Chapter 15
Chapter
Fifteen
JAKE
Late April 2013
“So, this woman you’ve started seeing. Tell me more about her.” Dr. McCallum said.
I’d admitted to my therapist that Shelby existed and was someone I was spending time with, but I was still holding most of her story close to the vest. “She’s pretty great.” I wanted to seem casual, but I was finding it hard to keep my enthusiasm for her in check. “She lives in Wisconsin. She’s a massage therapist and an esthetician—I guess you’d call her a beauty therapist in the UK. She’s smart, funny and vivacious. I really like her.” I shrugged as if I didn’t know what else to say.
“You smile when you talk about her. Things must be going well. Between your work schedule and her living so far away, how often are you seeing each other?”
“It’s been averaging about every six or seven weeks. We talk on the phone and text quite a bit. She’s meeting me in Portland on Friday.”
“Is she going to meet your mother?” she asked.
“No. We aren’t anywhere near there.”
“Where do you think you are then?” she asked with an arch of her eyebrow. She could sense I was holding back.
I fidgeted a little in my chair. “Oh, you know, we’re just taking it day by day. She has her life and I have mine. And when we get together, we have a really great time.”
“Jake…”
“What?”
“You know what. I’m having my doubts as to whether you’d have the capacity for the casual fling you are painting a picture of here. I want to know what it was about her that attracted you in the first place. Is she divorced? A single mother? In recovery?”
Lorna McCallum was tough, and after nearly a year together, she’d started routinely calling me out on my bullshit. “None of that, I swear. She is a single mother, but her son is in college. And she’s not struggling financially or lacking in self-confidence or suffering from anxiety or depression. She’s really in a great place.”
“I want to believe you, Jake. I am just trying to help you to avoid the pitfalls that you usually find yourself falling into. With your history, you are particularly skilled at finding those people who have significant emotional issues, even if you don’t know what they are at first. I want to make sure you’re being careful, especially if you want to try and make something serious out of this relationship.”
“No, I get that, and I appreciate it. Shelby is just… she’s different. She got under my skin. She’s as fun as bubble gum, but as nuanced and complex as a gourmet meal. I’m just enjoying the hell out of getting to know her.” It felt good to tell this bit of truth.
“I see. But if and when you do get to know her, and there are things that come up…complexity doesn’t always come from light places, you know. Just be careful not to get all wrapped up in the secrets she may reveal over time.”
I appreciated Dr. McCallum looking out for my wellbeing, even if I wasn’t ready to be honest with her just yet. I was in no hurry to work through the stuff with Shelby. I wanted more time to uncover her pain, to coax out the darkness and fill her with my light. I was fully aware that it probably would not end well for either of us, but I couldn’t help myself. I wanted more moments of her breaking open and falling apart in my arms.
Dr. McCallum was trying to help me avoid pitfalls, but she didn’t know that Iknowingly and willingly dove into this canyon so deep I had yet to touch bottom.
Friday morning, I drove to PDX to pick up Shelby. When I saw her emerge out of the airport doors, I smiled to myself at how impossible she was to miss.
She spotted me and walked up to the SUV, her bright eyes beaming.
I got out to help her with her suitcase and open the door for her. Before I could get to the other side of the car, she put up her hand. “I got it,” she said. “Get back in the car.” She opened the back door and set her carry-on on the seat, then she climbed into the seat next to me. “Good airport etiquette.” She crinkled her nose at Getty Lee’s voice coming through the speakers, before heaving a sigh as she smiled at me. “Hi.”
I had a big, dumb smile on my face too, that didn’t have anything to do with her adorable show of distaste for Rush. “Hi.”
I’d expected this bit of awkwardness when we’d first see each other, the infrequency of our visits not allowing for immediate comfortable familiarity. I didn’t mind it, though. Just another layer adding to the excitement I felt.
Her expression shifted as her pupils dilated and her eyes lowered to my mouth. She licked her bottom lip and pulled it between her teeth.
My electrons instantly became aware of her proximity, all traces of awkwardness vaporizing as the magnetism kicked in full force. I unbuckled my seatbelt and lunged at her, muscle and sense memory overtaking me. I snaked a hand around the back of her neck and kissed her more aggressively than I’d intended. She met my intensity head on and tangled her hands in my hair, angling her body toward mine as much as she could. Everything else faded from my reality. There was only her.
It wasn’t until the impatient driver in the car behind us laid on his horn that we were thrust back to reality. So much for good airport etiquette.
“Are you hungry?” I asked.
Shelby nodded, her cheeks flushed and mouth kissed pink.
I took her to my favorite breakfast place where Shelby gave me a lesson in her home state’s Bloody Marys, often containing enough accouterments to provide breakfast on their own, and a customary beer chaser on the side. Leave it to Wisconsinites to enhance their alcohol with more alcohol.
After breakfast I knew exactly where we’d go next. We wouldn’t be able to check into the hotel for another couple of hours and while both of us were itching to get out of our clothes and have a proper hello, we needed to kill some time.
“Oh, my goodness!” Shelby put her hands over her mouth in shock as she absorbedVintage Blush, a well-stocked and well styled vintage furniture store just kitty corner from the restaurant. She looked like Augustus Gloop walking into Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory, her eyes the size of planets.
“This place is amazing! We don’t have anything like this in Milwaukee. If we did, furnishing my house would have been so much easier.”
I watched her wander around looking at everything. She’d run her hand along a piece in reverent admiration just before something else caught her eye and she was off again.
And I watched the women at the counter watching her. She fit in here so perfectly with her faded cropped overalls, an oversized black cardigan sweater that looked as though it may have belonged to her grandfather, and well-worn Doc Martens. She wore her hair in twin braids with her signature casual style black bandana worn like a kerchief this time instead of a headband.
“Do they deliver? To Wisconsin? No, don’t tell me. I would buy the whole store.”
I laughed. There was a large wood vase that she kept going back to. It was a little more 70’s than I might have thought she’d like, but she was obviously enchanted. I could see her wheels turning as if wondering how it might fit in her suitcase. When she wandered away again, I went and looked at the price. It was $24. Definitely a “fit” thing, not a money thing.
We headed toward the hotel and had them hold our bags while we wandered around the downtown neighborhood. I wanted to show her Powells, willing to bet she liked the smell of old books as much as I did. Watching her saunter up and down the aisles, cocking her head to the side to read the spines, positioning herself up on tip toes or down in a squat so as not to miss anything on the upper or lower shelves, I couldn’t take my eyes off the sexy bibliophile. At that moment I cursed the store for being so big. I didn’t want to rush her, but I was getting dangerously close to achieving cliché bookstore pervert status, peeking around the shelves at her with my looming hard-on.
Later that afternoon, lying next to her naked and sweaty body, I gently serpentined my finger down her spine. “Remember in Chicago when you told me you saw Dita Von Teese at the House of Blues?”
“Mmhmm.” She was still in her post sex haze.
“Would you be interested in going to a burlesque place tonight?”
She lifted her head, her interest piqued. “Ooh, that would be very cool! I’d love that.”
“I feel like I need to tell you that it’s burlesque, yes, but also an alternative exotic dance club,” I said.
“Like strippers?”
“Yes, like strippers. Think tattooed, pierced, ripped fishnet, roller derby, goth strippers.”
“Holy shit, that sounds amazing. Yes, let’s do that,” she said.
I suspected it might be something up her alley. I had never taken a woman to Mynxx before, but I always made it a point to visit when I was in town. It used to be because the girls reminded me of Chloe, but the last two times I’d gone, I appreciated the burlesque and pinup style girls a lot more because of Shelby. The place was dark and charmingly grungy, with graffitied walls, black light, and bathrooms wallpapered in stickers like a proper punk club. The thing I liked best about it was it was queer-owned, and the dancers looked like they were actually having fun.
We took our time at dinner and rolled into Mynxx about 9:30 p.m. Of course Shelby looked amazing. A black, high waisted, body-hugging halter dress. Platform peep toes. A black fabric dahlia in her hair and her signature red lipstick. She’d encouraged me to watch her get ready again, after which she’d graciously allowed me to fuck her on the bathroom vanity. I only had to solemnly promise not to mess up her hair or makeup.
I led us to a table along the wall, a perfect place to see the stage, but where I could also have Shelby all to myself. I also wasn’t sure how she’d feel about getting approached for a lap dance, and she most definitely would get asked instead of me. These women were smart.
We sat down just in time for the next dancer to take the stage. Muse’s song “Madness” came blasting over the speakers. The waitress came over and took our drink order, scotch rocks for me, and a vodka tonic for her. The woman on the stage was dressed in a vinyl catsuit and as she peeled it off, she revealed full sleeves of tattoos and legs that were well on their way to complete coverage. I looked over at Shelby and she was mesmerized. Once the dancer took to her pole, Shelby leaned forward in her seat, following every movement and swaying along to the hypnotic beat. I congratulated myself for one of the best ideas I’ve ever had and looked forward to satisfying the itch I could tell Shelby was starting to get.
The next act was a pinup burlesque dancer I’d seen before. She was voluptuous, cheeky, and loved making the audience laugh. She even did the whole classic twirl the tassels on her pasties thing that always got a big reaction.
Several acts later, two women took the stage. Short pleated skirts, white and black striped thigh highs, white button-down shirts and student ties. Matching pigtail braids. This was a new one for me. They stood facing each other when the music came on, and as soon as the first couple of beats hit, I recognized the song. It was the “Cicada Mix'' of Depeche Mode’s “World in My Eyes.”
I looked over at Shelby and we both smiled. She knew how much I was going to enjoy this. The two dancers stalked around the stage like cats, never tearing their eyes away from the other. They’d each reach out a hand then bring it back, as if they were forbidden to touch. It was scorchingly hot.
As the intro was coming to an end, I caught Shelby out of the corner of my eye. She was swaying in her chair with her eyes on me instead of the stage. She stood up, grabbed her chair and set it down in front of me. I sat up straight at rapt attention. I didn’t know what she was up to, but whatever it was I was certain I was going to like it.
She began to lip sync the words.
Inching up the bottom of her dress all the way up to barely covering her private bits, she sat with her legs spread wide on the chair in front of me.
She put her hands on my thighs and began to move her body side to side.
Holy. Shit.
She raised up off her chair and while bent over, legs still spread, she ran her hands up and down my thighs. I had absolutely no interest in what was happening on the stage, and it was obvious the people around us were pretty damn captivated by what Shelby was doing as well.
She turned to face away from me, teasing my lap with the undulation of her ass. I raked my hands through my hair as my cock snapped to full attention.
She spun to face me once again, lifting her dress even higher, straddling me and coming to rest firmly on my lap. I tried to kiss her, but she angled her face away.
Fuck me . She was role playing again.
The edgy electronica filled my ears while Shelby dominated every single one of my other senses.
Then she began to grind. I didn’t know how far she was going to take this, and I didn’t care. If I’m meant to come in my jeans right here in this club, so be it. I was certain it was par for the course in a place like Mynxx.
Her grinding became more frenzied, and I grabbed onto her hips holding on for dear life. I was on the verge, so fucking close, when without warning, she stopped.
Fuck .
My balls seized in protest and my mouth dropped open.
She brought her mouth to my ear. Breathing heavily, she asked, “Bathroom or car?”
“Jesus Christ, woman. You’re going to be the death of me,” I panted.
She grinned and bit on her fingernail. “Bathroom or car?”
“Car.”
Shelby grabbed her purse and my hand, dragging me through the club. A few tables from ours I caught the eyes of an older woman, a college professor type with short silver hair, peering at me over her glasses. Just as I began feeling self-conscious at what I’d assumed was her disapproval, she winked and held out a hand for me to subtly high five as we passed. Damn, how I love it when people surprise me.
The bouncer asked if we needed a hand stamp to get back in, Shelby shot a mischievous look at me and cackled as she blew past him. We made our way to the car, mercifully parked in a dark corner of the lot. Not that I cared too much, but a visit from a cop might have killed the mood.
“Front seat or back?” she asked.
“Front. Passenger side. I just want to continue the ride.” Then I had an idea.
I started the car. I pulled out my phone and attached the auxiliary cord from inside the console. I searched my iTunes and pressed play and the same Depeche Mode song playing in the club filled the SUV. I started undoing my pants while Shelby busied herself taking off her underwear outside the car, holding onto the side for balance.
“Shit,” I said.
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t have a condom. I left them at the hotel.”
“It’s okay.” She smiled and twirled her panties around her finger. “I have an IUD. And I’m not sleeping with anybody else.”
This was just getting better and better. Core memory bank material for sure. But the way she looked at me, it was clear she needed me to confirm the same. “Me neither.”
Shelby ran her hands over her body and swayed to the music. “I think I have a natural talent for this. Hey, that reminds me. Where’s my tip?” She laughed, holding out a hand.
“Baby, you’re getting way more than just the tip.” I pointed to my crotch for emphasis. “Get that sexy ass up here and finish this lap dance. Right. Fucking. Now.”
Shelby’s expression changed so fast I nearly got whiplash.
Her mouth dropped open at first, but then she pressed her lips into a hard line. She balled her fists, her eyes turning steely and hard.
“What’s wrong?”
She didn’t answer. She just stood there staring with this beautiful fury. I knew I was supposed to try and fix it, but I was once again caught off guard and all tangled up in her sudden twist of emotion. I was incapable of forming a coherent sentence.
“Shelby?”
She threw her underwear in my face and stormed off. I quickly zipped and loosely buckled while scrambling out of the car to chase after her.
She walked quickly with determined steps, but it was obvious she didn’t have the slightest idea where she should be heading in a city so unfamiliar to her. She paused and tried to get a sense of her surroundings. By then I’d caught up to her and I reached out to grab her arm.
“Don’t you dare fucking touch me!” She yanked away.
I recoiled at the venom. Something I had done had triggered her, and while I knew it wasn’t entirely to do with me, I was still the target of her vitriol, and it stung like hell.
I began searching my hero data bank for the appropriate script for this scenario.
“What the fuck just happened?” I’d considered pleading, apologizing without knowing what I’d done, but something told me to spar with her a little, to hold my ground. Maybe I’d be able to coax out something meaningful.
“I don’t want to be told what to do. Ordered. Commanded.” As the words were coming out of her mouth, there was softness creeping in around the edges.
“Okay, but there’s no way I could have known that. I can’t read your mind.”
She was still fuming, chest heaving. I watched her as she was rolling over something in her head. She inhaled, opened her mouth, then quickly shut it again.
“Shelby,” I kept my voice soft and measured. “I know that you get triggered sometimes. Maybe if you talked to me about things that have happened to you… I just want you to know you could. You could talk to me.”
“Why would I want to do that?” she challenged, all hard-edged again.
Ouch . “Okay, fair enough. But then it’s unfair to lash out at me when I’m essentially flying blind here.”
“How about just don’t act like a raging asshole, and we should be fine.”
“Hey, maybe I got carried away in the heat of the moment, but I certainly wasn’t being an asshole. And in my experience, women have responded well to me talking like that.”
“Well, you can’t just assume it works for everyone,” she said.
“You’re right. But you refuse to tell me what doesn’t work for you. You won’t tell me what not to do.” I scrubbed my face with my hand as I considered something. “What if you told me what to do, instead?”
“What?”
“Why don’t we try you telling me what to do. Ordering me. Commanding me, as you put it.”
She rolled her eyes and scoffed.
“Think about it. You’ve had the reins since the start, and you seem pretty comfortable with that. And with teasing. Just try ratcheting it up a few more notches.”
She looked down and shook her head, silently arguing with me.
“I’m serious.” I got down on my knees in front of her. “Here I am. Once again at your service.”
Her eyebrows raised a little in curiosity.
“I will do anything you say.” I took her hand gently. “And…and don’t be afraid to hurt me.”
“Get up, Jake.”
I quickly did as I was told and stood with my hands clasped behind my back as I awaited further instruction.
“I can’t do this,” Shelby said.
“Well, then dare me.”
“What?’
“If you can’t order me, dare me,” I said.
She cocked her head, looking at me with derision. “Dare you. As in ‘dare you to do it?’”
Yes, the irony . I smiled and nodded.
“I don’t know…here? On the street?”
The street was quiet, but not private. I looked to my left and saw a dark alleyway with two side by side loading docks. The perfect place to duck into. “How about over there? Or we could always take this back to the hotel…”
Shelby was already walking toward the alley. I had to keep from stepping on her heels as I followed closely, eagerly behind her.
She stood with her back up against the brick wall in between the loading docks. I got close, but not close enough to be aggressive. I gently brushed her hair from her face and stroked her cheek with the back of my fingers. “What do you dare me to do, Shelby?”
“I dare you to get back on your knees.”
I did as I was told.
“I dare you to touch me,” she whispered as she began tenderly petting my hair.
I put my hands on her hips and looked up at her. “Tell me where.”
She lifted her dress, spreading her legs wide enough to give me access. “Here.”
I placed my hand flat against her pubic bone. “Tell me how.”
She swallowed hard and began to squirm a little with excitement. “Thumb on my clit and two fingers inside.”
Lightening coursed through my veins as she began to find her voice. My fingers moved into position, and I groaned as I discovered her soaked. In no time at all, she was grinding against my hand. Her fingers massaged my scalp, and as her pleasure increased, so did her pressure. She grabbed a fistful of my hair and yanked my head back. Hard.
I gasped at the exquisite pain as my cock strained violently against my jeans.
Shelby swung a leg over my shoulder. “Now, bury your face in my pussy and don’t come up for air until I tell you to.”
Halle-fucking-lujah .
I eagerly obeyed and soon she was bucking and writhing in spectacular orgasm. Once her shuddering had stopped, she pulled my head back to look up at her, a wicked smile curling the corners of her lips. She wiped my mouth roughly with her thumb, pulling down my bottom lip and forcing it inside. As I licked and sucked on her thumb like the good boy that I was, she held my lower jaw in a vise grip. My imagination sparked at all the intense sensations she could offer between her strong massage therapist’s hands and her knowledge of the human body. How easily she’d find the perfect pressure point and fell me in an instant with the very thumb I held in my mouth.
I couldn’t take my eyes off her, just staring in wondrous awe. Shelby in her pain was vulnerable, soft and so achingly beautiful. But Shelby in her power was a raw, magnificent force of nature. A fucking Goddess .
“Fuck me, Jake. Hard. Like you’re trying to bust through this goddamn wall.”
Afterwards we stumbled back to the car all sex drunk and giggly. I was grateful to find no one had noticed it unlocked. And still running.
“Oops,” I said.
“Oh my God, what if the car had been stolen? Can you imagine?” Shelby laughed.
“Hmm, let’s see. If my rental car had been stolen because I left it running when the woman who had given me a spontaneous lap dance in public had a meltdown and took off, so I ran after her and then had the hottest sex of my entire fucking life in an alley…” I inhaled vigorously. “That would have pushed this night over the edge into complete implausibility.
“I’m already going to have a hard time believing it actually happened in the first place.”