and she took a step back until she was leaning up against the glass window.
“If I had known, I never—” Mary gasped and choked on a sob.
“I never would have done that. I wish I never met you, Sue! Oh, Jane! My baby girl. I killed her.” Mary hung her head low as her familiar brown hair fell around her face.
“You must believe me! I wanted my daughter. I wanted Eduard. We were finally—finally happy. We were going to grow old together.”
“You really didn’t know?” All sense of mockery was gone from her voice. Sue came closer and put her hand on her shoulder.
Mary just shook her head. “I was so excited about our future. I didn’t want to think about the past anymore, so I put it all behind me.
I completely forgot about what you offered me.
We were planning for our baby. I wanted a daughter.
It was almost as if I knew before she was born.
I made her a quilt. My baby—I can’t believe I killed her. ” Mary’s voice was soft.
She thought over every decision she made, every life she took, all because she grasped to save herself in a moment when her daughter needed her most.
“I belong here. I’ve hurt so many people. Just leave me.” Her shoulders bobbed as a new wave of sorrow cascaded over her.
“All this time, I thought you willingly sentenced your daughter to die in your place.” Sue sat back down across from Mary. “What if I gave you a new chance at a new life?”
“None of that matters anymore, Sue,” Mary wept. “Jane’s gone.”
“You could start over and have a final chance to have a normal, nice life.”
Mary lifted her head. Her eyes were red and swollen, both her cheeks drenched from tears that wouldn’t stop coming.
“You don’t get it!” Mary yelled. “I’m a monster who killed her own daughter.”
Sue recoiled at the outburst. “I just want to help—’
“No, I’m done. I belong here, I need to pay for what I’ve done. I don’t deserve to have a happy life.”
“Mary, you didn’t know.” Sue reached across to try and comfort her.
“I said no!” Mary screeched. “I’m sorry. Jenkins was right. I’m tired of chasing, working, and fighting. I just want to spend my time here, maybe have a chance to sit outside. I could watch the shadows like I used to do.”
Mary felt the hole inside her grow, the hole she now knew to be where her daughter Jane should have been. She had Lizzie, but it would never replace not knowing Jane. Her face tilted down, and her body continued to convulse as micro sobs surfaced.
Sue pressed her lips into a line. “Sure, Mary, if that’s what you want.”
A few weeks later, Mary sat at the desk in her new room, no padded walls, and she was given access to use the public restroom. Sue was even able to convince the hospital to give her an upgraded room, one with a view of the lake beyond the fenced in yard.
Lush forests surrounded the lake, and Mary enjoyed both being outside enjoying the views and sitting here at her desk writing, just as she had always wanted to do. For perhaps the first time, her time was her own.
A blank piece of paper laid before her, and she thought back over her life, trying to find the right words to say. A stack of crisp paper sat nestled in the corner of the desk, all filled in with the story of her life: the true story.
The wastepaper basket at her feet overflowed with balled up pieces of paper. None of them captured what she truly wanted to explain.
She looked out over the lake and watched as the sun danced along the surface. It took her a moment to realize she recognized the blue shimmer of light floating above the water’s surface.
She stared at it a few moments longer before bringing her pen to the page.
My dearest Jenkins …