Chapter 9
SEATON
The light in the tent came from the screen of his phone and it cast the most amazing shadows over his back.
She knew that he had amazing muscles all over. There was no way to sleep with a man as many times as she had without knowing his physique by touch, but with his shirt off?
No.
She'd seen pictures of marble statues. Bare skinned warriors captured for eternity in stone.
Sam was just as beautiful as those statues, and unlike the statues she'd seen in those photos, he was warm to the touch.
Seaton could have stopped herself, but she didn't.
Reaching out her hand, she touched his skin with her fingertips.
His movements slowed, lowering his T-shirt into his lap, but he didn't shrug her off or ask her to stop.
Instead, she moved her fingers along his skin, tracing unseen lines across his back and down his arms.
Seaton got up on her knees and moved closer until she could breathe in the scent of his skin.
Warm, fresh air, and the faint scent of spice.
She spread her fingers out over his skin and brushed her palms over his arms.
Sam didn't move.
He didn't speak.
She felt powerful. This beautiful man was letting her touch him. Letting her explore the texture of his skin with her hands.
Smiling to herself, she leaned in and touched her lips to his back.
Sam hissed in a breath.
"I hope that doesn't hurt."
“Hardly.” She swore she heard a hint of a smile or a laugh.
His muscles flexed under her lips.
It wasn't something he'd done purposely.
She could tell by the way he tensed, his muscles reacting to her touch.
"Do you want me to stop?"
She felt like she was... a woman.
Strong.
Sexy.
It was all... a revelation.
"Sam?"
She lowered her hands to her thighs, and he turned to look at her.
It was nearly dark inside the tent, the only light from the screen of his phone.
She could see most of his expression, but everything she saw made her tremble, her heart kicking against her ribs.
"You can touch me," he began and she bit down into her bottom lip, "we just have to be quiet."
She nodded. That wasn't a deal breaker.
She wouldn’t make noise.
But she wanted to touch him.
She'd imagined it.
Dreamed it.
She just didn't know if she could make him feel good.
If she could satisfy-
She shook her head, lowering her chin so he couldn't see her face.
"Maybe," she swallowed, "we should just go to sleep."
She sighed and before she could turn away, he had her hand in his.
Seaton didn't try to pull away, she didn't have that instinct with Sam.
She craved his touch.
He lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed the back of her hand.
"You don't have to stop touching me, Seaton. I like it when you touch me. Especially when you reach out to do it. It makes me feel like... like you trust me."
His words shook her.
"I... I do trust you, Sam."
She leaned in until their noses were just inches apart.
"I love it when you touch me." She smiled and felt like her breath caught in her lungs. "I want it... more."
He drew in a soft, tentative breath. "I don't want to scare you, Sea. I don't want you to think I'm pushing you."
She shook her head. "I know you've been careful and that," she drew in a breath and slowly let it out, "means a lot. I don't want to talk about... my ex, but where he fell short, you've shown me what it would have been like if he cared about me."
"It's good that you know how you should be treated, Sea. You deserve to be loved."
She drew in a breath again, knowing that at any moment she might start to cry and she didn't want him to worry. It was crazy how emotional she could get after being so controlled for so many years.
"I know it now," she measured out her words. "I don't know if I'm giving you what you need to know," she swallowed, but the lump in her throat seemed to be stuck right where it was, "what you need to know that I... that I think I love you."
The edges of her vision darkened a little, and she felt a little off balance.
She didn't know if this was part of being in love or being a little sick.
She hoped it was the first and definitely not the second.
"Seaton," his voice was rougher than it had been a moment before, "I-"
"If there's something more that you need from me, just say it. I don't want to make a mistake. I don't have a lot of experience with... with any of this."
He looked a little confused and that was okay, so was she.
"Come here, Sea."
She got up on her knees, but before she could move any more than that, Sam turned her to the side and set her down on his lap.
The back of her head touched the side of the tent and she laughed.
She winced and lifted her hands to cover her mouth, murmuring behind her hand. "Sorry."
"I love that you can laugh, Seaton. I love that you feel comfortable enough with me to say what you're thinking. What you're feeling."
He lifted her arm that was closest to him and set it back around his neck.
She snuggled in against his front and gave him a kiss on his cheek.
Sam rocked her in his arms, placing kisses against the top of her head. "Seaton?"
Her eyes were nearly closed, enjoying the quiet time with him, even though they were in the middle of almost a dozen tents.
"Hmm?"
"I love you, Sea."
Her world tipped off of its axis, and she was thankful for his arms around her.
She struggled to find words to respond to him.
She'd already said that she loved him, but this was different.
This was monumental because it was easy to love Sam.
He made it easy to fall with the way he treated her.
He treated her like she mattered.
Like he was proud of her.
She'd been told for her whole life that loving her was a chore.
It was a drudge.
That people with half a brain would find her irritating instead of lovable.
Sam found value in her and his love, that she'd felt, but hadn't been willing to put a name to yet, made every day something to look forward to.
He touched her chin and lifted it until her eyes met his. "Can you believe me?"
Seaton blinked back tears. "If it had just been words," she admitted, "I don't think so. Words," she explained, have been used against me in the past. They've also been used to make me comply."
She felt him tense a little under her and against her side.
She touched her hand to his cheek, sweeping her thumb against his skin.
"But you show it to me every day. You show me that you care.
You do things for me. You help without asking for anything in return.
Loving you is easy, Sam. I haven't been able to admit it out loud until today, but the feelings for you?
Needing to be near you as much as I can? That's natural.
"It's like breathing. And since I've known you, I haven't felt like I've been underwater."
CADDO
Even though they were surrounded by his friends and his firehouse family, he felt like they were almost alone. Just the two of them in the world.
Nothing outside of their tent mattered.
"Loving you," his words felt like the sweetest kind of echo, "is just that easy for me. When I saw you for the first time, I wanted more. Talking to you, I want more. Touching you," he leaned in and touched a kiss to her lips, "makes me burn to touch you more."
When he leaned back, he saw her eyes searching for his. "Yeah?"
He nodded, but it was the barest of movements.
"I want to kiss you, Sea. I want to love you." He leaned in and whispered into her ear. "I want to make sure that you never question how much I do."
"And I worry that I'll say or do something that you'll find unforgivable."
"Unforgivable? Hardly. Even if you tried to piss me off," he smiled and touched a kiss to her temple, "I'll just love you even more."
She shook her head. "It's still so hard to believe."
He kissed her again. "You will, Sea. Over time you'll learn to see the real you instead of what you were told to believe."
" I want to believe, but sometimes I hear... other voices and all of those worries come flooding back."
"Then come to me, Seaton. Or if I'm on shift.
Talk to May. Or anyone from the firehouse and their families.
They'll tell you. They'll be your back up and mine.
And someday, you can do the same for them.
Because that's who you are, Seaton. You're a good person.
Even after all the shit that was done to you.
All of the love that was held back from you by people who should have loved you the most. You still give to others not because you want something back from them.
It's because you want to make them happy. That speaks volumes."
"Volumes," she smiled and he felt her lean into him. "I've always wanted an encyclopedia. All of those volumes."
She said the sweetest things at the strangest times. "Seaton?"
"Hmm?"
He met her gaze and leaned in until they were barely an inch apart.
This time she leaned into his touch from the first moment.
"I'm going to love you so much that you'll have all of the volumes you want and then some."
"Yeah?"
Her eyes were bright and wide, shining in the soft light of his phone diffused by the tent walls around them.
"Yeah. Just you wait and see. This is how it's going to be between us, Seaton. Volumes of love."
She turned, wrapping both arms around his neck while her lips pressed against his.
They kissed until he was afraid that she'd wake up the others surrounding them.
He'd let her make all the noise she wanted when they got home.
His or hers. It didn't matter.
But they'd be alone and that's what he held onto to hold himself back.